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The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian...
International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union. |
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Originally Posted by Pin Boy
are you sure it's not an old profile or a profile that was sold/shared with another agency? i believe these things can happen. check out that possibility before you say or do something rash that can't be undone. good luck.
pin boy |
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Originally Posted by JamesB
Maye was there a pic ofn her in a brown fur coat and one of her washing up washing up cos a girl by that name and others has been scamming all over.
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Originally Posted by JamesB
Mate, if you google her name you will get a girl called maria with scamming info who has comments that she scammed guys and was supposed to be going to the usa.
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Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
I'm very sorry to hear this Gonlaz. You'd think she'd learned her lesson last time you caught her on a site and had a talk with her.
All I can say is it's a good thing she didn't come to the USA, marry you, get a divorce and ruin your life forever. Yes you can have a talk with her again but I don't know how you could ever trust her again. It's her "illness" not yours so don't beat yourself up over this. Good luck and I know you will do what is best for you. Take care - Steve |
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Originally Posted by JamesB
Sorry mate , if its the same girl she goes by inna, irins, and maria and told 3 guys she was going to usa and scammed them.There are pics from all three that match.One with a cute dog.
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Originally Posted by blucatz
You are finding all this proof against her, when you presented it to her, what did she say?
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
I am only now finding all these things - it's like 4 am where she is so I haven't spoken with her yet. I have, however, sent her an email with a picture of each ad, asking her why.
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Originally Posted by blucatz
I hope you keep us posted with her excuse/reasons. I am curious as to what they could be.
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Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
She will probably say she did it for the attention and she wasn't serious about finding another guy ... she has a mental problem which I see in many American women. They need the attention and acceptance from men because the male figures in her live (like her father) were very disappointed in her in her youth or even now. Once they get this attention, they dump the guy and move on to the next one.
Just my thoughts and opinion, I could be wrong. |
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Originally Posted by royalpalace774
WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF THE CRAZIEST SH-T KNOWN TO MANKIND!
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
Can you say "posted on 12/27/07"??
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
Inna denies everything and says I'm crazy and jealous of her "great life". I tried to ask how 5 different pictures ended up on 5 separate ad sites, and she said she didn't do it "but if I did, I had every right to"
whatever. |
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Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
What gets me about her reply is "she didn't do it but if I did, I had every right to". I don't think I what to be engaged or marry a woman that thinks like this.
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Originally Posted by stevo
In the text of one of the ads, she says, "I am a 26 y.o russian." If it was really posted on December 27th then she got her own age wrong. This particular ad - easy to find with Google - also gives her age as 28 and has two photos, one of which is the same as was used on the other sites, i.e. her with her head back. The other photo has an April (or February) date in the corner.
So although I don't have all the necessary information available to me, I think there may still be a possibility that it's an old profile which was sold to another agency, as PinBoy suggests, because that certainly does happen. If however you have found another profile containing a picture you took yourself, or that was otherwise demonstrably taken since you have been involved with Inna (don't know exactly what date exifer showed you, although EXIF data can of course be changed) then that would wrap it up for me. |
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Originally Posted by JamesB
Gonlaz, you need to stop worrying about age.I am 48 and married to liuda 23.Most of the guys here are older than you so dont make the age thing a big issue.
As for looking for local girl , thats a shame that you are put off but i hope you have luck in whatever you decide to do. |
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Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
What gets me about her reply is "she didn't do it but if I did, I had every right to". I don't think I what to be engaged or marry a woman that thinks like this.
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Originally Posted by blucatz
What would give her the right to do that? I am confused on that part. The woman is engaged, all contact with other men should have stopped, she has no right in my mind.
