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Do Russian women believe in love?
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Posted by: Peter10

Hello,

First of all I´ll like to introduce myself: I´m Peter, 36 years old, and I´m very happy to find this kind of forums!

Well, the reason of this post is to share with you my experience with a nice 26 years old Russian woman, and some troubles that I´m passing through to build this relation.

Let´s start from the beginning: I´ve met her one day that my regular kinesiologist (just because shoulder pain, not a big deal) was not present at the Hospital. We started to talk and she seems to be a nice woman, very intelligent and well educated (later she told me that she holds a MD degree from Russia). Well, after this first talk I´ve started to be her "patient" and we´ve talked since then a lot.....one month later I felt the impulse to invite her for a date and she agree without hassle....

We were dating during two months and one day I arrived to the conclusion that I was sooo in love with her, so I invited her to a romantic dinner and shared with her my feelings....

..she told me that she feels it too, but that she was very afraid that if she open her heart to me maybe in the near future I can break it like the times in the past that she felt in love with other men.

I asked her to be cool, that we can take all the time in the world to know each other, and to not think that I´m not taking her seriously. From this moment, we continue dating, we didn´t have sex yet (just kissing), but anyway she seems to be afraid to stablish a relationship with me. Maybe I did some mistakes: I´ve invited her to the best restaurants in town, bought her tons of red roses, expressed my feelings (I´m a very romantic guy), written and recorded 3 songs for her (I´m a professional guitar player), invited to my place (I have a nice house), etc.

Well, I really don´t understand why our relation is not consolidating .......I think there´s a cultural barrier between us that is the cause of this....or maybe due to my well living life status she feels inferior.....I don´t know....

Did I be very expresive with her? Is showing your feelings from the start to russian women a mistake from their cultural point of view? Why is getting so difficult to see that she´s feeling love for me? One point= she´s not a man-eater and she did not ask me for a penny yet....she´s a very interesting, nice and sweet lady but due to causes that I can not understand she´s very afraid to open her heart to me. I don´t know what I can do ......all your feedback will be very welcome!!! I need your help people, because I soo in love with Elena (her name) and I really don´t know what to do..

Sincerely,

Pete

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Peter,

Welcome to this site!

I came across a couple of interesting articles on Russian women, and there life, etc., but they are in German...

Let me know, if you are interested, then I'll post the web addresses.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: spamer

Need a little more inf. You left out a lot of things in this story. What country is this? America?
If America how what type of visa is she on? student?
I am looking for some reason why she would push away from you.

The other reason, you are her patient and she fells it is wrong to date a patient.
She is married and doesn't want to tell you.
You have taken her out of her environment so much you have scared her.
She doesn't understand the word "love" like you do. (or vice versa)
(my GF still has problems with the word "fun".)
(Hi Honey, we went to the park today and we had fun) drives her nuts.
see where I am going?

I suggest that you read a lot of sites on Russian Women and there ideas on life. At least it may point you in the correct direction.

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Spamer,

Perhaps your girlfriend just feels left out, when you talk about having "fun" (without her no less)... you know how women are, they want to hear that you sit alone in your house and cry all day, when they are not around.
In addition, foreigners generally don't have the grasp of the language required to distinguish between innocent fun and you know what other kind of fun...
Women after all are very jealous and suspicious of men, and I think Russian women actually, based on their bad experiences with Russian men, are somewhat justified in getting cranky when you tell them you are having fun.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: spamer

Sorry Arnold, I didn't explain it too well. (but I know what you are saying) Here is a conversation on the phone with the word "fun"

Spamer: Hi honey
Olya: what are you doing?
S: Jesse (son) and I are cleaning the house
O: that's wonderful that your son helps you
S: Yes, we are making it a very "fun" event. (oh god, I used it as a slang)
O: dear how can cleaning a house be fun?
S: we're making it a game and horse playing at the same time. You know "fun" (god! I used it again)
O: fun, fun, fun... don't you ever take anything serious?
S: yes dear, I do.. I'm sorry I used the word fun as a slang.
O: OK, I understand. so what else are you doing?
S: not much, cleaning and having a "good time" (ugh, I did it again)
Just repeat the first part and you see why this drives her crazy. (and me too)

Here's another problem, try to explain what collards are. and why you cook them with bacon grease/fat back. This problem took 2 phone calls and 3 e-mail to straighten out

Posted by: myshka

easy to explain fatback: just say its American salo!

Posted by: andrei

to Peter10

First of all, welcome.

Second, two months without having sex, I wonder what both of you were waiting for. I don't know how you do it out there in the West, but around here you either have sex after two weeks of meeting each other or turn into just friends. Hanging around for two months is a waste of time. In my lifetime, it usually happened like this: you meet a new girl, get to know her, find out if she's free, and arrange a date. On that date, by just conversating you find out whether she
a- just wants to make friends with you
b - wants some sex just for the hell of it
c - wants to start a romance

Then you do what you gotta do:
if "a", then you just have a good talk, maybe some dancing, then you call her every now and then one or two times a month just for a good convo
if "b", you drink some more, buy another vodka bottle, take her to your place and ...........................yes
and if "c", you go thru 2 or 3 more dates to get to know each other better, until both of you clearly understand that you're eager to start a romance, then you arrange a new date saying something like "you won't get home this Friday night, is that alright with you?" and on that day you have sex. Usually it takes 2 weeks to get to that point.

I wonder what you were doing for 2 months. I mean, having no sex for months is hazardous to health)))))

And third, you just don't know the simple fact that MOST RUSSIAN WOMEN JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. I think you should ask a plain and clear question like "My dear Lena, we should make it clear. Will we take it to the next level or will we turn into just friends? Because I don't even know who we are to each other. I've already told you you mean a lot to me. I'm ready to devote my life to you. Did I make myself clear? Will you appreciate it or do you want to leave it as it is now?"

If you won't make a turning point like that she will continue to "screw your brain" (a Russian expression)))) for another fortnight. Make a step, dude, Russian women won't make it for you, you gotta do it yourself. And don't forget that human physiology includes sex life

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnold

Women after all are very jealous and suspicious of men, and I think Russian women actually, based on their bad experiences with Russian men, are somewhat justified in getting cranky when you tell them you are having fun.

