60 days and counting... - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

	The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian... International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union.

Pages: 1

60 days and counting...
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Posted by: EasyTarget

So I decided to put this in the trip reports, but I am guessing this is more of a pre-trip report. I plan on updating as the countdown continues, and will finish the trip report ~60-70 days from now.

Background
First trip to FSU visited E -- I'm clueless

2nd trip to FSU visited Z -- mostly
Samara

Then I met Nadia
Met the Minx
And I was hooked

and then I lost Nadia
Lost Nadia

so here I am thinking...what to do...what to do....
So like many a man before me, I picked myself up, cried on a friends shoulder, got some sound advice and started searching again.

Feeling older and wiser I took some serious time to consider what qualities are truly important to me. And more importantly what qualities can I offer to a woman. When I started my correspondence I kept objectively asking myself; am I what she is looking for in a man. Most of the time the answer was no. Not being cruel to myself, just being fair to her. I didn't want to waster either persons time.
For example if she said in her profile, She is looking for a man that has lots of machismo (seriously I read this a few times), it is not me. I don't have a hairy chest and gold chains.

Suffice it to say I was rather choosy with whom I started corresponding with, and was open and honest about who I was.

I talked with a few women, some for 1 or 2 emails, and a few for 4 or 5 emails, but nothing was clicking.

Hmmm...maybe I am being too honest, maybe I am being too choosy. Like the great scientist I am, time to re-evaluate. I went through my criteria again, and my qualities again. Satisfied, I started renewed.

Then I saw a profile that gave me pause. I read it twice, and said "possibly."

Two days later I went back and re-read the profile. More then a possible, I had a good feeling. Sent off the introduction letter and went on with my life.

7 days letter. No response. Ok, no worries.

8th day, a response. "Privet!"

Posted by: joelunchbox

I can relate to your process! I had much the same experience, hopefully fourth time is charm.

It is difficult and time consuming to sit down and realistically determine what you expect, need, etc in a relationship. Maybe that is the difference between puppy love and mature love?

Posted by: Chrismc

Hey Easytarget

You are a great guy and I hope things start to work out for yuo with this new lady and she is what you are looking for and you are what she is searching for.

Good luck

Chris

PS your links don't seem to be working, for some reason they take you to the forums home page?

Posted by: azamuner

Hi Easy,

I tried to use your hyperlinks but they just send me back to the main forum page and not a specific thread.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Fixed the links...It was late at night and I was a little asleep at the keyboard.

Posted by: EasyTarget

My introduction letter has really evolved over the years. It has changed from a simple, "Hi I am Chuck, want to get groovy with me?" to something a little more elegant. Actually I have done a pretty systematic approach, might even want to call it scientific approach with my introduction letter.

I would remove parts, add parts, change the wording on parts; and measure the results.

Eventually I think I came up with a really good letter that hooks the reader. Through the process of adding and removing parts of the letter I was a little surprised at what key elements would absolutely kill off the response rate.

As boring as it seems there are some elements that are in my profile that had to be repeated in my introduction letter if I wanted to get any responses. One of the elements I removed was stating my age. It seemed rather innocuous at the time. My logic was my age is in my profile why re-state it in the introduction letter. Removed my age from the letter, a simple one line sentence. The responses plummeted; even though the rest of the letter was virtually identical. I guess it turns out that many times she is just reading your introduction letter and not looking at your profile.

Some of the other key factors that helped push up my response rates were:
I would address the letter to her. Not only put “Privet Elena:” at the beginning of the letter but determine a second place in the letter where I could substitute her name.
Read her profile carefully and would comment or ask her a question about herself.
Questions, I would put in two or three questions which would not elicit a yes or no response. I would make the questions open ended that help break the ice.

The questions I would ask were the type you could ask almost anybody. The questions were never too personal but they were designed to give a glimpse into her personality. I would change the questions from time to time but after a while I found that I had three questions that would help me determine if she was interested in me. The responses I would get were all over the board.

I found by putting in three questions it was not too many and normally most women would respond. Also it helped the conversation to get started. Even though I am communicating via email, I always treat the emails as though I am standing in front of her replying to her.

I have had the fortunate experience of reading some men’s introduction letters, and profiles. I was amazed at how many of the introduction letters are fact sheets. “I am 40, 6’1”, 215lbs, non-smoker, 1 son, divorced, and a plumber.”

And you expect a response? What is she supposed to say to that type of email? Is that how you would normally approach someone in real life?

Another significant element that helped with getting responses was including a photo with the introduction letter. Most of the sites allow for you to attach your profile photo or an additional photo to the introduction letter. I have 1000’s of photos of Hawaii. Normally I would include a photo of myself and at least one photo of Hawaii. A photo of a rainbow or the sunset at the beach helps to give an idea of how beautiful Hawaii is. By the way the photo of the rainbow, which isn’t the best photo in the world, would always receive comments. I don’t know, maybe rainbows are not so common in Russia?

All in all over the whole course of things I think I have emailed 400-500 women. And I have read over 10,000 profiles. And know that I have a pretty good approach to doing the introduction and after 3 or 4 emails it becomes clear whether there is potential for a real relationship.

If there is no potential I am polite about it. I will send an email something along the lines of…
“You are a great person, and maybe things would be different if we met in real life, but at this time I do not think that we have enough in common to try and pursue a relationship together. Best of luck in your search for your other half, I am sure you will find him someday.”

I have learned that it makes sense to join sites where I don’t have to pay for each and every email that I send. Otherwise I would be really poor. :-)

I know this is a bit of ramblings, but the idea is that there are some men who are starting out and maybe they can learn from other’s mistakes and save themselves some time and efforts. Not trying to create a how-to guide, although if I did maybe I could sell it and make a few dollars to help finance my trips to Russia. By no means am I a success story. Just trying to say what I have tried, and what has produced positive results for myself.

Ok…back to the pre-trip report i.e. planning stages….

Posted by: EasyTarget

Ok…back to the pre-trip report i.e. planning stages…

When I first read through “A”’s profile I didn’t actually notice that she had two photos attached to her profile. Or maybe the second photo was added after I sent off my introduction letter. The only reason I mention it is that if I had seen the second photo I most likely would have passed by her profile.

So, now you are most likely thinking….”Why does she only have 3 teeth?” Thankfully no. The reason is that the second photo is a photo of herself on the beach….in a bikini.

“And you would not reply to her because…????”

I have found that I have had an almost 0% positive response from profiles where the woman is in a bikini. It tends to fall into two categories.
1. She is working a scam, not serious, having some fun, etc…
2. She is receiving so many emails, my email gets lost in the stack, and I never hear from her.

Luckily with “A” my email didn’t get lost in the stack and she replied. The website I was using allowed for me to send my personal email address in my introduction letters. “A” replied back to my personal email address. I really prefer when I am sending to her personal email address and she is sending to my personal email address. Because in the past I never knew how much an agency was adding, embellishing to a woman’s response.

The photo that did catch my attention was a photo of her where she is standing on some stairs, I can see her eyes and she has a great smile. For whatever reason, the photo stopped me. I carefully read her profile and sent off the introduction letter and received her response 8 days later.

