what do women really want? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

	The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian... International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union.

Pages: 1

what do women really want?
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Posted by: joseph

what do women really want?

i know that is as unanswerable question as "what do men really want" but it occurred to me over the weeked when i was watching the latest episode of "sex and the city" with mikhail baryshnikov.

in this episode, baryshnikov is romancing sarah jessica parker, and i mean REALLY romancing her. he has romantic candlelit dinners prepared, he play music just for her on his piano (even writes a song for her on the spot and name it for her), reads her poetry, surprises her with a new dress that she says she wanted in passing as he greets her at the door in a tuxedo while also surprising her with a surprise visit to the opera. although, they do end the evening up sharing french fries at mcdonalds, since sarah jessica faints in front of the fountains at the met claiming she can't take all of this romance anymore! of course, then they end up dancing together in the midst of the mcdonalds's!

anyway, i was sitting and watching this and thinking to myself this is exactly the kind of thing that i do!!! i may not look like baryshnikov but i have always done the candelight dinners, writing of songs, reading of poetry, even writing poetry, surprise gifts, etc. etc. ...the whole romantic thing from one end to the other.

yet, in the show, sarah jessica parker and her friends were all joking about how "icky" and cheesy all of this was and saying that it must just be a "russian" thing. that today's modern american woman thinks that such gestures are just way too old fashioned and, well, suspect.

so i began to wonder, is this true? do american women really feel this way? do russian women like this sort of old fashioned romantic behavior? are good russian men romantic in this way?

what kind of a man is a russian woman dreaming about finding and how does she want him to treat her? and is it really different from what a typical american woman wants?

what does a russian woman really want? or any woman for that matter.

ladies?

Posted by: D in KS

I love those things!!! But then I like the old fashion approach and I am not old! I think the Sex in the City gals are pretty jaded and please don't take anything they say or do as a representation of most american women. Even in a big city, I don't think you will find many women that fit in to that sort of group. I guess some women might suspect you are being phony with them. But if you are an open, honest person with them, they will see the person you truly are. Expensive dinners and presents might make a women feel you are trying to buy her, or that you expect her to "put out" in return. But again, if you show your real self to her she will know that is not true. It is not the cost of these things that I like, rather the time and caring investing in doing these things. Also if this women is just not tuned into you, these things will not cause her to fall in love with you. Sometimes the pieces just do not fit. My two cent for what it is worth

Debbie PS Perhaps women from other parts of the US feel differently. I am from the heart of our nation, the midwest.

Posted by: mila

I do not have such feeling that the man buys me by expensive dinners and presents. But the absence of this would cause me suspicion about his greed. And the greedy man is not so pleasant and he is not good for family life.
I think that to not have feeling of a duty after such dinner, you do not need to agree for such dinner and gifts with a man, who is absolutely indifferent for you.
What does a russian woman really want?I can not tell for all, but I want to have beside such man who would be for me both the friend and the lover and brother and all in all. The person on whom I could rely and trust completely.
Yes, I love old fashioned romantic behavior. Maybe it is because of mine not of so young age.

Posted by: andrei

This summer I asked this question to a girl who is my friend for like half of my life. We have sex occasionally. "What does a woman want?" "Tenderness and money" was the answer. Give her tenderness and dont forget about some material things.

But I'm 100% sure that for a Russian woman love is spirirual, not material. Thats why in summer you can see hundreds of young couples kissing and petting each other in the streets. The guy has no money for a hotel room, has no flat of his own, knows no poetry, writes no songs, but she still loves him because he surrounds her with tenderness, the way he's able to.

And like I said, often RW don't even know themselves what they want.

Fast food is not a bad thing at all. We often hit a fast food restaurant if all we want is to drink some beer and chat and laugh.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Первоначальное сообщение от joseph
what do women really want?

i know that is as unanswerable question as "what do men really want" but it occurred to me over the weeked when i was watching the latest episode of "sex and the city" with mikhail baryshnikov.

There's your answer. It's unanswerable. Personally, I don't think what women want differs all that much from what men want, through the range of individuals. Ie, different individuals want different things and what they want depends on them, not their sex. So, some women and men could want the same things which are very different from what other men and women want. Perhaps in the past such desires were a little more sex segregated because what both women and men could hope for or expect was much more limited by society. Now, both women and men can want characteristics in their partners that before would have been difficult to find.

Personally, I don't care about money as I make plenty of my own. In fact, I support my husband who is currently a stay at home dad and that situation works out fine for us. If we had the opportunity to switch roles for a while, we would do that too, but it's not likely to happen given our respective earning potentials. Even in that case I would not worry too much about money because I have enough education that I could probably find work again after staying at home, as long as I wasn't out of the workforce for too long. Our situation is not shameful, embarassing, he is not less a man nor am I less a woman because of it. Neither do I consider him a freeloader or a bum as some other men and women would.

All I ever really cared about in a partner was finding someone with a good sense of humor who respected me, took my desires and needs into consideration (ie, it's not all about him or me, but about us), is comfortable to be around, who wants to spend time with me, was willing to work together with me to make major decisions, is interested in having a social life together, wants children and is willing to put effort into raising them and spending time with them.

