Lessons learned......... - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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Lessons learned.........
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Posted by: Plate Man

Hi everyone. I’ve been a “lurker” for quite some time here at russianmeetingplace.com.. This forum section is simply wonderful! I've had such a great time reading the threads and I've gained further insight into the daunting yet highly rewarding (hopefully) quest into finding love on the other side of the world. I just wanted to share some thoughts about how my search has progressed, and where I envision it going in the future.

I got the "itch" to investigate the possibility of a FSU romance about 18 months ago. When I started doing research on the net, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of marriage websites. I was also amazed at how many profiles were available for viewing. The vast majority of the women were extremely attractive! So many had professional photographs that made them look very beautiful. Of course, the practical side of me kept saying, "come on now, don't be seduced by a photograph". But I felt like a little kid in a candy store! Thousands of women, all within sight of my computer monitor.

I read early on that Americans did not need a visa to visit the Baltic countries. So I concentrated my search on women from Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania. There certainly was no shortage of wonderful profiles from any of those three countries. Unlike a lot of men, I didn't want to date someone young enough to be my daughter, ha ha. So I concentrated on women who were within a narrow range around my own age (37-45). I'm also a wonderful dad to 2 sons, so a woman with a kid or two was perfectly acceptable. Well, what I found is that the pool of potential candidates was quite sizeable.

Of course, you can’t hope to learn much about the essence of a woman based on a profile alone,
so I purchased a subscription to a couple of dating websites and started writing emails to many women. Too many women. I bet I sent over 40 emails and received replies from 25 of them. At first I thought it was fantastic. All these women were interested in little old me! But I soon got bogged down, and simply didn’t have the time to adequately correspond with so many. So one by one, I informed each lady that I was no longer interested and stopped corresponding.

But you know what my criteria was for stopping correspondence with someone? It was based on how quickly they responded back to my emails. I did not realize that internet access is so expensive in FSU countries and that working women with kids have very little free time to go to an internet cafe. So the women who responded quickest to me were the ones who had free access to the net at their place of work. I cast aside many potentially wonderful women simply because they did not have the money or time to respond to my emails in a day or two. Just one of the many many mistakes I’ve made along the way.

After a while I was regularly corresponding with six women. I was becoming very good friends with each one. This was very important to me because I believe that friendship is the most essential building block to a solid relationship. What I should have done after a while was to narrow the list down a bit so I could give my full attention to the one woman who really stood out from the others. But that old "Keep an ace up your sleeve" mentally crept into my thinking, so I was loath to let any of them go.

Unfortunately, I treated these women more like “pen pals” then I did potential marriage partners. I really loved receiving emails from them, and I showed the responses to the guys at work, along with their photographs. It’s horrible to think back on this, but hindsight tells me I was unintentionally using them for my own enjoyment. I’m not going to excuse my actions, but in retrospect I was so ignorant about what I really wanted to achieve.

I then decided it was time to meet my new friends in person. I’m a firm believer that if you’re interested in someone, you meet them as soon as practicable to see if there’s “chemistry”. Luck smiled upon me in the form of a $249 plane ticket to from Seattle to Vilnius, and I spent 9 days there in February, 2002.

My first trip to Europe.....what an incredible experience! For a guy from rural America, traveling to Lithuania was the adventure of a lifetime. It's amazing how well prepared I was for the logistical side of my trip. I had made hotel reservations, car rental reservations, and had dates and activities lined up for all 9 days. It turned out to be a fascinating vacation, but I came home feeling confused and empty. Looking back, my search for a “significant other” was doomed for failure. There was simply no way I could really get to know any of these women by spending a day here and two days there with each of them. Plus, communicating verbally with the women was much tougher than I had anticipated. I had talked to two of the women previously on the telephone and we had a hard time understanding each other. But I rationalized this by convincing myself that verbal communications would be much easier once we were together in person. This was indeed true, but the level of comprehension did not increase as much as I had hoped. It was so hard for me to talk slowly enough for them to comprehend what I was saying. I consider myself a patient man, but it was not easy communicating with someone who has not had much experience with conversational English, as well as with American slang words. I became very frustrated with my inability to interact at the level I was accustomed to in the emails.

So ultimately, what I had ended up with were three friends, but no "girl friend". And I only had myself to blame. All three women I met in person were were wonderful people, but I wasn't committed to the process. To sum it up, I had spent all this time searching for something, instead of someone. I knew I was lonely, but looking back I simply wasn’t ready mentally for the challenges of dating someone from a faraway land. I never really investigated the financial side of things, the visa process, and most importantly, the process of falling in love with someone who lives thousands of miles away. So many variables, so many challenges. I just didn’t realize what I was getting myself into. I was overwhelmed, and instead of meeting the challenges, I stepped back and said, “the heck with this, I don’t need the hassle involved with a long distance romance”. So I took the coward’s way out. After returning home, I stopped corresponding with all the FSU women I had met. When my friends asked if I had found the love of my life, I told them that they were all nice, but none of them were right for me. What a cop out!

Coming soon - My quest, March 2002 to today :-)))

Posted by: andrei

Maybe you should concentrate on those RW that know English? There are lots of them among profiles. Pick up only those that speak "fluently". All others that tell you "I can speak English a little" actually they cant say a damn word. Like, when I meet a girl and she dares to say "I can speak English" I immediately reply "Now, say 'Get the hell outta here' in English!" She says something like 'Go here out there you please yes" or just mumbles something.)))

Posted by: Pin Boy

Next time a girl says she can speak English, ask her to say this one, "Move your sorry ass, you worthless sack of ****!" That'll be a REAL test. You crack me up, man.