She apologized for the delay in replying, stating she had been busy with work. I could tell by her response she had spent an hour or two telling me about herself and replying to my three questions.

Off to a great start….

Posted by: EasyTarget

Things to do…
I was thinking about all of the things I want to do before I head off to cold, cold, cold, Russia in 59 Days.

1. Get my Russian visa – I have used RussianConnections http://www.gettorussia.com/visaservices_russia.html before and was quite happy with how easy and seamless the process was. I will use their services again.

2. Up the number of miles I am jogging. I have only been jogging 2 or 3 times a week and only 3 miles. I need to get my mileage up since I am sure I will have to do some “short” walks.

3. Gifts. I have a few people to buy for and I need to put some thought into this one. Last time I visited I was able to get by with simple gifts. This time I am looking to put some extra efforts into finding the right gift for “A”. Not expensive but something which shows I really thought about her. Plenty of time, but something to think about. Plus there is always the added difficulty of finding gifts for “A”’s family.

4. Dieting. I need to go on a serious diet. I am not obese by any means, but I also don’t have a six pack either. Well there was one in the fridge the other day.

5. Research her town. “A” lives in a town that is not a tourist type destination. When I went to Samara last year I felt like I was relying on “Z” too much. I felt clueless. Which is appropriate since I was clueless. Someone else on this forum has been to the city and has given me some ideas. Also during the New Year’s time frame a lot of places can be closed. But I am definitely looking for more ideas.

6. Clothes. Living in Hawaii puts most of my wardrobe in the area of tropical wear. I still have my big read coat, warm shoes / boots, hat, and gloves. I think I will be ok with outer wear. I am more concerned about shirts. And I don’t own a sweater, but I might invest in one.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

You forgot 1 step in your recovery process ... VODKA!!!

But seriously, my second attempt at finding a girl was very different and quite the opposite of yours. I went into this process being more picky. I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want.

I'm not sure how many women I told that they are not what I'm looking for. I found this great girl. She everything I wanted physically but I didn't know her personaity. So I started talking to her on the phone. Her voice and personality were great!!!

So I decide to meet her. I went with a "this is just a meeting" attitude. I didn't want to develop feelings on this trip. But she was just so appealing and had everything I was looking for in a woman. Plus she takes good care of me and knows what is good for me before I know!!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is ... even a bitter, tainted, or broken heart can be mended by the right woman.

Good luck with your future travels and go with an open heart.

Take care and happy landings!

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

My introduction letter has really evolved over the years. It has changed from a simple, "Hi I am Chuck, want to get groovy with me?" to something a little more elegant. Actually I have done a pretty systematic approach, might even want to call it scientific approach with my introduction letter.

I would remove parts, add parts, change the wording on parts; and measure the results.

Eventually I think I came up with a really good letter that hooks the reader. Through the process of adding and removing parts of the letter I was a little surprised at what key elements would absolutely kill off the response rate.

As boring as it seems there are some elements that are in my profile that had to be repeated in my introduction letter if I wanted to get any responses. One of the elements I removed was stating my age. It seemed rather innocuous at the time. My logic was my age is in my profile why re-state it in the introduction letter. Removed my age from the letter, a simple one line sentence. The responses plummeted; even though the rest of the letter was virtually identical. I guess it turns out that many times she is just reading your introduction letter and not looking at your profile.

Some of the other key factors that helped push up my response rates were:
I would address the letter to her. Not only put “Privet Elena:” at the beginning of the letter but determine a second place in the letter where I could substitute her name.
Read her profile carefully and would comment or ask her a question about herself.
Questions, I would put in two or three questions which would not elicit a yes or no response. I would make the questions open ended that help break the ice.

The questions I would ask were the type you could ask almost anybody. The questions were never too personal but they were designed to give a glimpse into her personality. I would change the questions from time to time but after a while I found that I had three questions that would help me determine if she was interested in me. The responses I would get were all over the board.

I found by putting in three questions it was not too many and normally most women would respond. Also it helped the conversation to get started. Even though I am communicating via email, I always treat the emails as though I am standing in front of her replying to her.

I have had the fortunate experience of reading some men’s introduction letters, and profiles. I was amazed at how many of the introduction letters are fact sheets. “I am 40, 6’1”, 215lbs, non-smoker, 1 son, divorced, and a plumber.”

And you expect a response? What is she supposed to say to that type of email? Is that how you would normally approach someone in real life?

Another significant element that helped with getting responses was including a photo with the introduction letter. Most of the sites allow for you to attach your profile photo or an additional photo to the introduction letter. I have 1000’s of photos of Hawaii. Normally I would include a photo of myself and at least one photo of Hawaii. A photo of a rainbow or the sunset at the beach helps to give an idea of how beautiful Hawaii is. By the way the photo of the rainbow, which isn’t the best photo in the world, would always receive comments. I don’t know, maybe rainbows are not so common in Russia?

All in all over the whole course of things I think I have emailed 400-500 women. And I have read over 10,000 profiles. And know that I have a pretty good approach to doing the introduction and after 3 or 4 emails it becomes clear whether there is potential for a real relationship.

If there is no potential I am polite about it. I will send an email something along the lines of…
“You are a great person, and maybe things would be different if we met in real life, but at this time I do not think that we have enough in common to try and pursue a relationship together. Best of luck in your search for your other half, I am sure you will find him someday.”

I have learned that it makes sense to join sites where I don’t have to pay for each and every email that I send. Otherwise I would be really poor. :-)

That is a great way to approach your profile and letters! I take my hat off to a man with common sense and foresight!

This should be printed and sent to anyone thinking about approaching any dating site, should it be Russian, French, Italian or just plain Irish!

I'm not going to wish you well, because you don't need me to. you are going to be great on your own!

P.S. I do wish you well of course and I'm waiting to hear what happens....

P.P.S. I saw a rainbow in Kerch. Apparently it is quite a rare sight for some strange reason. Lightning, on the other hand, is very common! www.b11tme.co.uk/kerch/lightning.jpg This picture was not taken by me, but the three silo's are directly behind my apartment. I wish I was there that night!

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

You forgot 1 step in your recovery process ... VODKA!!!

I have never had Vodka and I don't think I ever will. I don't drink...anymore.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

But seriously, my second attempt at finding a girl was very different and quite the opposite of yours. I went into this process being more picky. I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want.

Actually I think this is where we are the same. I was hugely more selective when I was emailing women this time. It was through the process of meeting E and Z that I was emailing lots of women. I think it was during that period I wasn't too clear on what I wanted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

Good luck with your future travels and go with an open heart.

Thanks, and you know I will. It will be interesting to see how things play out.

Posted by: EasyTarget

58 more days...

Thought of an additional item for my to do list.

7. figure out how to get from Moscow to her town. So far options are plane and train. Plane is one flight a day, and if things go well I can make it on time only need to wait 5 hours before departure. Train is once a day but would mean waiting 14~15 hours before departure. Then 12 hours on the train. Which would mean killing 24 hours or so. Not so keen on this option.

Posted by: AkMike

Or you could take a bus with countless stops and have 48 hrs in transit wedged in the back of the bus with crates of garlic and half thawed chickens!