This post of yours makes me think that foreigners have a strong belief that all Russian men beat their wives and dont work and only drink vodka and lay in bed watching TV. Prove me wrong if you can.

Those women that look abroad for a husband are those that spent their best years with a wrong man instead of finding the right one. They are a MINORITY, remember that. A USUAL Russian woman lives with a NORMAL man, just as kind-hearted as hard-working as any of you. Otherwise Russian nation would just dissolve.

Posted by: Lori

Hello Andrei....who knows that Elena might still be a virgin and she is waiting Peter to propose marriage to her and only consummate on that special night after wedding

Posted by: andrei

A 26-year old virgin? That'd be her type of lifestyle. I mean for the whole life. Our Peter might not even make it in the 21st century))))

Posted by: Woody

Collards? Fat back? American salo?
This is foreign even to an Englishman.

Don't worry guys & gals I've worked it out. Hahaha, there was something almost lost in the translation.

Peter,

in not so many words I agree with Andrei. The bottom line is you need your girlfriend to communicate with you. Don't give up mate, all is not lost till she tells you to get on your bike & peddle.

Clive

Posted by: spamer

Andrei you are the man!!!

You are so right in what you have posted (of course in my opinion) LMAO

After I read what you have said it dawned on me that Peter is trying to show this girl his romantic side and trying to impress her with his wealth. He's also trying things a American woman would like on a Russian woman. (bad move) For some crazy reason, some men in the US feel a woman will make the first move about sex. By him not mentioning sex to her he feels that he is doing the honorable thing. (so 1800's fashion) Your post reminded me that these types of moves on a Russian woman are a bad move. He needs to learn RW don't have time to play games like this. They need direct questions and direct answers.

Peter, RW lives are very busy. (busy because they were taught this) They don't sit at home and talk on the phone for hours or silly things like AW do. They have a life. If you don't make it clear what you want right from the first, they will look at you as wasting there time.

Hint: If she kisses you and she shoves her tongue down your throat, she likes you. Now make the rest of the move because that is HER test on you. Don't fail it.

Posted by: spamer

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei
Those women that look abroad for a husband are those that spent their best years with a wrong man instead of finding the right one. They are a MINORITY, remember that. A USUAL Russian woman lives with a NORMAL man, just as kind-hearted as hard-working as any of you. Otherwise Russian nation would just dissolve.

Very true!

People need to use common sense in understanding other people. My GF ask me after watching the movie "Legally Blond" if all AW act this way. If so she could understand why AM come to Russia to find a wife.
Of course I told her it was very true.

(joking)
No, I told her that movie was a comedy and not to use it as a point to understand American life style.

Andrei, understand most information on RM received by people in the US are complaints. Why? because bad news sells. If people would use common sense they would know this can not be the total truth.

I have to ask you a question by means of PM if you don't mind. I have to know why something happen I saw and I believe you will know the answer.

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Andrei & Spamer,

I did not say "all Russian men are lazy alcoholics who beat their women", all I meant to say was that these particular women appear to be somewhat sensitive, when guys tell them they are having "fun".

I agree though Russian men are no better or no worse than men in the rest of the world, but the same goes for women.

Well Spamer, I have thought a lot about the other examples you mentioned, because I find your girlfriend's behavior a little bit disturbing. It makes me wonder if Andrei does have a point, when he made the statement, that "these women can not live with normal men". -- Here you are doing something nice by calling her and making none threatening smalltalk, and she puts you on the defensive over proper usage of the English language or ingredients? What's up with that? Why is she trying to create friction over nothing? She is acting hostile towards you, and you reward her bad behavior with several follow up calls. Maybe you should test the waters on this, and tell her next time she acts like that, "Sounds like you are in a bad mood, email me when you want to talk about what bothers you!" And then don't give in and call her, or write, or send stuff to her, wait for her to come to you. You have to establish a system with her, whereby she will be rewarded with your attention and kindness for treating you with love and respect. Furthermore, the word "fun" is so basic, it can be found in any dictionary, and to quote Andrei once more, it sounds like this woman is "screwing with your head".

Andrei, let me ask you something. How difficult is it for a Russian citizen to leave their country for say vacation purposes? Is it the same now, as it is for someone like myself from the West? And can you guys travel anywhere you want to go to, provided the other country will issue a tourist visa?

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: spamer

You are totally right Arnold and if I read that post too I would think that.
But I would need to add more to that story to make it more clear. I just used it as a example with words and how they have a different meaning depending on where you are. Her big problem is she understands proper English, but slang does confuse her. Believe me, if she gets out of hand I remind her that I am a American and she is a Russian and we need to be a little understanding over words used.

This type of matter has put a strain on us in the past, but I realize now that if this does start to happen, she is getting more and more confused and if all else fails I call her GF who is a English teacher in Moscow and she explain it to her. Then I get a "I'm sorry" e-mail from her.
(there is a lot more behind this, but I have never known a polite way to say "it's none of your business")

Maybe I am a softy, but this relationship is teaching me patients which has also helped me at work.

BTW she now uses the word "fun" all the time and I tease her about it.

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnold

Andrei, let me ask you something. How difficult is it for a Russian citizen to leave their country for say vacation purposes? Is it the same now, as it is for someone like myself from the West? And can you guys travel anywhere you want to go to, provided the other country will issue a tourist visa?

Best wishes, Arnold

YES
we're free to throw our bones (another Russian expression))) anywhere we want as long as we have enough cabbage (slang word for "money"))))

Posted by: Arnold

Hi Spamer,

I think, you are a nice guy, that's why I voiced my opinion, but you are right it is none of my bee's wax.

I am glad for you that it is nothing like I erroneously imagined!

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: Arnold

Hi Andrei,

Thanks for the answer.

In regard to wages, is it similar to the West, that a woman with the same education/experiance is paid 25 cents less on the dollar, if she works in the same field as a man with the same qualifications?

What is an institute comparable to? I mean what type of a school is that?

At what age do Russians start being trained for a particular profession? You know, when do you start specializing?

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: andrei

An institute is a high school, like university or academy.

