where do i go from here...marriage? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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where do i go from here...marriage?
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Posted by: heyjimi

Hi everyone,
just got back from Vologda,Russia.My second time to Russia,my first trip to see a different girl,didn't work out,but this time everything went great with this girl i went to see.We've only been writing/phone calls for 3 months.but my question,maybe a dumb question...but what now? do i ask her to marry me? Is it too soon? This is all new to me.So i don't know where to go from here.Of course we are continueing to write and phone calls.I do plan on seeing her again.Anyway i'd apreciate any advice,insights...etc...thanks
jim

Posted by: EasyTarget

Jim:
Only you know whether you are ready for marriage. Are you in Love? Are you ready? Do you want to be married? Is she ready? Does she want to move to the US?
Big questions we can't help you with

Glad your trip went so well, that you are thinking about the possibility of marriage.

Posted by: heyjimi

Yes Easy Target,of course i understand all those questions,yes i am in love,thats where it seems weird for me,I mean thats the odd thing,has anyone asked their girl to marry them after 3 months of corresponding,and one visit.? i guss the thing that i am asking is.....is it too soon? Am i just rushing things? maybe give it more time,but on the other hand 3 months or 3 years if you love someone whats time have to do with it.
jim

Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:

Originally Posted by heyjimi

Am i just rushing things? maybe give it more time,but on the other hand 3 months or 3 years if you love someone whats time have to do with it.

It has a lot to do with it Jim. SLOW DOWN!!!! Take it easy. There are many crash and burn stories on this board from guys who didn't cool their jets.

You plan on seeing her again, right? Then do it. What do you really know about this woman. Learn everything you can and let your love have a chance to grow.

Posted by: SouthWestAussie

heyjimi, Communicate with your girl about your thoughts, get an understanding about her thoughts too. Everyone is different, as are all relationships. Three months can be too long for some, three years not long enough for others. You and your girl are the best judges in your situation. Communicate openly and honestly together, lay everything on the table, hopes, desires, needs, wants, fear and doubts.
When you both understand each others thinking exactly a future plan is far easier to implement and live with.
All the best Mate!

Posted by: Rockyof Florida

heyjimi,
Just take your time and enjoy the ride until you both are on the same page. It's great that you found someone and hope it works out for the both of you. Just don't want to read a crash and burn thread.
Best of luck to you!

Rocky

Posted by: swindoom

If you need to ask "is it too soon" then it is too soon, when the time is right you will know there is no magic minimum length of time.

Posted by: Algol

My advise...it's too soon for her. Since you have been to her country you know her better that she knows you. I would suggest that if and only if you are both serious that the most you would do at this time is invite her over to the US on a K1. During her 3 month stay here she will learn much more about you and your life. Perhaps then she can give you a definate YES. If not, she goes back home with both of you a bit wiser. Right now though, I don't see how she can know all that she is getting herself into. Again, just my 2 cents - for what it may be worth.

Posted by: heyjimi

thanks for all the advice guys....yeah if I have to ask is it too soon.....i think yes its too soon,so I'm going to take it in stride,I am going to see her again soon,so no hurry....thanks again
Jim

Posted by: Ade

Good for you Jim.

If you do decide to get married, that's probably the most important decision you can ever make....so wait until you feel ready; that's the only thing you have control of.

Good luck with it all,

Ade

Posted by: Zmejka

Quote:

Originally Posted by Algol

I would suggest that if and only if you are both serious that the most you would do at this time is invite her over to the US on a K1. During her 3 month stay here she will learn much more about you and your life. Perhaps then she can give you a definate YES. If not, she goes back home with both of you a bit wiser.

Please! Don't look at that 3 months as only "she will learn and perhaps... if no she goes back home".
I read quite a few stories on russian forums where women sold their flats, get layed from job - not a smart thing from their side but still. So when they arrive and see it's not going to work in their head start growing a plan how to stay - because they burned everything at home. Nobody would want to be in their - or their failed fiancees' shoes. As there are plans to get married by any means and wait till the green card - such plans are being discussed widely. So i would suggest to everyone not to look at that 3 months as a "holiday" or "vacation" - everything can happen but please! Be sure you want to continue BEFORE inviting her on FIANCEE (not tourist, not friend-kind) visa.
Good luck to the author, i wish you luck! And agree with others - slow things down, be sure before taking huge steps.

Posted by: weather-7

Quote:

Originally Posted by heyjimi

thanks for all the advice guys....yeah if I have to ask is it too soon.....i think yes its too soon,so I'm going to take it in stride,I am going to see her again soon,so no hurry....thanks again
Jim

Well, I just want to give an example: one of my friend have been meeting with her boyfriend for 7 years, then she met another guy and they got married after 2 months. That probably sounds strange but such is life.
The only thing you must be sure about is that she really loves you and wants to spend her life with you. If you feel the same so just wait a little bit( till you will be absollutely sure you both need this marriage) and move things further.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Hey Jimi,

A lot of good advice here. Americans are only allowed 1 K-1 visa within a certain period but it is at least 1 year and I think more. Don't submit a K-1 unless you plan to marry her.

I know you want her here and it is very easy to submit a K-1 but you need to discuss your future and goals with each other.

I think timeframes don't matter. My brother and 2 sisters all decided to get married in less then 2 months. They are all still married. I waited 9 months and my marriage lasted 3 months.

Talk, wait, and then decide. Maybe propose on your next trip if you are serious or sooner if you think it is right.

Good luck!

Posted by: GoeastLJ

heyjimi,

I am in the same situation. In my opinion, the meeting just confirms your intentions to take the relatonship further. Meet again - holiday environment, and then real life environment. This way, you will find out each other's pet hates/likes and decide whether you can live with them or not. I plan to invite my girlfriend on a visitors' visa so that she can see how I live and what she should expect if she comes here for good. Of course, I will work hard to make sure she has a positive image, bearing in mind that it will be different when she is here for good.

Good luck.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Wheather you stay in her country or yours and live together, you will be on your best behavior. The real test comes after marriage and you are together for a few months to a year.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zmejka

VERY SOUND INFORMATION... and this is what I get from my lady...

She has a life.. and don't take the K-1 as a 'test drive'.... only do it IF YOU KNOW FOR SURE...

Yes, something could happen in the short time before you got married, but then you went in to quickly and did not compromise on whatever it was...

Remember... she is a person and should be treated just like she was an American in another city... how many of us would say to a lady we just met in New York, 'quit your job, sell your stuff and come move in with me... and if I think we are good together in the next 3 months we will get married... if not then you can go back to NY and pick up the pieces'