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Posted by: EasyTarget

Well I just had a conversation that no one ever wants to have.

Nadia dumped me.
She was brutally honest about the reasons, so I am entirely sure there will be no chance of a reconciliation. She said the spark is gone. I was dumbfounded.

I was planning on seeing her at the end of July.

Feeling really sad right now. Have no idea what my plans are going forward.

Posted by: Leprechaun

Sorry, to hear that Easy, for everything a reason, you're one hell of a good guy, you'll bounce back and you will find that princess.

Posted by: Chrismc

Commiseration's ET, it is never easy, take time out, chill and then get back on the horse, there are plenty more put there.

Posted by: firemansam

Hey there ET, sad outcome and I know you do not want to hear it right now...
BUT.

Better now than later..............

If she is not in love with you it's better to finish now than get caught up in that whole "she's used me as a way to get to a new country" thing....

Look after yourself mate. PM me if you need a shoulder/ear

Sam.

Posted by: Texas Proud

I am also sorry to hear it.... but like fireman said... a whole lot better than after a few years of marriage and all that entails..

As you know, you will be hurting for a bit... so take the necessary time off and heal... don't try and jump back in too quickly or you can make a mistake...

Posted by: royalpalace774

Sorry to hear that ! You never know what things can happen in the next day of your life, whether good or bad. I wish you the best so take care of yourself .

And like some of the other guys said, better now than a few years into it married.

Posted by: Cheburashka

"Dumpsville" can turn into prime real estate. Ride out the funk and sadness that you are feeling right now, and know that in the grand scheme of things it always works out for the best.

There is a Chinese proverb that says "A good man falls seven times, and gets up eight". Get back in the game after a brief rest. You are a catch.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Sam: never once had the thought she was using me, since she is currently living in the US, she is attending school in Mississippi.

Cheb: I have definitely fallen down more then my fair share.

TP: I am sure I will take my time.

Lep: I am sure you cherish what you have and we should all be so lucky.

Chris: I don't know maybe the horse has left town.

RP: I hope you go with open eyes, and your trip leads to something very successful.

Talked to a friend last night, her opinion was that because Nadia's visa expires in December, and there is no chance for her to stay in the US. Most likely, Nadia couldn't imagine continuing the relationship. I think she is very ambitious and has a plan in her mind. I don't think her plans included me. Because of her visa requirements, she has to return to Russia and spend at least two years there. I had mentioned that it would be possible for me to move there.

It could also be the fact that she had gotten married early, divorced 7 years later, 6 months later had another serious relationship and was living with the guy before she moved to the US. She ended it with the boy friend about a week before meeting me. Maybe I was the rebound guy.

She mentioned she needed time. I have the feeling that it was getting too serious too quick. She needs to spread her wings, have fun, and just be free.

I ended things with her saying take the time to find herself, what she wants professionally, what she wants personally, and explore life. Told her, she is free to call me, talk to me any time. and wishing her the best.

thanks for listening.

Posted by: bushman

All the best ET, I am sure someone else will come along and take your mind off things. At least you have some good memories of someone who was honest with you.

Posted by: weather-7

I'm surprised to hear that, Easy. But life goes on. Such nice guys, like you lose their freedom very quickly. Just wait a bit and you will meet a nice lady.
Good luck!

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Sorry for your sadness ET but believe me in about 30 days or less you'll feel better. Stay positive and don't hide. Hang out on RMP, it sure helped me when my wife asked for a divorce.

Okay members, let's keep ET in a positive state of mind.

PM me any time.

Posted by: nocomfortzone

Take care ET and yes, loved Chebs Chinese proverb

Posted by: Rockyof Florida

ET,
So sorry to hear this. Keep your head high! As you say "think positive, good will happen" good advice. Just kick back until you are ready to search again. Best of Luck to you!

Rocky

Posted by: subcom117

Sorry to hear of this. But be strong. I can confirm what others have said. Give yourself some time to grieve and know, you will love again. And it will likely be even better.

Posted by: EasyTarget

W7: thank you for the compliment. I do wish it will be true that I will meet someone else soon.

GTR: Right now I do have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to hide in the back of my closet, turn out the lights, and not speak to anyone. It was a really big hurdle to get out of bed this morning and trudge into work.

