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Fred and Hillary
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Posted by: AkMike

Fred Thompson and Hillary Clinton were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare ofice. She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.

Now, do you understand the difference ?

Posted by: joelunchbox

Are you sure this doesn't start off with...Fred Thompson sends him off to join the army???

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Fred Thompson and Hillary Clinton were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare ofice. She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.

Now, do you understand the difference ?

Fred then asked for proper identification, wrote it into his charitible contributions for deduction purposes and informed the man that he should be prepared for an audit for all the unclaimed earnings he has received in spare change over the last 7 years.
In a later TV interview, Fred pointed out how Hillary's agenda undermined the American dream by allowing the lazy slob to live off the fat of rich cows, like himself!

Posted by: too_tall

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longfellow

Gifts are not taxable by the recipiant, only by the giver. Nor are gifts to homeless men tax deductable.

Bill

Posted by: stevo

Thank goodness nobody ruined that joke.

Posted by: blucatz

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevo

Thank goodness nobody ruined that joke.

That was suppose to be a joke? Sounded like another example of Hillary bashing to me.

Posted by: too_tall

For humor to work there has to be an element of truth to it.
Bashing politicians for humor is as old as the beginning of time.
I took a class called Social issues through cartoon. I thought it was a
fluff class at the time. Boy was I wrong.

The text book was called

the Indignant Eye by Ralph Shikes. It was the most difficult book to
read that I ever tried to read in my entire life. On one page I had to
look up 17 words in the dictionary and one word "Boschelike" was not
in the dictionary. I sent the book into the wall at high speed at least
a dozen times. I finished the book without its cover.

Back to my original point is that I know for a fact that politician bashing
for humor has been around for well and well documented for well over a thousand years.

Just my two kopecks

Bill

Posted by: AkMike

And IF you don't like the jokes post your own as a rebuttal..
I thought it was funny and I thought I'd share it with you. I realize that others are ofa more liberal mindset, but I'm not.. Deal with it!

Posted by: too_tall

Hillary Joke

Posted by: AkMike

There are only three things I fear!

#1. Osama
#2. Obama
#3. Chelsea's Mama

Posted by: freebird

Speaking of Barak Hussein Osama, He was critisized by Romney for admitting his drinking & cocaine use as a young guy. Can you imagine if the US had a former drinker & cocaine user in the White House? What a scandal!!

Posted by: blucatz

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird

Speaking of Barak Hussein Osama, He was critisized by Romney for admitting his drinking & cocaine use as a young guy. Can you imagine if the US had a former drinker & cocaine user in the White House? What a scandal!!

He probably did not swallow or snort, which would be ok

Posted by: AkMike

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucatz

He probably did not swallow or snort, which would be ok

Yah, right... And fellatio in the Oval Office isn't sex either...

Posted by: too_tall

Hillary.........

Posted by: too_tall

2008 Democratic National Convention Agenda JUST RELEASED:

7:00 pm Opening flag burning

7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N.

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore

8:15 pm Gay Wedding -Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm Ted
Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry

9.00 pm Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm "Answering Machine Etiquette"Alec
Baldwin

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy proposesa toast

11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund - Barbra Streisand

11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn

11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson
Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposesa toast

11:50 pm How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean

12:15 am "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan
Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am Satellite address by Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad

12:45 am Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am Ted
Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am Bill
Clinton asks Ted to drive Hillary home

Posted by: too_tall

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did
for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman,
salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the
teacher prodded him about his father, he replied,

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear.
Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and
stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to
ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He
works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary
Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in
front of the other kids."

Posted by: too_tall

Bill Clinton and George Bush were getting a hair cut in the same shop when the barber asked Bill if he wanted some after shave lotion. Bill Clinton said if Hilary smelled that on him she would think he was in a whore house. George Bush said he would have the lotion because Barbara wouldn't know what a whore house smelled like.

Posted by: too_tall

Three famous Arkansas surgeons met for lunch and were bragging about their skills.

The first surgeon said that a man lost all of his fingers in a chain saw accident and he sewed them back on and the man was good enough to play for the Queen of England a year later.

Everyone thought that was pretty good so the second surgeon said,
"A man lost one of his legs in a rock crusher, I put the pieces together and the man won his age division at the Boston Marathon the same year!"

This quieted the bragging for a moment and the third surgeon said,
" a local woman was riding a horse and was hit by a train traveling 70 mph. The only thing they found was the horses ass and her blonde hair.............