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Originally Posted by royalpalace774
Hi Gonlaz,
I'm just curious, but what have you decided to do about this? |
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Originally Posted by Chrismc
Gonlaz
I really feel for you here, it is a very awkward situation, but in my opinion, trust is a massive issue, if she has broken that trust, there would have to be some pretty big reason for me to proceed again with her. Last thing anyone wants is to find out in a few months or a years time after she is in your country that she cannot be trusted. One fantastic thing about a good relationship is when the two parties can trust each other unconditionally. Do you think you will ever have that with Inna?? If it were me, I would be asking some very straight to the point type questions and wanting complete answers and no further BS. Chris |
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
So, I have to decide during that time if she has proven to me that she wants to be WITH ME and I also have to consider - will she grow out of this emotional thing where she shuts everything inside and doesn't open up. Is that my burden to bear with her? What do I do to help that out or does she work it out on her own. My answer - part of me believes that we can only change things when we are ready to (because I have done that my entire life and it works) or do I need to specifically do anything to help out? (my experience with that is trying to help doesn't work out, girls like that tend to never grow out of it; maybe she's different, I don't know). OPh yeah, my question - what do you think of this? |
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Originally Posted by shaun1000
Hi Gonlaz
If I was in your position I would be going to see her again before the visa is granted, this would give you both a chance to decide if you really are meant to be together, and then progress the visa while you are there if this is what you both still want. My 2 kopeks |
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Originally Posted by deccie
Great post Gonlaz in a difficult situation you find yourself in, but don't you think you answered your own question?
You clearly have doubts about this woman. My question to you is, if this woman were an American living in your own town would you be considering marriage right now or would you be trying to work on your problems and then consider marriage down the road. If you have doubts about the woman work on the doubts first. Work on the Visa (and marriage) later. Clearly she is being defensive and not completely open with you. The question for you is why. |
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Originally Posted by deccie
Great post Gonlaz in a difficult situation you find yourself in, but don't you think you answered your own question?
You clearly have doubts about this woman. My question to you is, if this woman were an American living in your own town would you be considering marriage right now or would you be trying to work on your problems and then consider marriage down the road. If you have doubts about the woman work on the doubts first. Work on the Visa (and marriage) later. Clearly she is being defensive and not completely open with you. The question for you is why. |
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Originally Posted by Chrismc
Gonlaz
It takes some balls to be as honest as you have with us here, so I am not having a go at you as I can appreciate some of what you are going through, however, I have to say I agree totally with Deccie and RP. The thing about not saying anymore she loves you, not respecting you enough to tell you she is going away for a few days and a number of other red flags is all BS in my book. Women who love a man like to tell him so and like to hear that in return, I do not for one minute she went to Thailand on her own, what would a single women be doing going to Thailand on her own, I could of course hazard a guess, but I hate to even consider that the reason. There are just so many red flags here and if you hadn't already met her I think we would be advising you to run for the hills, now. As Deccie says, start working on what is wrong with you/her the relationship and then if you resolve that work out the visa situation, BUT, if you really want to continue with this relationship, and you can belive her and think it is worth it, I would recommend above anything else you two spend more face time with each other, a week or so in Moscow, is simply just not enough to get to know each other well enough. I think that would give you all the answers you are seeking, good or bad and is paramount to trying to answer a lot of your queries. Chris |
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Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
Well if you marry her, then you have to support her ... unless she decides on her own to return to the Russia. During her 3 month stay in the USA and if you don't marry, you can send her back to Russia after 3 months without her consent. Of course she can return to Russia anytime during the 3 months if she so chooses.
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Originally Posted by Pin Boy
you say she went to thailand by herself after her friends couldn't make the trip....isn't it rather easy and common for british and/or australian citizens to go there for vacations? and is it not difficult for her to get a visa to thailand? if so, she may have been meeting another guy there. something to consider. others will know the answers to those questions.
pb |
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Originally Posted by blucatz
I think this is gonna turn out to be another 500 post thread, long story in the process.
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Originally Posted by Pin Boy
you say she went to thailand by herself after her friends couldn't make the trip....isn't it rather easy and common for british and/or australian citizens to go there for vacations? and is it not difficult for her to get a visa to thailand? if so, she may have been meeting another guy there. something to consider. others will know the answers to those questions.
pb |
May be she is tired of his jealousy. Nobody knows because they haven't been together really. But it looks like she is not desperate to leave Russia, she is not after money and that's not too bad.|
Originally Posted by Seaview
. May be she has back up plans as some guys have.
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Originally Posted by deccie
There is certainly nothing wrong with either person having a backup plan.
But having secrets when you are supposed to be about to marry is a different thing again. |
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Originally Posted by Seaview
I agree. I defend girls in most cases but her behaviour is a bit weird.
