Disappearing thread

Originally Posted by stevo

A thread containing some bad news (and a bizarre argument) which had reached maybe 4 pages over the last couple of days disappeared at some point between last night and this afternoon. I don't want to say who created it, or what it was about, in case there was a particular reason it was removed. Can anyone say what happened to it?

Originally Posted by nocomfortzone

you've heard of Black holes? well they exist in cyberspace also :-)

just like socks can go missing mysteriously, so can a thread

Originally Posted by waiting123

Good point, I still do not understand where all my socks go

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Guys, maybe we can call this the "reappearing thread" then?

I have been thinking on this alot since last night. The reason I thought I should leave is because I am feeling humiliated right now, kind of being a chicken **** I guess or an Ostrich sticking my head in the sand. Waiting123 made a suggestion to me, maybe I should stick around and maintain a presence.

Here's my thing, somebody mentioned something about being her looking for sympathy and that ticked me off. This place was created to provide a support network, yes? So I posted my thread looking for second opinions, not specifically "what I want to hear" just opinions, so I wasn't expecting a sympathy party, but I also wasn't expecting people to ride my ass over feeling sad about what happened. I think I am feeling what anyone would.

So anyway, i don't deal with this sort of thing well as some of you; i can't just get back on the horse or whatever. Frankly I odn't want to be with anyone else but her, I have invested alot into my time with her, even though one trip, 9 months of daily chatting, 25-30 emails per day and semi daily phone calls don't seem to mean much to some of you. I realize we haven't lived together yet, etc. Good lord i don't even know why I am justifying myself here.

All I want to do is come back here, hang around yack it up with people and follow other stories. Maybe my girl will see the error of her ways and maybe she won't. Either way, i have discontinued any treip plans, etc. and I have no plans on returning to Russia or anywhere else, unless it's for tourism only.

Anyway, I didn't want to just run away; so I will be sticking around.

Originally Posted by waiting123

Glad you came back... Would you like the thread to magically reappear?, for a nominal fee I can arrange it.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I don't know - I don't know if I still want it hanging around. I just don't know dude, you know I am floundering on this whole thing; she is writing some very strong words of apology and begging for a second chance, in spite of what I throw at her. I almost feel that she really feels remorse, I have been hitting her pretty hard with my words, not profanity and stuff, but good, solid stern words expresing my sadness, shock, disappointment.

I must say that I am reluctant to share all of that here, but she really does seem remorseful.

I have been thinking about myself, am I being hypocritical, you know? I know we are different cultures and all, but I was a total douche bag at 26, to girls. I did some really disrespectful things. However I seem to (and I don't think I am the only one here who does) hold her to a different standard, because she's Russian and the whole russian scammer thing.

I have done extensive searches for her on Google, etc. I have yet to find her or any form of her, anywhere. She gave ME money when I was in Russia for pete's sake; 100 bones! She's ALWAYS been good to me and never demanded anything. She puts up with my neurosis and has always seemed so genuine.

I am going to throw this out there, I don't want to be flamed for it, but it's possible that she is simply childish in some ways. However I am not losing site of the fact that I take personal ads very seriously, i am old fashioned that way.

It's just, some of the words she is using in her writings, they really touch me, and i am confused. I did go back to a few of the days in which she "expressed internet interest" to those dudes, and compared them to her mood in the emails she sent me on that day (I keep everything), her mood on those days was down, she expressed missing me "badly" in one case and "I can't sleep, I wish we were together right now" among other things i don't feel comfortable sharing. But she doesn't always write that stuff, it's usually me who does, she has always been the foundation for my emotions.
Of course, expressing interest in guys who also live hlafway around the world? I don't know how that prevents her from feeling lonely.

She's said over and over "I don't know why" "It's just for fun, although I know how stupid that seems"

I am very confused, but I can't get away from this:

I love her dearly, and maybe I should consider not throwing it all away; I know people who have had actual infidelity in their relationships and have gone on to marry and be happy.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

All I want to do is come back here, hang around yack it up with people and follow other stories. Maybe my girl will see the error of her ways and maybe she won't. Either way, i have discontinued any treip plans, etc. and I have no plans on returning to Russia or anywhere else, unless it's for tourism only.

