My first Post!...hi y'all... - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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My first Post!...hi y'all...
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Posted by: Stevden

Hello everyone. This is my first time to post in here. Everyone seems very nice. I discovered this site just today and with all of the experience you guys seem to have perhaps you can help me.

I have been cooresponding with a girl from Kazan. I am not a member of any Russian dating service or anything like that. What happened was I had a personal ad in yahoo...just a regular ad. No one has wver written to me thru the ad. In fact, I had practiaclly forgotten all about it, until one day I surprisingly got an email saying that I had a response to my personal ad.

I went and checked it out and there I had a little message from a young woman who's broken english was obviously forign. She said(at first) that she was in NJ, and gave me her email address. Well I took the chance and wrote to her email address with my "spam catcher" email account. To my surprise she actually wrote me back a personal message. I wasn't expecting anything because I had figured it was a spam email net to collect emails.

Anyway…we have written back and forth for 2 weeks now. She is absolutely beautiful! I am convinced that her letters are not generated. She seems sincere…she seems to answer most of my questions. I get the impression that if she hasn't dirrectly answered questions it is because she may hnot be following me completely in her translations. She seems to like me, I am an attractive guy, and my pictures are fairly nice.

I have no experience with Russian women. She says she uses an internet café. She hasn't asked for money. She mentions her family a lot and says she comes from a good family. We have sent many pictures back and forth. I guess what I want to know is…is this an elaborrate scam? If it is….it has got to be the best ever invented. This is costing someone a lot of time and effort if it is a scam. I'm just still not sure of it. I want to believe the best, but I just find it hard to believe that a girl from the other side of the planet "miraculously" came across my little personal ad when no one else ever did.

Please give me some feedback. I"m leaving work now, but I will read and respond tommorrow.

Posted by: ConnerVT

HI Stevden, welcome to our little chat place in Cyberspace. There is a pretty good group of people, with a very diverse background, who frequent here.

You don't give us a lot of details to tell you if you've met a nice young woman, or if it is part of a scam. My personal opinion is to be wary of both Yahoo Personals and of women who contact you first. Especially if in your personal ad, you mentioned nothing about being interested in an international relationship. This isn't to say it might not be on the up-and-up. But it usually is the start of another scam story.

There certainly is no reason to stop writing to her. After all, that's how we learn about one another. But remember a few things:

-- Don't fall in love with pictures and letters. Both sides of the conversation chose the best words and pictures to present to the other.

-- She will not be able to receive a tourist visa to visit you. Period. The only way she will get to America will likely be with a fiancee/marriage visa. And to get that, you must visit her first. If she suggests otherwise, it is not the truth.

-- Don't send money to someone you have never met. If it is a scam, there's no reward in it until you send the $$$.

Look around the forums, and read what's posted here (and other places). I was enlightened to the lovelyness of Russian women by a scammer who contacted me. She's long time history, but now I have a beautiful, wonderful woman for a fiancee, and we will be married in a few months.

Posted by: rtking

Welcome Stevden,

ConnerVT posted some great advice. We don't have enough details of your correspondence, but it seems like it's going well. I would continue to write and be friendly and cordial. Just do a quick search of this forum and read some of posts about scams and you'll get an idea of what to look out for.

I wish you luck in your correspondence with your lady! I hope it turns out great!

Bob

Posted by: ulughbek

Why not try calling her? Even if her english is terrible, it may give you some kind of gut feeling to proceed on - at least you would know that there is a real female out there that you are communicating with.

If you are not able to find a way to talk to her now, your relationship won't get any easier in the future.

Posted by: Stevden

Thanks everyone. Yes, I have spent some time in here reading many of your threads...I learned many things that I was probably ignorant of.

I did not have the original intention of having an international relationship. I have always prefered to date a woman close by.

Natalia does seem so sweet. She hsan't really said that she is unhappy or anything there in Russia, and her family seems to be very stable, strong and supportive of her. I don't get the impression from her emails that she needs money or help....in fact she seemed to imply that if she ever needs help her family is more than enough.

I just don't want to string her along because I am afraid of getting scammed...if in fact she is a sincere girl.

Also I need to come to grips with how I personally feel about getting involved with a Russian girl and what that might ivolve, such as a trip over there and everything. I have never traveled to another country, so that would be a bit deal for me.

Posted by: ConnerVT

Quote:

Originally posted by Stevden
I just don't want to string her along because I am afraid of getting scammed...if in fact she is a sincere girl.

Also I need to come to grips with how I personally feel about getting involved with a Russian girl and what that might involve, such as a trip over there and everything. I have never traveled to another country, so that would be a bit deal for me.

The two of you have been writing for a few weeks now. What does she want from you? What do you want from her? These are questions you will need to address, as you are beginning to see.