NCZ: I can understand why you are moving on...your overseas dating adventure not ending as one would hope. Hopefully you will find someone down under to make you happy. But don't be a stranger.

Rocky, Subcom, Bushman, thanks for the well wishes.

I have always been the reflective sort, maybe a little to my own determent. However thinking back on things I don't if I should have done anything different. Maybe, maybe not.
It is taking all of my willpower not to call her today. Deep Breathe.

I think I was like several other guys when starting the search. I was very naive about the whole process and the commitment that is required to make it work. But now, honestly I can say, I know what I am looking for and I guess I just have to hope she is looking for me too.

Happy 4th of July everyone.

Posted by: bingism

Good attitude ET... I won't say that "everything happens for a reason", but I will say that from my experience, there's always another river somewhere

Take solace in the fact that Hawaii is not the worst place in the world to recuperate

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by bingism

Take solace in the fact that Hawaii is not the worst place in the world to recuperate

And Ufa is not the worst place in the world to go "fishing"

Hope all is well with you. Summer in Ufa most provide you with a few opportunities to look around.

Posted by: azamuner

All we can do is offer words to try to help you through this time.

As you already know, you must ride though this low period but you have our support here when and if you need it.

Take care.

Posted by: Leprechaun

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

I think I was like several other guys when starting the search. I was very naive about the whole process and the commitment that is required to make it work. But now, honestly I can say, I know what I am looking for and I guess I just have to hope she is looking for me too.

Happy 4th of July everyone.

Well after meeting you, I can say without doubt that you will find her.

You were generous, likeable, a good conversationalist, witty and Irina liked you and she is a good judge of character.

I say watch this space.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leprechaun

You were generous, likeable, a good conversationalist, witty and Irina liked you and she is a good judge of character.

I say watch this space.

Thanks Chris: I can say double goes for you.

Posted by: mistermopar

ET,you seem to be taking fairly well,but just the same I am sorry to hear this kind of news.
I think a lot of us have been there,and it is not a nice place to be.

All good things come to those that are patient.

Randy

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by azamuner

As you already know, you must ride though this low period but you have our support here when and if you need it.
Take care.

Thanks Azamuner: And you are right the support network here is great.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Well today being the 4th and having some free time on my hands I started to review how things went with Nadia and I. And I have to admit I think I finally determined what went wrong.

I don't think either one of us is to blame, but I do know what part was my fault. The only reason I did this self reflection was in order to learn and grow; and for the future be a better person.

Where I went wrong was getting stuck in a rut. I did. The last few weeks at work have been very stressful. And that stress got to me. It was at the point where all I was doing was going to work and coming home, going to work, coming home.

The reason being was the I knew my company was going to terminate quite a few people and I was trying to protect my job. I figured if I worked really hard maybe I could safe myself. I wasn't terminated but quite a few people in my area were. Was it because of my hard work, or was I safe all along. I will never know. Mute point right now. Then after the terminations I was still in this rut.

I wasn't going out, I wasn't socializing and I was stressed and maybe I was a little depressed.

The events of the last few days have been a good kick in the pants!!!

I realized I can not allow my job to determine who I am. I need to let go of the stress and move on. So I am taking some actions to do just that. In a little bit I am going to go down to the beach meet up with some friends and have a BBQ. We will hang out and then watch the fireworks. It will be good.

I also decided that I need to push myself in some other ways. I found someone to play tennis with (more about that later). And I am going to start taking some Russian language lessons in a classroom setting.

The job will be there, and hey if I have a better outlook my producitvity will go up. I am committed to not letting my job stress me out.

I think the other part I am at fault is that I let some of the romance die off. I should have made a little more of a conscience effort to make sure there was no doubt in her mind about how I felt. It is very easy for distance to diminish feelings. Uncertainty and second guessing can really hurt a relationship. I think is really true with Nadia because her ex-husband did leave her for another man. The girl was one of Nadia's friends, so... double ouch!

I am still very sad; but I know that I will be able to work through this. The members on here definitely have given me some encouraging words. I will bounce back...ladies watch out.

The saga is continuing right now...Nadia sent me an email this morning. I am not exactly sure how to reply and what she meant by it. I will have to think about it.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by mistermopar

ET,you seem to be taking fairly well,but just the same I am sorry to hear this kind of news.
I think a lot of us have been there,and it is not a nice place to be.

All good things come to those that are patient.

