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Married before?
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Posted by: j_c

Just read something in another thread which prompts me to ask : Has your Eastern partner been married before and do you think that either your or them being married before will mean a relationship is less or more likely to succeed?

JC

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Yes my girl was married once. I think it will help. You know more about what to expect. It is also experience and experience is always good. Of course there are some people that won't change and make the same mistakes.

Posted by: Big wheel

she was married once before. I think it will help. As for me I never was married.

Posted by: Longfellow

I think that people who share experience of long-term living situations previously (married previous, live together with someone more than 5 years)
probalby have an improved prospect of success. There is an idea we have when very young that love will conquer all.
(I need to clean my monitor, I was laughing so hard!)
Real experience shows us that there are many daily circumstances that require attention and effort to keep a relationship on track. People who have been in long-term committed relations learn this or fail. They are generally better prepared for the next 'match'.

Posted by: Chrismc

One of the few good things about getting older is you become wiser and more experienced and know what you want from life. You shouold have learnt valuable lessons of what went wrong in a previous marriage/reletaionships and have a better idea of what not and what to do in the future. Well at least most of us do anyway

Posted by: GoeastLJ

A 36 year old FSU woman wanted a single WM with no children and who has not been married before. She met such a man, and they got married. He was 45. According to her, this man didn't know the concept of sharing when she came to join him. He was generous and all, but he would never stop jabbering if he found things in different places. Couldn't share tv, always wanted to have things his own way.

Well, I think having been in a steady relashionship before helps a lot becasue it makes one learn new words like compromise, sharing, having to wait outside the bathroom crossing your legs, not having one's own way all the time, larger bills ...

Posted by: joelunchbox

[QUOTE=GoeastLJ]A 36 year old FSU woman wanted a single WM with no children and who has not been married before. She met such a man, and they got married. He was 45. According to her, this man didn't know the concept of sharing when she came to join him. He was generous and all, but he would never stop jabbering if he found things in different places. Couldn't share tv, always wanted to have things his own way.QUOTE]

this is interesting...this describes the man my ex-wife is dating and he was married for about 15 years before divorcing. I think the most important thing is what kind of person are you? And what kind of person do you expect. My fiance has never been married, is 43 and is one of the nicest level headed people I have met recently. I am very lucky to have met her.

Posted by: sidney

I think there are two ways of looking at the question. One is that if she was not married before there may be less baggage to deal with. This can include abuse from a previous marriage or long term relationship as well as children and custody among others. It also could mean that coming from a bad situation she may appreciate a good relastionship when she see it.
For me when I was looking I was open to all. The ones with children just didn't work out Some of this may have been what I felt was poor rearing of the children. I also had a friend that ended up with a big payout for custody from the father. This was years ago so things may have changed.
I wanted childen and in the end decided on looking only for a woman that had not been married before. My wife had similar experiences as I had and was also seeking the same. So in some ways we are the same.
Sid

Posted by: j_c

Some interesting replies, when I started the post I was thinking along the lines that if it was your second or third marriage that the person would have no qualms about ending it and starting all over again, whereas people who have not been married might try that little harder to keep the relationship going rather than venture into unknown territory of divorce!

But its good to get other peoples opinions and views....

JC

Posted by: redhawk

my RW is 29,has never been married,only had a couple of long term relationships,and does not have any children,but wants some very much from me.
i on the other hand,am 33, was married to a "woman" for 7 years who brought a child from a previous dead beat boyfriend into the relationship(i raised him as my own

and love him very much) and i have a wonderful 5 year old daughter from my ex.
i get to see the children almost every weekend at my place,or when the ex feels a little freaky during the week,or they have a happy hour at the local "clap shack"

.(quite often,i might add.) btw,i dont drink.
my RW understands that my experience as a father and spouse of a difficult lopsided relationship is an asset to us, and not a hinderence.
i myself,wanted another child,and at our ages,its difficult to find a man or a woman without one or the other, and usually, have both.

strictly for mathematical purposes,i did not want a woman with a child,as i had in my first marriage,but i did not rule them out in my early search.for many of them, its not fair to rule them out because of this fact.
having said that,i did find in fsu a few drama queens-gold diggers who had no children,but i discontinued all communication with them after i found my RW.
i think i speak for alot of decent divorced men,when i say the following-
"i have paid all the dues i care to in the drama dept for other spouses/boyfriends/sorry-absentee fathers abuse of women.
i do not want to repeat MY mistake of a bad choice in a wife. i dont regret it,because of my kids,but all the rest,i do. (its why we are here

)

Posted by: LagunaE

JC,

If a woman I am interested in has previously been married, I don't see this as necessarily a bad thing.

As others have said, I think the experience factor of being around a guy for a while is close quarters is good.

What I do look for, however, are the reasons why the previous marriage failed. If you can inconspicuously gain this information from her, and it is truthful, you might gain some insight into her past behavior, personality, lessons learned, lingering issues, etc. This can allow you to better evaluate whether you think she is good material for you or if you think there are underlying problems that might result in something not working in your future relationship with her...

It's all in the details...

Posted by: JamesB

Liuda is my third marraige and i think in all it teaches you what to do right.I would not worry too much.

Posted by: blucatz

I don't think I could be with a woman who has never been married before. I don't think she would have any clue as to how to handle long term close quarter relationship. Living with a person for a while is not the same as being married to them.

Posted by: swindoom

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucatz

I don't think I could be with a woman who has never been married before. I don't think she would have any clue as to how to handle long term close quarter relationship. Living with a person for a while is not the same as being married to them.

From the limited number of Russian women I have met in England, who's first marriage was to an English guy, they do seem to be the selfish/spoilt type, who do not understand the word compromise. It also appears the older they were before they married for the first time the worse they are.

Posted by: blucatz

Quote:

Originally Posted by swindoom

Oh yeah, you get one that waited till they were in thier late 30's early 40's when they got married the first time, those marriages seldom ever last because they are too set in thier ways to compromise. I agree with you 100% on the Russian women being married to a local man, they do get spoiled. My Russian friend told me that if I wanted a good Russian woman that I had to go over there and find her and bring her here myself because all the good ones here were already taken.

Posted by: Ade

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucatz

Absolute 100% cobblers. According to this logic, no one who hasn't been married before can handle marriage. But someone who has been married before - and presumably that means in a failed marriage (apart from those unlucky few who have had a deceased spouse) - has also shown they can't handle a marriage.

You are talking bollocks. My parents were both only married once, and all my older sisters have all only married once, and they all managed just fine.

It's human nature to be in close quarter relationships.........

Posted by: JamesB

Well i was married before but this is liuda first time and she,s a natural.I think Ade is correct and that it depends on the individual.

Posted by: deccie

Ade is most definitely correct.

The statistics on divorce rates are much higher for second and subsequent marriages that for a first one.

The statistic I don't quite understand is that there is a higher divorce rate if you live together with your spouse before getting married as well.

Explain that one too me?????

Posted by: swindoom

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

Ade is most definitely correct.

The statistics on divorce rates are much higher for second and subsequent marriages that for a first one.

The statistic I don't quite understand is that there is a higher divorce rate if you live together with your spouse before getting married as well.

Explain that one too me?????

Maybe some people expect marriage to be like a silver bullet and solve their relationship problems, only to realise that it does not.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

I would say that people who live together for a long period before getting married are the non-comittal type. All is well as long as they do not tie the knot. Once they tie the knot they feel like caged animals!