If sincere, she may just be interested in practicing her English and having you as a pen pal. Rare, but a possibility. But if you both decide it's a love relationship, be prepared. It comes with a high emotional and monetary cost -- long periods of time being apart, long distance telephone calls, trips to the FSU, interpreters, translation fees, gifts. Then if you decide to get married, continue with visa costs, English lessons, needing to fully support someone once she gets here (for she will be under or unemployed for some time), food, clothing, health care... The list goes on.

I don't write this to scare you. (Well... perhaps a little) It's just you should face the realities of what's involved up front. Many times, a woman will write to a man who will never go to visit her. He enjoys hearing (reading?) the sweet words that appear on his computer screen. There's a term for these men. Keyboard Romeos. They eventually disappear, and the woman is left alone and heartbroken.

You seem not to be the type, for you are asking intelligent questions here. But early in this process, you need to evaluate what you really want, and what you are willing to do to get it.

Posted by: Shane

There is some difference between the mentality of Americans and Russians that might be relevant to Stevden's situation. And that is that Americans in general are very trusting people. Americans tend to believe others until the latter has been proven dishonest,
which is probably why Andrei calls Americans "big kid." This also explains why so many American men fall victim to the Internet scammers where the cost of proving the other party's guilt is hundreds if not thousands of $.

Russians, on the other hand, take a different approach to the trust question. Unlike Americans' "innocent until proven guilty" thinking, they take the "guilty until proven innocent" approach.
This way of thinking has the result of a Russian person often being seen as cold or even hostile by an outsider upon initial contact. Later when they get to know each other well and discover the other party is actually trustworthy, a totally different side of their personality unfolds which embraces the very best of human nature: loving, kind, unselfish... as many of our forum members can attest to. Interestingly the Chinese are very similar to Russians in this respect. I suspect it has to do with their common communist upbringing, where in the past association with the "wrong" person often had dire consequences for the individual. One Chinese guy once said to me: when I first met you, you were sentenced to life in prison, then gradually it was reduced to 20, 10, 5 years, and now you are set free which of course means he could take me as a trustworthy friend.

There are obviously pros and cons to both the American and Russian/Chinese approaches, and I don't want to argue for or against either of them. In Stevden's case, the "innocent until proven guilty" assumption might (I say MIGHT) prove costly in the end, and he seems to be exercising some caution already which is a good sign. It is always a touchy and subtle issue when it comes to establishing mutual trust between you and your Russian GF. You have do it in such a way that you can find out whether the person you are corresponding with is honest and sincere, while at the time not hurting your GF's self-esteem. Not an easy task especially when you have not met face-to-face.(You will need the technology and skills of CIA or KGB to do a perfect job -

The good advice of Conner the great veteran should guide you through at least the initial stages of your endeavor. Always, as they say, keep you eye, ear and heart open. Welcome aboard and I wish you good luck!

Posted by: Michael Blue

Sad thing is this sounds exactly like Anna who contacted me several weeks ago. I'm fairly certain she is a scam, but I have been politely asking for more information, and she keeps writing back. She insists she would visit me first, and has asked for nearly $1,100 for this, and I realized after a couple weeks she no longer seemed to answer many of my questions, and her letters seemed less and less influenced by mine.

If your girl is named "Anna" (Anyusha Demina), and is 24, and from Ulyanovsk, you might be being taken for a ride.

Posted by: Pin Boy

Don't give her (or him) a penny! They cannot, absolutly cannot get a tourist visa to come to the US for any price. Cross her (or whoever is trying to hose you) off the list and try to meet an honest and sincere lady. Good luck.

PB

Posted by: ConnerVT

Quote:

Originally posted by Shane
The good advice of Conner the great veteran should guide you through...

YIKES!

Posted by: Charles

When I grow up I want to be just like Conner !

Conner, can you tell me which lottery numbers to pick?

Posted by: ConnerVT

Yeah. Pick the winning numbers.

Posted by: Charles

The great veteran is right again!

Stevden,
I say follow your instincts. If it feels right, continue. If it gets weird or doesn't feel right, tell her you cannot email her anymore. Russian women are not from another planet. They are the same species of woman we deal with in America, just with a higher tolerance for problems. She will send you very direct signals about her feelings, probably.

It is smart to be hesitant, this is a major headache and heartache sometimes, especially when you find the right woman.

First of all, You do a soul search and decide if you are ready for the long haul here. Long Haul is not an exaggeration. Second, educate yourself about Russian culture and the differences between here and there. Third, when you find a Russian woman you like, never say one pessimistic word to her. You have to be the optimistic one. And Follow your Instincts! .

We have all been in relationships where we knew we should get out and stayed too long. Those little voices telling us to look out are our past experiences trying to help us avoid mistakes. Most people have good instincts in relationships, they just ignore or overrule them. This experience will be no different. It is good to question things. Just do not ignore warning signs when they come.

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by Charles
I say follow your instincts. If it feels right, continue. If it gets weird or doesn't feel right, tell her you cannot email her anymore. Russian women are not from another planet. They are the same species of woman we deal with in America, just with a higher tolerance for problems. She will send you very direct signals about her feelings, probably.