LOL the plane ride sounds ALOT better!

Posted by: EasyTarget

I started exchanging emails with "A" and I was going through the normal question phases. Yup in the first 3 or 4 emails I tend to ask the same 10 or 11 questions.
The reason I do this is that these are topics that are important to me.

When I was going back and looking at what was important to me, I thought carefully about how to make sure she has the same values and we have the same feelings on the topics.

For example I didn't want to go 4 or 5 months into a correspondence just to find out her religous beliefs (or lack there of) would stand in the way of a long term relationship. I had this situation where there is a woman, and she and I are a great match, I would marry her tomorrow if not for her religous beliefs are stopping her.

I emailed one woman and she was not too keen about Hawaii, she wanted to live some place there was weather. Didn't have the heart to correct her on that one. Hawaii has some of the best weather on the planet.

"A" and I were connecting on my top 10 list, and then she asked a question that has been asked many times before.

"What are you looking for in a woman?"

Thankfully I had given this one question, lots of thought. I wrote a long list of the qualities and values that important to me.

Her reply was the best I had ever gotten. Short and to the point.

"you are describing me."

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

should it be Russian, French, Italian or just plain Irish!

There is nothing plain about the Irish. Ireland is a country emboldened with characters.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

I do wish you well of course and I'm waiting to hear what happens....

Thank you and all the best with Larissa. If there is any justice in the world, your story HAS to have a happy ending

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

I saw a rainbow in Kerch. Apparently it is quite a rare sight for some strange reason.

The same reason there are few rainbows in the Midwest US. The storms move so slowly that the clouds cover the sunlight before the rain appears.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

Lightning, on the other hand, is very common!

Same reason why there are few rainbows. Slow moving storms allow for electric charges to build. <-- one of the many theories on what causes lightning, although there is no final word on the cause just yet.

Great photo by the way. The photographer knew to use a strong blue filter. Very cool.

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

There is nothing plain about the Irish. Ireland is a country emboldened with characters.

Thank you and all the best with Larissa. If there is any justice in the world, your story HAS to have a happy ending

The same reason there are few rainbows in the Midwest US. The storms move so slowly that the clouds cover the sunlight before the rain appears.

Same reason why there are few rainbows. Slow moving storms allow for electric charges to build. <-- one of the many theories on what causes lightning, although there is no final word on the cause just yet.

Great photo by the way. The photographer knew to use a strong blue filter. Very cool.

I got that photo from the Kerch website. If it's taken by who I think it is, he's a young guy of about 21. He walks about all over the city, snapping anything and everything, with a real cool looking camera. He knows his stuff and takes some stunning pictures! The only other photographers I know of that take pictures for them, use digital camera's and not good to do that!

On the other hand... It could have beeen taken by one of my neighbours and sent in.... Who knows? Who cares? It's a great photo.

Trying to stay on topic... Take the flight to her home town! I've done the 23 hour trip to Kerch more times than I care to think about (8 times in total. Doh! I thought about it!) and find it ok, but to wait for 14 - 15 hours, before getting the train would make me even madder than I am!

Waiting for the train is frustrating, but when I'm on it, I'm fine and can relax.

Best of luck with your planning and even more with your trip! Keep it coming!

P.S. Thanks for the good wishes. Every little comment makes me stronger!

Posted by: EasyTarget

Just when I think life can be easier...I make things more complicated.

I am going to side track a little in an effort to solicit some opinions. (I asked for it now)

Since things ended with Nadia and I, I have continued the conversation with her. But it is not a one way street. I call her, she calls me, I email her, she emails me. It is really a 50-50 on the conversation. I am not a dog chasing his tail here.

98% of the conversation is about day to day life and nothing too remarkable.

About 4 weeks ago I emailed her and asked if one of her roommates "E" had gotten engaged yet. "E" had been dating "C" for about a year and I knew they were in a strong relationship. And during the summer "E" had actually lived at "C's" parents house. So there was lots of wedding bell talk. Well it turns out the day before I sent the email "E" had gotten engaged.

Then about a week later Nadia's other roommate also got engaged. "E2" has been dating "T" for a year also, and they lived together during the summer.

I think this was a little overwhelming to Nadia. E and E2 are about 6 or 7 years younger then Nadia. After "E2" got engaged Nadia called me and we were talking about it. We are both a little concerned about "E2" since we both think she is a little immature and "T" is a nice guy, but may not be the best person for her. But who am I to say anything? I am wishing for the best.

Besides this...everything was on the status quo between Nadia and I.

---------
However everything took a turn last Thursday. Last Thursday morning she called me. We have a time difference so I was in the process...alright I was still asleep. Anyways I pick up the phone and have a groggy privet.

We talk about 30 minutes about normal day to day life...nothing out of the ordinary. But the last few weeks I had been thinking a lot about her. And how much I enjoyed our time together. Nadia was talking about her visa problem. (Damn J1 visa) But she thinks she will be able to get the F1 visa but she is not sure. She is going to return to Russia in the middle of November.

Then I mentioned to Nadia about how much I care for her, and I have been thinking about her. She then immediately changed the subject and was about to hang up the phone. I replied..."Well I guess that gives me answer, your reaction is telling me everything I need to know. You don't care for in the same way. And I should just accept things as they are."

She replied, "Honestly I haven't the opportunity to think about things. School, work, and my visa problems have prevented me from even having a second to breath. I don't want you to make any conclusions right now. I want you to wait for me. Just wait."

Oh boy!!!! I was stunned. Shocked!!! I don't know what provoked that response from her.

I told her I couldn't be a second choice. It is too much of an ego issue with me. She agreed, she couldn't be a second choice either.

Later on I commented, "If you didn't have this visa issue, I think things would have been significantly different between us."

Her response, "Definitely, much different."

I am going to Russia to meet with "A" and Nadia knows I am going to Russia. Although I did not tell Nadia I am going to meet "A". I am sure she can guess...but she I have never implicitly stated this to her. She knows I have been to Russia before, and knows I met with "Z".

I can't get Nadia out of mind. And I am most likely doing it myself by continuing to speak with Nadia. And I haven't met "A" yet so maybe once I do meet "A", Nadia will be completely out of the picture. And I do want to go and make sure I am giving "A" a fair shot.

Ok...spasibo for reading that far...there are questions below...

What can I do to make sure I am fair to myself, fair to "A" and fair to Nadia?
Am I worrying about nothing?
Is there any way to sort things out without breaking someone's heart? <--especially my own.

----------
I make myself crazy some days.

Posted by: AkMike

Sit down! Take three deep breaths with your eyes closed. Relaxed? How about now?
Smack yourself up side the head. Now that we have your attention....
Look ahead at the future don't dwell on the past. Now pay attention to "A" ONLY from this point forward.

Posted by: AJROOK

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Sit down! Take three deep breaths with your eyes closed. Relaxed? How about now?
Smack yourself up side the head. Now that we have your attention....
Look ahead at the future don't dwell on the past. Now pay attention to "A" ONLY from this point forward.

