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Russian "toys" for american guys
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Posted by: Tami

Hi american men,
I want to ask you who is not married yet-why you want to marry russian/belorussian/ukrainian girls and do you feel responsible for changing girl's lives by bringing them here to America? Russian girls are not "toys' with return back policy as some men think.
Here is a story of my girlfriend I met on the Internet almost 3 years ago when she was very happy and excited to get married to american man because they loved each other very much.3 years ago she even didn't dream that her happy marriage will get destroyed so easily by her beloved.Her husband doesn't want to make her INS documents, he didn't file petition of the change of her status before her american visa expired.He found a reason-he had no money.She trusted him because she loved him and she thought that peace in her relationship is more importaint then documents. If she was asking him to file documents or even give her money to get food he was getting angry and argued with her so much that she couldn't stand this. He is not stable mentally-he argues without no serious reason, he is still jelous with her past, it looks like when he is in a bad mood he tries to make her life a hell.She is a good wife-she doesn't ask for money,documents,house is always clean,food is always freshly cooked and tasty,even she doesn't have any new apparel-she doesn't shop because she doesn't have money and a car (her husband tells her that car is a very expensive thing+ gasoline and insurance and she doesn't need a car at all). She came here with her 10 y.o. daughter and they still don't have a medical insurance, her husband doesn't want to include them in his med insurance plan at work. He made a preneptual agreement with her that in case of divorce she doesn't get anything-but in her marriage she doesn't have anything too and she doesn't have a chance to work and earn money-she is illigal here without documents. Now it is time for her to file documents for getting a permanent residence card and her husband has the same answer-they don't have money. Today she called me on the phone and said that he wants her to go home to Fatherland. Her home is here, he changed all her life by bringing her here and marrying her, and he wants to send her "back"-for what? Because he "played" in a family and he got tired of being married and now he wants to take a russian "toy" back to the "store" like americans do with a purchase they don't like or need? She can't go home because her family doesn't wait for her, her ex will get a kid if she will cross the boarder, her daughter speaks Russian very bad-she can't go to school in Fatherland.This girl came here because she loved and trusted her american man and now she is stressed out. She doesn't deserve this. So american men, think well before you decide to bring a russian bride here- do you want just to "play" or you are serious about relationship.

Posted by: Jerico

Well from you have wrote the husband sounds like a real jerk.
However there are always to sides to a story.

In the beginings of when my wife first arrived there were some issues between us.
She posted them on another forum and from what she wrote she sounded like a saint and I was a dumb American.
Well her story was so full of holes it would of looked like swiss cheese.
Everybody felt so sorry for her that the guy who brought her here to USA ( ME) did all the things she said. I was a terrible American like your friends husband.
Her story was completely false.
SO with that said I hesitate to comment on how bad he is to her without hearing his side of the story.

Quote:

he got tired of being married and now he wants to take a russian "toy" back to the "store" like americans do with a purchase they don't like or need?

You know here in Sacramento if is customary for many of my wifes Russian friends to purchase things , keep for a year , then return to the store because they can. I mainly talk about bed matresses from Sams club.
They probably could not do this in Russia.
SO I guess the Russians have learned some of the " American Ways" very good.
Jerry

Posted by: JamesB

Im sorry to hear this sad story.As Jerico said the guy sounds an xxxxhole.
When liuda arrived here she straight away had a joint account with me as gets what she wants as it should be.

She is the boss for shopping the house and we discuss everything we have to as it should be.
The guy your friend met sounds like a complete idiot.

Posted by: azamuner

I too agree that this guy appears to be a real jerk. But t's also true that people tend to exaggerate things for affect so this story may have some embellishment but if it is accurate then I feel bad for her.

The only things I can can see from the man's point of view is this:

Yes cars are expensive. Expensive to own and expensive to maintain.

Clothing...well maybe she wants new clothes all of the time and she only wants designer name brands.

On these 2, I would have said no too.

BUT!

As for the rest; not treating her well, not filing the papers, etc....well there's really no excuse for that.

Unfortunately the bad people tend to outnumber the good these days or so it appears. I feel for your friend as it sounds like her situation is not good, but please do not lump us all into one catagory and make a judgement.

Many of us are trying to find someone to love, trust and spend the rest of our lives with. The reason that we look to other countries is that the values of western women have changed and the idea of a family unit is quickly becoming a thing of the past. I for one only want to marry once and I want it to be forever. It seems more like a fairytale than reality but that is what I hope for. If I have to go to another country to meet my soul mate, then so be it.

Cheers

Posted by: JamesB

I agree but as in liudas case a car is very handy as we live away from shops etc.Im sure any wife wherever she is from would expect to be allowed to drive the family car.