My point is if gonlaz is not ready to leave her and still hopes she can change he can either spend some time with her in Russia or bring her to his home country to see what happens. Just to make sure. But I would have told her honestly: we've had a lot of problems of late and now I am not sure if we can get married. If you love me, let's live together for 3 months and take the decision afterwards. The problem is it's a costly decision in both cases. |
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Originally Posted by deccie
Gonlaz,
I think you have this a little the wrong way around. You talk about the emotional cost to you of waiting. You talk about the financial cost of going to see her again. You should realise that all this is going to seem like nothing if you get this decision wrong. Imagine the emotional cost of marrying the wrong person. Imagine the potential financial cost. There is a saying, "A man's happiness depends on the women he did NOT marry!" Do NOT rush this decision. |
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Originally Posted by chippie
Hey Gonlaz,
Haven't read from ya in a while. Sorry to read about your trials and tribulations. It does sound as if you are not ready to give up just yet. If that is the case I agree with Seaview. Be up front and tell her that you have had problems in the past and that if she comes there are no guarantees. It has been my experience that with most relationships the beginning is the best it ever gets. Always putting the beast foot forward, crazy in love, and not that it can't last, but life happens. There are ups and downs in any relationship, but you need to have that feeling of a SOLID commitment to make it. As Seaview also said, it cost $, but I think in the end you will have peace of mind. I would probably go see her if direct contact works best for you. Just my 2 belorussian roubles worth. chippie |
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
Thanks dude
I don't mind taking another trip to Moscow but, aside from the money (which I can afford now) Inna started a new job and doesn't get vacations for 6 months. So, I wouldn't get to see here at all, maybe an hour or two. However, after the approval, I can fly over there, spend a week and have a ticket ready for her to return with me, I can fly over there for a week, return home and then see if she wants to come over... I also have a concern for her well being. All other issues aside; I am concerned about removing a person from her home and her career - I don't know how easy it is for a person to get a new job and place to live in Moscow; is it any different than here? It seems so to me, but I'm not Russian so I am not sure. Request: If anyone has inside information about big Corporations in Russia, is this normal to make new employees wait 6 months for vacation days? |
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Originally Posted by blucatz
Thats normal for corporations here in the US. No company is going to give a new employee any vacation time right off the bat.
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
Request: If anyone has inside information about big Corporations in Russia, is this normal to make new employees wait 6 months for vacation days?
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Originally Posted by Seaview
It's the requirement of Labour Code. It's true. It was 11 months several years ago. It's not only for big corporations, btw.
There is an exception for exclusive situations that can be discussed with an employer, but I don't think that meeting somebody is this kind of a situation. If she is an ordinary employee it is extremely difficult (next to impossible) |
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Originally Posted by royalpalace774
2. Forgetting to call. Used to be that your phone would ring all day long with your sweetie wanting to make plans or calling just to say, "I love you." Now your significant other doesn't even call when he/she is running three hours late. It may seem obvious, but going from speed dial to a blocked number is a sure sign that your relationship may be nearing its expiration date. 4. Criticizing. If your sweetie isn't feeling you anymore, don't be surprised if he/she becomes less tolerant of everything, from how you brush your teeth to how you tie your shoes. Constant criticism is a telltale sign that your days as a twosome are numbered. |
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Originally Posted by blucatz
3 words gonlaz "Go to Her". You cannot tell if someone is truly sincere over the phone or by email, have to do it face to face, only way to be sure.
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Originally Posted by royalpalace774
I don't want to bring you down Gonlaz, but it really looks fishy. As far as going to Tailand alone, that has to be the biggest bullsh-t I have heard. I bet she met a guy there. Especially when you said her girlfriends didn't go and they were going to go but canceled it.
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
Do you really think so? I mean, if she's lying she's probably good about lying, even face to face - yes? Especially if I am too blind to see.
Still, if I do go to her, it's not going to be until May since she can't take time off from work; I just wonder if there's any way to make it work. |
| If you still want her after your visit, bring her over here, you have 3 months together to decide to get married, if it does not feel right, send her packing. If she comes here and in 2 weeks takes off, well, at least you didnt marry her first. |
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Originally Posted by blucatz
If you still want her after your visit, bring her over here, you have 3 months together to decide to get married, if it does not feel right, send her packing. If she comes here and in 2 weeks takes off, well, at least you didnt marry her first.