25 cents lower than a male - that would be too rough on our women. No, they make the same money.

Russian school takes 10 years. If you start at 7, you graduate at 17. You can quit school after 8 years too, but you won't be able to go to an institute (academy, university), you will have to pass thru a college first. After 10 years of school you can go to an institute the same year. Usually a college takes 3 years, an institute - 5 years. If you want to be a doctor, it'll take 6 years of academy and also 1 or 2 more years for specializing.

Posted by: Arnold

Hi Andrei,

Please, tell me more, this is very interesting for me!

How do Russians perceive the West, or people from there? What are the stereotyps Russians have of us?

When Russians travel to the West and return, what are the things they noticed? What do they like, or dislike about the places they have been to?

Since this came up earlier, in how far does a Russian's view about love differ from people in the West? Or rather how would you define it? (Personally, I think it has to do with unselfish sacrifice, but that's just me.)

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: andrei

First of all, go to "Russian Culture" forum and find a thread called smth like "Russian Stereotypes" or smth like that. I made a huge reply there.

When we travel to the West and return, we usually notice:

good
-clean streets
-nice service
-lots of career opportunities

bad
-fake smiles on people's faces
-parties are dull
-lots of fat and ugly people
-youth smokes too much weed

all I can recall right now

Love in Russia is care. Not gifts, not fancy car rides, not overseas trips, not diamonds, no. Care. If you love, you care, no matter if your beloved lost his|her leg and cant move no more, you still care.

Posted by: Lonestar

Quote:

Originally posted by Woody:
Collards? Fat back? American salo?
This is foreign even to an Englishman.

If you think that those are bad, let me throw you these: Hominy, grits, and hush puppies.

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei:
we're free to throw our bones (another Russian expression))) anywhere we want as long as we have enough cabbage (slang word for "money"))))

Is it true Andrei, that Russians are having a hard time obtaining visas, with inordinate waiting times, unnecessary questions, etc.? If so, I don't agree with it, the "War On Terror" be d***ed.

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei:
Love in Russia is care. Not gifts, not fancy car rides, not overseas trips, not diamonds, no. Care. If you love, you care, no matter if your beloved lost his|her leg and cant move no more, you still care.

Speaking as an American male, this is very heartwarming. For the past 40-to-60 years it seems, America has become more and more materialistic. So much so that nowadays a "level of love" is equated with the amount or cost of "things" given. It's enough to make one ill, IMHO.

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Andrei,

thanks for answering all my questions, let me ask something else (please), which decoding system does a VCR in Russia utelize?

SECAM or PAL? Or do they have both?

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: spamer

Hush puppies, gizzards (with hot sauce of course) and collards ....... I'm hungry!

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnold
Hello Andrei,

thanks for answering all my questions, let me ask something else (please), which decoding system does a VCR in Russia utelize?

SECAM or PAL? Or do they have both?

Best wishes, Arnold

I think both. My parents have PAL. Nowadays people are giving up on VCRs and buy DVD players instead.

Posted by: mila

Quote:

[i] They are a MINORITY, remember that. A USUAL Russian woman lives with a NORMAL man, .
[/B]

It is not absolutely right. There is few happy marriages here (in Russia), and it is difficultly to find a good man. When it happens you are glad as you have won the lottery ticket.
As far a MINORITY. It is because a little who has access in the Internet, and many women do not guess about such opportunity

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Mila,

from your point of view, what makes a Western man more attractive to a typical Russian woman than a Russian man?

Or, what makes Russian men so horrible?

Why do marriages in Russia break up?

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Andrei,

Thanks, for telling me about the "Russian Culture" section. There was a lot of interesting info!

I enjoyed the part about the fairy tales. I liked it, because the characters appear to have more dimensions, than characters in the generic Western folk tales.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnold
Hello Mila,

from your point of view, what makes a Western man more attractive to a typical Russian woman than a Russian man?

Or, what makes Russian men so horrible?

Why do marriages in Russia break up?

Best wishes, Arnold

I CAN TELL YOU THAT!

The mistake is in your question itself. To a TYPICAL Russian woman a Western man is a sightseeing, not a potential husband. A TYPICAL Russian woman cant imagine living with somebody who wasn't born in Russia, cant speak Russian, knows no Russian songs, no anecdotes, hasn't seen our classic movies, hasn't read our classic books. A TYPICAL Russian woman cant live where there's no snow, no parties of our type, no food of our type and so on.

Alcohol and laziness and disrespect to the opposite sex is what makes us so horrible. The problem is that Russia is mostly inhabited by scum. Most of us drink everyday, beat our wives and children, cuss like sailors, have no job and die at age of 40 in a car crash or a drunk fight. Intelligent people live in big cities only, and even there they are a minority. That's why.

Sorry for interruption.

Posted by: Arnold

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei
I CAN TELL YOU THAT!

The mistake is in your question itself. To a TYPICAL Russian woman a Western man is a sightseeing, not a potential husband. A TYPICAL Russian woman cant imagine living with somebody who wasn't born in Russia, cant speak Russian, knows no Russian songs, no anecdotes, hasn't seen our classic movies, hasn't read our classic books. A TYPICAL Russian woman cant live where there's no snow, no parties of our type, no food of our type and so on.

Alcohol and laziness and disrespect to the opposite sex is what makes us so horrible. The problem is that Russia is mostly inhabited by scum. Most of us drink everyday, beat our wives and children, cuss like sailors, have no job and die at age of 40 in a car crash or a drunk fight. Intelligent people live in big cities only, and even there they are a minority. That's why.

Sorry for interruption.

Hello Andrei,

I did not mean to leave you out on this one, but I ask, becuse I do not comprehend. I hope you are not upset though, that I ask these questions. Are you sure you were talking about Russian men in your second paragraph? Men from the West have very similar hobbies, you know.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: mila

Hi boys!
I agree with the second paragraph of Andrei. But I want to add that a TYPICAL Russian woman (in difference of a American woman) bears, bears and once again bears life with such husband.
As far as the American man? Please do not throw in me by stones, but it is material well-being . But then when you get acquainted with a man closer, begin to see and to appreciate very much his personal qualities. It is his care, his respect for me and even an intimate part of the relations with a American man, differs from Russian. Certainly it is for the benefit of a American.

