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Great plan? (spending time alone with girlfriend in Russia and meeting parents)
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Posted by: Charles

Hello everyone,
I am meeting my Russian girlfriend this summer in her home city. She says she wants to get a cottage in the country. She will stay there alone with me for several days. She wants us to be alone there getting to know each other better, and then spend the last two weeks of my stay in her flat with her parents. Then we will sightsee together and meet the family and friends. She says it will be "very beautiful."
I am feeling very optimistic about the situation. I want to know if I am missing something from the Russian cultural perspective. We will be spending several days alone in a very intimate situation. It seems she is very happy with our relationship, and comfortable with me.
Am I right to feel optimistic? My experience with American women tells me she would not want to be alone with me if she did not care about and like me very much. I am happy with her plans. I know she is making sure I am the same man she knows from email letters and long phone calls.
I want to know if I am missing something from the Russian cultural perspective. What does everyone think? I just want to be cautious. The cultural difference makes it dangerous to make assumptions.
I will appreciate any opinions or thoughts.

Posted by: Khashyar

Hello Charles...

I think that it is a great idea that the two of you spend so much time alone together... What better way to get to know someone and learn about how well you get along when you spend time together...

I think that it is a good sign that your Russian girlfriend wants you to meet her parents... I would personally try to spend bit more time with her parents so that you can learn some more about her through the dynamics of her family, but... I think that she must be feeling comfortable about you if she is inviting you to spend time with her family...

I hope that it is a wonderful trip for you both, and please keep us posted...

Khashyar

Posted by: Khashyar

Hello again, Charles....

I misread your post and did not see that you might be spending two weeks with her parents...

I think that is a healthy amount of time to spend with her parents, and I feel that it probably is an indication that your girlfriend 1) is taking your relationship seriously, and 2) is mature in wanting you and her family to get to know one another better...

From my experience with Russian culture, if a Russian woman asks you to spend two weeks with her parents, she is probably very serious about the relationship...

I wish you happiness and success in the relationship...

Khashyar

Posted by: Charles

Thanks Khashyar,
I just want to be sure I am seeing the situation for what it is, and not sugar-coating it. I am very optimistic. I also know Russian women do not have American perspectives on a lot of situations. I am on a steep learning curve about russian culture and customs.

Posted by: Khashyar

Yes, Charles... There are some differences in Russian and American cultures.

I try to also understand that human beings have more similarities than differences, and so if you treat a person from a different culture in the same respectful way that you treat someone from your own, then you can trust and evaluate the situation based upon your past experiences with people and relationships...

Khashyar

Posted by: Charles

Khashyar,
At first I was astounded at my RW's and my own compatibilities. As you said, we are both human beings and have common dreams and desires. In the grand scheme, I am finding Russian and American culture to be more similar than different. The foods she eats every day are the same foods I buy and prepare. Her taste in clothing and cosmetics is very tasteful, and as she says, "classical." She enjoys romantic movies like any American woman. I have explained the Lifetime and Romance Channels to her and she is very excited about them. Russian views of morality are very close to my own. I find it very easy to find common ground with her. I respect and care for her very much. I say it takes a brave woman to venture into the unknown like our beloved ladies who dare to seek a foreign husband. They are special people.
Charles

Posted by: Pin Boy

Hi Charles,

Take this with a bit of teasing...a beautiful woman wants to spend time alone with you at a cottage and you're not sure if you should feel optimistic???? Get a grip. slap yourself in the face a few times and spalsh some cold water on it after that...How else should you feel???? Go and enjoy and good luck to you.

Pin Boy

Posted by: Charles

Hey Pinboy,
I am totally psyched about it. I just wanted to make sure I am not missing some hidden meaning in the plan (culturally speaking). I did almost send her a DOZEN roses a couple of months ago. I am immersing myself in Russian culture. It is a big adjustment to all the superstitions. I just want to tread lightly.
I know I shouldn't worry. At first, I told her I was coming for one week. She seemed very disappointed. After a few days, she admitted she was sad that I would not spend more time with her. My visit will coincide with a three week holiday from her work. I will be with her for everyday of it. I am the luckiest man in the world. I am 32 and she is 28. We have a lot of common ground.

Posted by: ulughbek

Charles,

I am certainly no expert on Russian culture and know little about your relationship. But it sounds like your girlfriend is very serious about you. If you feel the same way about her, and are sincerely ready for marriage if everything between you works out, then I think you have a great situation. But if you project any uncertainty about your future together, your woman may be very disappointed.

Although my fiancee and I are completely committed to each other and are definite about our wedding plans, she is still sometimes pessimistic, and says that she will continue to be so until she actually obtains her visa. It is your role as the optimistic Westerner to bring a "can-do" attitude to your relationship.

Just my two cents.

Ulughbek

Posted by: Charles

Ulughbek,
You are Right On. My RW and I are both serious. I have no serious doubts. I see problems ahead, but I see two people ready and willing to work to solve them.
I am sure she is serious about her relationship with me. Maybe I am just needing to have someone else (here in the forum) be the optimist for me.
I am the optimist in our relationship. She says she will worry less when I scan my plane ticket and email it to her for confirmation of my arrival in June. We are both also very specific about our wedding plans. I have already accepted I have to keep her hopeful and positive. Many of her emails tell me she worries. I understand. Russia has been a land of disappointment for her. My love life has been disappointing also, but I have a good standard of living to give me hope that things can be better. I am not cold tonight, and I can afford any reasonable luxury I want. She worries I will change my mind in the months ahead. All I can do is reassure her and demonstrate my intentions by arriving in Volgograd.
I am starting to worry less myself.
Thanks
Charles

Posted by: searcher

Hello Charles,

I think it is true many women have faced many disappointments in their lives.

I also know it is difficult for many to believe that a man will visit them as there is such a low percentage of men who actually go see the woman they are writing to.

I read somewhere it is only 5 percent of the men who write that actually go there. Sad in a way....

Maybe these men don't know all that is involved and there are also some who play games.

Posted by: klawsite

Charles,

I think it is very good that you spend as much time as possible together like that. Nadya and I spent the whole two weeks together in a flat in Mogilev and a flat in Minsk. Never once was I without her. We spent the whole time together. After all that was what the trip was all about!!

-Kevin

Posted by: Charles

Thanks Kevin,
You are absolutely right. My girlfriend's reluctance to be optimistic was rubbing off on me. I have lost any doubt that our plans in volgograd are a good start for us. The plans were her idea. She wanted me to rent the cottage, and she will stay there with me before we meet her parents. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't supposed to suggest a more conservative plan. You know, like a morality test, or something. I know she is making sure I am who I say I am before she faces her parent's scrutiny at my side. It should be great. I will be sure to post updates and details as they happen.
Charles

Posted by: Charles

Sean,
That's right, and it goes both ways, I suppose. I have learned the best way for me to be happy is to make my woman happy. It should go very well.
Charles

Posted by: Pin Boy

"sexualyy compentent??" what the heck does that mean??

Posted by: Pin Boy

"sexualyy???" Now what the heck does THAT mean???