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If your GF is from FSU would you want her to read the RW (russian-lang.) forum?

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Posted by: freebird

Hi everybody, I am just curious if it would be a good idea to reccomend the RW Russian-language forums to the girl I am writing to in Ukraine? I think it would be a great resourse if (hopefully) everything works out and she comes over here. But I wonder if she starts reading it before we meet will she get too much negative information? I have heard from a few guys that the russian language forums can have quite a few negative posters. I think that might refer to other sites, but i thought I would ask everyone. Hopefully this one is more positive about international marriages than "antidate" or somthing like that. But I have even seen some negative comments on this (English site), about age difference over 10 years is disgusting, too many men are not serious, etc etc. I can speak Russian but I cannot read well enough to understand written Russian, so I ask you all. I would like it if the woman I'm writing to learns more, but I hope she won't get a negative idea of the whole process.

Also, I would just like to say thanks to Khashyar & Lena (+ all the other moderators!) so this question is not meant to be disparaging in any way! I know if there are negative posts it is the thoughts of the poster, not the site.
I hope those of you who have read the russian language site will give your opinion.



Posted by: Turboguy

I would say yes. I will share a little of my story. I had casually mentioned to my fiancee before we met that I visited a forum for men who are interested in RW. Without telling me she did an internet search and found a forum where I had about 2500 posts at the time. Without telling me she spent 4 hours a day reading every post I ever made and decided I was the man for her. When I was writing to her I could tell her anything but there I was just being myself so she could see the real me and she liked what she saw.

It did create some problems. Right before I made a trip to meet her I took my son on a romance tour to Ukraine. I was doing it mainly for him but I knew if I told her it would upset her. I told her I was in Denver and was really in Dnepr. I was doing a live trip report as the tour was progressing and had talked about her and mentioned that I told her I was in Denver and if you changed the letters around you could make Dneper spell denver. Of course she was reading all this. When I did make a trip to meet her and it came out on my last night there we were laughing our tails off until the wee hours.

She actually had started posting but I did not know who she was and actually answered a few of her posts.

Later it gave us much more to talk about because we developed some of the same friends and both knew some of the things they were going through.

The risk is there are some people who will post some things that may cause problems for you. All in all, I would say do it.



Posted by: Spakoyna

I will vote NO! Those who understand the mentality of Russian women in general will understand. Unlike here...much of what is posted is crap advice.

Not too long ago a man who is a member here who returned from a meeting was berated or exposed by a prominate other lady member here. I am so glad he didn't find out. I was actually shocked myself.

Once you are married and settled in it is fine. I am amazed several times a week by some of the crap these ladies pass between themselves. If you think we have squabbles here...just watch a few Russian ladies go at it!



Posted by: freebird

Spakonya are you talking about the russian side of this site or the RW sites in general? What seem to be the discussions there? That WM are just players, scammers, perverts etc? Or is there more? (I really wish I could read better) And are most of the RW on this site (in Russian language) married or single?



Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird
Spakonya are you talking about the russian side of this site or the RW sites in general? What seem to be the discussions there? That WM are just players, scammers, perverts etc? Or is there more? (I really wish I could read better) And are most of the RW on this site (in Russian language) married or single?


The specific incident I was referring to was here at RMP! The sight is quite slow...but the underlying tone is here as well.

My wife tells me all the crap that goes on. It simply amazes me! If men read and understood these sights many would have second thoughts about even pursing one of these lovely ladies!

If you want to unleash the money-mongers and greencard women ideals on your soon to be....introduce her to the Russian Ladies Forums! Most recent (not here)...a woman was thinking her husband was cheap because the ring her husband bought her only cost 3K! The consensus seemed to be better than 50% that he was cheap!



Posted by: ira156

Hey Freebird. Nat knows and has known from the start that i am on here....we often discuss topics raised here. I dont know if she has had a look on here or not.....to be honest she would probably be too busy...and while she is very internet savy and has access via work she really isnt all that interested in surfing.

Would it worry me if she did...NO. I am the same person on here that i am in real life so there would be no surprises for her.

The thing is Freebird they can pick up negative thoughts from any site if they want to go looking. I think if you are the person you are in real life...and have good open communication then it wont make a bit of difference. Cheers Mate



Posted by: inlove

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spakoyna
The specific incident I was referring to was here at RMP! The sight is quite slow...but the underlying tone is here as well.