.........and now she's a senator in New York."

Posted by: stevo

Quote:

Originally Posted by too_tall

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

What?! I thought he was going to turn out to be an Idaho senator.

Posted by: joelunchbox

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird

could you please cite a source for this?
are you sure the cocaine part isn't in reference to our present pres??

Posted by: freebird

Quote:

Originally Posted by joelunchbox

could you please cite a source for this?
are you sure the cocaine part isn't in reference to our present pres??

Barak admitted cocaine use in his book. In Bush's first Pres. campaign he was asked about his drug use, he said he hadn't used any drugs in the last 10 years. (but what was he doing 11 years previously?)

Posted by: too_tall

My buddy Charlie send me an email saying that if he could have only one wish it would be that .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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HE WISHED HILLARY HAD MARRIED OJ

Posted by: too_tall

Clinton jokes.........

Posted by: too_tall

another Clinton joke........

Posted by: sidney

You guys crack me up with the Hilary jokes.

Sid

Posted by: too_tall

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a 40 caliber Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

.................................................. ............
Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is thi s street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

..................................................

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"

Wife: "You're not takin' that to the Taxidermist

Posted by: too_tall

More on Hillary.......

Posted by: too_tall

Hillary, claimed she was named after Sir Edmond Hillary, but later
it was discovered that she was born before he climbed Everest and
became famous............

Posted by: too_tall

Hillary collage..........

Posted by: too_tall

Priceless...........

Posted by: too_tall

another photo.......

Posted by: too_tall

"Yesterday on the campaign trail ... Senator Hillary Clinton was extremely critical of NAFTA, even though the program was implemented by Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Hillary said, 'It's not just NAFTA. I'm also opposed to my husband's views on MILFs." --Conan O'Brien

"In an upcoming interview with the gay magazine The Advocate, Hillary Clinton says the rumors about her being a lesbian are not true and she says she's never had sex with a woman, no matter how many times Bill has begged her to." --Jay Leno

"Last week, it got a little dramatic. Senator Hillary Clinton called General Petraeus a liar. And believe this, if there's one thing she knows, it's how to spot a guy who's lying." --Jay Leno

"A new novelty item is now being sold. Get this, it's a Hillary Clinton nutcracker that cracks nuts between its legs. Yeah, Hillary calls the nutcracker silly, and Bill Clinton calls it chillingly lifelike"--Conan O'Brien

"According to a biography of Hillary by Carl Bernstein, Bill Clinton planned to divorce Hillary. And when asked why she stayed married, Hillary was quoted as saying, 'There are worse things than infidelity.' To which Bill Clinton said, 'Yeah. Fidelity.'" --Jay Leno

"The Washington Post reports that Senator Hillary Clinton is trying to win the Democratic nomination by reaching out to women. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'Oh sure, when she does it, it's okay.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because 'she can't think of a better cheerleader for America.' To which Bill Clinton said, 'I can think of 20 and I have their phone numbers.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Although Hillary Clinton set the mark by raising $26 million for her presidential campaign in the first quarter of 2007, Mitt Romney, the Republican, was right behind her with $23 million. That's something Hillary hasn't felt in 20 years -- a man breathing down her neck." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said today that public appearances with her and Bill would be rare. The only thing more rare? Private appearances with her and Bill." --Jay Leno

"The latest political rumor is that if Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, she will be replaced in the Senate by her husband, Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Bill Clinton said, 'I dream of replacing Hillary every day.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Politics is a dirty business. Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president, and the Republicans are already busy digging up dirt. They found out that once in her lifetime she slept with Bill Clinton." --David Letterman

"Hillary says she has gotten hundreds of calls telling her to go out on the road and campaign for the next two years. And that's just from her husband, Bill." --Jay Leno

"At the national portrait gallery in Washington, D.C. new portraits were unveiled of former President Clinton and First Lady Hillary Clinton. The Smithsonian said that the portraits of Bill and Hillary will not hang in the same room. Boy, talk about art reflecting life." --Jay Leno

"I'm surprised they did a portrait of Hillary. I thought maybe an ice sculpture would have been more appropriate." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said today that she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving the Arabs advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Can you believe that? Hillary was clueless about a major political event. You know what that means. she could really be the next president of the United States." --Jay Leno "More problems for Hillary Clinton. The head of New York state's leading gay rights group describes Hillary Clinton as a disappointment on samesex marriage. Today, her husband bill described her as a disappointment on opposite sex marriage." --Jay Leno

Posted by: AkMike

The portrait for the Clinton Presidential Library

Posted by: stevo

Quote:

Originally Posted by too_tall

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,raises the knife, and charges at you.

