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Much to my surprise, something devious is going on....
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Posted by: subcom117

Last March I met O. Five months later, in August I met her in her home town. She took off from work the entire time. Although I was openly affectionate with her, she accepted it but was reserved. We learned about each other and had a good time.

Following our meeting, our communication became more intimate and deep, such that I planned our second meeting. We both took down our online profiles. We traveled together to Sevastopol at the end of October. As I would hope in a developing relationship, we were immediately comfortable with each other and she was very affectionate, eventually becoming intimate. We stayed in an apartment, because I wanted to experience being together 24/7. We got along famously and I left even more convinced there was a future for us and I have told her so.

During the weeks since, we have had some of our most personally revealing conversations, her sharing with me some very personal feelings regarding her relationships with family members. We began to talk of a third meeting, and she said this time we needed more time together, like 3-4 weeks and was willing to attempt a US Tourist Visa, even though she knew it was unlikely. Of course, if we were not successful, we spoke of spending that time in her place.

This is only a nutshell history to get to current events. While we’re talking of our third meeting, I see a new profile has gone up for O on bride.ru, under a false name! It is essentially the same as the profile she used before, but there are some wording changes. The contact info has a false first name, her last name is misspelled by two letters, the birthdate is off by one day and one year, her real name is in the email address, the mailing address is not the one I have, but it does give her real mobile phone number.

The clincher: I was preparing an invitation letter for the Tourist Visa. She wrote to me to tell me they may want the address registered in her passport, as it is different from where she currently lives. Yes, it turns out her registered address is the one in the profile. So, I sent an email under a different name to the new account hoping to God I would get back a scammer letter. No, I received a genuine intro letter from her with some recent photos I have not even received.

Obviously, I must confront her about this, as it communicates 1) she is not truly serious about the relationship between us, and 2) she is willing to be intentionally deceitful, going behind my back, using false info, to string me along while trolling for new guys.

If she had been honest about her profile info and honestly telling me she wanted to back off our relationship and see other people, I could respect that. I might feel hurt, but I could respect it.

She has never given me reason to mistrust her. She has always done what she has said and never asked for a dime. In fact, I’ve had to force her to take money to cover expenses. But a willingness to be deceitful and lie is not the kind of character I want in the woman for my life. Given that, it seems my reaction should be to not tolerate the disrespect and terminate our relationship, and it breaks my heart to think of it.

From our very first conversation, I told her that I was serious to find a marriage partner and that could not be built without honest every step of the way. Am I over reacting to this? Am I reading this correctly as far as the message it communicates? I will likely speak with her about this sometime this weekend.

Posted by: GentleGiant

Dont speak, write, and keep the wording cool; the way you write about what has occurred between you does not sound like she is a typical scammer, unless you were spending lots of money on gifts that you have not mentioned.

Tell her a friend told you about her new profile and that you are feeling hurt and confused, can she explain what is going on.

DONT tell her you have written to her under another name, in fact, KEEP writing to her under that name for a while and see how she responds.

If she is ditching you, I know from experience that they often DONT tell you, they leave it to you to figure out on your own.

It could be that during your "intimate and deep" conversations, you said something she didnt like, I have suspicions about that happening to me; she said nothing, just made excuses not to see me again until I got the picture.

Sadly, there is the chance she was just using you (and selling her body) for a free holiday.

Posted by: royalpalace774

On bride.ru I think on the very bottom it tells you when the person posted their profile on the site.

It could be she had put it on there a long while back. But if she just posted it recently I would have some serious doubts about her and your relationship.

I think you should ask her flat out why her profile is on bride.ru.

If she said she didn't put it on there she is hiding something.

It sure is lookin real shaky at this point!

IT'S NOT GOOD!

Posted by: blucatz

I agree with GG and RP, you have to confront her on this and do it soon before you take your relationship any further. Sounds pretty fishy to me.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

I'm sorry to hear this Subcom but I think this says it all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by subcom117

The clincher: I was preparing an invitation letter for the Tourist Visa. She wrote to me to tell me they may want the address registered in her passport, as it is different from where she currently lives. Yes, it turns out her registered address is the one in the profile. So, I sent an email under a different name to the new account hoping to God I would get back a scammer letter. No, I received a genuine intro letter from her with some recent photos I have not even received.