Anyway, I didn't want to just run away; so I will be sticking around.

Originally Posted by Cheburashka

It is located in the scams/scammers section.

Originally Posted by stevo

Sorry to be dense, but could you be more specific? I had a look at the Scams, Scammers & Scamming forum but couldn't really see anything applicable...

Originally Posted by cedarwind

I did not see the original thread but I very much understand about the only going for tourism comment, I still feel this way about Moscow , even after 1 year I still do not think I would even go as a tourist.

after my one serious relationship ended with what I thought was and still think was the women of my dreams , I felt the same way…....It been more than a year and I am not really still over it. I have tried to get back on the horse its just I cant get the horse to stop grassing and move forward.

Why do I stick around? I know my Christen views are not popular here
and I also still get some useful info from the site for my work in the Ukraine with the orphanages.
Best of luck to you Gonlaz

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Guys, maybe we can call this the "reappearing thread" then?

I have been thinking on this alot since last night. The reason I thought I should leave is because I am feeling humiliated right now, kind of being a chicken **** I guess or an Ostrich sticking my head in the sand. Waiting123 made a suggestion to me, maybe I should stick around and maintain a presence.

Here's my thing, somebody mentioned something about being her looking for sympathy and that ticked me off. This place was created to provide a support network, yes? So I posted my thread looking for second opinions, not specifically "what I want to hear" just opinions, so I wasn't expecting a sympathy party, but I also wasn't expecting people to ride my ass over feeling sad about what happened. I think I am feeling what anyone would.

So anyway, i don't deal with this sort of thing well as some of you; i can't just get back on the horse or whatever. Frankly I odn't want to be with anyone else but her, I have invested alot into my time with her, even though one trip, 9 months of daily chatting, 25-30 emails per day and semi daily phone calls don't seem to mean much to some of you. I realize we haven't lived together yet, etc. Good lord i don't even know why I am justifying myself here.

All I want to do is come back here, hang around yack it up with people and follow other stories. Maybe my girl will see the error of her ways and maybe she won't. Either way, i have discontinued any treip plans, etc. and I have no plans on returning to Russia or anywhere else, unless it's for tourism only.

Anyway, I didn't want to just run away; so I will be sticking around.

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

Gonlaz...did you ever stop and think your post might help others? I spent a lot of time on my posts which I felt contained some important info all could use. These were real experiences I posted. I for one am getting tired of my efforts disappearing...not your fault but a rescent post I made was eaten by Kashyar's wonderful new host server. It was also life experience type of post. I refuse to rewrite these types of posts...I only have so much time in a day! There is a timing...sortta right moment when all comes together and the posts I make come out...kindda like a writer...It is very disheartening when they disappear.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I would like to request that the MODS make Spakoyna's posts reappear here if possible.

Sorry you took offense, and yes i have thought about my story and how it may or may not "help others" but all I can think about right now is this: Not everyone thinks and feels the same way you do, or I do - not to worry though, i am sure the mods can make your posts available.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I don't know - I don't know if I still want it hanging around. I just don't know dude, you know I am floundering on this whole thing; she is writing some very strong words of apology and begging for a second chance, in spite of what I throw at her. I almost feel that she really feels remorse, I have been hitting her pretty hard with my words, not profanity and stuff, but good, solid stern words expresing my sadness, shock, disappointment.

I must say that I am reluctant to share all of that here, but she really does seem remorseful.

I have been thinking about myself, am I being hypocritical, you know? I know we are different cultures and all, but I was a total douche bag at 26, to girls. I did some really disrespectful things. However I seem to (and I don't think I am the only one here who does) hold her to a different standard, because she's Russian and the whole russian scammer thing.

I have done extensive searches for her on Google, etc. I have yet to find her or any form of her, anywhere. She gave ME money when I was in Russia for pete's sake; 100 bones! She's ALWAYS been good to me and never demanded anything. She puts up with my neurosis and has always seemed so genuine.

I am going to throw this out there, I don't want to be flamed for it, but it's possible that she is simply childish in some ways. However I am not losing site of the fact that I take personal ads very seriously, i am old fashioned that way.

