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Children Adjusting
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Posted by: sportbud

Hello All,
After months of contact with My Galina I am making the big step for us both.I have made arrangements and I am going to Belarus.This will be my first trip across the pond.I will be there the first weekend in March.I would not be making this journey if I did not feel that there was a strong possiblity of things going well.There is still one thing that concerns me the most.She has a 7 year old son.I am not worried about establishing a relationship with him.I have already raised a son of my own and raising him has been the best thing in my life.I actually look forward to having another son as mine is just about on his own.My very important question is how well he may adjust.Has anyone brought a mother and child home to the United States?How well has it gone?Have they been easily accepted by other children their age?How are they doing in school.Has the Public school system been helpful in the adjustment process.This topic worries me.I want the mother and son to be happy.I feel strong enough to do all that will be needed.I just want to know as much as possible so that I will be able provide for a new family.Any and all information will be greatly appreciated. Thanks So Much, Bud

Posted by: Pin Boy

Has the public school been helpful in the adjustment process?\

Hello Sportbud

English as a Second Language classes are fedrally mandated for any student whose primary language is other than English. You'll find many helpful ESL teachers (I am one), but please keep in mind that the adjustment of the child is not the school's responsibility. Don't mean for this to sound harsh, but depending on where you are in VA, there may be many children of different languages and language proficiencies in a class. So understand that in some school systems, this child may not get a great deal of one on one help. It is sometimes just a numbers game. In my school district we have only a small number of ESL studenst and I do much more intensive teaching and advocating for the students i.e. help with schedules, getting through the cafeteria, opening lockers, communicating with parents, arranging rides, helping students sign up for scouts and little league, encouraging students to participate in extracurriculars, and many, many more things. The child may not get this in a school district with a high ESL population.

Something (ELSE) to check out as you go through the journey. Good luck and keep the forum posted on your trip.

Posted by: sportbud

Thanks Pin Boy.
I seriously appreciate your reply.I do realize that the school is not responsible for the adjustment.I guess what I am most curious about is how difficult it will be for the child in school.Do they easily make friends.Are they accepted easily by other children.I know children can be quite cruel at times and someone that is a little different can be victim to such.I realize school is also so important for their developing of social skills.I just want to know what they are up against.His mother and I will do all that we can to help him adjust.I am just concerned.I want my family to be happy.I am just afraid.Maybe you can give me some more insight.The one very fortunate things is that I am going to be buying a new home and I will be making my choice based on a good school system.

Thanks again Pin Boy,anymore insight will be greatly appreciated!
Sportbud

Posted by: Charles

Hi Sportbud,
Pin Boy is right-on here. I am also a teacher. The best thing you can do to help your future son is to be very personally involved in his education. Stay in close and regular contact with his teachers. Ask them how you can help him. Life is different inside the school walls. We all remember that. The teachers will observe his progress and can tell you best how facilitate his adjustment. Teachers love parents that want to help and not confront. ESL teachers (along with special education) are among the most dedicated, compassionate, and skilled teachers.
His social acceptance will probably parallel his language ability with English. Ask his teachers for ideas to make his language and cultural differences cool. You and his mother can bring ethnic food for his classmates, ..etc. At his age, he and his classmates will be developing very fast mentally, physically, and emotionally. New experiences will not be seen as negative in his age group. That will change in two or three years. He will learn and adapt very quickly. His classmates will also adapt to him. He will make friends. His personality will play a huge part in this. Youth culture is a lot like adult culture. If he is a charismatic, outgoing child, he will do better, just like any person. If he is quiet or shy, expect it to take longer. As time passes, he will absorb youth culture, the good and the bad. It will obviously be hardest in the beginning. One important thing, make a real effort with his mother to prevent him from feeling shame and/or hiding his culture. Embarrassment is the most difficult aspect of the student’s life at school. It is always healthier for the child if they feel their native culture is important too. Help him to have a positive attitude about his native culture and language. Encourage him to use his native language with his mother and family back in his native country. It will make his mind more adept at language skills and he will be a more clever child in the long run. It will help him later in life to be multilingual.
Help him to establish specific goals, and then personally help him to reach them. When he reaches them give him positive feedback and a feeling of success and accomplishment. Be prepared to tell him that setbacks will happen and they are not the end of the world. You have to remain positive. Your involvement as his native parent will be very important. Make personal time for him. It will be very essential for him to have his father deeply involved in his life at home and school and other activities. Be a role model for him. Model the behavior you expect from him. Let him know when he is doing well. Be aware helping him learn the language and culture will be very time intensive.
His success will make it all worth it in the end.
Charles

Posted by: sportbud

Charles and Pin Boy,Thank You So Much ! You both have given me much needed direction and encouragement about this matter.Any more information would be welcomed by me.I would still like to hear from a parent about how this has been for their child.

Again Thanks ! Sportbud