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should i offer $ for counseling??
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Posted by: Pin Boy

as many of you may know, i am in kiev for 9 weeks teaching business english to adults. it's been a great experience and worth the time and money. i leave in a few days. would love to stay, but must go back to my school teaching job in the US.

i came last summer for two reasons: to find a job for this summer and to hopefully meet a nice girl. found the job last summer but not THEE girl. used an agency recommended by a ukrainian woman in the US who is friends with the woman who owns the agency.

paid the agency package deal last summer, but did not use all the provided sevices such as city tours and interpreter's time as i only met women who spoke english.

this summer i came on my own. arranged an apt through a girl i met last summer, just a friendship relationship.

used the same agency from last summer for introductions. met three girls through this agency and MAY have met THEE girl as we have spent much time together the past five weeks.

the agency owner is very good at selecting serious girls and knowing the girls and their situations and their personalities. also her office manager/right hand girl is excellent at this also.

the agency owner was very helpful offering insight and advice as the relationship with the one girl progressed.

i am planning a return Xmas trip to see this girl again. we have discussed the possibility of future life in the US and we are at the strong "maybe" stage. i have high hopes and a good feeling about the situation. time will tell, as it always does.

so the agency owner is very good, but here's the catch - the part where she loses some honesty/credibility. she offers this ridiculously priced $1600 package to guide the girl through the fiancee visa process, a handholding kind of thing with psychologcal tests (???), and translation of document services. and basically that's it for $1600!!! and this does not include any use of a visa attorney.

pay $600 now and then $1000 when you get married!! of course, how she would enforce this once you're back on US soil is beyond me??

AND OF COURSE I WOULD NEVER PURCHASE THIS PACKAGE.

she did get pushy the last time i spoke with her and asked some advice about the relationship. she also mentioned that such talk sessions with clients who have met ladies is worth about $50/hour.

i'm thinking of offering her $75 for the time she did sit and patiently listen and offer good advice. i'm thinking because there is NO WAY i'd ever purchase the $1600 package, she may POSSIBLY try to in some way spoil the relationship i have going. i've developed a good case of soviet suspiciuous thinking in the past two months. one of my students, a lawyer, said "it's very useful."

so should i compensate her for the time and try to build good will? or let it go and believe she made enough money on my trip last summer (for sure)?

pin boy

Posted by: Texas Proud

Well Pin Boy.... good luck with this lady... does she speak English? if so, then you can talk to her and explain anything you need..

The $1600 sounds like a rip off... counseling? Maybe someone who does not speak English needs some and also some hand holding to get through the process, but I doubt it...

NO, you do not owe this lady anything.... you had talked as 'friends' and she took some time to give you some advice... I do that all the time as a financial adviser... some off the shelf info that some people just don't know and it is just a conversation.... NOW, if she had told you up front that you would owe her, then yes or course pay her...

Good luck..

Posted by: Chrismc

I agree with TP pinboy, in business you give out useful information all the time that you do not expect payment for, but sometimes you do hope the person will repay that generosity by using your services again, you do not go round blackmailing them into using you again though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinboy

the agency owner was very helpful offering insight and advice as the relationship with the one girl progressed.

I assume some form of payment was exchanged to allow you to meet these ladies, if so you have already paid for the service you took from her. If she was expecting you to pay for her oral advice then she should have made you aware prior to giving that advice that a cost would be involved. However, if you thought the advice given was beneficial then maybe it would be in your best interests to at least offer her something, last thing you want is this agency owner mixing things with your lady.

If I was in this situation I think I would have a good talk to the agency lady and try and keep things amicable without giving her any amunition to do something bad to you and then depending on what happened with that conversation, I would be having a talk to my lady and see how the land lies with her, she is probably not in the slightest aware of any emotional blackmail type situations that this lady is trying to pull on you, I am sure if you discussed things with her and mentioned what this lady was trying to do (ie coerce money out of you for no reason, when you can sort out any visa issues yourself) then she will understand I am sure.

Its business Pinboy, she wants to earn more from you, but you don't want to pay an extortionate rate for a service you may or may not require, as the customer you have the choice of going elsewhere for that service if you need to.

Posted by: joelunchbox

All I can think of is: a tip? If someone did something over and above the norm, something extra would be nice.
My second thought is...if she needs counseling...run.

My girl is surviving the visa process without nightmares or other psych problems.

Posted by: Longfellow

My advice is not to give her the money unless you believe she way above and beyond the nature of her work as the owner of an agency you have paid to use.

That bit of advice will cost you $50 !!