Posted by: spamer

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei
Maybe you should concentrate on those RW that know English? There are lots of them among profiles. Pick up only those that speak "fluently". All others that tell you "I can speak English a little" actually they cant say a damn word. Like, when I meet a girl and she dares to say "I can speak English" I immediately reply "Now, say 'Get the hell outta here' in English!" She says something like 'Go here out there you please yes" or just mumbles something.)))

LMAO

Posted by: D in KS

Quote:

[i]Originally posted by Plate Man [

I got the "itch" to investigate the possibility of a FSU romance about 18 months ago.

What brought about this "itch"? Just curiosity or maybe all the "terrible, sloppy & ugly" women in the US

I have wondered what makes a man start searching for a women so far away. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us.

Posted by: Plate Man

What brought about this "itch"? Just curiosity or maybe all the "terrible, sloppy & ugly" women in the US"? I have wondered what makes a man start searching for a women so far away. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For me to adequately answer your question would take pages and pages of writing. And I’m not sure any of you have an attention span long enough to read a “War and Peace” length posting on the subject, ha ha. But I’ll try my best to answer this in a quick manner.

I live in a rural part of Alaska called the Kenai Peninsula. It’s a sparsely-populated region, with about 20,000 people living within 30 miles of my home. This is a blue-collar area, with the local economy being based on oil and gas, fishing, tourism, and government. The male-female ratio is about 54-46. Not the best odds in the world for a single guy.

I’m a 43 years old divorced man who has a great job and is reasonably attractive, intelligent, stable, and has a healthy self-esteem. My preference is to find a woman who is the same way. I’ve dated quite a bit in the four years since I’ve been divorced. So far I have not been able to find that special woman who I would want to merge into my life.

I’m certainly not going to bash American women in this posting. On the contrary, I think that as a general rule, there are probably more male “players” than female “players” out in the dating scene. And it’s those “players” who have ruined many women’s attitudes toward dating and relationships and make it so difficult for good honest men to find a suitable partner. I’ve dated several great women who simply weren’t looking for a relationship. They’d gone through so much garbage in past relationships that they simply didn’t want the hassles anymore. So they say, “you’re a really nice guy, but I just want to be friends”. I really really am tired of the “friends” routine..........it really sucks, ha ha.

Plus there are so many women out there who just aren’t suitable for me. It’s amazing how many people there are in the world (men and women) who are unmotivated, unstable, and lack self-esteem. They live their lives by “crisis-management. So many have lost their enthusiasm, their zest for life. They’ve given up on hopes and dreams, and just appear to live their lives as if they’re in an aircraft holding pattern.

So now I’m ready to give you some insight into why women from the FSU hold a particular attraction for me:

The women from the FSU countries I’ve corresponded with and met in person are full of optimism. The reason so many of them are looking for a man from America is that in him, they see hope for the future. So many of the women are goal-oriented. Most have university degrees and are employed in impressive professional occupations. They want to achieve great things and are tired of stagnating in their present lives. The women I've talked to appear to genuinely desire that sense of "family", of working together to make each other happy.

And most importantly, they’re looking for a man like ME! A stable, predictible, family-oriented guy who loves kids and is a great dad. Someone who doesn’t abuse alcohol and who has never laid a hand in anger on a woman. Someone who appreciates the good qualities I possess. Someone who will support their efforts to become all that they can be. They also are very impressed that I am a great father to my boys, and they see me as someone who would be a wonderful role model for their own children.

Oh there's so much more to all of this, but I can't risk carpal-tunnel syndrome tonight!

I’m sure there are plenty of scammers out there, but I am firmly convinced that if a man does his homework, keeps his eyes open at all times, judges actions more than words, learns about cultural differences, keeps the lines of communication open, and is very patient, he can find a gem.

Many of you who read my long-winded post about the stages leading to my trip to Lithuania might conclude that my journey was a failure. In some ways it was. But the lessons I learned from the experience have caused me to re-evaluate my approach to the process. I’ve done so much research and soul-searching in the last year. Reading AM-RW bulletin boards like this one has given me so much information and insight into the process. I have learned so much from your opinions, folks!

Once I dove back into the water again, I managed to find someone who I believe is a very special lady. Her name is Elena, a 36 year old Russian woman from Latvia who has a 13 year old son. I've never really felt appreciated by the women I've dated since my divorce. Not that they've used me, but none of them really went out of their way to ever make me feel special. And Elena never fails to remind me how good of a person I am in her eyes. I know it's a long way from "love", but it sure feels good to know she respects the person that I represent myself to be.

We’ve talked in great length about so many of the relationship issues that have been addressed in these threads. I must admit she and I have so much more to learn about each other. But so far she has demonstrated that she possesses so many of the qualities that I’ve been searching for in a partner. I finally decided it was time to meet and see how well we will get along in the real world. I’m traveling to Riga on March 4 and will stay 10 days. Wish me luck, folks!

Posted by: Arnold

Good luck, buddy!

I really liked what you shared with us! Can you post some more?

I mean, of course, it does not matter what I like, but I enjoyed your honesty!

But I think, you were a little too hard on yourself in your first posting, because if you cannot communicate with someone, what's the point in getting married?

I am sure, I will get bashed for this...

--Arnold

Posted by: D in KS

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my question. Hope all goes well with your trip

Debbie

Posted by: Bordric

Hey Soldotna is not rural! It is the end of the earth right before the drop off.

Good to see another Alaskan. I live in Eagle River and how did you catch a 249 plane ticket? From Anchorage everyone wants 1300 bucks or more.

It is March 3 11:24 pm so I assume you are about to start a new grand adventure good luck to you and write more when you return.

Scott