Hey ET, I tend to agree with AkMike here. You seem to have spent alot of time preparing yourself for your next move. Alot of thought has gone into this from what I have read. I think you need to let her go...completely and focus 100% on "A".
Keep it simple and enjoyable. As long as these small re-kindling's keep occurring, I think it might be hard to focus on "A".

You need to answer your own question on fairness. You have to be fair to yourself first...dig deeper within and find the answer. Then the issue of being fair to the others will come more naturally. Clarity within yourself, will allow others to see with ease.

Andy

Posted by: GoingToRussia

I echo the answers of the 2 above. Be fair to yourself and not others, they come second. Nadia wasn't fair to you and a "zebra can't change "her" stripes!"

Take it from me, Lana tried to weave her way back into my life after she found out I had another woman. She didn't like this at all. Go with A and forget ... what her face.

Good luck ET and ask your friend from Belarus about this.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Really I was thinking I need to slap myself upside the head...but I wanted a second opinion. I know I should trust my gut instinct on the matter. However I have made some really poor judgment calls in the past.

Thanks for the slap.

GTR: my friend from Minsk stated what you said. Give it time, go and visit "A" and Nadia will fade out of the picture. And we agreed if some bizarre reason "A" and I don't click, I can go and party in Minsk for New Years. Besides I would love to meet her roommate, she is smoking hot.

But doesn't speak a word of English.

So for New Year's either I will have a great time with "A", in Moscow. <--- My first choice.
OR
I will party in Minsk with two hot Belarussian women. The way I look at it, I can't lose.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GTR: my friend from Minsk stated what you said. Give it time, go and visit "A" and Nadia will fade out of the picture. And we agreed if some bizarre reason "A" and I don't click, I can go and party in Minsk for New Years. Besides I would love to meet her roommate, she is smoking hot.

Your friend is a smart girl and smoking hot too!!!

... but love is the international language. No words need to be spoken!

I agree, you can't lose ET.

Take care and enjoy the new year!

Posted by: AkMike

FWIW,,, I think you should make sure that you're over the last one before you get going on another relationship. Unless this one is just for fun! No harm, no foul type.. IF there is any chance this gals a keeper then you need to make sure that there isn't anything leftover from the last one. NOTHING!
If there is and she's a keeper and not a GTG it'll hurt the relationship in the long run.
Just my $0.02 worth.

Posted by: Raspberry

I would have to agree, Mike.

Posted by: TheWongs

Yes! I'll agree with that too! Been there and done that...

Posted by: EasyTarget

AKMike: I would think this is impossible. You might as well ask me to walk through a revolving door with 12 foot skis on my shoulder.

If you truly care for someone, and you haven't been scorned, then there will always be a place in your heart for them. I will always care for / about Nadia. She never did anything unfair to me. Never treated me poorly. I just wanted more from the relationship then she was able to give at that moment.

The question in my mind is...has the moment changed? Is she ready? Right now it is impossible for me to know.

With regards to "A"...I want to be fair to her. I want us to have the best chance possible at success. What if? questions screwed things up last time with "E" and I.

It is really easy to say, move forward, forget about Nadia. But making that a reality is not so easy. Right now I am thinking the issue is, I am waiting on her. Why I am doing this I am not sure -- but I am. And she won't say or do anything between now and November 17th, which is when she returns to Russia. And I don't know if she will say or do anything between now and December 22nd.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

Your friend is a smart girl and smoking hot too!!!

If I could only find a hairy Canadian lumberjack for my Minsk friend.

Posted by: AkMike

Randy (Mr.Mopar) is as close as we can get! LOL, He's already there.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

If I could only find a hairy Canadian lumberjack for my Minsk friend.

Hmmm ... maybe Bigfoot is available!

Posted by: EasyTarget

Randy is a little old -- and pretty far away from my Minsk friend.

Posted by: AkMike

LOL, He's as old as he feels (or who he feels) and he is ALOT closer than we are!

Posted by: EasyTarget

44 More days....

Ok the question about gifts has been asked and answered in the past. I have plenty of ideas for gifts for "A".

Here is my question...nephews. She has 3 nephews, from two sisters, the sisters live about a 5 minute walk from her. So they live next door. I am pretty sure there is a high probability I will meet the sisters and their respective families.

The nephews are 4.5,4.5 and 1.5. or they will in December. I know NOTHING about buying gifts for young boys. I haven't a clue as to what to get them. I am looking for any and all suggestions. Nothing expensive i.e. PSP, GBA or something like this. And I get the impression that the older nephews are very typical boys and like to play outdoors, run around and cause trouble.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Another question...

"A" has offered to allow me to stay at her apartment while I am in Russia. Her city really is not a tourist destination, and when looking on line there wasn't much in the hotel criteria.

The scenario is "A"'s apartment has 3 bedrooms. She still lives with her mother. Leaving an empty bedroom that "A" said I could use. Ok. It can be a little intimidating but I can make do. But there is one small problem. "A" owns a cat. I am allergic to cat hair. Therefore I could wind up being really miserable, or I could perfectly ok. It all depends on the particular cat. I explained to "A" that I am allergic to cat hair and it could be an issue for me. When I have an allergic reaction my eyes become very red, and my contacts bother me like crazy. It is not a pretty site.

However if things are going really well with "A" I don't want to have to stay at a hotel because of the cat. Plus I don't want "A" thinking something is wrong with her apartment.

What should I do? Should I just book a hotel in advance? Bring lots of Benadryl and hope for the best? Any allergy suffers have recommendations? I suggested that the cat go live with one of the sisters, but "A" was not keen on the idea.

Posted by: AkMike

From what I've seen a 4 1/2 yo kid would be happy with about anything EVEN DEAD FROGS! Any little knick knack toy would be fine. Bring a few US candy bars! Tanya didn't really like Jill's Reeces PB Cups at first. 3 Muskateers went over well.
I don't know what to say about the cat.. Good Luck??

Posted by: freebird

Easy I am allergic to cats too. And I just love cats, (my addiction!) Have you ever considered getting allergy shots? they really worked for me.

P.S. I nominated you for the 1,000 post award, I guess you don't get it unless you are nominated. (or admin noticed)

Posted by: AkMike

The 1000 post medal is automatic. When Khashyar gets back regular he'll get caught up with these items.

Posted by: freebird

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

The 1000 post medal is automatic. When Khashyar gets back regular he'll get caught up with these items.

There is such a backlog of things for Admin to do, I wouldn't be surprised if there is a new Dalai Lama by the time it all gets fixed!

Posted by: GoingToRussia

I would tell her you are alergic to cats and then find an appartment. You could also tell her you are allergic to cats but you wll make an effort to stay with her. If the cats are too much, then get an apartment.

I don't know if they have clariton where you are, I'm sure they do, but this works better for me. There is a 12 hour variety available also. Most allergy medicines make you tired but not clariton. You could also get something from a doctor but ask if it makes you tired. Good luck and enjoy!

CONGRATS on 1000 posts!!!

Posted by: EasyTarget

I have asked about it, and when the Dr. did the testing it isn't the usual allergic reaction. Most people are allergic to the bacteria / mold that grows on a cats dander (the fur that is shedding). My allergy is something completely different. And the allergy shots don't work for me. Besides I don't really like cats.