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Mila,
thanks for your reply!

You know, a lot of women from the West (not just the US) have to deal with the same kind of treatment through their husbands though, and a lot of them bear their burden as well.

But basically what you are saying is that Russian women want to leave for ecconomic reasons, am I understanding you correctly?

What "material advantage" are you referring to? Is it what the country has to offer, or what the man might be willing to provide?

When you say the Western man "cares" for the Russian woman, what do you mean? Do you mean in the sense of being the sole provider, and she gets to stay home in order to take care of the home and children?

Please, explain... I am confused about this.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: mila

Hello Arnold!
I know only one American woman. She is the teacher English here. I can not tell, that she is a sample of the wife, though she lives with her husband quite long. But he as a husband (certainly from my point of view) is very good. I simply admired with him.
By the way basic information on the American women I have received from the men on correspondence.

If Russia was the same advanced economically country as America, unless there would be such flow of the Russian brides to west? How many American women search for the husband by abroad?

As far as " material advantage "? Certainly I spoke about a man. You see you read a post of Andrei, many men are not capable to provide his family here.

To care, it means to love by all possible ways, to make a woman happy

Posted by: campanula

The only thing I could add is that I'm totally agree with Mila.
Looks like I'm a "TYPICAL" Russian woman, but without any russian blood at all..

Posted by: spamer

Mila;

I am not trying to back you in to a corner with questions, but I think your definition of a "good man" would help us understand your meanings much better.

To give you a idea of what I mean. A "good man" in America would be someone who took care of his family the best way he knew how too. By supplying everything he could to them and ignoring his own needs.

The bad side to this is: A man like this may be look at as very boring and most American women wouldn't like this because there is no excitement in there life.

(this is a real short definition of what I mean. I hope you get the idea.)

Posted by: mila

Spamer!
I come on Russian forum, where Russian wives complain of their American husbands, because some of them prefer the TV to them.

))))))

I do not have such experience, therefore I can not tell particularly about my situation.

But all that I read about such families, speaks about care of the American husbands of the wives and that especially important about their (Russian) children!

Posted by: joseph

Why in the world would any man in his right mind travel halfway across the world to marry a beautiful russian woman, go through the entire convoluted immigration process to have a woman in his home that he would prefer to watch tv than be with????

Are these men nuts??!!

and mila, I always enjoy seeing your posts. You share the same name as the woman in Kharkov I am currently communicating with you who I believe is completely stealing my heart!

Joseph

Posted by: mila

I do not think that they are nuts. Probably it is weariness after work.

Joseph, I wish to you all best with your girl

Posted by: Peter10

Dear members of this forum,

I´ll like to express my gratitude for all the received feedback!!

Now I´ll share with you some of them with you:

Feedback from Arnold:

Quote:

.......Hello Peter, Welcome to this site! I came across a couple of interesting articles on Russian women, and there life, etc., but they are in German... Let me know, if you are interested, then I'll post the web addresses.

thanks man! Sure, I´m very interested in reading more about RW, anything that help me understand Elena a bit more.

Quote:

.......Women after all are very jealous and suspicious of men.

I´ve noticed this from Elena too....kinda she is not able to trust in a man....and when she asked me about my ex girlfriends I shared with her pictures of them and....she did not like to see that I´ve had a past with pretty women...Maybe this was my mistake number 1

Feedback from Spamer:

Quote:

.......You have taken her out of her environment so much you have scared her.

Man, now that you´re mentioning it, I think that this was my biggest mistake......to embed her with my normal environment, which is by far very different from her....my sincere intention was to make her feel good, but maybe this was too much for her...maybe this made her feel "inferior", and might thought that she will not be in the hights to live a life like mine......STUPID ME

Quote:

.......After I read what you have said it dawned on me that Peter is trying to show this girl his romantic side and trying to impress her with his wealth.

No dude, that wasn´t my intention (but I have to admit you that maybe she could feel it that way.... :-(

Quote:

.......He's also trying things a American woman would like on a Russian woman. (bad move) For some crazy reason, some men in the US feel a woman will make the first move about sex. By him not mentioning sex to her he feels that he is doing the honorable thing. (so 1800's fashion) .

Yeah, you´re fully right here: I think that I´ve approached her from a "so 1800´s old fashion" position........(I was afraid to do the first move so quick because I´m very interested in her and don´t wanna lose her due to "touching first base" too early.

Feedback from andrei:

Quote:

.......Second, two months without having sex, I wonder what both of you were waiting for. I don't know how you do it out there in the West, but around here you either have sex after two weeks of meeting each other or turn into just friends. Hanging around for two months is a waste of time..

Yes man, maybe I´m so in love with this woman that I´m doing everything wrong.....

Quote:

.......I wonder what you were doing for 2 months. I mean, having no sex for months is hazardous to health..

Yes my friend.......It is hazardous to health.....

Quote:

.......If you won't make a turning point like that she will continue to "screw your brain" (a Russian expression)))) for another fortnight. Make a step, dude, Russian women won't make it for you, you gotta do it yourself...

Well, I´ve already make that step: I told her what where my true feeling for her......What are my intentions, etc.......maybe this was another of my mistakes (maybe she´s not ready or interested in a formal relation)

Quote:

.......To a TYPICAL Russian woman a Western man is a sightseeing, not a potential husband. A TYPICAL Russian woman cant imagine living with somebody who wasn't born in Russia, cant speak Russian, knows no Russian songs, no anecdotes, hasn't seen our classic movies, hasn't read our classic books. A TYPICAL Russian woman cant live where there's no snow, no parties of our type, no food of our type and so on....

If this is true, then I´m lost with Elena... :-(

Feedback from Lori

Quote:

.......Hello Andrei....who knows that Elena might still be a virgin and she is waiting Peter to propose marriage to her and only consummate on that special night after wedding ....

She told me that she has had sexual relations before......she doesn´t seems to be a virgin woman....

Well, again thanks so much for all the feedback!! Maybe I must have to admit that in trying to stablish a romantic relation with a RW I´m just only a LOOSER........but I´ve tried my best to express my feelings to her, through maybe a different way of thought than her.......

