So here's my story so far... - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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So here's my story so far...
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Posted by: CJthrills

Hey everyone. Thanks for the welcome in the greetings thread. You all seem like a great bunch. I did read some more of the stories around here and it does seem a little better than the first impressions. Did find some more terror stories but also some good ones and then the middle of the road ones where it didn't work out but wasn't bad (which actually made it seem all the better to me that its a good indication that it is just all part of a "real" life, just like any other relationship even though with its own unique circumstances.)

Well, like I said in the other post I have only been doing the online thing for a short time. I didn't really know much at first so I just tried the easy ones being Anastasia (because they let me send free interests and I don't have to pay unless I wanted to read/write, though now I see they are a bit pricey and I hear they have scam issues but I never personally met with that, maybe I'm just lucky) and Elena's because she had this free special thingy going and I got like 20 free contacts (5 turned into a working convo. 2 ended going to personal email but eventually fell off.)

It was Sept. of last year that Inna first sent me an email at Anastasia. I didn't really reply at first. For whatever reason. Actually I think I didn't reply for 2 months or so. Then one day I just was like ok I'll write. And now here it is we are still communicating. After about 1 months of emails, I brought up the idea of calling her and she was very open to this. So I set it up and had a nice first meeting on the phone (she speaks better English than I do =) and during that talk she gave me her cell number so I could call without the middle man. We started off on regular schedule one day a week and worked up to me calling really whenever other day I wanted to talk; usually we'd speak about twice a week. Things are well, though sometimes I wish she'd open up a bit more about her emotions. Though I think she's just shy for one, also she is very traditional so much its kinda cute (when we met in Odessa she didn't want to be out late because she didn't want to anger her parents even though she's 22.) But I just try to slowly ease her into comfort and she has begun to come around.

I made the first move in asking her if she would like to meet up. We spoke about it a bit in the letters that we couldn't really know until we actually met if it would work. She was very excited about it and helped a lot in the preparations. She set the dates actually and gave me all the advice on where to stay and where to go for all my needs and such. The trip was nice. There were issues, Ukraine isn't the easiest to get planes to as you all know and missed flights suck. But I got there and we met. She is a great girl. The only really annoying thing was that we really didn't meet up as much as I'd have hoped. Though it wasn't exactly her fault. She was in the middle of her university exams (June) so she was very busy studying and it shows; she's definitely the brains of the two of us. So while we didn't get to meet as much as I'd had hoped, I did enjoy the time we had together and I think she did too. And we are still communicating so I do think I'll go see her again.

So my impressions of her are that she is def attractive. I think I did the whole jaw on the floor thing when I first saw her in person. But more importantly she has a lot of personality and at the same time she has high standards for herself morally (it shows the best in all the little things that we talk about not just the big decisions; know what I mean?) Its not perfect, sometimes I do get annoyed at how she has no perception of time on my part (but at the same I'm probably too hard core about being punctual but its the military in me.) For example when we met she would on more than one occasion tell me that she wasn't sure what time we'd meet up the next day and to just wait for her call. Which was fine except half the time she wouldn't call and when I get in touch she'd say she was too busy and wait for her tomorrow. But I'm going to throw that to the fact that she was taking her exams at the time, I don't have any red flags to think otherwise. Anyways I'm sure I get on her nerves with things too, she knows I'm young and stubborn and that she's stuck with being the voice of responsibility

We have spoken about the future and such things. Mainly just to go over that we both understand the issues involved with marriage ceremony, visas and such. But we both also acknowledge that we aren't yet ready to commit to saying we are at the point we know we want to be married together. And we have time anyways. She still has her last year of college and I have to set things up myself. I just finished my active duty tour and am in reserves. They are going to retrain me into a worthwhile skill (before all I did was play with guns.) Now I'm going into Aeromedical Evac. The training is about a year long and when finished I'll be also nationally certed E.M.T. So its a change but one I'm looking forward too. Plus it helps working with all the Medics in the reserves and I got lots of contacts for civilian jobs in the field. So its looking up if I may be so bold.

Well that's what's up with me. Just wanted to tell about myself. I just took the little test thingy on this site. Here is the results:

Your relationship's total health score is: 16
Your relationship's average health score= 0.533333333333
Your relationship's total scam potential score is: 12.5
Your relationship's average scam potential score= 0.416666666667

Detailed Comments:
The fact that you felt comfortable with her when you visited her country is a good sign. Although one visit is not conclusively going to tell you whether she is right for you, it is a good sign and you should thnk more deeply and honestly about your relationship and whether it is the right one for you both and whether you will be happy with one another. But, feeling comfortable after having met someone in person is a positive sign to move things to the next level of your decision-making process.

When a woman you are getting to know is spending your money freely and easily before you have married (and even when you have married), then this should raise a large warning flag. Does she see you as her Western ATM machine? Does she believe that you have so much money that she can spend a lot of it and that it would not make a dent in your bank account? Or is she wholely ignorant of how much money that you really have? I would slow this free spending way down before it gets out of hand, or before it becomes a habit. You have to ask yourself WHY she feels so comfortable in spending your money so freely. And you must decide what you also want in regards to how your finances should be respected, and communicate this to her. If she STILL does not change her expectations or behaviour after you have explained your wishes and position, then I would put up a couple of more warning flags and put on the brakes on your relationship until you can evaluate her thoughts and intentions.