Randy

Randy: I hope you are right. I will be patient, but I will also create opportunities for myself when the time is right.

I did fall off, and the horse left town.

Now, who I can see about getting a new horse

Posted by: mistermopar

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Yes creating opportunities when the time is right is a good thing to do.

Now about where to get a new horse,I'm sure there are a few corrals around...

Randy

Posted by: GoingToRussia

ET - Yes as time goes on you will see what happened and what went wrong where. It has been quite a few months now since my divorce and I still realize so many things that were signs that should have given me a warning. I have learned so much with my last relationship as everyone does ... or at least should. I'm glad I had the relationship because 99% of the time it was great!

It sounds like you have the right attitude. Don't rush the next relationship, wait until you're ready.

Take care ET and we will be here if you need us.

Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

ET - Yes as time goes on you will see what happened and what went wrong where. It has been quite a few months now since my divorce and I still realize so many things that were signs that should have given me a warning. I have learned so much with my last relationship as everyone does ... or at least should. I'm glad I had the relationship because 99% of the time it was great!

It sounds like you have the right attitude. Don't rush the next relationship, wait until you're ready.

Take care ET and we will be here if you need us.

Yes, it sounds like he has a very wise and mature attitude for his present situation. Still, i'm sure emotionally it will take some time to be feeling great to catch up with the great attitude. Take your time ETand good to hear you still see there was still a lot of good in your journey with Lana, GTR. She probably never meant to hurt you but is just a bit of a charming nutter

Oroo!

Posted by: EasyTarget

GTR: I do wonder if the Lana experience has now enabled you to be much wiser about your current relationship. If you hadn't had that experience would things be going as well with your current relationship.
GTR, I do think that no one on this forum has had a stranger situation then yours. I know Cheb's experience is most likely the most difficult. I can not even imagine going through something like that.

NCZ: Your right, I am trying to force myself to be positive, it is the first step. I can say without a doubt that I have 0 regrets about sending time with Nadia. If it doesn't work out, then well...not pleasant but it is not the end of the world either.

I am still very sad. I was totally hooked. No doubt about it. It happened quickly but it happened for a reason. There was a real connection there. You can't fake that.

I am sure in a month or two, I will have accepted things, found someone to sell me a horse, get back on, and continue the ride.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GTR: I do wonder if the Lana experience has now enabled you to be much wiser about your current relationship. If you hadn't had that experience would things be going as well with your current relationship.
GTR, I do think that no one on this forum has had a stranger situation then yours. I know Cheb's experience is most likely the most difficult. I can not even imagine going through something like that.

You ask some good questions ET. I think I am wiser going into a relationship and since I married a RW I am wiser about RW. So yes, I think I benefited from my previous relationship. I learned a little Russian which is pleasing to my current girl. As I said, so many things were great with Lana and I only wish her a happy life.

Yes my situation was very strange. I think she had too much prescription medicine or some sort of breakdown. About a month ago she told me that sometimes she regrets divorcing me. Last week she said she thinks of me, has all the pictures of me and us, and invited me to Sochi. She is married now, or so she says. I don't know if a visa has been submitted or not. I'll stop, starting to ramble.

Hang in there ET, each day will get a little easier in a week or less.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Easy.....

How to reply to her email she sent.... SAY TO HER WHAT YOU SAID TO US A FEW POSTS AGO.... opening up is what women want... they want to be 'needed'...

And, if she is contacting you, she is still interested!!! So, unless you are sure she does not love you, try and save the relationship if she is as good as you say... SHE might be stressing out because of what you had said about her visa and saw that you did not care etc....

COMMUNICATION.... (or lack thereof) is one of the items that break up relationships more then any other including money and sex...

So, have a heart to heart with her... and then find out if her feelings are truly gone....

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

Easy.....

How to reply to her email she sent.... SAY TO HER WHAT YOU SAID TO US A FEW POSTS AGO.... opening up is what women want... they want to be 'needed'...

And, if she is contacting you, she is still interested!!! So, unless you are sure she does not love you, try and save the relationship if she is as good as you say... SHE might be stressing out because of what you had said about her visa and saw that you did not care etc....

COMMUNICATION.... (or lack thereof) is one of the items that break up relationships more then any other including money and sex...

So, have a heart to heart with her... and then find out if her feelings are truly gone....

