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Scam checks from that side. How do they feel about it?
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Posted by: Seaview

I think it will be interesting for you to read some girls' opinions about scam checks quoted from a Russian forum and translated into English with some abridgements.

"There was info on a website for foreigners how to check if his online lady is real. The point is the guy sends flowers, pays five bucks extra and a courier should take your picture with the flowers. Nobody informs you of that in advance and if they deliver those flowers at 8 am and you look like a sleepy witch nobody cares because they promised to send the pic to your bf by email.
It happened to me once. A courier came, brought the flowers and told me he should take a picture. What picture? He explained all this stuff and I told him to f.. off. I think such things should be agreed in advance with an addressee. The courier was begging me to agree to take the pic for the sake of the company’s reputation but I didn’t give up".

"I was in the same situation. They wanted to take a pic of me with the flowers but failed"

"No wonder, girls don’t want to be taken a picture of them because it’s a violation of privacy. I remember the courier say: Why is it a problem? You are so pretty!"

"You can’t believe it but that guy who wanted to check me tried to repeat this trick again though I explained to him clearly: no one can do it even for the 25 bunches of flowers. He just could not get it…"

"My story is funnier. One guy located a girl’s IP and it was Nikolay Nikolayev. Hahaha I wonder if he understood it might be her work’s address, internet cafe or her friend’s computer?"

"It’s a provider’s name.. Idiots!" hahaha

"Those paranoiacs are damn smart! hahaha . They know just two buttons on their comps: power and enter".

"I am sick and tired of those scam checks. A guy asks me to send a photo. OK. In the next email he asks me to send a photo of me with my family. OK. In the next email he asks for a telephone number. I give him a mobile and a Skype nick. He doesn’t call and asks me for my home number, because it’s more convenient for him. Hahaha
I explain that it’s difficult to find me at home but my mobile is with me everywhere and ask him for the name of his company and the company’s email address. No answer. I have a usual photo in my profile, don’t ask for money and never fall in love with anybody after the first email. But I hate when I am asked for information and don’t get anything in return".

"I feel disgusted when I am asked for my home address to send me some useless card. I say that I don’t need it but usually give the address".

Posted by: freebird

Its a shame that some scammers have ruined it for many others, now many are paranoid. It's the same with the US immigration, because some have tried fake marriages just for a green card now the INS asks all kinds of intimate or embarrassing personal questions about their sex life at the interview.

Thanks for the post Seaview. Are you often on the RW forum?

Posted by: Seaview

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird

Its a shame that some scammers have ruined it for many others, now many are paranoid. It's the same with the US immigration, because some have tried fake marriages just for a green card now the INS asks all kinds of intimate or embarrassing personal questions about their sex life at the interview.

Thanks for the post Seaview. Are you often on the RW forum?

Not too often. I am having a sleepless night. Now trying to fall asleep surfing the internet.

I found this topic interesting and decided to translate some bits. It's not from Russian part of RMP, it's another forum.

On the whole, I understand the reasons for being paranoid (for both sides). Just wanted the members to get a new angle on it.

Posted by: freebird

Very interesting. I have a question if you don't mind. (or any other RW!)

Posted by: Chrismc

Interesting to read that Seaview, I can see why there is paranoia from both sides, however, I believe if the two adults corresponding act like adults, act responsibly and use basic common sense ie don't fall in love with a photograph or email, a lot of this mistrust from each side can be forgotten about.

I have written to many women and many women have written to me over the last 3 years, I have never encountered a scammer yet, but what I do is, I am very honest, probably too honest in my very first long letter to a lady, and I ask for contact details right away, but I ask in a way that the lady feels comfortable giving them to me, no one has ever declined to give them to me. In fact some ladies have actually responded WOW! it is so refreshing to meet such an open and sincere man, a couple have actually said they can feel the energy coming out of the letter I sent them and usually write back telling me all about themselves. Probably telling me more than I would have got writing 9 or 10 follow up letters, so it means the possible initial mistrust is out of the way withing a few letters, very quickly.

I think too many on both sides really just don't know how to act like adults, show no respect and automatically assume everyone they write to is out to scam them, it puts the lady/man on the back foot right from the start, and thren it can take ages to deconstruct that brick wall that has been built between the pair, it is not a good way to start a relationship in my opinion.

Chris

Posted by: Seaview

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird

Very interesting. I have a question if you don't mind. (or any other RW!)

Well, I don't mind. Fire away.

Posted by: freebird

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaview

Well, I don't mind. Fire away.

Well I was reading a thread on the Russian language side involving a discussion of some women who are not happy with their new lives in USA, and want to go back to Ukraine (or Russia). The thread seems to be quite active, 200 or 300 replies. I am curious if those who are unhappy here feel that it is because of missing Russian culture, or just because they live in a small town?