.......I can´t be rude with her......I can´t hide what I feel about her......I don´t drink alcohol!!! ...so, maybe I´m not a guy for a RW...

Thanks and regards,

Peter

ps: what this forum´s women think about my story? I´m more than interested in hearing your feedback (specially if you´re from Russia) Thanks in advance!

Posted by: campanula

Quote:

Originally posted by Peter10

.......I can´t be rude with her......I can´t hide what I feel about her......I don´t drink alcohol!!! ...so, maybe I´m not a guy for a RW...

Thanks and regards,

Peter

ps: what this forum´s women think about my story? I´m more than interested in hearing your feedback (specially if you´re from Russia) Thanks in advance! [/B]

I hope this sentence is just a bad joke...

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by campanula

I hope this sentence is just a bad joke...

Hey Peter,

The reason Campanula says that because a common complaint amount FSU Women is that many Russian men (not all, of course) drink too much!

Essentially, Andrei is telling you what not to do!!!!

In other words, if your lady is even considering having a relationship with a foreigner than maybe she is not so "typical".

The bad things he mentions are clues as to what NOT to do!

Also, many RW may answer with short, simple answers (maybe because of the language barrier, I don't know) ut they usuall mean exactly what they say - plain and simple!

Don't give up yet and maybe with this bit of info you may be able to "read between the lines" better.

Good luck!!!!!!

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Peter,

Did you not notice that Andrei was just using stereotypes, to answer my question to Mila?

And further, did you not notice that the women picked up on that, and hit Andrei over the head with his own weapons?

You said your Russian friend is a medical doctor, so she probably is highly educated, perhaps she is looking for some one who has a similar career?

I know, it gets confusing after a while of reading, but dude, Russia is still a Superpower in the world. Do you think, they live in clay huts, practise witch craft to heal people, and get drunk all the time?

Why do you think America is so afraid of the Russian Republic? Why do you think America does not help Russia to build a strong internal economy?

Even though, life in Russia is not fantastic, as Andrei put it not everybody wants to leave! As for the woman that are looking for husbands, who even consider taking one from abroad, they still have standards, in regard to what the man they want to marry should be like.

Yes, this man is probably an idealized form of a Russian man, but his characteristics are not based on a list of negative qualities. I would not be surprised if these woman are looking for a guy like Andrei. Like Mila put it, finding this kind of man, is like winning the Lottery.

If you really like this woman, go to the library and read about Russian history, read novels written by Russians, inform yourself about politics. Prove to her that you are interested in her culture. This may not mean that she will be interested in you, but it will show that maybe you are a nice guy after all. And if you are lucky, she might hook you up with a friend of hers.

My guess is, you must have said something to her, that offended her, and the only way you can find out what this was is if you start reading books about Russia. None of us were there when you put your foot in your mouth, so we can not help you...

Depending on how severe your offense was, you may never be able to win her over as a lover, so don't count on that, but having a friend is not a bad thing either...

Good luck, Arnold

Posted by: D in KS

Essentially, Andrei is telling you what NOT to do!!!! I sure hope this is true!!!! Maybe being an "american women" I just don't get the russian humor. Or maybe Andrei proves that there are jerks everywhere in the world

Peter, I think you are doing fine. Every women wants to be respected and have a man be totally honest with her, at least in my opinion. It is good advice to learn all you can about the Russian culture.Small cultural differences can make for a large misunderstanding. Two months is not a long time to get to know someone. Take your time, enjoy her company and let her enjoy yours. Don't pressure her and rush things so fast. If she has "love" feelings for you I think they will come out if you make her feel comfortable and safe with you. I believe that is what ALL women want. If they want a man to tell them what they want, then they can PM Andrei for programing

Debbie

Posted by: campanula

Quote:

Originally posted by searcher
Hey Peter,

The reason Campanula says that because a common complaint amount FSU Women is that many Russian men (not all, of course) drink too much!

Hi, boys!

No, searcher, it is not the only reason. The main reason is that Peter just upset now and looks for some one guilty. This sentence of him says that he is too god for RW; hat the right guy for the RW is heavy drinker etc. It�s a little bit insulting...

And it says also that he is offended and that he feels pain now, but there is no any fault of his girlfriend in that she doesn�t love him (probably) or just doesn�t want to show her love yet. As people say on this forum: love is thing that just happens.
Anyway, I'm sorry�.

Posted by: mila

Quote:

Originally posted by Peter10

I asked her to be cool, that we can take all the time in the world to know each other
Pete

Hello Pete!
Probably problem is in these your words?
Maybe she loves you and she is afraid to make a wrong step and to lose you too? Did you not think of it?

Posted by: Arnold

thanks man! Sure, I´m very interested in reading more about RW, anything that help me understand Elena a bit more.

Hello Peter,

here is one site which is in German. It is a study about "Women in Russia". I hope you do speak German, because it is a pretty interesting study.

If any of the Russian board members speak German and read the study as well, I would welcome feedback. Otherwise I might just ask some questions in the future.

http://library.fes.de/fulltext/id/01625toc.htm

Let me know if you can read it!

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by campanula
Hi, boys!

No, searcher, it is not the only reason. The main reason is that Peter just upset now and looks for some one guilty. This sentence of him says that he is too god for RW; hat the right guy for the RW is heavy drinker etc. It�s a little bit insulting...

I didn't say it was the ONLY reason but a commonly stated one. One of the ones heard most often.

Yeah, the othe part may seem insulting but i'm not sure that was his intention perhaps a bad choice of words perhaps.

Posted by: andrei

Hi

Im a lil bit confused because I didnt mean that Peter made some kinds of mistakes or smth. I only stated that the girl doesnt know what she wants. Hey, the way Peter treats he already deserves a honeymoon. And hey, Pete, you HAVE chances with Lena because she is not a typical Russian woman, she lives outside of CIS, c'mon, that aint typical at all. I just tink that both of you should make a step. Because right now she's only benefits from the fruits of love that you give her and doesnt seem to give smth back. Thats not good, but thats what some of RW LIKE to do, like I said, screwing you brain.