Wise words TP....ET if you think a lot about her there is no harm in telling her so, she may even be testing you?? she may still want things to stay as they are, but at least you have tried and you will not be able to kick yourself in the future and wonder 'what if'

Posted by: Leprechaun

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

Chris, TP,

I thought exact same thing.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Texas Proud, Chris, Lep:
I am following your advice. I am not a glutton for punishment or something like this...
I think I would wind up regretting not saying those things to her. I emailed her and if I don't hear from her by Monday I will give her a call.

All I know is at least I did everything I could. Everyone has doubts, and I guess I am trying to find out if the doubts are real.

Posted by: EasyTarget

GTR: you could go to Sochi for the winter Olympics.

She told you she regretted divorcing you? Wow, I have a feeling that if you had stayed with her, your life would not be so stable.

I can understand why you have a hard time believing her now. That would be the hardest part for me, what was real, and when was she pretending.

I am really glad you are not bitter and you have been able to move on with your life. Hopefully Lana will find the person that can handle or tolerate her, and she will be happy.

Posted by: Leprechaun

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Texas Proud, Chris, Lep:
I am following your advice. I am not a glutton for punishment or something like this...
I think I would wind up regretting not saying those things to her. I emailed her and if I don't hear from her by Monday I will give her a call.

All I know is at least I did everything I could. Everyone has doubts, and I guess I am trying to find out if the doubts are real.

Yep, at least if it doesnt work out. you gave it 100% and will have no regrets that you didnt try.

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Good man, if she is worth fighting for you have to give it a go! Goodluck.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

[QUOTE=EasyTarget]The reason being was the I knew my company was going to terminate quite a few people and I was trying to protect my job. I figured if I worked really hard maybe I could safe myself. I wasn't terminated but quite a few people in my area were. Was it because of my hard work, or was I safe all along. I will never know.[QUOTE]

Sympathies, ET. I think it is normal to be stressed under such circumstances. The threat of losing one's job must rank among the most stressful events in anyone's life. Losing your job would probably have affected your relationship anyway. But as already mentioned, nothing beats communication. If Nadia was near you, you would probably come home looking down and she would probably extract the information out of you even if you did not want to alarm her.

It is good that you did not lose your job, but that does not mean the stress goes immediately. You still feel the loss of friends and may be some degree of guilt. Survivor syndrome.

Good luck

Posted by: deccie

My sympathies ET.

There is something about RW and making "pragmatic" decisions..
So far I have found when RW try to make decisions on "pragmatic" grounds they make the worst decisions possible..

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GTR: you could go to Sochi for the winter Olympics.

A big NO to Sochi in 2014. The Olympics will ruin that city. If you want to, go now before it gets too expensive and the construction begins.

Yes I can't believe anything she says. The hardest part is not knowing what happened. Did a doctor screw up her medication, did she have a nervious breakdown, was there really another guy, or maybe she just wanted out of the relationship. She has told so many lies I'll never know the real reason. That's okay now, I've accepted our separation and moved on to someone much better.

No I'm not bitter but I don't trust he. She will have to change before someone will accept her. She has many unresolved issues from her past and present that she needs to deal with. In a way I feel sorry for her and for the next guy she marries.

Whoa ... I sound like I'm in "Dumpsville"!

Take care ET.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

I am sure I am stating the obvious, but this forum is a great source of inspiration and has a wealth of wisdom. In my first marriage, I married the first woman I was involved with and the relationship lasted nearly 25 years - 18 years of marriage. I never thought I was going to find myself in the situation where I would be looking for a partner. Paradoxically, the long marriage turned me into a naive person and I thought I would marry the first person I met when I starter searching via the internet. How wrong I could have been!

I am sure the majority of the women are seriouly looking for long term relationships, but there are a good number who just haven't got a clue what they want. Some enjoy the excitement of searching and getting all the attention (and sometimes, flowers!) from men. They have no ideal about what they want as the final goal. I think they are at a loss when somebody comes forward with a marriage proposal. One of the ladies I communicated with put it this way 'most women can be very happy until they are faced with the possibility of a real relationship because they like to live in fantasy land.' I suppose it is the difference between the journey and the destination. An interesting journey may make the destination boring. On the other hand, it could just be the prospect of spending the rest of their lives in a strange environment.