But other women would find my situation and my husband intolerable, primarily because he doesn't make a lot of money himself and the onus is on me. A few of my female friends and my sister also are the primary wage earners for the family and are generally okay with it, so it's a fairly common situation and goes to show that many women are more than willing to marry men they want to be with, knowing that these men aren't likely to be able to support them financially (at least any time soon). The main issue is that both people contribute to the family as best they can by the best means given their possiblities and situation and no one feels that he or she is pulling most of the weight-- in terms of wage earning, housekeeping, child care, etc.

Posted by: mila

Vyesna,
Interesting situation! Obviously you love your husband very much, if you are satisfied with such situation of things.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Первоначальное сообщение от mila
Vyesna,
Interesting situation! Obviously you love your husband very much, if you are satisfied with such situation of things.

Mila,

I do love my husband but I don't think that is really why I'm okay with the situation. I think I'm okay with the situation because I have never expected or thought that a man should have to support me or make more money than me. Ie, I think it is every adult individual's responsibility to be able to provide for themselves and once they get married, to figure out, in cooperation with their spouse, what the best arrangement is for the good of the family overall, whether that means one person staying home, both working, one working part-time or whatever. My husband can also take care of himself, it's just that he makes less money than we would want to live on as a family while I make enough money by myself for all of us to live on comfortably as a family. If the situation were different, we would adjust accordingly. I think it is just as unfair for women to expect men to work hard, get and keep good jobs and be "successful" in a job that feeds the family (whether they like that job or not) so the women can buy what they want and work "for pleasure" as it is for men to expect women to stay home, not get the education or work experience they want (if that is they want it) and be the only ones to do housework and child rearing. I think people want different things at different points in their lives and I think spouses have to adjust to that, making decisions that balance practicalities and desires and that both have to make sacrifices for each other and the good of the family. It's just that those sacrifices do not have to be defined by the person's sex.

Posted by: joseph

Quote:

Originally posted by mila
Vyesna,
Interesting situation! Obviously you love your husband very much, if you are satisfied with such situation of things.

now i think mila's response is very interesting.

mila, are you suggesting that most russian women that you know would not be happy with a situation such as the one Vyesna is in?

Posted by: mila

Vyesna,
It is obvious, that I have not understood you well. Because I thought that your husband does not work in general. Therefore it was surprising to me, that the American woman supports of the Russian husband. I do not see in it anything bad, is especial when it develop the appropriate situation in life.
But I am inclined to other idea on it, where the husband is the head of the family, but the wife is his assistant. That is why he should be always and in all ahead of woman.

Posted by: mila

Quote:

[i]
mila, are you suggesting that most russian women that you know would not be happy with a situation such as the one Vyesna is in? [/B]

It depends on a level of a prosperity. If the woman earns really well and can feed 10 members of family, why not. But I think in due course it will irritate a woman, if she will see, that her husband does not make even efforts to improve his situation in the family budget.
In my environment the women are not happy, when the husband does not work or earns the scanty salary.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Первоначальное сообщение от mila
Vyesna,
It is obvious, that I have not understood you well. Because I thought that your husband does not work in general. Therefore it was surprising to me, that the American woman supports of the Russian husband. I do not see in it anything bad, is especial when it develop the appropriate situation in life.
But I am inclined to other idea on it, where the husband is the head of the family, but the wife is his assistant. That is why he should be always and in all ahead of woman.

Yes, right now he does not work in general, that is to make money. But he takes care of our 6 month old son which is very hard work and works on the remodeling of our home (when the baby gives him the chance), which is also hard work. We decided together while I was on maternity leave (and while I was on maternity leave he worked very hard on a couple of projects for his business), that because he typically does not get much work in the winter anyway and that we would prefer for one of us to be at home with the baby during his first year at least, that it would be better for the family as a whole if he stayed at home with the baby. Before that, he did work as and when he got projects from his clients. Now, just because he isn't paid for his work does not make his work any less valuable than mine.

I don't think men "should" or women "should" do anything based on their sex (okay, well, we have to give birth and breastfeed, but other than that) alone. Every individual "should" do what he or she can, based on his or her abilities, to promote the well-being of the family. Things change, people change, unexpected things happen, and to require an individual to behave in a certain way, or expect certain things from them based solely on that individual's sex puts a lot of limitations and potential strains on a relationship, IMHO.

Posted by: D in KS

Quote:

Originally posted by mila
But I am inclined to other idea on it, where the husband is the head of the family, but the wife is his assistant. That is why he should be always and in all ahead of woman.

Is this how most RW feel? Perhaps this is the magic thing that AM are looking for in RW. (It is not my intention to offend anyone, I am just searching for answers) I don't think you will find a lot of american women in the US who think this way. Personally I would like to have a relationship along the lines of what Vyesna and her husband have. I want a joint partnership with the person I love. Working together to build our relationship and achieve our goals. Makes not difference who brings home the money or who changes the babies. No boss, no one person in control, no single head of the house, but a couple as head of the household. I am not having any luck, so perhaps I am asking for to much

Debbie

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by D in KS
Is this how most RW feel?