It's just, some of the words she is using in her writings, they really touch me, and i am confused. I did go back to a few of the days in which she "expressed internet interest" to those dudes, and compared them to her mood in the emails she sent me on that day (I keep everything), her mood on those days was down, she expressed missing me "badly" in one case and "I can't sleep, I wish we were together right now" among other things i don't feel comfortable sharing. But she doesn't always write that stuff, it's usually me who does, she has always been the foundation for my emotions.
Of course, expressing interest in guys who also live hlafway around the world? I don't know how that prevents her from feeling lonely.

She's said over and over "I don't know why" "It's just for fun, although I know how stupid that seems"

I am very confused, but I can't get away from this:

I love her dearly, and maybe I should consider not throwing it all away; I know people who have had actual infidelity in their relationships and have gone on to marry and be happy.

Originally Posted by Jerico

YA Gozalo,
I reccommend you hang out here still even if your relationship is in trouble.
Hell I have been married for over 2 years to my Russian wife. There really is no reason for me to stay here but I think there is a kind of bond with others here that went through this crap like me.

Also now I sense the anger in your voice about the whole Russian girl thing. You say you wont do it again but i suspect in a while you will be searching again.


My first trip to Russia I went to meet another woman before my wife.
She was beautiful , kind of a simple girl, exactly what I wanted, so I thought.
I visited her again a second trip. This trip there were some problems mainly due to language problems IMO.
I came home very happy and then 2 weeks later I could tell the letters weren`t so personal anymore. I called her on this and she said the love was not strong enough towards me from her. I was crushed and upset.
I never bothered her again and to this day I dont know what happened because we got along perfect together.
Well I didn`t let it get me down so I started to write other woman which i already had paid for their addresses.
When I first started this process I wrote to my wife first of all the woman I wrote. She never responded to my letter.
Well I seen at her profile on Elenas Models and she moved to Moscow.This was good as I semi knew Moscow.
I wrote a letter to her again, she responded right away.
I told her I wrote to her months before but no answer. Well her mail box was full and just dumped everything else so she never got the letter.
Anyway I visited her and now we have been married for over 2 years.
Life is pretty good.

Point of the story? Life happens for a reason.
If it doesn`t work out with your girl perhaps it is because something will come along much better and life is saving you for this moment in time. Then all the pieces will fit together and you will be a better man!!

Jerry

Originally Posted by freebird

Cedarwind - some may not respect your views, there are some of us who agree with you! Chivalry is not completely dead! (nor honesty, fidelity, chastity)

Gonlaz, I would suggest to you that you think very carefully about what it means to you. If you will always be suspicious of her, then your relationship will be doomed. (should you choose to keep it) But if you will spend your life thinking and regretting it, you might try to work it out. You should have a very serious talk with her about commitment and what you both expect.

I noticed the other day where Khashyar's wife Lena offers to call a lady in the FSU, and to have a discussion and to write to you about it. You might consider this, if your lady opens up you might start to understand what is going on in her head. I think I read it would be $20, a very reasonable charge, and she might be willing to say things she could not tell you. (I hope the moderators will excuse my blatent promotion of Lena's business)

It might be that she wanted some attention, was bored, or just playing. I think if it was me, I would explain how hurt I was, and if she really regrets doing it you might be able to work it out. My view is that I would tell her that if she wants to chat with other people on a forum its OK, but putting herself out on a dating site is not OK. I would tell her to think for a few days and to choose whether she wants to commit to sharing her life with you, or if she is not ready then you should probably break up. After 9 or more months, 100's of e-mails and a personal visit she should have had enough time to decide. frflowr:

Personally, I left my girlfriend because after several years she could not decide if she wanted to commit. I still think about it now, I kinda wish I had been more communicative at the end, to tell her what I thought in a more direct manner instead of walking away. Maybe I'll put the story out in a thread someday. You should not be embarassed to put your story back up, I think most of us have had a crushing experience at some time, your story may help others to better prepare themselves for a foreign relationship.

Originally Posted by ira156

Hey Gonlaz. I'll put my heart on my sleave here. About 2 and a half years ago i was involved with a woman here that i loved more than anyone before in my life....to the point where i realised i hadnt "really " loved anyone before.