Well "A" has been really busy the last 3 weeks, she is finishing some work. Today is her big deadline. Next week I will mention to her again that we should look at an apartment as a "back up" plan.

Posted by: EasyTarget

For the boys I was thinking small toy die-cast cars / planes. i.e. old skool matchbox cars. I remember them being about $2 or $3. And the matchbox cars tend to be pretty solid. I was just thinking maybe someone else with a youngster could think of something young and hip.

Posted by: TheWongs

I'm not great at choosing gifts. In fact, I'd say I was S***T at it.

I have a box of "glow sticks" that kids love! When I was in Kerch, I found a few in my case and gave them to my neighbours kids. They ran about all night, waving these things around! Here's an ebay link to the sort of thing I mean;

http://cgi.ebay.com/50-GLOW-STICKS-...1QQcmdZViewItem

The beauty of these is that it's something cheap and different. I never saw anything like this in Ukraine and judging by the kids reaction, neither had they.

P.S. If you're wondering why I had these in my case, it's because they make great night-lights when you're camping.

Posted by: TheWongs

Oops! Forgot to mention. The cat thing...

I'd go there and see how it goes. If it's a big problem, then find somewhere to stay. I'm thinking that there could be a chance of her taking offence if you decide to plan somewhere else to stay before you go. I mean, if there is some sort of mis-understanding about the whole thing. I'm sure it won't be too difficult to find somewhere to stay if you need to. Does that make any sense?

Posted by: EasyTarget

39 days and counting...

Well the cat issue has been resolved. A catastrophe has been avoided. Her friend S has agreed to look after the cat while I am there. The cat looks like a mean SOB who would bite me the first chance he got.

I will be taking some claritin with me. Since I am sure the apartment will have cat hair fragments all over the place. Just can't get rid of the hair once you have it.

Prior to making these arrangements she has been keeping things quite about me. Only mentioning me to her friend Vera. In making the arrangements she had to let the cat out of the bag and let S in on the news. She hasn't mentioned to her mom about me staying there. This is one the possible hiccup. "A" has said that her mom shouldn't have a problem with it, but....mom's can be kinda funny about these sort of things.

I will have an escape route planned if things go cataclysmic on me. But right now every thing is purring along quite smoothly.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Good idea about the glow sticks. It is unique. The only thing is that they won't last very long, and you can't really recharge them. I will need to give a serious think about it in the next few days.

I really don't know what children like. If space in my carry on bag wasn't limited I would think about a soccer ball. Anything to get them outside and running around is a good gift in my mind.

One of things about me, is that I never bring more then my carry on bag with me. You would be amazed at how much stuff I can put in that carry on bag. I can travel anywhere in the world with just my small carry on bag. Saves the worry about lost luggage, get through customs and immigration faster, and most people bring too much stuff with them anyways.

And if I want to bring a bulky gift, I could send it via DHL. My company has id-90 rates with DHL for personal items.

Posted by: TheWongs

Carrying large items when you're travelling is a major pain! I carried a full sized Rack mount CD player to Kerch. It was the biggest pain in the a$$ since my ex girlfriend!

I got some strange looks at airport security too!

I like the glow sticks. Why not take a pack just for a little extra fun?

What about a bat & ball type thing? Like a small plastic baseball set? You could also take a few baseball caps. The only other thing I can think of would be something constructive, like some sort of educational toys. The parents would love you for that, but the price always goes up when you say the "E" word!

Posted by: EasyTarget

Actually the glow necklaces type things might be amusing. They are very thin, and can pack several in my luggage with no worries.

Why in the world were you carrying a full size CD player in your luggage?

Posted by: TheWongs

I knew you would ask that! To learn Russian while I travelled?

It was for a school in a village outside Kerch. The "language lab" system was broken and it was an old reel to reel tape, so I took the CD player with English lessons on CD and wired it into their existing valve operated amplifier system. Works a treat now! Even the English teacher is speaking better!

I did this on my second visit to Kerch, but on my third, I discovered I was famous! I'd known Larisa and lived with her for some time, before she took me to this village to meet her uncle. As we passed the school, I said "I visited that school in March". She jumped back in amazement and said "it was you! You are the foreign man who helped the school! Why did you not tell me this"?

It seems everyone knows about it. I'm just glad they don't know it was me. That would be very embarrassing!

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Actually the glow necklaces type things might be amusing. They are very thin, and can pack several in my luggage with no worries.

The beauty is they are good for boys and girls. The boys throw them around, use them like swords and other "boyish" things.

The girls wear them as braclets etc. They are quite cool and last for about 6 - 8 hours, so you can make a box last for a long time.

A few dollars worth of good old fun!

I should'nt admit this, but I once threw about a dozen in and around the bath and had candles lit all over the place, for a romantic night in. It looked cool and worked a treat!

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

I should'nt admit this, but I once threw about a dozen in and around the bath and had candles lit all over the place, for a romantic night in. It looked cool and worked a treat!

You didn't do that for me the other night

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

You didn't do that for me the other night

At least he left you a $20.00 tip on the dresser.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

The beauty is they are good for boys and girls. The boys throw them around, use them like swords and other "boyish" things.

The girls wear them as braclets etc. They are quite cool and last for about 6 - 8 hours, so you can make a box last for a long time.

A few dollars worth of good old fun!

I will be in Russia for New Year's and I am thinking that this will be a good thing for New Year's Eve. I am sure the kids will run around and have fun with them.

Now to locate a store here in Hawaii. I am thinking either a party store or $0.99 store will have them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

I should'nt admit this, but I once threw about a dozen in and around the bath and had candles lit all over the place, for a romantic night in. It looked cool and worked a treat!

You old Romantic you...

Actually that is a pretty cool idea. I would never have thought of it. In Hawaii, at night time the kids swim with them on, so they can find each other. The water is so clear that even if the kid swims under water for a little bit, you can still see the glowing stick.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Only $20 ET??? I know someone that whould give you more ... wink wink!!!

No not me. ET knows who!

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

You didn't do that for me the other night

You didn't make the right moves!

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

At least he left you a $20.00 tip on the dresser.

Get the facts straight! It was $10.00 and he wasn't worth it!

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Now to locate a store here in Hawaii. I am thinking either a party store or $0.99 store will have them.

Possibly... What about good old Ebay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

You old Romantic you... Actually that is a pretty cool idea.

Sometimes, I have sudden impulses that can work out well. That was one of my better ones.

Mostly, my impulses get me into trouble, or go pear shaped! :

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

Get the facts straight! It was $10.00 and he wasn't worth it!

Posted by: AkMike

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWongs

Get the facts straight! It was $10.00 and he wasn't worth it!

Are you sure you're not French? (I've heard rumors.)

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Are you sure you're not French? (I've heard rumors.)

Je ne sais pas que vous voulez dire!

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

No not me. ET knows who!

Speaking of my friend from Minsk. GTR, she sent me an SMS this morning, she just passed her driving examination. On the first try. Woohoo! Impressive.