Almost as funny as when you posted it last month.

Posted by: too_tall

Yes, busted I posted it before.

Bill

Posted by: AkMike

A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when one of them stood up to reply, ...... Bang! One less insurgent!

After every mission the company commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?" On this particular day when asked
about the number killed, he reported "Five killed and I let one go."

"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you mean, you let
one go?"

"Well", the sniper said, "I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled 'Hillary is a biatch!' I just couldn't
shoot a fellow Republican!"

Posted by: AkMike

The Pope and Hillary Rotten Clinton are on the same
stage in front of a huge crowd.

'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it
all before, so to make it a little more interesting,
the senator says to the Pope, "Did You know that with
just one little wave of my hand I can make every
Democrat in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave
elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in
the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level
of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was
impressive. But did you know that with just one little
wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd
goes crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary
display like that of your subjects, but will go deep
into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this
day and rejoice."

The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One
little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice
forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.

HARD!

Posted by: stevo

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!"

Never stopped Dick Cheney.

Posted by: AkMike

Aww he just winged him a bit. I've been bit by a dog worse than that.

Posted by: AkMike

""This is a new day. This is a new state." -Hitlery"

Posted by: AkMike

Even if Bill liked her....

Posted by: too_tall

I can tell Bush jokes too.

George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said: "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said: "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said: "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said: "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!".

The third kid said: "I want a motorised wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says: "But you don't look like you are injured."

The kid says: "But I will be after my dad finds out I saved youfrom drowning!"

Posted by: too_tall

Another very old Bush joke.

PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FIRE!!!!
A tragic fire on Sunday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.

Posted by: too_tall

another Hillary joke.................

Posted by: too_tall

Texas Politics

A man walked into a bar in Austin, Tx. and ordered a drink. While he was sitting at the bar watching T. V., one of Hillary's political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone, "Hillary is a horse's ass!"

The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor.

After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself up and said to the bartender, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this was Hillary country."

"It's not!" replied the bartender. " It's horse country".

Posted by: too_tall

DEAR ABBY
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.
What's worse? Everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and BS's with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore! You're a United States Senator from New York running for President of The United States. Act like one!

Posted by: blucatz

Untill I read the last part I was thinking you were talking about the typical Russian bum I keep hearing about over there...LOL

Posted by: too_tall

A Staunch Union Supppoter went to a Labor Conference in Las Vegas.
During a lull he decided to check out the fleshpots since they were legal
in Nevada.

Now being a Union supporter of Collective Bargaining his entire life
it was important to him that the establishement he used had
a fair and equitable treatment of their labor.

He asked the first place how much they kept and how much the girls got.

They told him they kept 90% and the girls got 10%.

Not wishing to support sweatshop labor he continued his search.

He tried many different houses and the split differed but not the degree
his conscience demanded.

At Last he came to one house and was told the girls got 90% and they
kept only 10%.

He was very pleased and told the manager his was the only house
a Union man could in good conscience frequent and pointing
at a longlegged blonde beauty said "I would like her"

The manager gave a small smile and said, "you certainly have good taste sir"

then pointing a woman sitting in the corner who reminded the man of his battle axe
of a mother-in law, said.

"but I am afraid Marge over there has seniority"

Posted by: goforit

Nothing like a little comic relief. Thanks for those last two posts.

Posted by: too_tall

Go4it.........anytime

The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row just above the dug out at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and whispers something in the
President's ear.

President Clinton pauses, then grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of the dug out, kicking and screaming obscenities all the way down, and after
she lands, the President bows to the crowd, and shakes hands and "high five's" everyone near him.

The same Secret Service agent again leans over and whispers, "No Mr. President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH."

Posted by: too_tall

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton.

Posted by: freebird

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevo

Thank goodness nobody ruined that joke.

Quote:

Originally Posted by too_tall

Gifts are not taxable by the recipiant, only by the giver.

Bill

Uh yeah they are, it's considered income {just like tips} and taxable

Posted by: too_tall

Nope gifts are not taxable to the person who receives them.

This is different from a gratuity for service.

http://www.irs.gov/businesses/small...=108139,00.html

Posted by: deccie

Quote:

Originally Posted by too_tall

I can tell Bush jokes too.