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Originally Posted by deccie
Then I feel sorry for any woman you get engaged to since she is essentially "on trial basis" until the marriage day.
Do you have any idea how much you can damage a woman's reputation in the FSU if you send her back in this manner? No one should get engaged unless they are certain they want to get married to the person concerned. The Visa is intended for people who already WANT to get married. Not for people to DETERMINE if they want to get married. |
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Originally Posted by deccie
Do you have any idea how much you can damage a woman's reputation in the FSU if you send her back in this manner?
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
This is, for lack of a better word, interesting. I don't want to hurt her life in any way at all. I think this will play out the way it should, if that makes sense.
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We have talked a lot about her learning to dance and both of us are looking forward to that. |
Originally Posted by joelunchbox
She might step off the plane and go--I hate Georgia!
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Originally Posted by joelunchbox
Not much I can do to change the state of Georgia,
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Originally Posted by deccie
I will try to explain it as best I can Gonlaz. Someone like Inlove could probably explain it better.
There is a tendency in Russia and the fsu to attempt to pull down anyone who tries to improve their situation. If the lady returns after supposedly leaving for marriage her reputation will be rubbished and rumours could be cast about that she was sent back because of some failing on her part. People may well refused to be seen with her or speak with her. It can be quite humiliating for someone forced to go through it. I am not saying it WILL happen only that it CAN happen in some circumstances. I had a big discussion with my fiance this last trip about this whole "reputation" thing and it certainly was a big deal to her. Of course sometimes an engagement will fail and people will not proceed to marriage. People should withdraw from an engagement if they feel it is the wrong thing to do. I don't deny blucatz's point at all that "real life" happens and is not certain. I just don't like his assertion that you "can always send her back". I think all the options should be exercised before hand to minimise that necessity. To my mind Blucatz's position is a lot like the whole "MOB" mentality. i.e. You can always return the "package" if your not happy.. I find that thought pattern quite disturbing. Gonlaz, you should not let this in any way stop you doing from what is right for you. But I think all of us need to minimise potential harm to the other party as well. That is just common courtesy and consideration. |
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Originally Posted by joelunchbox
Well, this is my thought on the three months thing.
She has three months to decide to stay. She might step off the plane and go--I hate Georgia! Not much I can do to change the state of Georgia, so, I would wave to her and let her go. I made the decision to ask her to come here a while back. She has graciously accepted my invitation. I pray that she won't miss the metro, the corner store, or people speaking russian. How do I hope to keep her from getting homesick: plan A is dancing. We have talked a lot about her learning to dance and both of us are looking forward to that. Gonlaz is in a pickle--he asked, she accepted but now displays actions counter productive to marriage. I can't sort that out, I do hope for best. |
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
Okay guys - I know it seems I am being dramatic here but I just genuinely want to share what's happened.
Inna and I broke up - it's over. I feel relieved and I don't worry about her. She's a smart girl with a college degree and a good job; she's going to be fine. I also believe she's already got a man in her life as well, I just decided I couldn't deal with the cold, distant nature that she had demonstrated over the past 3 months. Maybe if I was more patient or had more money, I could have gone to Moscow more often than I did. So anyway, again not to be dramatic, but I won't be back for a while, I might send a PM or two but I won't be involved in this anymore, it's too much for me to handle right now. Oh, please don't get me wrong here, I am going to go after another girl but it's definitely staying here this time, heh. it just wasn't meant to be for us, I have my life to consider. I have a new career anyway, just got a new job in a different field making much more money and I think 2008 is going to be a great year for me and my life; to be honest I think it's sad Inna couldn't be with me for it, but this is totally for the best. I sincerely wish you all the best and lots of love from your girls!! Take care all |
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
I am going to go after another girl but it's definitely staying here this time, heh.
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Originally Posted by gonlaz
Maybe so, but everywhere I have worked, we've been allowed vacation time either immediately or after 90 days, not 180 days; but that's cool.
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