The fact this guy would not even insure her just shows a total lack of respect and it seems he has decided its over and done already.

While liuda is in Siberia im sending her money because we are a couple so whats mine is hers.This guy seems to have different views on relationships.

Posted by: Tami

this girl lives in a warm state so she doesn't need a lot of clothes, in 2 years of a marriage she got a couple of T-shirts only (you guys know that russian girls like a nice clothes they had in a former SU and it is very hard to find the style and a small size of clothes here-most russian girls have great figures and they are skinny), so her old clothes gets old and worn out... Russian girls who have kids and who had a hard life in Fatherland (who are not a golddiggers here)-they will not spend a lot of money on their apparel.They are thrifty and they know how to run the house cheap.
America is built this way that you can't walk everywhere-everything is very far. This girl lives in a town where everything is far-stores,hospitals, and public transportation doesn't go there. She and her kid walkes to school a couple of miles to school and back. Her husband told her that kid shoud MISS the school if it rains hard because he can't take her and pick her from school.Guys do you think it is O.K.?He is 47 years old...
They don't have sex for 3 months and by the accident she found out he is on a dating sites and he looks for an intimate massage. He has everything in a marriage-young,pretty wife,clean house,love. It looks like he doesn't need a family. He seems to be a looser who made his selfesteem by marrying a lady with MS, who is pretty,devoted and loyal. He had no chance to get an american girl this level.(Sorry guys but I talk about this man)Now he is not working, sleeping at home like a russian man. She would like to work but she doesn't have documents. If this jerk would make her papers on time she would earn money to buy an old car to get to work...
I can't get it-if he decided that marrige is over and it was a mistake-why he didn't tell her to go home 2 years ago?She had a good job there,her condo and kid was at school.He shouldn't wait for 2 years .His family loves her and now his father supports her-it pisses her husband off.She asked her father-in-law for money to make documents-she didn't have any other chance and her husband yeald at her because she "betrayed him". May be he betrayed her...
One more thing-it was a thread where american man wanted to get advise how to get divorced-he wrote his wife was not happy in America and she went back. You know his side of a story,may be she couldn't stand his neglect and abuse.May be I will read her story on a russian web site and will be horrified with it. There are a lot of russian girls who are scammers and there are more and more american men who are scammers too...
Reading all this horrible life stories of american-russian relationships I am grateful to God for my dear husband. We are married for 3 years and we are still in love with each other, now we have 1 y.o. baby girl. 3 years ago before I came hereI didn't know anything about America and I had no clue what my life will be like here. I loved my man and I trusted him. I get scared when I think that I could get in a such horrible situation if he would be an ass .

Posted by: Tami

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerico

Jerico you are right-in FSU people can't return their purchase back to store. It is nice here that you can do this with an item doesn't fit you. We talk about things,right? Not about people and kids... Some American guys would love to return back a "russian" purchase and not to be responsible for someone's distroyed lives...

Posted by: AkMike

I've also heard of RW that use the WM. It's not right either way!
I hope that she finds her way thru the mess.

Tami How long did they get to know each other before thety were married?
Did he spend any time with her in Russia? There wasn't any signs of the ruse before hand?

Posted by: Jerico

Hi Tami,
Yes i understand what you say.
The guy sounds like a complete A$$
It is unfortunate situation your friend is in.
She sounds decent enough of a woman.
She also sounds like the type of Russian woman most here probably want which is why it is bad thing for this to happen if all what you say is true.

Hope things work out for her.
jerry

Posted by: freebird

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tami

Guys do you think it is O.K.?He is 47 years old...
They don't have sex for 3 months and by the accident she found out he is on a dating sites and he looks for an intimate massage. He has everything in a marriage-young,pretty wife,clean house,love. It looks like he doesn't need a family. He seems to be a looser who made his selfesteem by marrying a lady with MS, who is pretty,devoted and loyal. He had no chance to get an american girl this level.(Sorry guys but I talk about this man)Now he is not working, sleeping at home like a russian man.

How old is she? And did you say she has MS?

Posted by: Tami

they knew each other for one year,he visited her many times so they lived together for many months. He sent her money every month before she moved here so she had chance to save some money. This savings she used to feed him in US because he got into a financial trouble.(loving russian heart!)She is 35 and she has masters in science. The most sad thing is that he was hiding and not telling her the truth about his habits and character.It was very exciting game for him-to get her. He got everything he wanted like a spoiled child. Sometimes kids are tired of toys...
here is a different story about another russian girl.