I wish I could read Russian better!

Posted by: Seaview

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird

I'll have a look

. But there is something relevant to your question. This lady lives in Scotland. She posted this on a Russian forum several days ago because she needed other people opinion about this.

"I’ve been living here for a year now… Not much… I had a real culture shock when I came here. Now it’s just gentle madness.

May be I have not seen advantages of foreign life yet.
I see that salaries after tax are nearly the same as in Russia taking into consideration prices here and there.

State pensions are miserable, crowds of people on benefits, illegal immigrants and Arabs are everywhere exactly as at home. House prices are sky-rocketing.

If you are a Russian and you are neither BAB (Berezovsky, well-known Russian millionaire) nor an interpreter you can either work at factory or get married otherwise you won’t be able to make ends meet. And I have two master degrees! To cap it all they are going to open borders for Romanians and Bulgarians next year. Even the English won’t be able to find work after this.

Pluses: sorry, thank you all the time. I don’t lock my house and I am not afraid my kid might be knocked down by a car.

But I want to realize my career goals too. I spent 10 years on education not to glue boxes here. I could make more than 2000$ in Russia and here only 1300$ after tax.

Huge minus is their medical system. I have never seen anything that bad.

Please, show me the bright side of life from your experience here or… my parents won’t understand me if I am back. I don’t want to let them down..

But I am not sure I can get used to it either".

Posted by: Seaview

That thread on Russian side of RMP was really interesting. The number of girls defending their life in America and those saying they would prefer to go back are about 50/50 (roughly).

THose from big cities and with good careers miss their life back home more often that housewives. What does a housewife need?

A house to care about

. They have lower expectations. They are much happier. Russian megapolis girls call LA a village.

So it seems to me if a guy needs a housewife he should be more interested in girls from smaller places. If he has an active social life and needs a partner potentially able to add a lot to a household budget , big city girls are not that bad

But there will be more problems with them during adaptation period.

Of course, it's generalization. If there is love between people they will find the way to be happy together.

Posted by: Seaview

This is a translation (not word or word, abridged) of one of the posts in that thread. THis lady is now back to Ukraine and plans to persuade her husband to join her. THey have no problem with their relationship (as she says), but she has a problem with America

"I had everything in Ukraine. Always. Relatives, career, friends. I lived in a fantastic town with a great climate, was making enough money to support me and my parents.
But the most important thing for me was my job.

I’ve got up today, made up my face, dressed up and gone to interview a celebrity. I’ll write an article about this. Yesterday we were buying a flat for my friend. We had been looking for such an apartment for two months and found a really good one for a reasonable price. Lucky girl. I am really happy about her. We are going to celebrate this weekend.

I am not young, a bit over 40, though I look under 30 for people who don’t know me. (True, I’ve seen her pic) But inside I am a mature person with my principles, lifestyle and beliefs.

In America I live in a big house at the waterfront, I don’t need to work and will never have to because my husband can support me. But it’s so boring there! People have no idea what to wear at all. All entertainment is a local gym and a restaurant. No exhibitions, no classical music concerts I love so much. We live far away from town, in gated community, where nobody talks to each other. We have no friends, we don’t get together with our neighbors. Only mother-in-law and my husband’s brother come over occasionally.

There are no events to wear my cocktail dresses to. I left them in Ukraine when I came back for the second time. I don’t use make up in America, lip gloss only. Here I put on different eye-shadows, eye liners and mascara. I like to look like this. In America I like shopping but have no idea what it is for. I can show these skirts and trousers to my husband a couple of times and that’s all. In Ukraine I change dresses all the time.

And you forget where I live. I live in Simferopol. It’s a special place. Do you think I am the only one who doesn’t want to go back to the West? We are all like this.
My friend came back from Holland this summer. She is happily married but she hates Holland. She finds a lot of excuses not to go back there: she visits a dentist, makes refurbishment in her flat and so on. Her husband is crazy about it but she is still dragging he feet over going back. Another friend of mine lives in France. She has spent two months here this summer and would have stayed for more if her husband had allowed her to stay. She didn’t want to go back so much that she was even thinking about a divorce. The third friend has lived in the UK since 2000, her daughter is 7yo. She brings her here every year, she was crying at first, wanted to stay here. But now she is OK, she is a UK citizen.

However, my friends living in Germany never complain. May be life in Germany is different. Though, frankly speaking, one of them had a really miserable life here working as a shop assistant at a local market. She was so shy, guys ignored her. She looked after her paralyzed grandmother and they lived in a ghetto. In short, when she married an ordinary Volkswagen manager, she was so happy. God bless her. I wouldn’t say she loved him, she was just happy somebody proposed to her after all. He is 20 years older with three kids from previous marriage who live with them. But she is OK with that. She says they help her around the house. She is the only one I know who does not miss Semfiropol but she is an exception".