My wife tells me all the crap that goes on. It simply amazes me! If men read and understood these sights many would have second thoughts about even pursing one of these lovely ladies!
!


Well, maybe they should. If Russian women are so full of crap, then why marry one?



Posted by: freebird

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlove
Well, maybe they should. If Russian women are so full of crap, then why marry one?


I guess I am an idealist, I was hoping for my one and only? Now someone is going to tell me I am going to get hit by a truck? :0 :O

Ira, I think my concern was not that she would find a different me, I am very honest and dedicated in relationships, I think my concern was as Spakonya wrote about some poisonous ideas floating on the forum.

Spakonya (and others) why do you think there is so much bad karma floating on the RW sites? Could it be because they have had some failures and disappointments and gravitate there to vent?



Posted by: Turboguy

If you are talking about getting her involved with sites like this I would say yes. Keep her as far away from Anti-Date as you can.

I will agree that if your gal is involved she does have a chance of getting into a cat fight once in a while with another RW.

The other risk is that even on our sites there are some guys who can get nasty sometimes and when you see your gal get treated rudely or being put down by someone it can be a little unsettling.

I could say one more negative but I will keep that to myself for the moment.



Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlove
Well, maybe they should. If Russian women are so full of crap, then why marry one?


LOL! I didn't say Russian Women are full of crap...but most of the forums are! I found my jewel! I must say it is quite entertaining to listen to all the dogfights!

My wife has been telling me about these 3 lady's fighting yesterday. There were 2 against 1... insults flying like yout husband is ugly...he has no hair,...I would never marry a man like that! Sounds like a meeting in person didn't go over too well!



Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird
I guess I am an idealist, I was hoping for my one and only? Now someone is going to tell me I am going to get hit by a truck? :0 :O

Ira, I think my concern was not that she would find a different me, I am very honest and dedicated in relationships, I think my concern was as Spakonya wrote about some poisonous ideas floating on the forum.

Spakonya (and others) why do you think there is so much bad karma floating on the RW sites? Could it be because they have had some failures and disappointments and gravitate there to vent?


Freebird...a while back a Russian Lady(Inlove???) posted an excellent analogy about Russian women in general: RW are like crabs in a bucket. When one finally gets to the top to get out another pulls it back in. Went something like that. I can tell you from my experience that this is quite true with the majority of RW I have met here. The most important thing for them seems to be that they are appear better than their peers in all respects!....Looks,Finances,etc,etc....They don't wanna give the Jones's a change..much less keep up with them! It's no holes barred ...IE there are no rules!



Posted by: joelunchbox

Maybe this just boils down to, to know your wife.
Is she a strong willed person or someone who is easily swayed or has a weak self image? I think it would be a good idea to agree to talk about what she sees on the forum with you. That might be a good way to learn about her and for her to learn about you .....and the others on the forum.



Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird
Hi everybody, I am just curious if it would be a good idea to reccomend the RW Russian-language forums to the girl I am writing to in Ukraine?


If a girl i knew overseas, i considered a girlfriend, then i'd like to think she would be spending as much time as possible connecting directly with each other over the internet and make use of all the softwares that would allow us to connect at a higher level. With webcams and microphones there is a great opportunity to do more than connecting with words through e-mails. Even if you don't speak each others language if you arrange to have a third person join you that can translate both ways and there is a good level of trust, then there is more value in doing that in my humble opinion. But certainly short of that, it is good idea just to learn any relevant stuff about relationship expierence of others that are physically starting from different parts of world. All up, the more direct communication you can have the better.
I wish 15 months ago i knew what i know now.

Just in the last week i've realised there is a real market potential out there to create a business that helps genuine people connect more on internet from these various parts of the world. From reading this forum it appears there is lot of money being made off people interested in meeting a genuine love interest from different parts of world but there is a real lack of genuine care and quality services being run. From what i read most agencies and dating sites are only really interested in making money and don't really care about people genuinely finding real partners. That is really crap. I feel an urge to do something positive about that somewhere down the track and still make it a profitable enterprise at the same time.



