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Needing some advice.
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Posted by: X'Nedra

Is there anyone out there who is very knowledgeble of the Russian male mentality who is willing to provide some advice to this AW via private message. I need to put something into perspective and it is a relatively long story. Idealy it would be nice to get a male and female point of view, but anything would be nice. I really need it. Thanks all.

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by X'Nedra

Is there anyone out there who is very knowledgeble of the Russian male mentality who is willing to provide some advice to this AW via private message. I need to put something into perspective and it is a relatively long story. Idealy it would be nice to get a male and female point of view, but anything would be nice. I really need it. Thanks all.

hope you find someone specificly to offer advice on the menality of Russian male... in the meantime, maybe some of us can offer ideas as to the mentality of males, in general... or do you already know all there is on that subject?

Posted by: AkMike

I'm sure I can get my wife to answer a PM if you give her some information.. PM Tatysik. But I think you'll find that the men over there are much like the ones here.. Good and bad habits.

Posted by: X'Nedra

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longfellow

Please.... Could anyone know all there is on THAT subject. As much as the men complain that they don't understand women, I still think at times they have a leg up on us

But, please offer some ideas about male mentality in general, it may actually help and be just what I need who knows.

I would ask specifics, but I'm curious to see where this begins. Thanks for anything you wish to offer.

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by X'Nedra

Please.... Could anyone know all there is on THAT subject. As much as the men complain that they don't understand women, I still think at times they have a leg up on us

Gladly, i will offer my perspective, my own idea what it is to me to be a male, and to be secure to that place.
But you must ask specific questions... no one here wants 200 pages on my perspecive of male existence... the fan mail would be overwhelming and I don't have time for guest appearance on Oprah!!! LOL
Ask a question... we will answer.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Xnedra: For as vague as you are on the subject matter, the one observation I have noticed is that what ever the issue is, women tend to over think the issue.

It is most likely something that is very simple that is bothering him, and maybe he is just having a bad day. Women tend to over analyze, read too much into it, and general make too big of a deal.

Best way to get your question answered. Ask him directly. Don't dance around the issue, don't try to be politically correct..just shoot from the hip.

"what the hell is bothering you???"
and if he replies "NOTHING!!!"
let sleeping dogs lie for a few days. he will get back to you with an answer.

my $0.02 and with current exchange rates is most likely worth $0.00028

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Xnedra: For as vague as you are on the subject matter, the one observation I have noticed is that what ever the issue is, women tend to over think the issue.

It is most likely something that is very simple that is bothering him, and maybe he is just having a bad day. Women tend to over analyze, read too much into it, and general make too big of a deal.

Best way to get your question answered. Ask him directly. Don't dance around the issue, don't try to be politically correct..just shoot from the hip.

"what the hell is bothering you???"
and if he replies "NOTHING!!!"
let sleeping dogs lie for a few days. he will get back to you with an answer.

my $0.02 and with current exchange rates is most likely worth $0.00028

Xnedra

I think ET has some good advice for you there, for example my UW tells me she is a women so she will worry for the two of us

that is ok with me, but she knows if she really needs advice, help or a shoulder to cry on I am there for her.

I would do as ET says and just outright ask him, it may be just that his favourite football team lost the other day, you know not a matter of life and death, far more important than that

and just to put your mind at rest, this puts men's thoughts and worries into perspective!

HER SIDE OF THE STORY:

He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it.

The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk a bit more privately.

We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.

So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything, this is really worrying me.

We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to say it's all over between us.

Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, he responded to my advances and we made love.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster.

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY:

England lost. Got a shag though

Chris

Posted by: joelunchbox

Here is my take on this and on relationships in general. People are people.
If you are asking how to behave around someone from another country--I would say, be yourself. All of us acknowledge that we will change when/if we have a serious relationship with someone. But, my concern is: if you change to someone's perceived (your perception of his) expectations--one day you will wake up and not be happy. I have looked for over 4 years for someone. Amazingly, the person I met is on the other side of the earth (ten time zones to be accurate). She is simply, herself. And I can be myself around her because that is who I have been from the beginning. Well, I did buy some new clothes when I visited her....but, that is about it.
We really would appreciate some more info on this because we will ramble on and on and on.....