She was mad at me, but I think we have kissed and made up at this point.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Well problem with EBay is the shipping costs to Hawaii. Most people who sell stuff on eBay live on the mainland US. And almost always it is cheaper to buy from a store when you factor in the shipping costs. I am amazed when people want to send me something overnight via FedEx to Hawaii. I am like..."NO" That will cost $40.00 for 1 pound.

I found a wrinkle in the glow stick plan. There is liquid inside of the sticks. TSA (airport police) will not like them. So I would have to send them in advance via DHL. So unless I am sending many things in advance via DHL it won't be worth it.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Ok, Yesterday added another page to the story. Nadia called me to say goodbye before leaving for Russia. She is leaving on Sunday morning. She called me at work, and I didn't have too much time to talk with her. But honestly I didn't feel like I had much to say to her. She has run her course, and I am wishing her well in the future. But suffice to say our timing was all wrong. C'est la vie.

On the positive side of things, "A" and I are getting along quite well lately. This morning there was a flurry of SMS's. I was on my way to work, so I couldn't call her. Will call her when I get home from work. Definitely feel a connection, just trying to relax and let things progress naturally. Don't want to put too much pressure on myself or her. I am sure she will be nervous enough with this American guy staying at her apartment.

After next week need to get into high gear with my to-do list, visa, and plane tickets.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Never go to sleep when a woman is mad at you ... especially a woman from the FSU!

Yes I heard about Ms. Minsk and her driving experience. She sure is a great lady, I hope you get to meet her next month.

Posted by: AkMike

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

Never go to sleep when a woman is man at you ...

Crossdressers? Trannys??? Just what have you been up to in your travels???

Posted by: TheWongs

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Well problem with EBay is the shipping costs to Hawaii. Most people who sell stuff on eBay live on the mainland US.

Ahh! I thought that may be a problem after I'd posted. Bummer

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

I found a wrinkle in the glow stick plan. There is liquid inside of the sticks. TSA (airport police) will not like them. So I would have to send them in advance via DHL. So unless I am sending many things in advance via DHL it won't be worth it.

As far as I know, it's not liquid inside them. They're solid until you "snap" them and shake them around, then it turns to a sort of gel inside. They are also non toxic. When packed, they are in a cardboard tube and look and feel like plastic sticks. I hope you can take some. It would be interesting to hear what the reaction was like.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Crossdressers? Trannys??? Just what have you been up to in your travels???

Oops sorry for the typo ... it should be mad!

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

Oops sorry for the typo ... it should be mad!

Typo or Freudian slip???

We just never will know. Your gal(guy) needs to her(his) visa soon.

Just joking with you GTR

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Yes I know your joking ET. Believe me, she's all woman!!!

Posted by: EasyTarget

GTR: Actually in a way I don't want to see my Minsk friend over New Year's. If I see her during New Year's it is because everything went pear shaped with "A". But when she moves to Canada I will visit her there with no problems.

Posted by: EasyTarget

So "A"'s Mum heard "A" speaking English on the phone last night. "A" sent me an SMS saying her Mum had all sorts of questions. I am curious to know what her Mum's questions were.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Surprise in every story.....

Today I got quite the unusual email. One I was really, really not expecting. A little background is required first though. I have the worst memory for dates. I can never remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I have an automated on line tool that will send out birthday greetings, congratulations, etc, on the required date.

"E" is the first woman I wrote to and visited about 18 months ago. I visited her in May 2006. Well "E"'s birthday is this program. And two days ago it sent an automated greeting to her. I had personalized the greeting two years ago, so it looks as though I wrote it. And today she replied back to me, surprised I had remembered her birthday. Strangely enough I had remembered her birthday.

Then here comes the surprise I was not expecting. She told me she is now married. She got married in April 2007. Wow. I am really surprised. Maybe I shouldn't be, but I am. I have written her back asking for some details. More curious then anything else. Lovely woman and I am glad she found a man. Hope he treats her well.

She told me she is now working for two different agencies. I am guessing she still lives in Nikaloev.

"E" is the woman who got me started on this whole journey, and maybe in 32 days, I will find what I am searching for.

Posted by: EasyTarget

GTR: looks like no chance of meeting up with my Minsk friend or her smoking hot room mate, over the New Year's break. Looks like she is going to be in Canada sooner then later.

crossing my fingers for her.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Hey that's great news! I will have to send her a message. Thanks for the update. I hope she was able to raise the money. Last I heard, it seemed liked she was a lot short. Maybe her parents or employer coughed up the dough.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Well I have been working on my to-do list.

Lost 10 pounds so far...looking to lose another 7-10 before I leave.
Increasing my mileage while jogging. I still need to work up to 15KM but I think I will be at 10-12KM. "A" wants to take me cross-country skiing. Hmm....that seems like it will require lots of endurance. I really need to be up to the task.
Have bought plenty of gifts. Only people not covered are the brother in laws. Wrapped the other gifts last night. Will send out in advance via DHL. I will bring "A"'s gift in my carry on bag. Just in case DHL lets me down.
Sent out my passport via FedEx so I can get my visa.
Contacted Olyesa so she can get plane tickets for me. Need plane tickets from Moscow to Ulyanovsk Ughhh they are expensive.

Only 25 more days.

The other day..Sunday I think...I really was losing my interest in going. I just about to cancel everything. I don't really know why that thought was running through my mind. I was thinking.."what the hell am I doing?" I guess fear of having another bad trip is creeping in. Self-doubt, maybe???

I guess my real concern now is that what happens if after 2 or 3 days it is clear there's no chemistry. I am not going with any backup plans, I'm all in, I just don't know what my hole cards are.

Posted by: TheWongs

I don't think there is any need for backup plans. Just go there and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, then just have a great trip. Who knows what (or who) may happen?

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

"E" is the first woman I wrote to and visited about 18 months ago. I visited her in May 2006.

"E" is the woman who got me started on this whole journey,...

E, sent me some photos from her wedding. WOW!!! She married a guy from Odessa, which really makes sense to me. So many, so many pieces just fell into place for me. I finally understand so many things.

Here is a photo of E on her wedding day. Oh man!!!!

Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

WOW is right ET. She is stunning. What a beautiful women she is! I know it's not my business, but why did you not continue with her. What happened if I may ask?

Posted by: EasyTarget

She decided to marry a guy from Ukraine. I think I was her 2nd option.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Background
First trip to FSU visited E -- I'm clueless

2nd trip to FSU visited Z -- mostly
Samara

Then I met Nadia
Met the Minx
And I was hooked

and then I lost Nadia
Lost Nadia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

I plan on updating as the countdown continues, and will finish the trip report ~60-70 days from now.

As promised I am going to post an update to my trip....but just wanted to remind people of the history of things.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Flying to Russia....
Well I went to Russia with a game plan in hand. I was going to meet "A" and we would spend 2 weeks together. The few weeks before meeting things got in to a hair ball, and it was at this point that I realized something is not right. First she invited me to stay at her apartment. Then she said, she didn't think her mom was too keen on the idea. Ok, I will stay at a different apartment. No, she wanted me to stay at a hotel. Ok, let's take a look at the different hotel options. Nope, I must stay at this particular hotel. "hmmmm" What is going on here. Anyways..on the day I arrive she sends me an SMS while in Moscow, "do you want to stay at my apartment?"

