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age of dating
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Posted by: spamer

OK gang, I need a little understanding on this issue.
I talk to my fiancee today and she was telling me about a collage at her work that broke up with her boyfriend because he doesn't want to get married at this time. (this is not the issue)

The issue is: he's 42 and she is 21 and my fiancee thinks it is perfectly fine for a couple to have such a age difference. I told my fiancee that I think this is a issue and they shouldn't have dated in the first place. (I'm think of the mature level)

(a different issue) Then my fiancee thinks it is wrong for my 16 year old son to date a girl who's 16. She think children shouldn't date or have sex until they get older. Which I agree on the sex thing (but it happens) but dating?

I need a little light shined on this. Is there something I am missing from her (a Russian woman) point of view?

Posted by: Arnold

All I can think of, based on what I have read about the former East Block, and know from my own experience is, that she might believe, that dating consequently will lead to sex.

I know, this is an obvious conclusion, however, if you have a child out of wedlock, you are considered to be spoiled (in the sense of undesirable), and no decent man will want you. That's why even single women in the West have such a hard time finding a mate, once they have had children.

So her thinking might be in regard to your son, that he should not be encouraged to get a girl pregnant, because he can not marry her, or provide for her.

The thing with her colleague is simple, because from the Russians point of view you should always try to form a family with someone who will be the best possible provider, and a man of 42 is probably a lot more finacially viable than say a man of 27 years of age.

Posted by: B82

If the maturity level is there, and you are older than 18, you should be able to date whomever you want regardless of their age. Have you heard of the saying, "Age ain't nothing but a number"? Actually, that's the title of one of Aaliyah's songs. But anyways, back on track, that is quite a huge age gap (21 and 42) but if you're ready, you're ready.

Posted by: RobOhioGuy

Quote:

Originally Posted by spamer

OK gang, I need a little understanding on this issue.
I talk to my fiancee today and she was telling me about a collage at her work that broke up with her boyfriend because he doesn't want to get married at this time. (this is not the issue)

The issue is: he's 42 and she is 21 and my fiancee thinks it is perfectly fine for a couple to have such a age difference. I told my fiancee that I think this is a issue and they shouldn't have dated in the first place. (I'm think of the mature level)

(a different issue) Then my fiancee thinks it is wrong for my 16 year old son to date a girl who's 16. She think children shouldn't date or have sex until they get older. Which I agree on the sex thing (but it happens) but dating?

I need a little light shined on this. Is there something I am missing from her (a Russian woman) point of view?

I think you are missing a lot with your question. Not all people who are in there 40's are the same. You dont know anything about what stage of life each person is in. He 42 and never been married? 42 with kids in college? 42 with young children? Is she 21 and never been married/divorced or 21 with a young child?

I will tell you right now that a 42 year old man with a 7 year old and a 21 year old with a 4 year old are FAR more compatible than a 21 year old man never married and a 21 year old woman with a child.

You make a HUGE mistake when you simply look at a numerical age difference.

A man who is in his 40's with young children who looks 10-12 years younger than he acutally is, is going to have FAR more in common with someone who is dealing with the same issues in life on a day to day bases than someone who fits into a preconcieved notion of what someone arbitrarly decides is "too large" an age gap. An old proverb suggest that the perfect age of a mans wife should be 1/2 his age +7 years.

Im 47 and my wife is 25. Her daughter will be 8 in a few days. I have an 11 year old, 9 year old and a 7 year old (all boys) My wife and I are dealing with the same day to day issues... raising grade school children.

If all I told you was I was 47 and she 25 you'd swear we had nothing in common.... the reality is, we have a LOT in common.

From the fact that she wanted to marry and he didnt tells me that he probably is 42 never been married.

Posted by: RBS

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobOhioGuy

Robbie

I applaud your marriage to a relatively young woman. I am 43 and my tastes run to women under 20. But as you say, we are all different. What I fear is that as I age I will not be able to sustain erections for the length necessary to pleasure my wife (who is incidentally, 25). I already feel a softening of my erections (though my size somewhat compensates for this) and I wonder whether this is the common lot of men. Do you think there is an optimal age difference?