Yeah too_tall but somehow two Bush jokes doesn't quite equate to the pages and pages of Clinton bashing.

Personally I'd like to see RMP remain apolitical and if we are going to bash the pollies here - lets do so on an equal basis huh?

Posted by: AkMike

Our 2008 Presidential Canidates

Posted by: too_tall

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

I agree that RMP should remain apolitical. One thread with political jokes on it does not politicize this forum. I encourage others to post their political jokes here.

These are only jokes, located only on this thread. Usually someone from the left is expected to tell jokes about the right. It's not like someone from the left wouldn't be able to find any material.

I have posted several hundred jokes at this forum and a very very small percentage of them are political.

There are people who believe in WOVO and those who believe in WMVM. You don't insist that the WOVOs make both arguments. What you would do instead is to encourage WMVM to make their arguments.

Just my two kopecks,

Bill

Posted by: AkMike

Since the poster 2 posts above is still on my ignore list I saw his response on 2TallBill's, above.

Since he's an Austrailian he shouldn't even care about American political jokes. Yet alone get tweaked about it.

Posted by: deccie

Quote:

Originally Posted by too_tall

These are only jokes, located only on this thread. Usually someone from the left is expected to tell jokes about the right.

Your posts are generally not "of the right" though. They just attack one particular candidate and her family.

Bill, I'm not asking you to stop posting political jokes - even ones about Billary. But just not so overt.

Posted by: deccie

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Since the poster 2 posts above is still on my ignore list I saw his response on 2TallBill's, above.

Since he's an Austrailian he shouldn't even care about American political jokes. Yet alone get tweaked about it.

Mike, if your going to ignore me, ignore me in full huh and not half measures.

Posted by: AkMike

"Chelsea Clinton tried to help her mother attract the gay vote in Pennsylvania by visiting several lesbian bars. That's true, yeah. Yeah, when asked to comment afterwards, Chelsea said, 'I've never seen so many women with my mom's haircut.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton was shown at a bar in Indiana drinking a beer, and doing a shot of whiskey. Hey, and it worked. Today, Ted Kennedy switched back. 'I'm for Hillary now!'" --Jay Leno

"Big shake-up in the Hillary Clinton campaign. This is huge. Yesterday -- true story -- Hillary Clinton's top adviser abruptly left her campaign. When he heard about it, Bill Clinton said, 'Wait, we can leave?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Poor Hillary. She went on my friend Jay Leno's show last night. She's still trying to put that whole Bosnia sniper fire thing behind her. She said, 'It's been so long since I've been pinned down by anyone.'" --Bill Maher

"This weekend, Bill Clinton said Hillary should not drop out of the presidential race. Yeah, when asked why, Bill said, 'Because then she'd come home.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary was caught in a bit of a lie. When she was first lady, she went to Bosnia when it was war-torn. She said that she faced sniper fire -- never happened. And had to run to the car for cover -- never happened. If only she had channeled that active fantasy world into her marriage." --Bill Maher

"Have you been following the story about Reverend Wright, Barack Obama's pastor? Hillary said if her pastor had made the comments that Reverend Wright had made, she would have left that church. Interesting distinction she makes. She also says if her pastor had been blown by Monica Lewinsky, she would have stayed." --Bill Maher

"Hillary now says that she just made an honest mistake when she said she had to duck sniper fire in Bosnia. There was no hostile fire of any kind. Although, ironically, while she was away, Bill Clinton did see some action." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton has been hinting that she and Barack Obama might share the Democratic ticket with her in the number one position. She feels Barack Obama deserves some sort of consolation prize for getting the most votes and being the most popular." --Jay Leno

Posted by: AkMike

The First Lady...
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?

She wants to be the first lady.

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Posted by: AkMike

And my personal favorite bumper sticker

Posted by: AkMike

And the 'other side' of that coin

Posted by: Legal

Bill I think your jokes and humor are great keep them coming.

Posted by: too_tall

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

Deccie, I agree that I make much more fun of the Clintons, but it's because there is just a lot more material on the Clintons. Her husband was president for 8 years. 8 years ago I didn't even know who Obama was for example. Hell I didn't know who Obama was 4 years ago. I have known about the Clinton's for what 18 years?

The Clinton's are easier to joke about.

My political beliefs are as follows.
I am a conservative and think Bush is way too liberal. He signed McCain's stupid fund raising bill after campaigning against it. Bush spent money on every single government program that came along. Bush signed Ted Kennedy's
school reform after throwing vouchers out the window nearly on his first day.