Before I met my husband I met a guy (his name is Michael)on the Internet (I met my husband at www.eastwestmatch.com and this guy was there too) and we became friends (pen-pals),talking about western men and russian girls. Once he wrote me that he met a russian girl Oksana. She was here in US and she was looking for a man. Michael still doesn't know what tipe of visa she had that time and why she came to US. I suggest she came to some man and left him, deciding to "travel" in US for 2 months. Michael fell in love with her, she went home and they were writting to each other. In 2006 he went to Russia (she lives in Vladivostok) to meet her and he was there for 2 weeks. Russians charged his credit card double money (he didn't buy anything expensive) and he had a big trouble getting home to Wisconsin.Than he filed K-1 visa for her .I remember how happy he was telling me that Oksana is coming in 2 days... She came to him and he made a marriage preposal . She agrees to marry him and than in 5 days she leaves him without saing "good bye" and eny explanation. She left his engagement ring and a short letter on the table. I have to say she came to visit him twice so she knew how Michael lives. Why she had to come here to end this story like that?May be she wanted just to get here?Where did she go? To "hunt" another men?

She still had 2 1/2 months of American visa.Michael told me that he felt very bad and he was very embarased how foolish he was -his friends and his family were expecting the wedding. He left the town and a state. I don't know where he is now...

Posted by: azamuner

Tami,

It sounds like your friend is in a real bad situation. I pains me to read stories like this as it only makes things worse for those of us with good intentions. But also, I hate to think of how these nice women are tricked by jerks who pretend to be someone they're not. I read horror stories like this and much worse, those forced into sex trades, etc and I wonder how people can be so screwed up. I guess that's why the world is in the shape it is now.

I truly hope your friend is able to find a way out of this and can get her life on track.

Posted by: That1Guy

Good morning Tami,

I have read your post, and my heart goes out to your friend. I am very sorry she is being treated so poorly, and it is terrible that there are men who can be such horrible creatures. I would like to make a couple of points in response to your post, and both assume everything your friend has told you is true. I'll get the first one out of the way quickly - notice, I said "men" can be horrible. I intentionally omitted any nationality because I think it is unfair and inaccurate to characterize any group of people with a single adjective.

You asked if American men feel responsible for changing their fiances' lives, and I thought this is a bit of an odd question, but interesting all the same. Of course an immigrant fiance is going to experience dramatic changes in her life when she leaves her home and marries. If there are only two life-changing events in a person's life, these are them! It is inconceivable for me to think that this would not be one of the main concerns for anyone considering this type of relationship. So, I feel it is the man's responsibility to inform his fiance in every way he can about the changes she will be experiencing. I think he should spend a great deal of effort to help her understand differences in lifestyle, climate, culture, and many details that will change in her future. As I said, this takes a good deal of effort, and in doing so, he would necessarily be learning more about his future wife, because he must have some basis for comparison in order to highlight differences. He must ask 1,000s of questions, send 100s of photos, and use any means available to communicate these things so she will be able to make an informed decision (as much as it is possible given the circumstances). All of this is the responsibility of the man to whom the woman is coming.

I should add however, that this does not relieve the woman of any responsibility in making this huge decision to leave her homeland and marry a man in a foreign country. Just as it would be naive for a man to believe all the advertising at "Russian Wife" websites, it is equally irresponsible for Russian women to believe all they read about blissful life in America, and American men. She should eye these things with a critical mind, and be very inquisitive about how things are different here.

In the end, if both are sincere in wanting to have a marriage that will last forever, it is only in their own best interest for this exchange to occur, and so I feel very strongly that both are responsible.

If one is not sincere, then all bets are off, and none of this has any bearing on the outcome. Unfortunately, it sounds as if your friend's husband was/is not really looking for a woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life, and is as you have suggested just sampling the goods with no intention of making a final purchase.

Do you think this is a fair assessment?

guy

Posted by: deccie

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

I've also heard of RW that use the WM. It's not right either way!

Great quote Mike. That's the real truth. It's not fair for either party to use each other.

Posted by: goforit

Any update on this situation?

Posted by: freebird

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

I've also heard of RW that use the WM. It's not right either way!
I hope that she finds her way thru the mess.

Tami How long did they get to know each other before thety were married?
Did he spend any time with her in Russia? There wasn't any signs of the ruse before hand?

You hit the nail on the head Mike, in ANY relationship, you need to get to know the person before you "jump"

Posted by: redhawk

there are PLENTY of men in usa who would beat a path to this womans door,
and in my neck of the woods,beat the crap out of the guy on pure principle.she doesnt deserve such treatment! SHE should be on dating sites loking around usa for a good man,and RUN from the bad one she has now.
what a sorry bastard.

Posted by: Testman

There are plenty of good men in the USA, for every bad one that is found.

I still say while the story is probably mostly true, chances are it is exaggerated to at least some extent. But I guess, anything is possible. Some of the horror stories my friends have told me about women (especially American women!) , also seemed bogus, only for me to eventually find out they were OVER 100% true.