Gib

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Gib,

Your point about age difference and sexual performance is valid and certain o.k. to talk about. I am sure that many men approaching middle age have this fear, and it's o.k. to talk about it.

I think that some people might feel that you could have made your point without going too specificically into personal descriptions of your erections.

But, regarding the issue of sex and age difference, there are of course medical supplements to help. And, although sex is nice, the most important connections to have are the emotional, spiritual and psychological ones.

Khashyar

Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:

Originally Posted by RBS

I am 43 and my tastes run to women under 20.

Gib

Dude.........seriously............OMG.......you might want to talk to a professional about that one.

Posted by: Pin Boy

a man in his 40's who looks 10-12 years younger??? doesn't exist. as my friend's wise mother once said, "you either look 40, or you look good for 40."

Posted by: turdeet

Gib:

Are you in a relationship with a Russian man or woman?

Posted by: RBS

Quote:

Originally Posted by turdeet

Gib:

Are you in a relationship with a Russian man or woman?

Turd,

The Brits have a saying. F*cking women is for p**fters. I subscribed to this in my youth when I was mainly interested in men, but as I aged my tastes turned to women. And that is where you find me. I am actually quite glad to be mostly out of the sexual rat race. My libido is diminishing and I am happy with that. Your name is curious. Have you made a verb of turd and appended a Russian ending? By the way, do I know you from somewhere? Serious question.

Gib

Posted by: Khashyar

I hope that this thread keeps traveling along in a positive direction...

I expect it to.

Khashyar

Posted by: RBS

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheburashka

Dude.........seriously............OMG.......you might want to talk to a professional about that one.

Hey Cheb,

The only professional I would talk to about this a prostitute with whom I have had a long-standing relationship. These days we just talk. And she understands my craving for young women and at times supplies me with one (all legal and what). Why do Americans wish to send untidy emotions to the garbage processing room of analysts? You cannot amputate a part of your soul without becoming a neurotic, as so many Americans have become.

Gib

Posted by: swindoom

Quote:

Originally Posted by RBS

The Brits have a saying. F*cking women is for p**fters.

No we don't.

Posted by: GreenBarb

Did I miss something here?
How did we go from Spamer's question about the age difference, to talking about RBS Libido?

Personally the age question is more interesting to me than RBS's Libido

.

At a 21 year age gap I would have some reservations about compatability. I would not discount it though. Some people it works for, others it doesn't.
I would ask why a 42 yr old man says he's not ready?

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by RBS

Turd,

The Brits have a saying. F*cking women is for p**fters.
Gib

That's a new one on me! never ever heard it before??

Posted by: vic2012

Nor me

And as for RBS's libedo. I'll tell him for free. RBS, If you dont have any trouble to start with, then the recreational use of just a half tablet of taladafil, I promise you, will keep you going ALL night. And, it lasts all weekend.

So, thanks to these advances in medicines, age certainly makes little difference in bed these days.

And as for public attitudes to age difference. In the Balkans, Eastern Europe and Russia. Nobody blinks an eyelid at 20 year age gaps. I think Arnold nailed that one. Its down to provision.

Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:

Originally Posted by RBS

The only professional I would talk to about this a prostitute with whom I have had a long-standing relationship. These days we just talk. And she understands my craving for young women and at times supplies me with one (all legal and what). Why do Americans wish to send untidy emotions to the garbage processing room of analysts? You cannot amputate a part of your soul without becoming a neurotic, as so many Americans have become.

Gib,

Here's my take on it. You got married to a Russian woman. You took vows to be with only her for better or for worse. You came on this forum and told us how bad your marriage is with her. I think YOU are the problem, my friend. NO MAN can regularly visit a prostitute who hooks him up with teenage girls, and have a successful relationship. NO MAN!

Again, I say...seek professional help. Please do it for the sake of your Russian wife. Think about how she feels, if you really love her.