And for those that said 'Mr. andrei thinks Lena needs an alkie' c'mon people wake up. Only in a town where EVERYBODY drinks a RW will marry a drunkard. And like I told you, mostly it is so, around here.

Posted by: Peter10

Dear all,

Thanks so much for posting your feedback here. It means a lot for me, and I´m very grateful for the time that you´re expending with my problem. THANKS SO MUCH!!

Feedback from campanula:

Quote:

I hope this sentence is just a bad joke...

Dear Campanula; I´ll like to apologise if I did say something that has offended you. As you can imagine, if I´m so in love with a RW the last thing in the world that I could do is to offend one. My sincere apologise if I wrote something that it sounded bad...

Quote:

Yes , here you´re right...I´m the one that is guilty due to my Russian Culture ignorance...BTW, I´m not offended nor upset ....I´m just a little sad.....that´s all.

Feedback from searcher:

Quote:

Don't give up yet and maybe with this bit of info you may be able to "read between the lines" better.

Good luck!!!!!!

Dude, thanks a lot for your nice words!!

Feedback from Arnold:

Quote:

This may not mean that she will be interested in you, but it will show that maybe you are a nice guy after all. And if you are lucky, she might hook you up with a friend of hers.

Depending on how severe your offense was, you may never be able to win her over as a lover, so don't count on that, but having a friend is not a bad thing either...

Dear Arnold, be sure that I´m not a typical "RW hunter". For me is the first time that I meet one, and I can´t tell why, but I´m completely in love with her.....It´s not just "I want a RW wife", It´s more than that... I really fallen in love with Elena as a human being, and being her a RW is just a circumptance of life...

Feedback from D in KS:

Quote:

Essentially, Andrei is telling you what NOT to do!!!! I sure hope this is true!!!! Maybe being an "american women" I just don't get the russian humor. Or maybe Andrei proves that there are jerks everywhere in the world Peter, I think you are doing fine. Every women wants to be respected and have a man be totally honest with her, at least in my opinion. It is good advice to learn all you can about the Russian culture.Small cultural differences can make for a large misunderstanding. Two months is not a long time to get to know someone. Take your time, enjoy her company and let her enjoy yours. Don't pressure her and rush things so fast. If she has "love" feelings for you I think they will come out if you make her feel comfortable and safe with you. I believe that is what ALL women want.

Dear Debbie, thanks for your nice words too!!

Feedback from mila:

Quote:

Hello Pete!
Probably problem is in these your words?
Maybe she loves you and she is afraid to make a wrong step and to lose you too? Did you not think of it?

Today I´ve received an email from Elena, where she said thanks for all the nice things that Ì´ve shared with her, for being a gentleman and to care so much about her, but she seems to not be ready to start a formal relationship yet...

She wanna be a "free woman" for a little more time, and she ask me to wait for her until she decide to "stop having fun" ....... The funny thing is that when we start dating she was the one that told me that she did not want to "just have fun", that she was looking for a serious relation, etc.... My friends, now I really don´t understand what is inside a RW´s heart.....mine now is broken....but I´ll survive.....

Feedback from Andrei:

Quote:

Im a lil bit confused because I didnt mean that Peter made some kinds of mistakes or smth. I only stated that the girl doesnt know what she wants. Hey, the way Peter treats he already deserves a honeymoon. And hey, Pete, you HAVE chances with Lena because she is not a typical Russian woman, she lives outside of CIS, c'mon, that aint typical at all. I just tink that both of you should make a step. Because right now she's only benefits from the fruits of love that you give her and doesnt seem to give smth back. Thats not good, but thats what some of RW LIKE to do, like I said, screwing you brain.

Dear Andrei, I think that you have been very accurate and sharp with your feedback......It´s like you were here between us (Elena & I) and see our relation clearly. Thanks so much for help me understand that sometimes (and like some American women) RW don´t know what they want....and as a consequence screw our brain out... Anyway It´s not Elena´s fault: It´s MY fault to open my heart so deeply to a woman that told me that she was on the "serious track", but through her last acts and email ended telling me that she still wanna "have fun, be a free woman, etc)

Guys, It´s the first time in my life that I feel so much for a woman, and being in tour so much time made me think about stablishing myself, put some roots and build a family... but I´ve learned a lesson here...trying to see a SECAM tape through a NTSC VCR is a challenge that can result right or wrong, and in my case I think that was a wrong one...there are no guilties here, just abismal cultural differences that made this relation hard to consolidate... People told me that RW were direct, secure with what they want for their lives, without a "second thought", and willing to find a man that show them lots of love and care, but in my case maybe I found a "ARW" (Americanized Russian woman) , who feels that being with a man like me could take her "freedom" away..... I can´t understand why she feel this (I´m a musician, very open minded, not a corporate executive..), but anyway I´ll have to respect her way of thinking and next time be a little more cautioned before opening my heart to a woman, specially if cultural differences exist.

I´ll like to truly express my gratitude to all of you for analysing my case, for telling me what you really think about it and for being so nice to care about what I was telling here in this forum...

....Maybe my heart is broken now, but I think that I´ve found a lot of friendship here, and that´s means a lot to me too.

Peter10

Posted by: Arnold

Hi Peter,

Sorry man you had bad luck with your love affair. From experience I would personaly say that it would be best to break things off clean, you know, to mend your broken heart.

Perhaps, you can channel the pain into writing some love songs. I don't mean this as a joke! You know it might help.

In any case, I am thinking to change my username to "Russian Wife Hunter", that sounds really cool... Am I really coming across as such a jerk? Well, I am sorry, if this is the case, but it is not my intention to piss people off.

Try to keep this being friends with her thing in mind though, because like I said she might be able to introduce you to a nice girl, who might love you as well. You know, sometime in the future, and I don't mean that the future love interest of yours has to be Russian. Like people say there are many fish in the sea!

So don't be sad, try hanging out with some friends, do something distracting for a while!

Best wishes and good luck, Arnold

Posted by: Peter10

Thanks man for your support!! Yep, maybe this bad experience could finish as a new song.....I´ll keep you posted!

BTW,

I think that campanula gonna be mad with this part of your post:

Quote:

Like people say there are many fish in the sea!