What the hell???

I reply OK. <--- Huge mistake.

"A" meets me at the airport. Her friend and husband drive us to "A's" apartment. Offered food, I am not hungry, and off to bed. Pretty normal stuff. "A's" mom must have some money, somehow. They lived in a very nice apartment and "A" and her mom are dressed very well. "A" looks like her photos, attractive and athletic, very much the type of woman I am attracted too.

The next few days I realize that "A" isn't the woman I thought she was. It became pretty clear that she only cared about herself. Maybe it was because she wasn't happy with me, or thought I would be different, but needless to say, zero and I mean zero chemistry. I could have met with a cardboard cutout and had more fun.

"A's" mom, "A" lives with her mom, is a great person, super friendly, and cared way too much about me. "A's" sister was wonderful also, she even gave me a Christmas gift, totally unexpected. "A's" nephews who are about 4, 4.5 years old, very amusing and lots of fun playing with them. All in All the only problem with the trip was "A".

After 3 days I ask "A" "do you want me to leave?"

She replies, "we can discuss tomorrow."

The next night, I press the discussion, one that she wasn't eager to have. Which is strange, considering the result.

We both agree no chemistry. I say, "Ok, I will book a train ticket and leave tomorrow."

Then the one and only time I see any emotion out of "A". She cried for about 20 minutes non-stop. And we drank some cognac together, while she off and on cried for about 90 minutes. Here is a woman who has no feelings for me, but she crying? I thought it was a very strange reaction. Then I decided it was more likely because she had mentioned me to her friends and was now going to look foolish in front of them. Again, I think it went back to "A" only thinking about "A".

Thank goodness for this forum....

Well one of the rules (suggestions) that is mentioned on this forum is to always have additional options, but that is a story for a later day, maybe.

Ulyanovsk. Great city -- if you think Detroit is a great city.

Very little to see and do there. Very small museums, the Lenin museum is the biggest, and it isn't that great. I did go cross-country skiing in the park. That was very amusing, since I have never been skiing before in my entire life.

Also I saw an outdoor ice-hockey game. Truly old skool hockey, no boards, 7 men + 1 goalie, goalie doesn't have a stick, over sized nets, orange hockey ball instead of a puck, and really, really cold. Funny thing I saw was local company hired some young models to skate around the rink carrying a flag. The flag was advertising some company. The girls were dressed in way too little clothing and were freezing, but smiling.

The Volga river is beautiful in the winter. I took some great photos.

Well this is the end of this chapter ~ and possibly the book.

Currently I don't think I will be pursuing any future relationships. I have learned that whatever qualities are important to women from the FSU, I don't possess. And whatever qualities I think that women from the FSU possess they don't. Even though I went into this current cycle with a very clear idea of the type of woman I was looking for, I am still unable to filter, find, or express that to her. Maybe I will find someone, but right now my eyes are closed.

I think I will take a break from the forum for a while too. I have given my opinions, shared my experiences, and hopefully they will help others in the future. Don't think I have too much more to add to the forum.

Good luck to all of you in the future.

Posted by: AkMike

I'm sorry that you had such a bad time during this trip Michael. You are the only one that knows what is best for you and your life. Maybe FSU women aren't for you.. Maybe the next time will be the "One", who knows?
So I want you to know that I feel that you've contributed ALOT to the quality of the forum and I hate to see you leave us.
But I wish you well my friend in your future pursuits!
Das Vidaya

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Well I'm sorry to hear there was no chemistry but you made the right decision to end the relationship. I'm sure she will eventually think this was best also.

I hate to see you go but you are always welcome back. Maybe take 3-4 weeks away and then make a decision. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

Take are and good luck with all your future plans. -Steve

Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Flying to Russia....
Well I went to Russia with a game plan in hand. I was going to meet "A" and we would spend 2 weeks together. The few weeks before meeting things got in to a hair ball, and it was at this point that I realized something is not right. First she invited me to stay at her apartment. Then she said, she didn't think her mom was too keen on the idea. Ok, I will stay at a different apartment. No, she wanted me to stay at a hotel. Ok, let's take a look at the different hotel options. Nope, I must stay at this particular hotel. "hmmmm" What is going on here. Anyways..on the day I arrive she sends me an SMS while in Moscow, "do you want to stay at my apartment?"

What the hell???

I reply OK. <--- Huge mistake.

"A" meets me at the airport. Her friend and husband drive us to "A's" apartment. Offered food, I am not hungry, and off to bed. Pretty normal stuff. "A's" mom must have some money, somehow. They lived in a very nice apartment and "A" and her mom are dressed very well. "A" looks like her photos, attractive and athletic, very much the type of woman I am attracted too.

The next few days I realize that "A" isn't the woman I thought she was. It became pretty clear that she only cared about herself. Maybe it was because she wasn't happy with me, or thought I would be different, but needless to say, zero and I mean zero chemistry. I could have met with a cardboard cutout and had more fun.

"A's" mom, "A" lives with her mom, is a great person, super friendly, and cared way too much about me. "A's" sister was wonderful also, she even gave me a Christmas gift, totally unexpected. "A's" nephews who are about 4, 4.5 years old, very amusing and lots of fun playing with them. All in All the only problem with the trip was "A".

After 3 days I ask "A" "do you want me to leave?"

She replies, "we can discuss tomorrow."

The next night, I press the discussion, one that she wasn't eager to have. Which is strange, considering the result.

We both agree no chemistry. I say, "Ok, I will book a train ticket and leave tomorrow."

Then the one and only time I see any emotion out of "A". She cried for about 20 minutes non-stop. And we drank some cognac together, while she off and on cried for about 90 minutes. Here is a woman who has no feelings for me, but she crying? I thought it was a very strange reaction. Then I decided it was more likely because she had mentioned me to her friends and was now going to look foolish in front of them. Again, I think it went back to "A" only thinking about "A".

Thank goodness for this forum....

Well one of the rules (suggestions) that is mentioned on this forum is to always have additional options, but that is a story for a later day, maybe.

Ulyanovsk. Great city -- if you think Detroit is a great city.

Hi Easytarget,
Sorry to hear about your trip. I guess a few of us here are having some let downs recently. I have to say that it is surely different talking on the phone to the FSU women and then meeting them in person.

I am now in the mindset that I don't know what to expect anymore even if the communication is wonderful. And I'm sure your communication with this women was probably real good or you wouldn't have gone to Russia to see her.

It's a gamble for sure. We go all that way and it turns out to be not what we expect. And for some of us it turns out great and then falls apart after a year like it did with my situation. And for some of us we go and meet "THE ONE" and we live happily ever after with a few bumps in the road.

I am looking forward to hear what your backup plan was and what happened.
I can tell you are fed up t the moment. But maybe when you do this again you should go see about 4 or 5 women and try and spread that out within a 3-4 week period. That is my next plan of action.

I know alot of guys here are into going to see one women & only one women. That hasn't worked for me so far so I am changing the game plan on the next try out.

What's the worst that can happen if you meet 4 or 5 women. No chemistry with 4 and jusrt maybe great chemistry with one. And the worst that can happen is to have no chemistry with all 5.