People that knew us both said that we were the perfect couple...we were meant for each other. She had a little girl that i loved like my own and we were very close. Her daughter was very standoffish with people but for some reason just took to me even before we were dating.

We were together for nearly a year and we went on holiday to visit her parents for a few days and then to see her sister. Everything was just great....the day we were to leave her parents she came up and told me how much she loved me how happpy she was......not returning something i had said to her but just coming up out of the blue and instigating it herself.

On the plane to her sisters she went quiet and i asked if something was wrong....no she was just feeling sick. Over the next couple of days she stayed very quiet.

The next day i recieved a text message saying it was over...no reason out of the blue.....i tried to talk to her....nope nothing. I even had to endure 4 days of the "holiday" with my son in tow....6 hours of a plane ride...all the time her ignoring me.

I was totally devastated....i went into depression for 6 months ...went from the top selling rep in the state to selling nothing for 4 months.....and still dont know the reason whyshe did it.

Examine your feelings....at least you have the chance to find out why she did what she did. Even if you dont agree with someone you can at least try and understand why they feel or do the things they do.

It may be something you can get over and end up having a happy life together...and maybe not. The question will be can she rebuild the trust....and thats for you to decide.

Step back ...take a deep breath and see what comes of it.

I wish you luck either way Mate.

Originally Posted by Jerico

YA Gozalo,
I reccommend you hang out here still even if your relationship is in trouble.
Hell I have been married for over 2 years to my Russian wife. There really is no reason for me to stay here but I think there is a kind of bond with others here that went through this crap like me.

Also now I sense the anger in your voice about the whole Russian girl thing. You say you wont do it again but i suspect in a while you will be searching again.


My first trip to Russia I went to meet another woman before my wife.
She was beautiful , kind of a simple girl, exactly what I wanted, so I thought.
I visited her again a second trip. This trip there were some problems mainly due to language problems IMO.
I came home very happy and then 2 weeks later I could tell the letters weren`t so personal anymore. I called her on this and she said the love was not strong enough towards me from her. I was crushed and upset.
I never bothered her again and to this day I dont know what happened because we got along perfect together.
Well I didn`t let it get me down so I started to write other woman which i already had paid for their addresses.
When I first started this process I wrote to my wife first of all the woman I wrote. She never responded to my letter.
Well I seen at her profile on Elenas Models and she moved to Moscow.This was good as I semi knew Moscow.
I wrote a letter to her again, she responded right away.
I told her I wrote to her months before but no answer. Well her mail box was full and just dumped everything else so she never got the letter.
Anyway I visited her and now we have been married for over 2 years.
Life is pretty good.

Point of the story? Life happens for a reason.
If it doesn`t work out with your girl perhaps it is because something will come along much better and life is saving you for this moment in time. Then all the pieces will fit together and you will be a better man!!

Jerry

Originally Posted by gonlaz

So anyway, i don't deal with this sort of thing well as some of you; i can't just get back on the horse or whatever. Frankly I odn't want to be with anyone else but her, I have invested alot into my time with her, even though one trip, 9 months of daily chatting, 25-30 emails per day and semi daily phone calls don't seem to mean much to some of you. I realize we haven't lived together yet, etc. Good lord i don't even know why I am justifying myself here.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

The thing about not coming back was just me running away, like a baby. I don't want to be a baby, but I do have feelings and I express all of the openly, anger, paranoia, happiness, sadness. Anyway, I wasn't originally seeking a foreign wife, that's why I said I wouldn't be returning to Russia. If this doesn't work out I really own't be doing this again, I can find someone eventually, and if not then I wasn't meant to be with anyone, you know?

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Dude that's brutal, I am so sorry to hear about this. I have been dumpde like this before, but I wasn't in as deep with the feelings.

I am glad you got through it, man.

Now I have repositioned my take on this with her. I am confronting her in a more complete way, like you have suggested here. This morning I got an email from her, finally detailing her reasoning. I feel better just knowing the truth, even though it sucks, heh.

Originally Posted by cedarwind

I know my Christen views are not popular here, and I also still get some useful info from the site for my work in the Ukraine with the orphanages.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Dude, I started the thread, what do you want to know?

