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Are All Russian Women secretive about themselves?
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Posted by: SL1959

Hello,
I am new to this site. I thing it is an excellent idea!

I am currently engaged to a lady. I have spent a total of 7 weeks with her in 2 trips and returning in less than 2 months to spend another month! This visa process is slow.

I have no doubts that my lady truely has feelings and cares for me. My problem is I cannot persuade her to open up to me and tell me more about herself. I spent a month with her in her city(one of the larger Russian cities). I understand her reservations after all my reading online why she did not want to introduce me to people she knew. Especially since she has a friend I did not meet that had a failed relationship and had to return home. What I do not understand is why she will not talk to me about herself and her life. I am not asking her any questions she has not asked me and promptly received an answer. If I ask twice she becomes aggrevated and defensive. Is it normal for a Russian Lady to be so secretive about themselves,especially after she knows I am sincere and all the legal proceedings are in motion? I could talk and talk but I will wait to see what some of you have to say!

Thanks for your input,SL1959

Posted by: searcher

I can only speak for myself but I don't believe this is typical.

From my understanding, a RW will want you to meet the people who are important to her if she is serious. Scammers may avoid having you meet their family and friends.

The lady i'm meeting has already told me that she plans to have me meet with her family and friends. She has even said that she has told them all much about me....

I would serious ask her why she has such reservations and evaluate things for yourself!!!

All in all, if you have an uneasy feeling about it then it may not be the thing to do!!!!

Posted by: SL1959

Thanks for your reply Searcher. I did meet with her family many times. I like her mother and she likes me! I also get along with her brother. We spent new years together! We had problems when I 1st arrived because her brother was doing the Russian drinking thing. She spent 2 weeks trying to hide this from me. This was causing problems because she was continuously making excuses to go home. We rented an aprtment together.I think she realized her approach was going to ruin our relationship. She opened up to me about this but that is all. I finally met with her brother even though he was drinking!

Posted by: klawsite

SL.. I agree with searcher,

My fiance` has been very open with me about her life. I have met many of her friends and everyone in her immediate family. She has more friends she wishes me to visit in our next meeting in May. It would concern me if she didn't share more about her own life. I have been very open with her and she has I feel been very open with me. She answers all questions I have to my satisfaction.

Best Wishes,
-Kevin

Posted by: searcher

Ok, since she has let you meet her family that is good.

Now, I know my lady was a bit concerned about a few things.

I told her that i wasn't judging her by where she lived, the conditions or by how much money she had.

I do know this was in the back of her mind but she would never tell me nor would she ask me for money (that would be a bad sign).

So, you might want to tell her that you do understand that her life isn't perfect and that there may be some undesirable things in her life but you understand and accept that and it really isn't a big deal.

Maybe then she will be more open!

Posted by: ulughbek

You have spent a lot of time with her, so there is something good there. And you have met her family, so she is not pretending to be somebody else. I would want to know what kinds of questions she does not like to answer before passing further judgment. Maybe she just does not analyze things in the same way or consider certain things important to talk about?

In any case, whether it is normal for her to behave that way or not is not as important as how you feel about it. If she will not answer a question that you need to know the answer to, that is a specific problem. If she is simply uncommunicative, you may keep trying to find some other areas that she is comfortable opening up about.

Posted by: Jutman

Hi

Well, I have posted my story here. My lady had also some 'bad things' in her baggage. She did not tell them for some time, becus she was afraid that she would loose me.
I hope thats the situation for you.

the answer, let it go, wait until she is ready. But a second reason could be a bad BF, maybe even beat her or or. Then she don't want to talk about it. Respect that.

My lady was also very hostile about me, when I offered to help her, in the beginning of our relationsship. Now not a big issue (we are getting married, hopefully).

What I did to overcome this situation: I offered her to pay for our phone talking. Simple impossible for her to pay and with the argument, that I did it for ME !! not her, she accepted without a big battle. When I transfered money, I added a little money and told her. Thats for you to spoil yourself.

I also learned that her work did not pay her the salary, so I offered to pay her rent. Again something after some time of relationship, where she felt she could tell me about her financial situation.

Good luck

Posted by: Voyageur

SL1959,

In my present experience (I am going over the second time to see a Ukrainian woman in Kharkov, hvae begun the K1 process) and in previous experience with a woman from Saint Petersburg, the woman must be serious about you, else she would not introduce you to her family.

But I understand what you mean. Sometime RW do not say everything because they are afraid of saying something to scare off a man from the west. I believe that the men drinking all the time is something that they are ashamed of, around foriegners. And they may be ashamed of their flats and lack of money.

The best thing to do, is to ask the woman honestly what is wrong. Just tell her that you are very serious about her and want to understand her more. It would be hard for her to be angry with this request, in my opinion.

Also, has anyone ever had experience with a woman who does not like to write letters? This woman is very literate and speaks English well, but does not like to write many letters or emails. This is not very common, in my experience and would like to get the perspective of a RW.

Thanks for the great forum.

Posted by: klawsite

SL...

I may have been hasty in what I posted earlier. You have met her family and spent alot of time with her. I am sure there are things in everyones past that they would not be thrilled to talk about. Especially with what women in the FSU have to deal with. Perhaps soon she will open up and talk more about things. I guess you can always give her more time if you are willing to.

Best Wishes!!
-Kevin

Posted by: SL1959

I must say I appreciate everyone's input! I think I have come to peace with myself about this. klawsite, she has told me that she will tell me all in her own time. The one thing I will confess is when we 1st started writing letters she told me she prefers to read about who she is corresponding with and does not like to write about herself. I just did not think it would take so long for her to open up to me. I do know she is very concerned about what other people think about her.The one thing I have learned here is that was very important that she introduced me to her family. I have thought about this and yes...that does say it all! The one thing that I will say is I have no problems with her writing me letters. We are exchanging 1 or 2 letters everyday! We talk on the phone at least twice a week. I know she loves me and I have never had a women care for my well being and health the way she does! Now if we could all just use the Vermont service center we would all be great. This long wait does not help anyone. I just hope I do not go broke travelling to Russia in the meantime. Maybe our government should think of all the dollars we would be spending here instead of in Russia if they would get their butts in gear! :-) Anyone going to Moscow from the middle of March to the middle of April?

I wish all the best to all! SL

Posted by: klawsite

SL..

I agree.. I wish I could use the Vermont Center.. But oh no.. I have to go through the slowest one of the bunch.. Nebraska!!!
I guess they are to busy husking corn to work on Visa Petitions!!

Good luck!!
-Kevin

PS: I heard if you call and complain to the Manager. He/She will put pressure on people to get your Visa petition processed so they don't have to hear you complain. the old squeaky wheel thing!! I have phone numbers and I am not afraid to use them;-)