Posted by: X'Nedra

Quote:

Originally Posted by joelunchbox

Here is my take on this and on relationships in general. People are people.
If you are asking how to behave around someone from another country--I would say, be yourself. All of us acknowledge that we will change when/if we have a serious relationship with someone. But, my concern is: if you change to someone's perceived (your perception of his) expectations--one day you will wake up and not be happy. I have looked for over 4 years for someone. Amazingly, the person I met is on the other side of the earth (ten time zones to be accurate). She is simply, herself. And I can be myself around her because that is who I have been from the beginning. Well, I did buy some new clothes when I visited her....but, that is about it.
We really would appreciate some more info on this because we will ramble on and on and on.....

I have mantra " I would rather be hated for who I am then loved for who I am not". I would never mold myself to another unless if it is in my best interest for my health (go to the gym, quit smoking, eat healty or that kind of thing) I don't have too much of a problem with it. In fact I appreciate the motivation. Actually, one the things that brought us closer is that we don't constantly worry.

He once told me a Russian Joke. A man and a woman are lying in bed quiet and each one was thnking. The woman was thinking "Does he really love me? Is he mad at me? etc.... The guy was thinking "how does that little fly stick to the ceiling like that?" Props to CHRISMC for the similar joke

. I live by this concept in general. This is not about that. We are ourselves, and that is the attraction. I do address concerns with him and the realtionship is quite healthy.

Admittedly at times I do tend to overthink things when I am not thinking with my right mind and that seems to be just about every time we part compnay after a visit. Currently I am financially recovering from this 20 day visit to Poland so things are a little strapped right at the moment. We are both insanely busy right now and with the time difference, communicating live is very difficult and my text is in english so it takes him more time to decipher the meaning, so he needs to be able to have time to dedicate and because of my working hours. Calling iand the nature of my job (I am on the phone 10 hours a day) it is very difficult to communicate.

I really don't mind elaborating, it is just a really long and complicated story. I didn't want to post it for this reason, which is why I requested the PM,s (or e-mail) if anyone was interested. spicciotto@comcast.net (please pu tRMP somewhere in the title.

Im curious to see where this goes. To those of you who PM'd me, I am almost done, too busy working today to have time, but it wshould be along very soon. Thanks to all

Posted by: X'Nedra

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longfellow

LOL ..... 200 Page story and Oprah!!!! you deserve a response for the laugh, thanx a million I needed it

..... Thats why I didn't get too detailed in the thread). My mind can go a mile a minute, so I'll start with one question and work my way up from there.

Here I go
How the heck is it that you guys can think as simply as "the fly on the wall", " losing a soccer game or getting shag?" ... Just kidding (But feel free if you know, I would love to know the trick).

The real Question: And sorry but this really does not apply to guys specifically this is just a general burning question. I met My RM in the USA and he stayed with me for about 3 months. We were separated for 11 months and then met in Poland for the 20 Days. There was a role shift. I did alot of the translating and all of the trip planning in the in the USA. He speaks Polish (I am still working on my Russian) and I don't even know how to say hello in Polish, so now he had to be the guide and plan excursions.

Has anyone else had a simialar situation and what were the good and bad points about the role shift in regards to communication status post trip, during the trip etc.......?

Posted by: AkMike

[QUOTE=X'Nedra] The guy was thinking "how does that little fly stick to the ceiling like that?"[QUOTE]

Finally a real question! LOL

How does he stick to the ceiling!!!

As far as a role shift.. What's the big deal? Our ladies show us their areas of the FSU and if and when they come here we show then our areas and lifstyles.. Fair is fair.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by X'Nedra

Hi. If you still need some advice with a specific situation or question, feel free to PM me.

Posted by: X'Nedra

Finally a real question! LOL

How does he stick to the ceiling!!!

As far as a role shift.. What's the big deal? Our ladies show us their areas of the FSU and if and when they come here we show then our areas and lifstyles.. Fair is fair.[/QUOTE]

No big deal and no question on fairness. But this was not his area, he had just started studying Polish 8 months ago (learning foreign languages is a hobby of his) so Poland was merely to allow him to experience the language in a Polilsh environment.

Just curious about experiences people have had. And you are right .....Fair is Fair