Posted by: AkMike

Thanks for the insites Seaview. So far I haven't seen any signs of unrest and she knows she can travel back when ever she wishes.

Posted by: Seaview

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Thanks for the insites Seaview. So far I haven't seen any signs of unrest and she knows she can travel back when ever she wishes.

Well, yes. But if you were her husband would you wait for her to travel back when she wishes?

Anyway,
I chose these posts because lady's thoughts about home countries and America (the UK) are not mixed up with relationship issues. They both don't transfer their personal problems to their new home countries.

It's not "I hate him and hate his f.cking island" attitude. They are rather unbiased in what they say.

Posted by: AkMike

I understand Seaview. I'm maybe luckier than some because my wife wants to be with me.

The only time that she's need to be back in Ukraine it was for our DIL's health. IMO it's a good thing that Tanya took charge of the situation w/o waiting on the parents. We are coming up on our 3 year mark and things are better now than at any othertime. I hope others are as lucky!

Posted by: Seaview

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

I understand Seaview. I'm maybe luckier than some because my wife wants to be with me.

When people love each other nothing else matters

Congratulations!

Posted by: freebird

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaview

When people love each other nothing else matters

Congratulations!

Thanks for the insights!

I saw that post, I was a little surprised, I don't understand how it could be possible for her husband to live over there, if he has a good job in America ($50,000+ probably) what could he do in Ukraine? Could he find a job for even $8,000 without speaking Russian? I don't see how the marriage can work....

What about the other posters? Were the unhappy ones mostly living in small towns? Were the ones who were happy in America mostly all "homemaker types"? Do you think that the lack of contact with the Russian community & culture makes a difference? I have a couple of friends who got married in Ukraine, the girls are happy to live in America. But the guys were born in Russia, and live where there a lots of Russians. (in Washington, Oregon, California)

Posted by: goforit

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaview

This is a translation (not word or word, abridged) of one of the posts in that thread. THis lady is now back to Ukraine and plans to persuade her husband to join her. THey have no problem with their relationship (as she says), but she has a problem with America

Personally I would be leery of marrying anyone, man or woman, who the most important thing for them is their job.

Quote:

In America I live in a big house at the waterfront, I don’t need to work and will never have to because my husband can support me. But it’s so boring there! People have no idea what to wear at all. All entertainment is a local gym and a restaurant. No exhibitions, no classical music concerts I love so much. We live far away from town, in gated community, where nobody talks to each other. We have no friends, we don’t get together with our neighbors. Only mother-in-law and my husband’s brother come over occasionally.

There are no events to wear my cocktail dresses to. I left them in Ukraine when I came back for the second time. I don’t use make up in America, lip gloss only. Here I put on different eye-shadows, eye liners and mascara. I like to look like this. In America I like shopping but have no idea what it is for. I can show these skirts and trousers to my husband a couple of times and that’s all. In Ukraine I change dresses all the time.

Seems to me her problem is not with America but with where she was living in America and the type of lifestyle her husband wants to lead which appears to be at odds with the type of lifestyle she wants to lead.

Just about everything she describes is available in the bigger cities of America. There are several cities in America where you can have that lifestyle and live on the waterfront in the heart of the city and be a part of a Russian community. I know. I live in one of those cities and used to live nearby another.

Quote:

And you forget where I live. I live in Simferopol. It’s a special place. Do you think I am the only one who doesn’t want to go back to the West? We are all like this.

She is painting with too broad a brush. I don't imagine every place in the Ukraine is special any more than every place in the US has no culture and the arts that she couldn't find living with her husband.

I was talking to a woman in my church yesterday who is from the Ukraine and she said she would never go back there.

Posted by: goforit

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird

I don't either. Sounds like they are two very different people who perhaps should have never married in the first place.

If the guy is living on the waterfront in a gated community and she would never have to work he is probably pulling down much more than $50,000 a year, and most definitely is pulling down much more than that if he lives on one of the coasts. It also means that he probably could have accomodated her lifestyle wishes if he had chose to move to the big city where all that is available.

So it seems to me the real issue is not geographical and not even cultural in the sense that it is a foreign marriage, but rather cultural in the sense that they appear to be two different people with two very distinctive lifestyles that don't mesh well together.

Quote:

What about the other posters? Were the unhappy ones mostly living in small towns? Were the ones who were happy in America mostly all "homemaker types"? Do you think that the lack of contact with the Russian community & culture makes a difference? I have a couple of friends who got married in Ukraine, the girls are happy to live in America. But the guys were born in Russia, and live where there a lots of Russians. (in Washington, Oregon, California)

Personally, I think contact with an idigenous Russian community can be extremely helpful in making the transition.