Bush can't speak for crap. He rarely can tie twenty words together to make a decent point. He makes friends with his political enemies and is surprised when they stab him in the back.

And now we have McCain as the Rino republican nominee???? I am totally perplexed. I disagree with at least 50% of every word that comes out of the
"Mavericks" mouth. But sure enough I will vote for him in the election, but I will hold my nose when I do it.

Ok this is the end of my political rant.

Back to humor............

Posted by: too_tall

Party unity......

Posted by: too_tall

Bush joke.......

Posted by: too_tall

W Virginia results......

Posted by: too_tall

McCain........

Posted by: too_tall

Victory parade..........

Posted by: too_tall

State of Denial..........

Posted by: too_tall

Denial part dva........

Posted by: too_tall

Denial part tree.........

Posted by: too_tall

Obama bitter.........

Posted by: too_tall

I dislike Obama (as a presidential candidate) because of his left wing views and not because of the views of his pastor, but there are those who will dislike him for any reason.......

Posted by: too_tall

Obama.........

Posted by: too_tall

denial chatili ............Denial is simply a river in Egypt???

Posted by: too_tall

Operation Chaos..........

Posted by: too_tall

Denial............part fet

Posted by: too_tall

Barry vs Hillary

Posted by: too_tall

denial part shest......

Posted by: too_tall

The Machine...

Posted by: too_tall

Double team........

Posted by: too_tall

Political score card........

Posted by: sidney

Bill I do get a good laugh at you and mike's political jokes.
I think we need more of this with our poor choices for this term.
Sid

Posted by: AkMike

Thanks Sidney.

On this thread the squeeky wheel won't get the grease. It is more than welcome to put me and Bill on ingnore or since this thread seems to irritate them they can stop reading it.

Posted by: deccie

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Thanks Sidney.

On this thread the squeeky wheel won't get the grease. It is more than welcome to put me and Bill on ingnore or since this thread seems to irritate them they can stop reading it.

For someone who has me on ignore you are showing an inordinate interest in what might or might not irritate me. (-:

For the record I like political cartoons - of all flavours - but what I did not want to see was the thread degenerate into an attack on a particular individual or her family.

Posted by: AkMike

Some peoples view her as such

Posted by: AkMike

Play any cards possible... Even the race one

Posted by: stevo

Quote:

Originally Posted by too_tall

Denial part dva........
Denial part tree.........
denial chatili
Denial............part fet
denial part shest......

That's funnier than some of those jokes.

Posted by: too_tall

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevo

That's funnier than some of those jokes.

Da ya gavaru po Ruskiy ne ochen horosho. (Yes, I speak Russian not very well)

If you have a spare second send me the correct transliteration (I was guessing obviously)

Udachi,

Bill

Posted by: AkMike

Those that don't study history are doomed to repeat it!

Posted by: stevo

Quote:

Originally Posted by too_tall

If you have a spare second send me the correct transliteration (I was guessing obviously)

The usual one would be: odin (or "raz"), dva, tri, chetyre, pyat', shest'.

Posted by: AkMike

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of
them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, All the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, So I'm a Republican.'

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, What would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, That would make me an Obama fan.'

Posted by: too_tall

Thanks stevo.....

Here is some random stuff.

Question: "If Hillary and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
Answer: America!"

Amy Poehler to make fun of Obama's lack of experience: "Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civil rights attorney, constitutional law professor, key club president, 4H treasurer, lunch room monitor, two years of jazz, and four years of tap.

"A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian. He said he thought it was Osama bin Laden.
OK, it was a mistake ... but it still ranks as France's biggest military victory ever...."

The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.'

Posted by: AkMike

Dear Friends and Relatives:

We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to
Raise $5,000,000.00 for a monument of Hillary Clinton's heroic stand
Under Bosnian sniper fire.

We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we
Discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary Clinton in the
Washington, DC Hall Of Fame. We are having a bit of difficulty as to
Where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside
The statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jesse
Jackson & Barack Obama, who never told the truth, since Hillary Clinton
Could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the
Greatest Democrat of them all.

He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he
Did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been,
And did it all on someone else's money.

If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left
After taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worth while
Project.

Thank you,

Hillary Clinton Monument Committee

P.S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far.