Yes GG is correct, they usually don't come out and say it's over. I'm not saying it's over for you but you need to talk to her. As someone said, tell her a friend saw her profile on this site but I wouldn't say you sent her an e-mail under a false name. If she denies it then you can tell her about the e-mail, try to work things out, or just tell her it's over.

My wife did the same to me except she just strung it out until she couldn't anymore because it was time for her to sign the K-3 visa.

Have a talk with her and see if you can salvage your relationship. I wish you luck and you know where to find me.

Take care - Steve

Posted by: goforit

So where do things stand today?

Posted by: redhawk

man dude,im really sorry to hear that. i wish you luck and agree with everything thats been said thus far.
sometimes,its easy to get jealous and have crazy thoughts race through your head,even when you know someone very well,because they are far away. i know if i leave my msn messenger on,when i tell my girl im going back to work,and she sees it still on while im away,then she questions what im doing

but if i put my profile back up on any website,my girl would be gone like the wind,and rightfully so.
i suspect something was said or revealed she didnt like,and she didnt tell you.
in your case,you have her dead to rights im afraid. but as has also been said,dont be confrontational,and let her explain.(IF she will explain)
good luck

Posted by: clark

Quote:

Originally Posted by subcom117

We both took down our online profiles. I see a new profile has gone up for O on bride.ru, under a false name! It is essentially the same as the profile she used before, but there are some wording changes.

So, I sent an email under a different name to the new account hoping to God I would get back a scammer letter. No, I received a genuine intro letter from her with some recent photos I have not even received.

If she had been honest about her profile info and honestly telling me she wanted to back off our relationship and see other people, I could respect that. I might feel hurt, but I could respect it.

She has never given me reason to mistrust her.

But a willingness to be deceitful and lie is not the kind of character I want in the woman for my life. Given that, it seems my reaction should be to not tolerate the disrespect and terminate our relationship, and it breaks my heart to think of it.

Subcom

Sorry to hear this. Who knows why she has done this but I highlighted some quotes/contradicting statements you made in your post. Sometimes it more difficult to look at the man in the mirror and honestly ask and answer your questions. No doubt she was wrong to post a profile after leading you to believe she had found her one and only as well. But somehow I don't think you've mentioned all of the story.

If you had found the woman for you, why would you be back on bride.ru to find her new profile?

The element of trust has to exist between you both. Did she know or somehow find out you were still visiting and looking at other profiles after your visit and revealing conversations?

It would appear you have been deceitful to each other. You sent her an email under false pretense and she answered

Just something to think about

Posted by: goforit

Quote:

Originally Posted by clark

If you had found the woman for you, why would you be back on bride.ru to find her new profile?

I was going to ask this very same question.

Posted by: blucatz

He could be doing what I do, check the other popular dating sites for duplicate listings of the girl. Maybe she had been listed on more than one site and forgot to take the other one down. When I find a girl I am interested in, I check the other sites to see if she is listed on them also, to kinda track her story as it developes per se.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Originally Posted by clark
If you had found the woman for you, why would you be back on bride.ru to find her new profile?

Quote:

Originally Posted by goforit

I was going to ask this very same question.

I was in the exact same situation. My wife had written telling me she had removed her profile. I accidently found 2 of my wife's other profiles while researching her city on Google planning a trip. There she was on the 2nd page of hits when I googled the name of her city! Yeap, I opened Pandora's Box.

Posted by: GentleGiant

bride.ru keep sending you a list of new ladies (nearly) every day; so maybe he saw her picture in the preview pane.

Posted by: clark

There is 101 innocent possibilities as to why he was there and to why she would post another profile as well. Thats not the point. If one wishes for trust and honor they must be willing to give it and receive it. It is a two-way street. Honesty is much like being pregnant, you either are or you aren't. I'm not casting any aspersions except that we may not have the entire story.

Posted by: goforit

Quote:

Originally Posted by clark

There is 101 innocent possibilities as to why he was there and to why she would post another profile as well. Thats not the point. If one wishes for trust and honor they must be willing to give it and receive it. It is a two-way street. Honesty is much like being pregnant, you either are or you aren't. I'm not casting any aspersions except that we may not have the entire story.

True, which is why I wanted to ask the question rather than jump to conclusions.

Posted by: subcom117

I had subscribed to their email of new profiles long before our first visit. Sometimes I deleted them, sometimes I looked at them because it always confirmed my feeling that I had found a really special woman.