non-dating/romance PENPAL-CORRESPONDENCE: anyone got lucky? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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non-dating/romance PENPAL-CORRESPONDENCE: anyone got lucky?
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Posted by: ham

well, yesterday i was running an unrelated web search and there popped this page describing this "international penpal/correspondence club" in wonderful terms. I could almost hear bells & whistles ringing.
Now that service (yearly membership under $30 ) still fosters the old "penpal list", paper catalogues & postmail concept.

Now let's set aside the "penpal" thing as a cover for dating or seeking romance.
Testimonials and material

told of sky-high sucess rates; of people who are still corresponding after DECADES; of wonderful friendship & what's next.
Now of course they are selling a product; someone is making a living out of it and business has its "tricks of the trade"...

This said, i still remember pre-internet penpal clubs, with their grainy catalogues.
I even tried a couple times...with no success whatsoever.
In more recent years through the internet i "met" a few people ( again: off my "dating/romance" radar ); with a few i thought i had something going, if "friendship" is too big and too misused a word...then suddenly these people disappeared into thin air.
Mind you that the exchanges were much coffee-time/weather chatter kind of exchanges, free of most "controversial" issues such as politics or whatever like that.

Some people i "met" were such phoneys that i still cannot believe it.
One girl clearly "used" me to do her french homework.
When she stopped the regular contact and i asked why, she (?) replied that her french classes were over (!)

The ad for that "penpal" club made me think. I wonder if anyone experienced these truly wonderful friendships lasting for decades & whatever along that line.

Posted by: nocomfortzone

Just on this whole thing Ham.

Regardless of whether you are meeting people globally for friendships, romantic partners or whatever it is really starting to become very old fashioned to correspond only by writing or text communication of some kind.

Even this communication on this forum is pretty archiac way to discuss things nowadays. Most of my communication with people on internet i have now is with audio and visual component. The level of communication is so much more effective than just text alone and i have to admit i got some really great genuine friends i met around the world and we don't waste our time with chit chat about weather and such mundane things

I look back at my time from about two years ago when i meet my friend Natasha from Ukraine and i think if i knew then what i knew now i would have made sure we quickly found a way of communicating with Skype or some other communication software on internet.

What took us 6 months to get to know each other through e-mail would have taken probably a week in the real time communication but i did not know about skype or much about phonecards back then.

I think it best to take advantage of all the wonderful modern communication devices we have now,

pen pal communication is best left to the oldies who are not open to learning about the internet communication options. I can just see you in your retirement village writing letters to your dear old friend over other side of globe :-)

Posted by: EasyTarget

I always thought penpal clubs where for young students, and pre-cheap-telephone calls days.

the internet changed all of that ~ or so I thought. I think posting messages on the forum is about as close as you can get to a penpal.

Posted by: Longfellow

While I have not had success with long-term penpal correspondences (none longer than a few years), I think there is still a place for it in meaningful communication if writing and language is a priority to the participants.

The fact that in writing, one has the opportunity to carefully weigh and craft language to best express a thought, has merit.
I doubt that any consider good literature as a failing medium.
And I doubt that any great piece of literature (whether modern or of the past) that touches so many on deep levels was crafted in a first draft.
Writing well is becoming a lost art form. That doesn't mean it is no longer valuable.
I think it's value is only measured properly by those that have learned how to appreciate it and devote mindful energy to it.
I know SMS is a common form of communication now, but isn't it simply a condensation, a substitution if you will, for real vocabulary and thoughtful expression.
Call me old-school, but I think the written word has an important place in relating to people.
There are caveats and circumstances where it works, equally many relationships where it will not succeed.
It is a question of the values for the people involved.

Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longfellow

While I have not had success with long-term penpal correspondences (none longer than a few years), I think there is still a place for it in meaningful communication if writing and language is a priority to the participants.

The fact that in writing, one has the opportunity to carefully weigh and craft language to best express a thought, has merit.
I doubt that any consider good literature as a failing medium.

The is all very true but people write differently to the way they speak and in writing or e-mail correspodence my opinion from what I learnt is most people talk in *ideals* so how a person writes may be different to actually how they are. I certainly found that out with girl I meet. Some of the qualities she talked about in creating a relationship i found did not come into practice, not because she was deceptive but because she had not developed the relationship skills to the level of her ideals. Real time conversations with the extra components of their voice or video, or both, means you are dealing with the person as they are *now*, not what their ideals are that guide them to how they wish they could be right now. It is a fine distinction but one that should be given a lot of attention if you are only writing or e-mailing someone.
That is certainly something i've learnt from my expierence.

As for text chatting or SMS that is probably not even worth the effort writing about here as it is such a superficial and low level of communication.

Quote:

I know SMS is a common form of communication now, but isn't it simply a condensation, a substitution if you will, for real vocabulary and thoughtful expression.

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by nocomfortzone

... in *ideals* so how a person writes may be different to actually how they are..

Struth. What we 'say', whether in person or in writing, can be very different from real-life behavior.
A persons belief system is usually not truly visible to themself, but is able to be seen in their actions.
So especially when looking at love, it is good to remember that it is better a verb than adjective and should be measured by the action, not the dream.
Face-to-face and plenty of time is the only 'real' way to get to know someone genuinely.