The fact that she has never asked you for money is a fairly good sign, especially after a few months or more have passed. Usually, when a person is trying to 'scam' you out of money, they will not want to waste too much time in getting to know you and developing a relationship. A 'scammer' will usually try to ask for money within the first few weeks of a relationship. However, even if a woman passes a 'scam' test, you must still evaluate your compatibility with her to determine if you are suited for one another and whether your marriage can be happy.

The fact that she has not expressed love for you could be positive or negative, based upon how long you have known her. If it has been one year, and you have met in person and she hasn't expressed her love, then this would signal caution to me. However, if it has only been a few months and she has not committed her love to you, then she may simply be a mature and reasonable person who does not believe that you can love someone without having met them.

When you have been communicating with someone overseas for 6 months to one year, then you should be receiving a fairly reasonable sense of who this person is. Of course, meeting someone in person is a very important step in getting to know someone, but in 6 to 12 months of regular emailing and phone calls (and perhaps a visit), you should have gotten a pretty good sense of who she is and how you feel about whether you are compatible for a relationship. This can be a difficult stage, because you are probably exclusively involved with this person by now, and you are approaching a decision of whether you should get married, or decide rather that you don't feel comfortable marrying her at this stage. You also need to communicate your feelings and intentions very clearly to her, because a 6 to 12 month relationship to most Russian women means that you are very serious with her. If you have not visited her yet, now is definitely the time to plan to meet her in person so that you can decide to move or not move the relationship to the next level. If you have already visited her during this time, then you also have a personal meeting with her to help you put all of the pieces together and decide whether you want to become engaged and begin the immigration process for her. However, EVEN if you have met in person, it is still wise to continue to write and call regularly, so that you can further develop the relationship, as well as create realstic expectations for her new future life in your country.

You need to be careful about making a decision to be with a woman based on your physical attraction to her. Physical attraction has a tricky way of clouding your ability to evaluate a person and their suitability for you. You need to acknowledge the fact that you find her physically attractive, but at the same time, you need to put that out of the forefront of your mind, and evaluate her mind, actions, character and personality. If she is still living in a different country, then you have a wonderful opportunity to focus on her words (as you writer her emails) and her spoken expression of her thoughts (while speaking with her on the phone). Now that you know that you find her physically attractive, it is important to understand that when both of you become older and lose your teeth, and your sexual drive lessens, that you can be happy just spending time with one another talking, shopping for groceries, paying the bills, taking care of your children and grandchildren. You need to ask yourself 'if she lost her physically attraction, would I still love her and enjoy her company? Would I be happy and comfortable being with her every day for the rest of my life?This one was a bit off. The initial impression was obviously physical..there isn't much else to go on. But the reason I kept writing is because she just has a great personality. We are both around same age and really important, her English is wonderful.

Describing you relationship as solid is a good indication. Feeling that your relationship is 'solid' means that you feel confident in your relationship, and that it is moving forward in a positive and satisfying way. Even though the relationship feels solid, it is still important to communicate about each of your expectations for the relationship once she has arrived in your country. If you already are engaged to be married and have begun the immigration process, then begin to help make her transition to her new life in your country as comfortable as possible: enroll her in English classes in her native country. Speak with her openly and realistically about what life will be like in your country. Speak with her about the financial realities of your life. It is a great start that your relationship feels solid. Now help guide the rest of the process forward so that your Russian lady can make a soft landing in your country when she immigrates.

I think that it is a healthy sign when a woman tells you that she feels that it is too early to speak about marriage, and yet she is serious about the relationship and wants to move it forward. This seems like the quality of a mature person who wants to move the relationship forward, but realizes that it takes time to get to know someone well, especially over a long distance. This probably is the reflection of a mature, thoughtful person.

Feeling at peace about a person or a relationship is a very good sign. If when you look into your thoughts and intuition and feel a resulting peacefulness about your relationship and your Russian lady, then generally this is a fairly positive indication. Imagine if you felt a lack of peace about this woman and your relationship with her? If you feel a sense of peace, then you can more confidently move forward with her through the process of deeply and lovingly getting to know one another.

End of Comments

Wow that's a wall of text if I ever seen one...sorry for those of you that read all that..I suppose I owe you some time or something haha.

Posted by: Cheburashka

Welcome to the forum CJ.

Posted by: firemansam

Hey CJ,
I don't know exactly what I want to tell you her but I do have maybe a word of warning. If a FSU woman is into you, she is INTO YOU!
If you take a look at my initial story, and the later pages, you will see a trip report of a lass I visited having felt that there was a good thing going on between us... Only to find on arrival that it was a lot of waiting around and seeing if I would hear from her (which sounds a little like what you suffered). It can be found Here

Let me tell you this situation was 10000% opposite from the next woman I became interested in and have now become engaged to! I cannot express to you enough the difference between a FSU woman who likes you and one who is not interested. Believe me, there is a VERY big difference between these two extremes and when you experience it...... You WILL know what I mean

Stay safe,

Sam.