Posted by: inlove

I'm not going to comment on Gib's sexual life, although it clears a picture a bit.

The topic itself is quite interesting, especially in highlighting a misconception about russian society that seems to be quite popular in this community. Russian women in general ARE NOT attracted to men much older their age. Most often you see couples of a similar age, rarely you can meet somebody with the age difference of 10 years. This is considered a cut-off mark for the most part. Almost never you meet a loving russian couple with more than 10 year age difference.. 95% percent of the time if a much older man goes out with a much younger woman, it is a situation of a "new rich russian" and his mistress, not a genuine family.

Now, for the russian-western relationship market the situation differs a bit, mostly because not that many young westerners in their 20s and early 30s are looking for a wife in the FSU over the Internet. Most of the time a young woman is going to encounter somebody much older, and there are other things in play here besides of genuine attraction to each other.
It is true that having a previous marriage experience and children change a woman's view on who and what is acceptable age wise, but still, given a choice, more women go for men closer to their age than not.

Posted by: Pin Boy

It is true that having a previous marriage experience and children change a woman's view on who and what is acceptable age wise, but still, given a choice, more women go for men closer to their age than not.[/QUOTE]

i agree!

pin boy

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobOhioGuy

I agree with you Rob the fact is no two people are the same, there is a 14 year difference between myself and my partner and we have more in common with each other than what i had with my former wife of 19 years a woman that has raised a young child in the FSu by herself is a lot more mature than one that has not.

Whilst in the FSU i found it pretty common with 10 to 20 year age differences in marriages especially away from the larger cities and these were not marriages to western men. My N says that women in her town will look for a man that is between 10 to 20 years older than them purely becuase of the security, maturity and stability of such a person.

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by markgm

mark ,nat says the same,most of her friends are married to guys 10 to 15 years older than them selves,she says its because by then youj will know if he is stable,will work & not an alky.
nats previous partener was 12 years her seniour as i am to.
inlove natasha says away from the big cities you are wrong,age gap is common & found to be more lasting.
maybe we have found why someone is so down on life.
i,m older,definately wiser lol (not difficult)
have no probs other than roles being reversed,mark & others know exactly what i mean. lol
astounding to a western guy to say the least ( oh mark it ain,t broke yet)
cheers guys

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

( oh mark it ain,t broke yet)
cheers guys

ha ha Bob, maybe this should saty in the Aussie section of the RMP

Posted by: markgm

inlove natasha says away from the big cities you are wrong,age gap is common & found to be more lasting.

He!! He!! BobMAAAAAAAte thats what i said......................Damn Bob i'm gonna get some advice from yah re the broken bit been no saluting downunder for awhile which is a good thing whilst were apart.

Posted by: bobjf

saluteing without nat will have it removed lol
err painfully
i,m sure your minx knows how to solve problem hehe

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

saluteing without nat will have it removed lol
err painfully
i,m sure your minx knows how to solve problem hehe

Her sisters keeping an eye on that and has warned me out with the knife if you do..........ouch

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by markgm

Her sisters keeping an eye on that and has warned me out with the knife if you do..........ouch

Don't Crack onto someone else while sis is around Mark opr she will have your daks off and out wil come that big meat cleaver he he

Chris

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Don't Crack onto someone else while sis is around Mark opr she will have your daks off and out wil come that big meat cleaver he he

Chris

He!! He!! Believe me Chris she would too

Posted by: Kathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

That's a new one on me! never ever heard it before??

It's from a British movie, but the term is "poofs".

Posted by: Kathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by markgm

An age difference of more than 10 years was not particularly common in Ukraine. Even 10 years was considered a big age gap. So, not unknown, but not common. And in villages, it was almost unknown in Ukraine.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

The men here did not believe me when I said it, maybe they will believe you.

Posted by: AkMike

+++++++Deleted++++++

Posted by: AkMike

I'm glad that this foul mouth is gone.

Posted by: Pin Boy

hey inlove,

i believed you and i believe kathy also

pin boy

Posted by: jeffs

I don't know about the age difference, my ex wife (American) is 18 years older than I am. We got along great for the most part and hardly ever noticed the age difference...