Posted by: Big wheel

You paid her 1600 and i would think that all you would need to pay her. Unless you feel like you do owe her.

Posted by: waiting123

I have to agree, there is no need for hand holding. This relationship is between you and her, and since she speaks english, she will understand everything you say. You are perfectly capable of doing the visa process on your own, or with the help and guidance of people here in the RMP. It is a simpleprocess, no need to pay some one to do it. I did my own process and completed 2 packets for other RMP members.

You do not want a "counsler" telling her how bad it is in the US or how much different the US is... That is your job to tell your girl how it is where you live... your situation and circumstamnces, not how the US in general is.

it is a complete waste of money... and as TP said, as I am a financial manager as wealth, I am always offering advice for free....especially to people I work with, friends, and people who have paid me for services in the past. I do not believe in nickeling and diming everyone..

My thoughts.

Congratulations on meeting her!!!

Posted by: bingism

PB, I am happy to offer telephone counselling to both you and your (potentially) intended...

For these services, I will charge you the much reduced fee of only $1000US... sounds like a bit of a "try-on" to me and I doubt that she/he would be too shocked, surprised or upset if you declined politely. Don't forget that the soviet-way of negotiation is to start high/low and move a long way to the middle... unlike US or EU styles

PS.... don't forget that this agency owner is interested in cash! By screwing up your relationship, she'd simply close the purse - there is definitely a soviet vindictive streak, but a gift-horse and their beholder are not easily parted

Posted by: freebird

I think it might depend on how this "counceling" came about. If you asked her for help, she came around to your flat and spent an hour+ helping you out, it might not be unreasonable to pay for her time, as this is her business. However she should tell you up front of the fee. If you think she was helpful and spent time with you you might consider offering $50 just to be polite. You should of course already have her phone # and e-mail! You should not be paying the agency for anything after you have already met in person! Even if she speaks NO english, you can get friends to translate on phone calls, and use a web translator (eg-www.freetranslation.com) to send e-mail. You would also be well advised to find some others to help give advice/counsel your lady (such as on RMP!) Most of the advice you could pay for can be found here without paying big $$$! (I'll send you my address to send my $50 fee)

Posted by: Spakoyna

My take on this is if you need to pay someone to counsel your lady through the process you are not ready! Tell the greedy agency btch ta take a hike!

Posted by: AkMike

Give her a hundred dollar tip and forget about the agency. You paid and any extra is a bounus to them. The gal that helped Tanya and I at first demanded $400 after the wedding inspite of the minor detail that she was paid for her efforts a couple of years earlier.
BUT, Since Tanya is over there now..... IF you'd like her to have a talk with your "maybe" gal about life in the US and what to expect as far as changes in lifestyles ect. I'm sure that she'd be happy to call or stop by.

Posted by: Pin Boy

thanks for the replies fellas...the counseling i was refering to is the time the agency owner spent with me over the past few weeks when i would go the office to ask a few questions/update the owner on how the relationship was progressing.

the $1600 fee is absolutley insane!

i think i will go by the office, maybe bring a small present, thank her for all the help, and offer her $75 for the "bull sessions" that were indeed very beneficial.

as far as the K1 process, i'm reluctant to try to do it alone. the girls' english level is about a 3 out of 10.

any thoughts on the K1 process??

pb

Posted by: joelunchbox

You might want to check my thread on the K-1 visa thing...
Basically, she just needs to fill out 1 form--apparently you can make three copies and renumber them as needed, and she needs to sign a general style affidavit of intent to marry, and she needs a photo--not sure if a 3/4 view is still required so get both. If you are there..none of this is difficult. If you are not...she may need someone to translate the forms so she can fill it in and trying to explain a 3/4 view picture is something else..

There is no where I picture this as being about $100 worth of assistance. If you haven't joined visajourney yet, I suggest it. Very good info there.

Posted by: AkMike

Do the K-1 yourself. It's easily done.
I did our CR-1 with out problems and it'll show he just how much you care about her..
After all to do a battle of paper with the government and succede... It shows you care..

Posted by: Pin Boy

thanks all...i brought her some chocolates, gave her $50 for the extra bull sessions, and she was happy. explained we are in the "strong maybe" stage of the immigration question. she didn't pressure me as i felt she did before and we parted on very good terms.

pin boy

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pin Boy

thanks all...i brought her some chocolates, gave her $50 for the extra bull sessions, and she was happy. explained we are in the "strong maybe" stage of the immigration question. she didn't pressure me as i felt she did before and we parted on very good terms.

pin boy

Best way Pinboy