Luckily, it is a huge spectrum - from scammers, to the intrepid, to the seriously committed - and the challenge for us is to know who is who.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoeastLJ

I am sure I am stating the obvious, but this forum is a great source of inspiration and has a wealth of wisdom. In my first marriage, I married the first woman I was involved with and the relationship lasted nearly 25 years - 18 years of marriage. I never thought I was going to find myself in the situation where I would be looking for a partner. Paradoxically, the long marriage turned me into a naive person and I thought I would marry the first person I met when I starter searching via the internet. How wrong I could have been!

I am sure the majority of the women are seriouly looking for long term relationships, but there are a good number who just haven't got a clue what they want. Some enjoy the excitement of searching and getting all the attention (and sometimes, flowers!) from men. They have no ideal about what they want as the final goal. I think they are at a loss when somebody comes forward with a marriage proposal. One of the ladies I communicated with put it this way 'most women can be very happy until they are faced with the possibility of a real relationship because they like to live in fantasy land.' I suppose it is the difference between the journey and the destination. An interesting journey may make the destination boring. On the other hand, it could just be the prospect of spending the rest of their lives in a strange environment.

Luckily, it is a huge spectrum - from scammers, to the intrepid, to the seriously committed - and the challenge for us is to know who is who.

Not stating the obvious LJ but even if you were, it is always good to remind us of what this board is about ... mainly for information at first but after you find your Russian beauty, it is all about support from fellow members and providing information based on your experience. So after you find your love and bring her to your country, dont forget how helpful this board has been. Stop by occationally and spread your knowledge and catch up on what people are doing.

Good luck in your adventure LJ

Posted by: Leprechaun

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoeastLJ

I am sure the majority of the women are seriouly looking for long term relationships, but there are a good number who just haven't got a clue what they want.

I didnt think about what I was going to get by writing to Russian women, what I wanted found me..... I just didnt know it at the time.

Posted by: EasyTarget

I don't know if the Olympics will ruin Sochi. Hard to know. Most of the time cities have a hard time after the olympics because they have built these large arenas and have no idea what to do with them. Classic example is Salt Lake, they really don't have a good plan or usage for their Olympic facilities.

I do think Sochi will benefit from the improvements to airport, trains, and road systems. I think our Russian friends will be able to pull this off and put on a good show. Plus it will provide lots of jobs for the local economy. this will help too. I would think investing in real estate might be a good idea.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

Whoa ... I sound like I'm in "Dumpsville"!

Take care ET.

I disagree, I think you are wiser and definitely in a better place.

trying to get there too; the current group of horses are too tall at the moment. I will keep looking though

Posted by: EasyTarget

GoEast:
Well the situation of meeting Nadia was little different than most. I met her though couchsurfing.com She stayed with me for 10 days and things went really well, and we met up a few times afterwards. I was supposed to see her at the end of July.

I do understand what you mean that when you meet someone you do have to determine her intentions. HOWEVER the same can be said about us guys...She has to figure out what we are looking for. Some men are serious, some are playing, some are just looking for fun, etc...

I will say I always want to be on a journey...and make stops from time to time.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

ET, your situation was probably the best way to meet a partner - traditionally speaking.

I have met many ladies so far. I could easily have settled for anyone of them, but I saw what I regarded as red flags - except for one, the 8th. Ok, there are a lot of us men who are just testing the waters, but I feel the intentions should be made clear right at the beginning. The introductory letter should clearly state the intended purpose of your communication. If you say you are looking for pen pals, then that is different. I state I am looking for a long-term relationship with the intention of marriage.

What I regarded as red flags were as follows:

Scenario 1 : Lack of self-confidence - lady even set me up and sent emails to me under a different name to see if I was honest. Because she started this before our meeting, I found it difficult to be myself when we met because I imagined she would be very upset if I had female friends later in our relationship. In my opinion, it was ok to keep communicating with other ladies until we met and expressed our commitment to each other.

Scenario 2 : Too independent - we met and were both happy with each other and expressed desire to take the relationship further. However, the lady didn't think it was necessary to have regular communication. It would sometimes take her two weeks before responding to my sms or email and she always said I was the only man in her life. This didn't appear good to me because my idea of a relationship is about missing each other and wanting to gossip and know each other's well being. Talk about nothing if necessary.