Well that's just the way this game goes. And I hate looking art it like a game. But it is like throwing darts and hoping you hit the bullseye at least once in the game.

I thought I hit the bullseye last April and on my trip this summer my gut told me that something weird might happen with this one. And it did.

I don't know how many times you have tried this and went over there. If I am correct I think you have done this a few times now.

Why not give it another go when you are ready and do it differently with meeting more than one women. Going to Russia & the Ukraine and meeting one women and having it turn out negative is not a good feeling obviously.

But going that far & meeting a few women and having one turn out to be great could be just the thing to change how you feel about the whole thing.

Hey, I'm doing it again & I have my new plan in action & it's pretty exciting to see how it might turn out.

Just my 2 cents. Anyway, I wish you the best & whatever you choose to do is your choice!

Posted by: Raspberry

Quote:

Originally Posted by royalpalace774

It's a gamble for sure. We go all that way and it turns out to be not what we expect. And for some of us it turns out great and then falls apart after a year like it did with my situation. And for some of us we go and meet "THE ONE" and we live happily ever after with a few bumps in the road.

This happened to me, too!! Well, at least the first part....

Quote:

Originally Posted by royalpalace774

I know alot of guys here are into going to see one women & only one women. That hasn't worked for me so far so I am changing the game plan on the next try out.

Going to meet just one woman, and spend quality time with her is idealistic, but not realistic. Some of these ladies are writing to more than one, also. Plus there is the fact where, while things may look good on paper, there is the possibility of a lack of "chemistry".

Posted by: Pin Boy

easy target,

sorry to hear your disappointment. i hear ya loud and clear. it is VERY difficult to make this work. i have been to ukraine 6 times and i too have been disappointed. if i wasn't going to teach there and stay for an extended period of time, i don't think i would do it without the work factor involved. so i have a reason to be there if i choose. but without that, i don't think i would return. i hope to return this summer (most likely) and it may be my last trip if nothing develops relationship-wise.

but do come around from time to time and tell us what else is happening in your part of the world. best of luck.

pin boy

Posted by: TheWongs

I'd like to add my name to the list of dissapointed readers Easy. I hate to read about things not going well.

I hope you return real soon, with recharged optimism and ready to get out there and do it again! If you have gone this far, it means you are serious about this search for your better/other half. Don't give up! There's a lot more fish in the Black Sea (and other seas)!

Posted by: Chrismc

Same here ET, you are one of the good guys around here and I hope this set back does not put you off long term. Most of us get a few knock backs in this adventure, it needs a lot of patience and some persistence and luck and hopefully it all works out.

I hope to see you around again soon,

Chris

Posted by: nocomfortzone

Sad to read how your trip went ET...

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Flying to Russia....
Well I went to Russia with a game plan in hand. I was going to meet "A" and we would spend 2 weeks together.

I went to Ukraine in 2006 with no game plan other than to get to know the girl I had been getting to know for about 9 months. Unlike the majority of the guys here I was not searching for a bride or overseas girl. We just connected over the internet in late 2005 and developed enough affinity for each other via the net to want to meet up in person. I never knew at that time of this site or of the western men- russian bride discussions that go on.

Quote:

"A" looks like her photos, attractive and athletic, very much the type of woman I am attracted too.

The was my experience when I meet Nat in Ukraine. Her looks are just my type, not that I knew I had a type until I meet her...lol

I sense ET from reading some of your posts, that you and I have a similar taste in women and I don't just mean in looks...

Quote:

The next few days I realize that "A" isn't the woman I thought she was. It became pretty clear that she only cared about herself. Maybe it was because she wasn't happy with me, or thought I would be different, but needless to say, zero and I mean zero chemistry. I could have met with a cardboard cutout and had more fun.

That is sad to hear. I went to Ukraine with a few unanswered reservations about Nat but they only cropped up in my mind in the leading months up to going there. I'd already decided to go before they came to the surface and in anycase seeing her in person and another country was worth the trip to find out what I needed to for myself.
I won't say she only cared about herself but I started to have some doubts of how thoughtful she could be in a real long term relationship.

Quote:

After 3 days I ask "A" "do you want me to leave?"

She replies, "we can discuss tomorrow."

The next night, I press the discussion, one that she wasn't eager to have. Which is strange, considering the result.

Interesting.. I sense this is a trait in some of these girls over there. They tend to want a fairytale experience of relationships which does not involve challenging discussions that could lead to dealing with tough or negative emotions.

I had an issue with Nat on e-mail when I was having a tough time on a few things on we really needed to talk about but I got the idea she was not eager to really address because she put it off in one e-mail promising to get to it the next time and then next e-mail I got... " I know I said bla bla bla... but...." and then I kind of let it go and tried to forget the issue because I was already very fond of her by this 6 month point and in essence let her off the hook in talking about.

But it was from that point on I had in the back of my mind some doubts about her thoughtfulness in relationship context and I guess I let it go because I figured I was already going there anyway, but that did change my mindset from one of mainly focussed on what I brought into a potential relationship to now have serious questions about her being thoughtful for me when and if I really needed help and support.

Quote:

We both agree no chemistry. I say, "Ok, I will book a train ticket and leave tomorrow."

Then the one and only time I see any emotion out of "A". She cried for about 20 minutes non-stop. And we drank some cognac together, while she off and on cried for about 90 minutes. Here is a woman who has no feelings for me, but she crying? I thought it was a very strange reaction. Then I decided it was more likely because she had mentioned me to her friends and was now going to look foolish in front of them. Again, I think it went back to "A" only thinking about "A".

I get the sense you read the situation well.

Quote:

Thank goodness for this forum....

Well one of the rules (suggestions) that is mentioned on this forum is to always have additional options, but that is a story for a later day, maybe.

Well this is the end of this chapter ~ and possibly the book.

Currently I don't think I will be pursuing any future relationships. I have learned that whatever qualities are important to women from the FSU, I don't possess. And whatever qualities I think that women from the FSU possess they don't. Even though I went into this current cycle with a very clear idea of the type of woman I was looking for, I am still unable to filter, find, or express that to her. Maybe I will find someone, but right now my eyes are closed.

I think I will take a break from the forum for a while too. I have given my opinions, shared my experiences, and hopefully they will help others in the future. Don't think I have too much more to add to the forum.

Good luck to all of you in the future.

I feel for you after you've taken good time to explore this type of international relationship adventure in a well meaning and open hearted manner.

I sense you are a smart, good hearted and deep thinking guy and will eventually find an ideal partner for yourself.
She could be anywhere ET, maybe on your island already.
Keep your eyes and heart open.
The right woman will appreciate you and maybe FSU woman you meet were looking for what they could get out of life without doing the real emotional investment you were willing to do yourself.

Keep your chin up and I wish you the best ET.
Been reading your well thought out offerings and ponderings here when I visited much more frequently in past years and I learnt a few things about that part of world from what you contributed.

Posted by: azamuner

Sorry to hear that things didn't go well. It takes a lot of time, money and effort to pursue a RW so when things don't work out, it's a bigger disappointment.