The issues we did get into though should be talked about before hand - "Kids... Do you wan them? Can you have them? and What about kids from previous marriages... who is responsible for what and what will you deal with"

But all in all... I would say it's about chemistry...

(yes I just advocated ages differences citing my failed marriage)

Posted by: Pin Boy

got a good laugh out of the last line jeffs

Posted by: Algol

According to my wife . ... a Russian from Ukraine, the perfect age for men to marry is 40+, for women it is 25+. Apparently it widely accepted that it takes 15 years longer for men to sow their oats & settle down.

Posted by: Kathy

Your wife may believe that is the perfect age, but in Ukraine, they marry young, at least the first time. Ukraine has a very high divorce rate.

IMO, adults can decide who they want to marry and it's really nobody's business, nor is there any reason to justify a particular decision if it is personal. But to suggest Ukrainian women, as a whole, seek out older men is inaccurate. There are women everywhere who want older, or, for that matter, younger men. But for the most part, young women who marry for love (as opposed to, say, security) desire men of similar age.

Posted by: Kathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeffs

But all in all... I would say it's about chemistry...

I don't believe in "chemistry".

I've been married 25 years. We are similar in age. I think a marriage cannot be successful without a recognition of human duality.

Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

I don't believe in "chemistry". I've been married 25 years. We are similar in age. I think a marriage cannot be successful without a recognition of human duality.

Congratulations Kathy. Please tell us about your husband and your happy marital relationship.

Posted by: JamesB

On the age point,i marry my liuda in SIX WEEKS AND SHE IS 22 AND I AM 46.i HAD A REAL ISSUE WITH AGE BUT SHE JUST DOES NOT WANT A YOUNGER MAN.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

She obviously caught the right man then didn't she.

Posted by: Kathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheburashka

Congratulations Kathy. Please tell us about your husband and your happy marital relationship.

I am a Westerner of Ukrainian descent. I have spoken Ukrainian since childhood, and also speak Russian. I was studying in Kyiv when I met him. At that time, marrying a foreigner was very difficult, particularly for men. My husband paid a very heavy price for marrying me, in terms of KGB attention. He was unable to emigrate until after the collapse of communism, though I did live in the USSR.

Our marriage is based on love and mutual respect.

I only come to this forum when he is out fishing.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

I only come to this forum when he is out fishing.

Which has been 9 times in the last few days. I wish I could get out and go fishing that often, oh but wait you need water to go fishing don't you. Dammed El Nino

Posted by: Kathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzGuyLooking

Which has been 9 times in the last few days. I wish I could get out and go fishing that often, oh but wait you need water to go fishing don't you. Dammed El Nino

No, typically, I make more than one post while he's gone. This is his first week back to fishing after the winter. He's only about 5 minutes away from home, fishing in the river. I won't eat the fish, so it's catch and release. Sometimes, he'll run into a fisherman who asks to keep his catch.

Once it warms up, on the weekend, he drives about an hour out of the city (leaving at 5 am, and back 12 hours later) until the season is closed. He releases a lot more than he brings home, and usually, I give away at least one fish.

During the summer, he takes the kids fishing when I'm at work. Growing up, his family spent every summer camping on the Dnipro.

Posted by: BradIL

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

I think a marriage cannot be successful without a recognition of human duality.

Can't say I see a connection between "chemistry" and "human duality"... but...

Posted by: Kathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by BradIL

Can't say I see a connection between "chemistry" and "human duality"... but...

Perhaps you misunderstood. I posted I don't believe in chemistry. But I believe a successful marriage requires a recognition of duality.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Kathy, I applaud you on the good natured reply to my quip. I am jealous of your husband as I love fishing but, 1. we have to buy a license, 2. we are in drought and there isn't mch water so not many fish on the wrong side of the Great Dividing Range, 3. He appears to be a very fortunate man to have come across such an intelligent and loyal lady such as yourself. I hope we can continue our discusion on many varied topics.