Scenario 3 : Too controlling - we emailed and texted each other more than twice per day for more than 3 months. We met and liked each other, but the lady didn't like it if her sms or email remained unanswered for more than half an hour! My idea of a relationship is that we still remain individuals but at the same time needing each other. Some confidence and trust need to be built in after a certain period of knowing each other.

Scenario 4 : Indecision - what do you do if a lady plays the indifferent partner? In my mind, this lady was interested but did not make any effort to make me feel that she wanted me. I went out of my way to woo her, but her attitude was, if you want me, you have to do all the running. When we rented an apartment, she was not interested in cooking. I cooked some days but we ended eating in restaurants when I asked her if she wanted to cook!

Scenario 5 : The one I chose - seems to know what she wanted. Very confident. The first few letters were very distant but still gave me the impression that she was interest but wanted to know that I was serious. When we met, she was just a gem in all senses. She was very offended when I offered to refund her travel expenses as we met in a neutral city (Kiev). Our second meeting is planned for the last week of July.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

I honestly don't know how many women I wrote to before I finaly found 1 I wanted visit. I only visited 2 women. One I had a relationship with and the other I'm currently having a relationship with. I must have written to at least 20 women to find these 2 women.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Before I went to Russia last year I wrote dozens of woman, I guess I am pretty particular about the type of person I am looking for. After a few emails I could tell they were not the right person for me, so I would very politely tell them that.

GoEast: I think the woman was being cautious, wanted to make sure you were interested. Understandable, I am glad it is working out for you.

GTR: I am surprised that it only took about 20. Seriously.

Time to go jogging and visit my friend the sun at the beach.

-cheers.

Posted by: vic2012

Hi Easy,
It's difficult to write about your situation when mine seems to be going from strength to strength. But read my post from last year:
http://russianmeetingplace.com/foru...76&postcount=53
I thought it had all gone and I was sick. In fact this was the second time we had parted.

But, after a couple of weeks, I called her and she was so happy to hear from me.

But, I was very surprised to learn that, her feelings of uncertainty were still present right up to last week and that, she had actually been debating whether to come!

So all I can say is, give it a few days and call her (Like you said earlier in this thread)

You never know!

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GTR: I am surprised that it only took about 20. Seriously. cheers.

So you think maybe 50 would be average ... to find 2 women? I don't know, maybe I was just lucky.

The 20 number is the only women I wrote to and they answered or they wrote and I answered. There were many more then 20 that wrote me and I didn't answer and vice versa.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Vic: I will definitely take a read through the post. I don't remember all of the details of your situation. I don't want to give up just yet...but in reality I do think it is over. No response from Nadia yet, but doesn't really surprise me. I think after the next phone call I will be pretty sure if there is even a little glimmer of hope.

I am trying not to delude myself. Also I don't want to pester or upset her.

I am glad things are working out for you. Just keep reminding her through your actions and words that she is the most important woman in your life.

Best of luck to ya
--M

Posted by: EasyTarget

GTR:
I have no idea what the average numbers are. Also I think the age of the woman you are contacting will factor in to the equation. Don't take this the wrong way but I am 25 years younger then you, so I was contacting younger woman. And I get the impression that younger women get more emails.

All I can say is that I have looked for a long time to find that special someone; I am just hoping I didn't miss my opportunity because of bad timing.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GTR:
I have no idea what the average numbers are. Also I think the age of the woman you are contacting will factor in to the equation. Don't take this the wrong way but I am 25 years younger then you, so I was contacting younger woman. And I get the impression that younger women get more emails.

I meant do you think it should be more then 20 or less then 20. There are a lot of women out there in their early to mid 40s. Haven't heard of any statisics about age for women who seek a foreign man. I would thik the younger a woman is, the more men there would be fo younger women ... maybe not. Maybe W7 can help with this.

Maybe we need to start an "Ask W7" threa ... like a "Dear Abby" column!

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

All I can say is that I have looked for a long time to find that special someone; I am just hoping I didn't miss my opportunity because of bad timing.

I wouldn't worry about this, fate has a plan for us all. If you're a good guy, you will walk the right path.

Posted by: EasyTarget

GTR: 10,20,30 letters? I don't know. I know some people have hit it off after writing one or two different people. I am sure some people have written over a 100.
Maybe you can judge pretty quickly if there is an attraction for you and that possibly this a person you wish to pursue. I was writing woman in their mid to late 20's. Different age bracket for sure. And I am thinking this age bracket is more likely to get more attention from the online community then the 40-49 age bracket. Just my opinion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

I wouldn't worry about this, fate has a plan for us all. If you're a good guy, you will walk the right path.