Regards,

Peter10

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by Peter10
Thanks man for your support!! Yep, maybe this bad experience could finish as a new song.....I´ll keep you posted!

BTW,

I think that campanula gonna be mad with this part of your post:

Regards,

Peter10

ps: I´ve attached in this post one picture of myself playing with Steve V a i ..I hope you can see it
(at the left Mr. V a i........me at the right

Uh, you forgot to remove the hat in photoshop

Plus the neckline just doesn't sem to match very well

Posted by: Peter10

LOL!

Great to see you like it! (just kidding). I´ve remove it until I do it right!

regards,

Peter10

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Peter,

I am glad you are happy! Let's hope Campanula does not know what "fish" is code name for.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: campanula

Hi, boys!
You see, Peter, you are still looking for someone�s fault. But this is nobody�s fault. Unrequited love also happens in this life, unfortunately...

And, boys, thank you for your help, but I already know what �fish� means. You are quite right; I didn�t answer that post because I was too angry about it and because of the language barrier also. But I�m going to do it now. Hold on, boys!

If you are at the �fiancée market� and want to get exactly what you want (wonderful, slim, tall, blue-eyed, dumb, blonde, 17 years old), you must pay for it!
I mean, that some of men want to get the best and the cheapest.
Very TYPICAL for any shopping� (Sorry, fishing)

I must say that this game, that you call a lottery, could be very dangerous, for some people the name of this game is a Russian roulette. Who knows, who is a winner in this game�
I used to play this game some years ago and I have a very bad experience, so I know what I�m talking about..

P.S. Then, boys, I�ll start to play again, change my username to �Foreign Husband Huntress� and that would sound even cooler then yours, Arnold.

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by campanula
Hi, boys!
You see, Peter, you are still looking for someone�s fault. But this is nobody�s fault. Unrequited love also happens in this life, unfortunately...

P.S. Then, boys, I�ll start to play again, change my username to �Foreign Husband Huntress� and that would sound even cooler then yours, Arnold.

I like that!

I agree with you entirely!

I think some guys (not to accuse anyone, just an observation) are only looking for one thing!

Buyer beware!

And I kind understood "fish" to mean something else (but similar) as meaning something which is also another name for a cat ...if you know what I mean!

P___y, also P___y cat.

Posted by: campanula

Quote:

Originally posted by searcher
I like that!

I agree with you entirely!

I think some guys (not to accuse anyone, just an observation) are only looking for one thing!

Buyer beware!

And I kind understood "fish" to mean something else (but similar) as meaning something which is also another name for a cat ...if you know what I mean!

P___y, also P___y cat.

Oh, gosh! How stupid I'm!
Now I should hastily retreat...
Sorry.....

Posted by: Arnold

Quote:

Originally posted by campanula
Oh, gosh! How stupid I'm!
Now I should hastily retreat...
Sorry.....

Hello Campanula,

I am sorry if you took offense at what I said, I meant this in a funny HAHA kind of sense. My humor is very abbrasive, I know this. Perhaps even too much for a Russian to handle. Could this be possible?

I like to play on words. In writing it is more complicated, because the spelling gives the jokes away.

The joke with the "fish"... well, it became a joke after Peter alerted me to the various meanings like specific-female-body-part versus just a person, and pointed out that you might take offense at that....

I have to add something here. If you had understood the "slang term" in it's proper sense, I would not have blamed you for being upset! However, I thought you would retaliate with a joke. In the West, there is a joke, that most men think about sex every twenty minutes. I am sure Russian men are no exception to this claim! So I hope you don't believe what Searcher says, that cat and fish is the same thing. It can be but only as descriptive terminology for the specific-female-body-part (I have to write it like this, because of the profanity filter on this site.). A cat, because it is furry, and a fish, because of it's taste. I guess, the knowlege about the taste is what makes Western men better lovers? I am joking, no insult intended.
Another interesting thing for the ladies might be that American women shave their cats now --Ouch!-- don't ask me why. I think, it is stupid, but a lot of American men have an aversion to female body hair, say on their legs or under their arms, and now I guess on their fish as well. American men don't have a problem though with their own body hair. It is very paradox! If you don't believe me ask them yourselves.

I thought to myself, that the English comprehension of a lot of the Russians on here is very high. I am giving you guys an honest compliment. That is the reason, why I pointed you there, because of my accidental bad choice of words. It worked out fine, because I was addressing a presumably straight male.

However you can use the phrase "There are many fish in the sea." also to encourage women like yourself Campanula who might want to give up on men all together, because of a couple of bad experiences. If you use the phrase as above, you should look at the larger context that I was writing about, and the word "fish" then will be used as a variable to fill with whatever someone is seeking. In this case it was "to be in love with any woman, not necessarily a Russian woman".

In the paragraph, where I suggested to change my name, I also posed the question, if I am coming across as a jerk. Well, I guess, I am making this impression on you guys. In any case, I jokingly suggested that then I might as well use this name as a username. It was a joke, alright!

As for you calling yourself "Foreign Husband Huntress", I think when a woman does that it might have the opposite effect than when a man does it. Sounds kind of "kinky" to me. Don't get angry again, life is to short for that. Look at the humor in it, it's pretty funny, don't you think?

As for your bad experiences, I am sorry to hear that some jerk hurt you! If you read other stuff from me, you might see that I am not your enemy. Personally, I like all women no matter what nationality, but I do not hunt them or go fishing to obtain them. And if I am attracted to a woman, I like to know more about her life, her culture, her upbringing, etc. That is the reason why I am on here. Not what you and Andrei are thinking that this is my hobby. Andrei accused me more than once of stereotyping, but he does not know me at all, now you say I am a macho man, well guys all I can say is that I am not the one who is doing the stereotyping.

As for Searcher's pledge of support, I am not surprised that you like to take statements out of context. It was a joke dude! You of all people should have recognized that. Juvenile? Yes! But still a joke!

That's all I have to say.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: klawsite

Hi Pete,

I can't speak for all Russian women, but I do know that my fiance Nadya does. She is extremely happy to have met me and loves me very much. I could feel it when we were together. I can tell when I speak to hear on the phone as well.

