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Do Russians often spank there children?
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Posted by: james w.

I am about to bring this up with a Russian women that I am going to marry. Is she likely to be opposed to spanking as some American women are?

Posted by: Ellen

What is "spanking" in your opinion? If it's just a slap at a back wth a hand then well some times some boys ( only boys

I was raised in exactly THAT idea, no kidding I remember cleary that when somebody told my mother that I deserved a good slap at my ass my mother always answered that girls should not be slapped ( meaning in principle matter) and she had opposide opinion about boys)

But if spanking means using some "tool" ( like a belt for example)) then I think it's too much.( nobody I know personaly practice such a methode of teaching)

Anyway I think( ps It's my personal opinion of former step child) that ANY punishmet ( even on words) should go ONLY from mother Because her husband is not a father to her child - that way my stepfather followed helped him to survive under one roof with me

But I was little angel truth tell and he married my mother when I was old enough ( 13) and no punishment could "change" me already)

Posted by: j_c

Hi

I feel very strongley against "spanking", obviously a personal opinion, and I would say that it will vary according to how you were raised by your parents.

If you resort to violence to "beat" your child into doing what you want then thats what they will think is normal as they grow up.......and I am sure that a lot of people wil disagree with this view saying that it happened to me and I turned out OK.

My russian wife is also against "spanking" and despite our son being three , we find that explaining what he's doing wrong and why its wrong is normally enough to stop him doing it, although now he is a little more argumentative, he still stops.

Look forward to seiing others views on this subject!

JC

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellen

But I was little angel truth tell...

Was? So now when you behave naughty, perhaps you seek the spanking?!

Posted by: Ellen

No comments I'm afraid to say something which would sound too naughty because of lack in English skills

Posted by: jyden

Well. Not issue here.

Its simple band by the law.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by jyden

Well. Not issue here.

Its simple band by the law.

We are talking about Russia.... I doubt it is banned by the law...

And yes, I have seen it even in the street... and the threat of a belt usually does the trick it seems...

I am opposed myself, but it is hard with just 'timeout' and taking away things.. most people don't want to take that extra time...

Posted by: jyden

No.

Its also relevant for russian with kids who emigrate.

Beside that, the teeny part of Russian I have seen, its not really been practices.
I have meet several and is of the same opinion that russian kids are more well mannered, that at least danish kids and in generel western kids.

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by jyden

... opinion that russian kids are more well mannered, that at least danish kids and in generel western kids...

I realize that this is perhaps degrading the thread to a philosophical discussion of the issue and I do not want it misconstrued that I am making any moral judgements here...
In the context of your real situation, with a real mother and a real child, isn't the question 'what are the sensiblities of my beloved in this regard'? A broad question about what 'Russians do' cannot serve the situation of your personal and familial needs, can it?
Personally, I was spanked as a child, punished with a belt as I was older and even went to a prep school where the consequence for some infractions was to be caned. Truth be told, I was a rather precocious boy and a real handful to my parents. Still, I did not find any great lessons in this and it rarely mitigated my future behavior - if anything it caused me to rebel more strongly against authority figures. I just don't think that the threat of the infliction of pain provides the incentive to grow into more responsible people. On the most basic level, all creatures will attempt to distance themelves from that which causes them pain.
Now I work in a venue that is full of children and families every day and I see some atrocious behavior from some of these kids. They are tyrannical little terrorists who inflict their sense of privilege on everyone around them. IMHO the parents are doing a disservice to society if they only punish to stop the behavior for the moment. I've seen public spanking in the park and it only works because it humiliates the child.
I think a more lasting solution would be for the parents to provide natural and logical consequences... take action as if to say, "No one wants to be around you when you are an unmannered child, and others should not be required to forfeit their enjoyment in the face of your misbehavior therefore you shall be removed from the opportunity to intrude on them."
Act first, skip any negotiations that undermine the message that you take the situation seriously. You can talk about it when everyone has cooled down. And in the arena of my park, you can get your hand stamped on the way out and return later that day when the child has taken to heart the lesson you are attempting to teach.
That's the thinking of this outside observer...

Posted by: Jill

Well, my (Ukrainian) husband sees nothing wrong with spanking a child, but fortunately accepted my veto (NO ONE hits my child. EVER). We practice GD which he is still a little skeptical of, but thus far has gone along with

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

We practice GD which he is still a little skeptical of, but thus far has gone along with

GD??

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longfellow

GD??

Oh, sorry. Gentle discipline (no spanking, yelling, berating, etc--discipline based on respect for the child and natural consequences rather than random punishment).

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

Oh, sorry. Gentle discipline (no spanking, yelling, berating, etc--discipline based on respect for the child and natural consequences rather than random punishment).

OIC Not being a parent but uncle to many, I wasn't aware that there was an actual field of thoughts and teachings. My sisters made their husbands read the parenting literature she brought home and I never pulled them from the bookcase...
Let me guess - "A little gentle discipline never hurt anyone."

Posted by: Jill

Here are some of the principles:

Quote:

Alternatives To Punishment

Use positive reinforcement.

Create a positive environment.

Say yes as much as possible.

Save no for the important things.

Use natural consequences.

Use logical consequences.

Use restitution.

Leave it up to your child.

Compromise.

State your expectations, and get out of the way.

Give specific instructions.

Give a reason.

Offer help.

Give a choice.

Redirect your child.

Remove your child.

Make positive statements.

Give in occasionally.

Give your child time to agree.

Simply insist.

Make rules.

Ignore some behavior.

Avoid nagging and threats.

Distract your child.

Use humor.

Make it a game.

Be willing to admit your mistakes.

Stop and think before you act.

Don't make a big fuss over little things.

Stick to routines.

Don't hurry your children too much.

Get to the root of the problem.

Correct one behavior at a time.

Give yourselves time.

Use the golden rule.

Model appropriate behavior.

Think of your child as an equal.

Always keep your love for your child in mind.

From the book Natural Family Living by Peggy O'Mara,

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longfellow

Let me guess - "A little gentle discipline never hurt anyone."

Posted by: Volga Trader

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

Here are some of the principles:

And may I add "Listen to the child first. There may be a reason for the behaviour."

Posted by: UKFreeter

I was never spanked by my mum. I was beaten with a belt. To tell the truth it did keep my in line. I knew where the line was and if i crossed it i would get a beating. Much more of a discipline then "go and sit in the corner".

Posted by: joelunchbox

The important thing about spanking is to know what you know. A lot of people find themselves angry and suddenly think-wow, a spanking will straighten this out right now. My rules on myself about spanking are: I limited myself to only three spankings at the max. I spanked my son, exactly 3 times by the way. Spanking only allowed between the ages of 2 and 7. spank only when the child is disrepectful to the parent. I suggest you read everything you can find, together with your spouse and then sit down and formulate what your plan for discipline is. write it down and follow it.