Only problem is I don't have a map, compass, it is dark, there are no lights, it is cold, and there are wolves after me.

I always feel like I have created / followed my own path, maybe that is why I don't see anyone else on the horizon?

I do think I am a pretty upstanding guy. I have my own strong morals and follow them. Although I won't judge others, since who am I to judge.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

Maybe W7 can help with this.
Maybe we need to start an "Ask W7" threa ... like a "Dear Abby" column!

I really like this idea! I know everyone would get very honest answers.

W7 what do you think?

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

I really like this idea! I know everyone would get very honest answers.

W7 what do you think?

Is W7 the most objective person to inquire of? This is in no way a ridicule of W7 but she does state that she is not an objective observer,,, she features her own subjective agenda of what is desireable in a man. We cannot all look to what it would take to satisfy one woman... or can we...(Jesu Cristo, I know I'm going to not hear the end of saying that!)
Let me put it another way... how many men does W7 find acceptable, has met with, continues correspondence to and has hopeful feelings that a right man is close by? What is the positivity of her experience ( and, please, Weather, I do not say this with disrespect. I appreciate that you are very careful of the men you choose... I would worry about your sensibility if I were among them!).
While I'm sure W-7 is a fine woman with insights and sensiblilities we all could learn much from, Dear Abby is is a woman very experienced of life and circumstance, and works in concert with her sister to provide a viewpoint that meets the horizon of many circumstances....
SHE IS ALSO FICTIONAL!
OK, now flame me...

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longfellow

Did not Dear Abby die a few years ago?
In all honesty, no woman is universal in her views and opinions. What one finds attractive, the other one might find very unimpressive. There is no right or wrong answer for many questions having to do with love and attraction.

Posted by: Longfellow

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

That's very correct. If you desire and respect the opinion of W-7 you should ask her for her thoughts on any given matter. That is what a forum is designed to offer.
As you well stated my point, in matters of successful love matching, who is an expert?
I can only know that I would be a certain failure at that post!!

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

All I can say is that I have looked for a long time to find that special someone; I am just hoping I didn't miss my opportunity because of bad timing.

There was a time after a few disappointments when I felt exactly like this and was even contemplating going back to previous relationships that I had not been comfortable with for one reason or another. I felt really down and thought that I had missed the boat or didn't have my bowl the right way up when it was raining porridge. A lot of pressures, especially time. I wanted to find that match yesterday. I kept on saying - I could go back to X, or Y, etc forgetting the reasons our relationship didn't progress. But each time I gave myself a reality check and knew that it would be a mistake to try and go back and I convinced myself that I would meet my match when the time comes without dropping my standards/principles.

On the other hand, a perfect match is only for the fairly tales. The human race thrives on mismatches. Too much in common could also be a bad thing. Variety is the spice of life and I found that I had to throw away my tick list when I found the one. I think we know when it feels right -whether they fit into our prescription or not.

Posted by: EasyTarget

GoEast: I love some of your sayings. "raining porridge"

Let's get back on the topic at hand....
The saga continues. I called Nadia tonight. When she answered the phone she was surprised it was me. Which I thought was odd since she does have caller ID on her phone.
Anyways...maybe she picked up without looking. She said she was talking to Indika (sp) and would call me back. About an hour later she called me back. -- I am thinking...we have made progress.

We talked for about 90 minutes. She told me she wanted to email me and had tried 3 or 4 times, but wanted to be careful with her words. Ok, I will accept it. We are talking -- more progress.

We discussed some more things, we discussed my email to her, and I think I finally understand what is going on. Someone made the comment about being pragmatic; and making a pragmatic decision. I think this is part of the scenario.

We left it at; she needs more time to think -- I need to make sure I am not pressuring her -- and we will talk next week. She said no promises... Fair enough.

So, I am going to make sure that she doesn�t forget about me -- make sure she doesn�t feel pressure. Hard to do�but I think I will manage it somehow.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Good luck, ET. There is always hope when both sides are willing to talk.

Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GoEast: I love some of your sayings. "raining porridge"

Let's get back on the topic at hand....
The saga continues. I called Nadia tonight. When she answered the phone she was surprised it was me. Which I thought was odd since she does have caller ID on her phone.
Anyways...maybe she picked up without looking. She said she was talking to Indika (sp) and would call me back. About an hour later she called me back. -- I am thinking...we have made progress.

We talked for about 90 minutes. She told me she wanted to email me and had tried 3 or 4 times, but wanted to be careful with her words. Ok, I will accept it. We are talking -- more progress.

We discussed some more things, we discussed my email to her, and I think I finally understand what is going on. Someone made the comment about being pragmatic; and making a pragmatic decision. I think this is part of the scenario.

We left it at; she needs more time to think -- I need to make sure I am not pressuring her -- and we will talk next week. She said no promises... Fair enough.

So, I am going to make sure that she doesn�t forget about me -- make sure she doesn�t feel pressure. Hard to do�but I think I will manage it somehow.

Good luck ET! Maybe it will turn out o k and that would be great!

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Yes with fate or faith there is no compass or roadmap. You feel lost and alone sometimes. I don't worry about the future anymore ... well not like I use to anyway. Lets fate take you on the ride you were meant for and enjoy. I believe if you're a good person, you will have a good future.

The "Ask W-7 Thread" was a joke, notice the smiley face? We all have opinions and they should be respected but no member is qualifed to have an advise column.

Don't worry about wasting time on a relationship that isn't meant to be. I wasted 1 year of my life with a RW and now I have found a much better RW. Who knows who I might have been with if I never met the first RW ... probably not the 2nd RW I met.

So relax and enjoy life ... go with your gut and your mind but never your heart.

Posted by: vic2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GTR: 10,20,30 letters? I don't know. I know some people have hit it off after writing one or two different people. I am sure some people have written over a 100.
Maybe you can judge pretty quickly if there is an attraction for you and that possibly this a person you wish to pursue. I was writing woman in their mid to late 20's. Different age bracket for sure. And I am thinking this age bracket is more likely to get more attention from the online community then the 40-49 age bracket. Just my opinion.

Maybe I was just lucky. From an original shortlist of 20, I wrote to five. Ironically the only person who did not reply was the youngest, Viktorija at 30. So I started writing to a woman girl in Kiev (37) and kept the other three ticking over (ages 32-37). After half a dozen letters, I decided to go out to Kiev and surprise her, totally unaware it was all a scam. Just before I went, I got a reply from Viktorija. She had changed her email address and was surprised to find my letter. Her response was so interesting. She had taken the trouble to reply to everything that, I had written and added more. And so it started and now she�s here.

So it really is possible to strike gold at your first attempt.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Only problem is I don't have a map, compass, it is dark, there are no lights, it is cold, and there are wolves after me.

Although we think we're in this situation, its all in the mind. Among the things I worried about, were my age and about Viktorija coming to live in a little rural market town. As it happens, she loves it here and seems very happy with me.

You just never know!

I really hope your calls go well next week Easy.

Posted by: EasyTarget

GTR: I really like your saying about fate & maps & compasses. I think I will steal that line.
I do think we are qualified to have an advice column, this is why we reply to posts.

Continuing to talk is important, I am going to try, and who knows maybe life has another idea...we shall see.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

GTR: I really like your saying about fate & maps & compasses. I think I will steal that line.
I do think we are qualified to have an advice column, this is why we reply to posts.

Continuing to talk is important, I am going to try, and who knows maybe life has another idea...we shall see.

Glad I could help. I know what it is like to be dumped by a RW.

Yes talking helps and this board is a great support system. I'm not sure if I would have bounced back so fast if it wasn't for the people I met in this forum.

I hope you start a new adventure soon ... GOOD LUCK in all you do!

Posted by: Longfellow

I must say that you all are invaluable... whether is dealing with the ego-bruise of being scammed or whether it is being supported through the real hurts when things don't work out to our liking.
And the examples we have of success, and encouragement to keep your eye on the prize....
Mastercard should do a commercial about how "Priceless" this is!

I am glad to have found y'all and will be sticking around. Thanks for being there!

(I say it again ET. You inspire me with your persistence, forthrightness and honorable nature. Ranks of great role models to be found here. And three cheers to Khashyar for leading the charge... Hip, hip....speak up!)

pre-emptive reply: you do NOT want to see me in a cheerleaders outfit!