P.P.S And another thing... Now let me get this straight. Bill
Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. His wife Hillary got $8
Million for hers. That's $20 million for memories from two people, who
For eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't
Remember anything.

God Bless America!

Posted by: too_tall

Jeff Foxworthy Quote:

"If you can't say something nice about somebody you must be talking about
Hillary Clinton"

Posted by: too_tall

Shooting in Butte , Montana
Shotgun preteen vs. illegal alien Home Invaders:

Butte, Montana November 5, 2007

Two illegal aliens, Raphael Resides, 23, and Enrico Garza, 26, probably believed they would easily overpower home-alone 11 year old Patricia Harrington after her father had left their two-story home.

It seems the two crooks never learned two things: they were in Montana and Patricia had been a clay shooting champion since she was nine.

Patricia was in her upstairs room when the two men broke through the front door of the house. She quickly ran to her father's room and grabbed his 12 gauge Mossberg 500 shotgun.

Resides was the first to get up to the second floor only to be the first to catch a near point blank blast of buckshot from the 11-year-old's knee crouch aim. He suffered fatal wounds to his abdomen and genitals.

When Garza ran to the foot of the stairs, he took a blast to the left shoulder and staggered out into the street where he bled to death before medical help could arrive.

It was found out later that Resides was armed with a stolen 45 caliber handgun he took from another home invasion robbery. That victim, 50-year-old David Burien, was not so lucky. He died from stab wounds to the chest.

Ever wonder why good stuff never makes NBC, CBS, PBS, MSNBC, CNN, or ABC news........an 11 year old girl, properly trained, defended her home, and herself......against two murderous, illegal immigrants.......and she wins, she is still alive.

Now that is Gun Control !
Thought for the day:
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'

Posted by: too_tall

Liberal Press Bias.

Posted by: too_tall

What a Dope.

Posted by: too_tall

Obama spiritual guide.

Posted by: too_tall

Keepin up?

Posted by: too_tall

I tried to embed a youtube video where Obama explained that he has now been to 57 US states and has only 1 to go Hawaii and Alaska. Wonder what would have happened to Dan Quayle if he said this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpGH02DtIws

Posted by: too_tall

Barack Obama has run a largely gaffe-free campaign. Until he picked up a bowling ball. While attempting to woo blue collar voters in Pennsylvania, the Democratic front runner bowled a 37, while rolling several balls into the gutter.

The late-night comedians have been no less forgiving:

"His score was 37. Out of a possible 300, he bowled 37. Of course, being a Democrat, he automatically demanded a recount, so they had to go back." --Jay Leno

"I bowled a 37 when I was a baby. And I was drunk, by the way."
--Jimmy Kimmel

"Afterwards, Obama told reporters, 'That's it, no more white guy sports for me. That's it.' He canceled his weekend at Hockey Camp."
--Conan O'Brien

Posted by: too_tall

"Barack Obama is suffering from a bad headache today. His former pastor, Reverend Wright, is back out there. Reverend Wright gave an interview earlier tonight on PBS with Bill Moyers, and he said he's gotten over a million emails and phone calls telling him to keep on speaking out, and every one of them came from Hillary Clinton. --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's former pastor, Reverend Wright, is now traveling the country trying to explain those controversial remarks he made in some of his sermons. And even Barack Obama is starting to admit it's hurting his campaign. In fact, you know what Barack Obama did today to distract reporters from Reverend Wright? He went bowling again."
--Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said if her pastor had made the comments that Reverend Wright had made, she would have left that church. Interesting distinction she makes. She also says if her pastor had been blown by Monica Lewinsky, she would have stayed." --Bill Maher

Posted by: too_tall

Can anyone tell me how to imbed a youtube video here?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8lvc-azCXY

Thanks,

Bill

Posted by: EasyTarget

vBulletin doesn't allow you to embed .flv files.

Posted by: AkMike

To: John Hinckley
From: Bill Clinton

Dear John,
Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land. Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best wishes, Bill & Hillary Clinton

PS: Barack Obama is screwing Jodie Foster.

Posted by: AkMike

Working people frequently ask retired people what we do to make our Days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day I went downtown to go to the News Stand for the Wall Street Journal so I could track my investments. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I said to him, 'Come on, man, don't you have anything better to do than write a retired person a ticket? Why aren't you out chasing crooks or child molesters...that's out of your league, obviously!!!

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him 'Barney Fife'.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. & lt;

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care..... I came downtown on the bus. The car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said 'OBAMA in '08.'

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.