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Convincing her to marry you
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Posted by: ulughbek

It seems this is a less talked about aspect of FSUW/WM relations, but I am curious about everyone's thoughts about this. There is a lot written about how to find the right woman (and how to get her out of FSU and adjusted to her new life. But what is she looking for in a WM? Why did she choose you? And what did you have to do to prove yourself to her?

I will insert my own responses to those questions a little bit later, but I don't want to start the thread off with my own biases.

Posted by: ConnerVT

Quote:

And what did you have to do to prove yourself to her?

I think the simplest and wises answer to that is be yourself!

I think it is easy for people to "fall in love". It's much more difficult to stay in love. If you need to prove yourself by doing something outside of your typical behavior to get her to marry you, you will need to continue doing it for the rest of your life to keep her married to you. I wonder how many marriages (both in Russia and the US, mixed culture or not) fail because of this.

Quote:

But what is she looking for in a WM?

This is probably a question that only a woman can answer. After all, women are from Venus. RW are from Venus also, though they must live in a different city.

But I imagine that the basic set of wants is the same: Physical attractiveness. Kindness. Loyalty. Stability. Affection. Humor. Strength.

I look forward to the women who post her (both RW and WW) to give their input.

Posted by: ulughbek

Since it's been a little while, I thought I would post my own responses. This is related to the other thread on RW Insecurities too.

Maybe "prove" was not quite the right word to use. Conner, you are quite correct to say that you should always be yourself!

But, I think an attractive woman in the FSU has a lot more choices than one might think from reading marriage agency sites. Maybe those choices are not ideal, or not what she wants. But still - why would she choose you?

I think it is important to always deliver what you promise. There is not a lot of slack or room for error in the early stages of such a long-distance relationship. Probably the woman is skeptical and wondering whether you are really honest with her. Whether you are serious about marriage. Whether you are serious about her. It takes a lot of time and consistency and strong feelings to overcome that.

I'll shut up now. It would be interesting to hear the women's perspective on this.

Posted by: Ironheart

You mean to tell me Aqua, that if the man was sooooo sweet to you, and had admirable qualities etc etc....but.....when he smiled he had nasty green teeth, hair growing out of every place imaginable and then some, knarly looking toes that reeked to high heaven....and finally his love making technique was as passionate as a snoring Hyena was nothing to deter your attraction for the man????? Hmmmmm okay meet me later, we might get along just fine......can I bring the folks along and granny too to live with us????? LOL LOL LOL NOT!!!!!
just kidding..... I know RW don't need chemistry...lol yeah right!

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by Ironheart
You mean to tell me Aqua, that if the man was sooooo sweet to you, and had admirable qualities etc etc....but.....when he smiled he had nasty green teeth, hair growing out of every place imaginable and then some, knarly looking toes that reeked to high heaven....and finally his love making technique was as passionate as a snoring Hyena was nothing to deter your attraction for the man????? Hmmmmm okay meet me later, we might get along just fine......can I bring the folks along and granny too to live with us????? LOL LOL LOL NOT!!!!!
just kidding..... I know RW don't need chemistry...lol yeah right!

I guess you wouldn't be Aqua's first choice dude, with jokes like that, I mean there's too much exaggeration)))))))

Obviously if a guy is intelligent and strong and all that he doesnt smell and his teeth are at least OK))) You kiddin man

Posted by: Ironheart

It is called a sense of humor !!! None was to be taken seriously !! Good grief! In the words of the famous and brilliant Homer Simpson....." DOH ! "

Posted by: ConnerVT

Ironheart, remember Andrei is Russian. He did write he knew it was a joke. But if you read a little deeper into his reply, it also says that the style of your humor would probably not be accepted or understood as you meant it to be.

Humor is a difficult art to master, both on the Internet and between cultures. A good thing for all to consider, so not to either insult or express ourselves in a manner we did not intend.

(In an old thread read on another forum: The two most asked questions by a RW, when an agency calls that someone is interested in them: 1> Is he old? 2> Is he fat? )

Posted by: Missouri

Aqua- Please give your definition of strength- I'd like to hear a woman's perspective.

I have seen RW who have written that they are looking for men who are not cowards, who are strong-willed, who are willing to lead the marriage and make decisions. Am I on the right tract???

I am throwing things out, because I hope other women will also give their views.

How about strength of character- integrity and honesty, how about strength to not be involved in infidelity, how about strength to not bow to peer pressure-Example- A man might have the conviction that- "All the other guys go to the tavern and watch the women- but I don't and will not do that". How about strength to have self-control- to not get drunk, to not drink, to not smoke, to get exercise so that he does not become a fatso- so his wife is more happy with his appearance.

Well, I think I've thrown out enough stuff to get some responses!

Posted by: Ironheart

Hey! I don't smoke , I don't drink and I do not have any male friends to run around with, all my buddies happen to be females.

hmmmmm what does that make me? Whipped!
waaaaaaaa * sniff sniff * Got a hanky anyone? Nevermind just the feminine side showing thru....lol lol lol lol

Posted by: LeoN

aqua, do us a favor and post more often.

Posted by: D in KS

[Originally posted by aqua ]It’s an interesting question, Missouri.
Now that I’m thinking about it, strength is probably one of those terms that mean different things to different people.
To me strength in a man mostly means self-confidence. I mean solid mature self-confidence based on something real, not just trying to be “cool” or arrogant to hide insecurities.
The extended definition is probably self-confidence + being able to take responsibility for yourself and the people you care about.
As for the things you suggested...
If you need *strength* to be faithful to a particular woman, maybe you are with a wrong woman?

This is kind of funny.
Not to get under influence of peers mostly means that a man is mature. It's okay to be influenced my friends when you are about 15 but not later. I know men who have this “have-to-go-with-the-guys-because-I-want-to-be-cool” mentality. They are just eternal teenagers.Very difficult as partners. So, anyway, this is more about maturity.
Okay, drinking-smoking-exercising. If a guy needs strength to not get drunk it most likely means he has alcohol addiction.

Other than that I don't mind if a guy drinks. Exercising, drinking, etc. are personal choices.
Trying to make your partner happy is a great thing. But again, it should be a pleasure to you, not something you force yourself to do. Otherwise you are with a wrong partner.
Anyway, these are only MY ideas on the subject. I'm curious what the others think ] ........................Aqua, I think you can read my mind

Now where in THIS world do I find this type of man

I really enjoy reading your prospective on things. Debbie