Originally Posted by ira156

Hey Gonlaz. Yep it was brutal and i still dont know why...and no longer care.

It did a couple of things for me though...it made me realise just how much i have to give the right person...and it made me realise i would have another child should the time come....and how much better a person i am with the right person..........out of the ashes so to say....Cheers Mate. and Good luck

Originally Posted by stevo

I remember your original thread well enough, I just couldn't find the mythical "redirect notes" which would explain to me why it had been removed.

Originally Posted by Cheburashka

Stevo let me see if I can talk you through this because I see that it still bothers you.

If you go to the section right above this one titled "Scams, Scammers, & Scamming (discussions about)" and click on that link it will open up that section. If you count down exactly seven posts from the top you will see where his thread was. (there are five sticky notes and two threads. The one just above his is Khashyar's scam thread.)

You will see that his is gone because it is written in italic font. But the thread title still says "Yesterday I found a personal ad placed my my girl..gonlaz". THAT'S WHERE THE THREAD WAS! Now look to the far right and you will see that it was deleted, by whom, and the reason. "Thread deleted by Cheburashka. Reason: Deleted at Gonlaz's Request"

That is the mythical redirect we have been talking about. PM me if you need other help seeing it and I will be happy to assist you. I hope this helps.

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Hey Cheb, personally I couldn't care less where the thread went too! however, I think you can only see what you stated above when you are a Mod???

See screen shot below, I couldn;t find it either, but there again, I may be blind also

PS I cannot make it any larger, I have had to reduce it so it comes under 56Kb to allow the upload.

Originally Posted by waiting123

This is correct, only a mod can see a thread in italics, if it was deleted as in the case of this thread. All forum members can see the thread name and the redirect if and only if the thread was moved to another forum/section.

The above thread from gonlaz was deleted, therefore can not be seen by forum members, and there is no re-directs.

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Thanks for clarifying that Waiting I think Stevo thought he was going mad!

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Hey Cheb, personally I couldn't care less where the thread went too! however, I think you can only see what you stated above when you are a Mod???

See screen shot below, I couldn;t find it either, but there again, I may be blind also

PS I cannot make it any larger, I have had to reduce it so it comes under 56Kb to allow the upload.

Originally Posted by freebird

Yes please post it if you feel comfortable, it may help some people know the warning signs for trouble or else what things the should do & not do in a relationship.

Originally Posted by waiting123

Well, I did not say he was not going mad , just trying to clarify the redirect issue. If the thread is gone, where are you going to be redirected to .

How are you Chris?? All treating you well I hope.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Sorry ole Chap, I left my spectacle at home, that attachment is hilarious!!!

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

Gonlaz:
Here reasons, rationale, etc, are not for us to judge. I still have the feeling that you made a decision and you are looking for the group at large to agree with you that it was a good decision.

Originally Posted by stevo

Just my 2c, but I managed to read Inna's response above (both before and after the judicious edit , and before it was deleted) and it did actually ring true. The fact that she sent so many (77?) "expressions of interest" looked bad on the face of it, but to me, it backs up her assertion that it was all in fun. 3 or 4 would have been bad, 1 worse still, but 77 cannot realistically be serious. Only gonlaz will know all the facts, but I am inclined to believe her. I am also encouraged by the fact that she has not gone all defensive.

While I remember, thanks to Chrismc and waiting123 for troubleshooting my forum difficulties.

Originally Posted by stevo

While I remember, thanks to Chrismc and waiting123 for troubleshooting my forum difficulties.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

If you are going to make observations like that, show examples please.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Dude, I don't give a **** if you agree with me or not, I want opinions, otherwise I wouldn't even bother sharing my most personal communications with you, damn dudes make up your mind!

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Frankly, I probably should just make this journey my own, but after the hemming and hawing over my decision to erase the first part of this story, I caved. I guess I won't do that again.

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I want opinions,

Originally Posted by [gonlaz

damn dudes make up your mind!

Originally Posted by gonlaz

tired of the ********

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Would any of you like to read her statement of truth? I feel weird about it but if it would help people somehow I would be fine with posting it.