It is smart to be hesitant, this is a major headache and heartache sometimes, especially when you find the right woman.

First of all, You do a soul search and decide if you are ready for the long haul here. Long Haul is not an exaggeration. Second, educate yourself about Russian culture and the differences between here and there. Third, when you find a Russian woman you like, never say one pessimistic word to her. You have to be the optimistic one. And Follow your Instincts! .

We have all been in relationships where we knew we should get out and stayed too long. Those little voices telling us to look out are our past experiences trying to help us avoid mistakes. Most people have good instincts in relationships, they just ignore or overrule them. This experience will be no different. It is good to question things. Just do not ignore warning signs when they come.

First,

Hi Stevden!

Second, remember what he said and repeat it to yourself over and over and over again!!!!

Posted by: ConnerVT

I have to agree with Charles on what he's written. Well, except for the "Great Veteran" hype. I don't profess to be all knowing. But I have gained some knowledge in the past year, from my own experience, and from learning from the successes (and failures) of others.

Everything in Charles' post is great advice. Learn about yourself, and trust your instincts. For ultimately, the best advice is that you give yourself. For only you know what is absolutely the best path for you to take.

Posted by: GoGo

Hi Stevden,

Check site this out: http://www.womenrussia.com/blacklist.htm

Maybe your lady friend is genuine, but do be careful.

Posted by: Peter Burns

Hi Stevden !

I like to think alot ( maybe too much ) and I see it this way...

1) If something is too good to be true it generally is - its no use beating about the bush - I am 40 and I dont believe in love at first sight, internet romance or 20 year old women falling for men who are twice as old as they are.

2) The best advice I was given is - dont ever send money to someone you dont know and have never met- all scams are based on one thing - MONEY - if there is no money there will be no scam.

3) Use your telephone - its cheaper to use the telephone than to travel 1000s miles to find out that you dont click - if you click over the phone there is a good chance you may click when you meet face to face.

4) Meet her in her town - dont be afraid of travelling to meet her- the fsu is a large continent but its easier today to get into the fsu than it was 30 years ago , and forget everything you may have heard about Russians - these are all stereotypes which bear no relation to the reality of people who live in Russia.

5) I hope you dont take this personally or as in any way as a criticsm , but as an englishman I heard lots of stories about " generous americans " when I visited the Ukraine and having spoken to several people from the USA I think that there are two great things about you- a) you are generous - with time , advice and money b) You are very trusting. My advice is .... please
leave , ideas about helping someone at home and secondly try to read as much as you can about Russia and its culture . If possible meet and talk to russians who live in your country- see if you can understand thier culture and humour .
The Russians have a saying " Trust someone but check them out first " ( I have paraphrased how it actually is said ) - this is a good method of determining whether things are genuine or not.

Posted by: Stevden

You are all being so helpful. I am so glad I found this place. We ahve been talking for 2 weeks. She asked me yesterday to tell her sincerely how I felt about our friendship and aquaintance. I wrote back that even though I did not expect to meet a girl from the other side of the world, I did care for her a lot. But the distance between us is so great. For me to have a successful relationship with a woman I want to see her and be with her. I can travel to Russia, but I am not wealthy enough to do it often. And that that probably would not make me happy in the long run being so far away from her

I was expecting her to write back saying goodbye, but this morning she seemed to be pleased. Perhaps because I had said that I did in fact want to see her...even If I couldn't afford to see her often.

So here is my tentative plan...along the way I will have to determine if this is indeed an elaborate scam. I want to talk to her on the phone. I will start suggesting that. also I am going to plan a trip to Russia late spring or early summer. If she starts hitting me up for cash to "arrange it for me" or cash so she can come here...I will definitely be suspicious of a scam. Otherwise..I am taking a vacation to Russia. If she fails to meet me at the train station, and I never hear from her again...well at least I will have seen Russia and gotten a change to ride a train across the stepps to Kazan!

I'm up for a little adventure. And I always have more fun when I"m impulsive!

Posted by: Charles

HI Stevden,
Your plan is a good plan. Your ladyfriend's reaction is a positive sign. If she never asks for anything but your time and attention, another very good sign.
I do not think anyone here is independently wealthy. This mission to meet a RW is a financial sacrifice for all of us. It is a calculated risk to find some happiness in this world. I am also going to Russia in the summer and squirreling money away left and right. I stumbled upon the meeting with my girlfriend and it is turning out to be a very happy accident.
Your attitude is the right one. You can have a great time in Russia no matter what happens.

Note: I used to say in my posts there were real differences between RW and AW. I am slowly amending that to saying they are different, but not so much. That is ok with me, I love American women, it is just that all the good ones are always in a relationship.

Posted by: Arnold

You guys should also consider that scamming is in fact very lucrative, for a RW, or someone pretending to be a RW.

They earn in a regular job a monthly salary of USD 100 to 400, depending on where they live.

Chatting up one or several foreigners can bring in an easy income, especially if we are talking about $1,100 for two weeks (was it?) worth of correspondence.

--Arnold