It's how all of them feel.

Posted by: joseph

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei
It's how all of them feel.

andrei,

how do you feel about that? do you like it that russian women feel this way about relationships? or do you prefer the more american approach of "equality"?

and this would seem to be one of the things that causes so many men that i have spoken to to say that russian women are like "women from the 50s" in their attitudes towards relationships, marriage and family.

but this is leading me to also think that maybe, just maybe, russian women understand that, for most men at least, that their ego and pride is the most sensitive and delicate part of them and that the more they stroke that ego the happier their man will be and the more inclined he will be to willingly give her what she wants from him.

i hope that statement is not misunderstood as some kind of manipulation because i do not mean it as such, although i suppose it could be construed that way. i guess it is like what i read once before about russian women in that they don't want their man to be their lord and master in any respect but they do want him to "think" he is in charge whether he is or not! and THAT, i would suggest, is part of that ego stroking that a lot of men find very attractive and appealing.

or maybe not. i am trying to learn here too.

Posted by: mila

Quote:

Originally posted by joseph

i guess it is like what i read once before about russian women in that they don't want their man to be their lord and master in any respect but they do want him to "think" he is in charge whether he is or not! and THAT, i would suggest, is part of that ego stroking that a lot of men find very attractive and appealing.

In this occasion we have such saying: the husband is a head, the wife is a neck, i.e. where I want there I twirl

Posted by: mila

Quote:

Originally posted by D in KS
Perhaps this is the magic thing that AM are looking for in RW.

It is very curious to me too, why the American men, it is possible to tell, in their mass search for the foreign wives. You see it is connected not by small difficulties and expenses.

Posted by: andrei

joseph,

All I know is that RW are the best. Gimme 10 AW and I'll take one Russian girl instead. So no matter if she is "career first" or "I'm a Slave 4 U" or "Power of Equality Activates Controlled Emotions" type, all I need is a slim, young, educated RUSSIAN lady.

(but you know if she makes 3 times more money than me that ain't for me)))))

Posted by: Vyesna

Andrei,

How many AW do you know? Or are you basing your conclusions on media types, like many of the AM on this board?

Posted by: Vyesna

Everyone strokes the ego of their partners, it's part of a relationship. However, there's a difference between giving your partner compliments and saying how much you appreciate them as part of making life together more pleasant and making your partner feel better and building your entire relationship on the idea of one partner being inferior or submissive to the other. The problem is, even if that sort of relationship works for the couple, circumstances can bring that whole structure down too easily and since the relationship is based on that structure, rather than on the true characteristics and qualities of the individuals involved, the relationship will crumble... if anyone has read or seen "A Doll's House" by Ibsen, you know what I mean.

Posted by: D in KS

Vyesna and Aqua, thank you for posting your ideas of what you would like in a relationship. I think along the same lines. I often feel that I must be "odd" for my feelings of what I would like in a relationship. I don't meet many men or women who are looking for this type of relationship. It is nice to know there are a couple of other people out there who feel this way. Now if I could just find a few men who think this way

I really enjoy your feedback to the forum. Debbie

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Первоначальное сообщение от D in KS
Vyesna and Aqua, thank you for posting your ideas of what you would like in a relationship. I think along the same lines. I often feel that I must be "odd" for my feelings of what I would like in a relationship. I don't meet many men or women who are looking for this type of relationship. It is nice to know there are a couple of other people out there who feel this way. Now if I could just find a few men who think this way I really enjoy your feedback to the forum. Debbie

Good luck to you Debbie. I think what we want is just to live with a decent person without pretensions or playing games. The rest is details to be worked out. I think this is what my friends want for the most part too, although a couple are a little more concerned about the "success" of their partners in professional life than I am. I think they're getting over it though.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Первоначальное сообщение от aqua
I can’t say what all Russian women want or ALL women want in general. This is such an impossible question. I can say what I, as a (Russian) woman, want - to be loved, cared for and have a great partnership with my husband. It doesn’t really matter to me what exactly it involves - who does what, who works at home, who works in the office, etc. Do those details really matter? We are together to make each other happy, so I want whatever makes my husband happy. It’s important, though, for the feeling to be mutual. Then it is a real partnership, not just coexistence or being submissive or something.
By the way, I admire Vyesna's husband - as a new mom myself I can say that caring for the baby is a much tougher job than any office work. And it certainly doesn't make a man less "manly". I think it's great.

Thanks, Aqua.

I in fact find a man changing diapers and playing with babies to be very sexy and manly.

Posted by: D in KS

Originally posted by Vyesna

I in fact find a man changing diapers and playing with babies to be very sexy and manly. [/QUOTE] Same here!!!!!! Debbie

Posted by: joseph

ok, this just proves my suspicion that the way to score points with women is to borrow someone else's baby and walk around town with it! LOL

too bad you can't take babies into bars! LOL

Posted by: Vyesna

If you've seen or read "About a Boy", you know you've got to be careful with that experiment.

Posted by: joseph

aqua,

it will probably depend on how little you are wearing when you say it!