-Kevin

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnold

As for Searcher's pledge of support, I am not surprised that you like to take statements out of context. It was a joke dude! You of all people should have recognized that. Juvenile? Yes! But still a joke!

That's all I have to say.

Best wishes, Arnold

I just made an observation. Thats all!!!

I didn't make any accuzations and if you READ what I wrote "(not to accuse anyone, just an observation) " that should have been reasonable clear.

I was just stating that in this world (and even among those who look for women, be it here or other forums) sometimes, some men (NOT ALL) look for one thing.

It was not an accuzation or in any way directed toward you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just an observation, thats why I wrote "(not to accuse anyone, just an observation) ".

There any many list and forums on the interner and if you read what is posted, at times you are left with the impression that is what some men are looking for solely.

I understood the joke and I didn't take it out of context.

But I also thought it was in need of clarification for those who are not native English speakers.

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Searcher,

Thanks for the clarification.

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: Peter10

Quote:

Hi Pete,

I can't speak for all Russian women, but I do know that my fiance Nadya does. She is extremely happy to have met me and loves me very much. I could feel it when we were together. I can tell when I speak to hear on the phone as well.

-Kevin

Hi klawsite,

Good for you man........congratulations.......I didn´t have luck with mine...but surely there´re a lot of nice RW around (specially at this forum).

Regards,

Pete

Posted by: campanula

Arnold: I am sorry if you took offense at what I said, I meant this in a funny HAHA kind of sense. My humor is very abbrasive, I know this. Perhaps even too much for a Russian to handle. Could this be possible?

Campanula (Turns to a hedgehog and grumbles): Hello, hello...
Yes, it�s very abrasive, but quite better than your pedantic explanations�

Arnold: "...It is very paradox!"

Campanula (Continues grumbling): Are you surprised about double standards to men and women? I�m not at all. It�s a very usual thing. Woman should be always beautiful (to the men taste, of course), but to the man to be a little bit better than a monkey is quite enough.

Arnold: "...who might want to give up on men all together, because of a couple of bad experiences."

Campanula (indignantly snuffles): I wonder, how many of bad experience would be enough? After how many attempts should I stop? 20, 30 or more?

Arnold: "As for you calling yourself "Foreign Husband Huntress", I think when a woman does that it might have the opposite effect than when a man does it."

Campanula (Laughs): OK, I�ll take another username �Foreign Men Killer�. Is it better?

Arnold: "..but he does not know me at all, now you say I am a macho man..."

Campanula (grinds her needles): Who said that and where, show me, please!

Arnold: "...you might see that I am not your enemy. "

Campanula (very seriously): I do not need any enemies because I have my friends...

Arnold: "...That's all I have to say."

Campanula (sniffing): Let�s go away from here, Searcher, because nobody understands us, everyone wants to offend us. Let�s open another topic about true love, not about the buyers sand blonde dolls. (goes away crying and shuffling by her feet)

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Campanula,

I can't help but think, that you are misunderstanding me...

Are you using a computer program to translate text from English to Russian?

I wrote my earlier reply pedantic/simplistic in order to reduce possible misunderstandings.

Perhaps, I was wrong in doing so? Perhaps, you are just looking for a fight?

Is that it? Because if it is I am not interested!

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: Lonestar

Did I just see this?

Posted by: campanula

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnold
Hello Campanula,

I can't help but think, that you are misunderstanding me...

Are you using a computer program to translate text from English to Russian?

I wrote my earlier reply pedantic/simplistic in order to reduce possible misunderstandings.

Perhaps, I was wrong in doing so? Perhaps, you are just looking for a fight?

Is that it? Because if it is I am not interested!

Best wishes, Arnold

Hello, Arnold!
It is just a Russian women joke abaout apes... But what do you really think about double standards?
No, I'm not a fighter also, this is just a Russian sense of humour...
Is it to abaasive or too special?

I am sorry if you took offense at what I said, I meant this in a funny HAHA kind of sense.

Posted by: Peter10

Quote:

Campanula,

to be honest with you your Russian sense of humour sounds a little rude......

Posted by: andrei

Hey dude,

if you didnt know Russians are always rude to each other. it's normal. Things we say to people everyday in America we would be killed for saying that. Our jokes are brutal and our sense of humour is rude. That's what life makes us. The joke about apes is just peaches and cream compared to some others.

Posted by: mila

It depends on the person and measure of his(her) perversity

Posted by: campanula

Well, but do you think that it is not rude to discuss women's anatomy and hygienic characteristics with unknown woman?

Is it OK in US or somewhere else?

And especially with very special American slang...
Do you really think it's OK?

I think it is just obscenity and loutishness.

Posted by: Arnold

Hello Everybody!

Please, accept my appologies. I don't mean to be offensive. And yes, Campanula some things should be left unsaid/written. I got carried away. I am very sorry, it will not happen again.

Andrei, I don't care about the monkey joke, and I was not offended by it either!

Best wishes, Arnold

Posted by: klawsite

I think some of the question marks are removed if you use a reputable agency to meet a woman. I have found this site and it's sister agency in Mogilev Belarus very reputable and I know it worked very well for me!!
I have friends who have not been so lucky. They went through agencies with questionable tactics or that did not screen the girls enough to know whether their intentions to meet and develope a relationship are sincere. I think the agency plays an important part in the process. I felt very comfortable using these agencies from the very beginning.

-Kevin

Posted by: Arnold

Quote:

Originally posted by klawsite
I think some of the question marks are removed if you use a reputable ageny to meet a woman. I have found this site and it's sister agency in Mogilev Belarus very reputable and I know it worked very well for me!!
I have friends have not been so lucky. They went through agencies with questionable tactics or that did not screen the girls enough to know whether their intentions to meet and develope a relationship are sincere. i think the agency plays an important part in the process. i felt very comfortable using these agencies from the very beginning.

-Kevin

Hello Kevin!

You are asolutely right. I agree with you, there is a lot of monkey business going on these days! It is very fishy, and it leaves you with a foul taste in your mouth!

After all, it is not like any of us are looking for the "purrfect" woman, but getting hooked up with a catty fishwife is not exactly fun either.

Good luck with your girlfriend!

Best wishes, Arnold