Posted by: Ellen

I don't understand why you so worry about "her" getting negative information at internet boards - sooner or later she will find those boards anyway( BTW may be it's only me but I personaly would see advice from a man a-ka "you should visit this board but don't go to that awful one " like too patronaising thing - I'm a big girl and can find a place where to chat in internet by myself)

Well about negativity at boards I see nothing wrong with it Any such board devoted to internet dating ( even antidate-forum , however it would hard for you to belive it ) dose have a goal to scare as many women out from dating businesw as possible. Scare stories posted there are real and posting them is just an attempt to warn women - such thing happen as well. Exept very unhappy stories there are enough "normal" ones which just could give an realistic idea about what could wait woman abroad and what troubles she would have to get over. It could help her to not be get by suprprise in future and not to think that her problems ( and they will be problems during first years of marriage) are such "unique" ( and therefore have no solution)

If you worry that she could be learn dirty tricks at such boards - something how to cheat at her husband then you see if she has right mind no such advices could affect her ( btw there are NO such advices at antidate at all) And if "she" already has somethin hin her mind then... well I pity her husband, "she" wold find ways to get any needed informaion aout such "issue".


As I'm not going to live abroad then I have rather slight idea about forums for women who live in other countries I know only RWA- Russan women abroad but I don;t post there. Females internet boards are for iron nervers, I can't bear more than one of them , antidate is enough for me



Posted by: Turboguy

I am sure if she wants to find them she will find them. If she wants to know how to cheat and lie to get her goals she can get that from any forum.

I would not tell my woman not to go on Anti-Date but I would not say, "honey, you are sitting around bored, go visit anti-date. RWA maybe.



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turboguy
If you are talking about getting her involved with sites like this I would say yes. Keep her as far away from Anti-Date as you can.

I will agree that if your gal is involved she does have a chance of getting into a cat fight once in a while with another RW.

The other risk is that even on our sites there are some guys who can get nasty sometimes and when you see your gal get treated rudely or being put down by someone it can be a little unsettling.

I could say one more negative but I will keep that to myself for the moment.


Just curiouse how are you going "to keep her" from anywhere at the Net - by loading some special "firewall" to her comp ( or by spreading rumors about a board you have not even skills to read and even less skills to comprehande what you read? )

But you are right in one thing - cat fight could happen at males boards as well We both do know one such place
But who do care it's just internet and should not be taken too seriouse either for advices or for fights



Posted by: freebird

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turboguy
If you are talking about getting her involved with sites like this I would say yes. Keep her as far away from Anti-Date as you can.

I will agree that if your gal is involved she does have a chance of getting into a cat fight once in a while with another RW.

The other risk is that even on our sites there are some guys who can get nasty sometimes and when you see your gal get treated rudely or being put down by someone it can be a little unsettling.

I could say one more negative but I will keep that to myself for the moment.


???? Don't be shy might as well just tell us the whole story...

No Ellen, I would not try to block it or anything, and I would not suggest try one site avoid another etc. I was thinking I might suggest she could look up this RW site on the internet, but then I read some posts here from guys saying the topics are often negative, so I thought I would ask what if people think it is a good idea. If not I would just not mention it, but if she found it anyways, so be it. I get the feeling she is busy at work so does not use the internet much. I know there was a thread that said they are discussing about how much money a man is supposed to spend, how good he is in bed etc. etc. so i hope when I come there she will not be comparing me to some idealized notion of WM



Posted by: Turboguy

For quite a while my fiancee and I were both involved in a forum. We always seem to have no problem finding things to talk about but it did give us even more beause we had some of the same friends and could discuss some of the problems they problems our friends were facing. Actually I think in one case she might have helped salvage a realtionship for one of our friends.

You may see some things that you would normally not. It seems like the RW get into a lot of cat fights. It might show a side of her that you won't see otherwise but I never saw anything with mine that created any concern with me at all.

There are a lot of wonderful, helpful people on the boards. Of course once in a while you will find one or two that are not. For me, none of it ever bothers me. If someone does get nasty to me it goes right off my back like a water on a ducks back. I can go toe to toe with anyone and keep my cool and stay polite. It does bother me more if someone is rude with her or gets really nasty. It is something you may have to deal with. I can deal with that too but I do find it a little more unsettling.



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird
???? Don't be shy might as well just tell us the whole story...

Yeah he should tell the WHOLE story ( btw his "story" would not be connected with antidate forum at all. ( like it could be seen from his post) He was not a member of it. Was his girl a member of antidate I don't know for sure)

Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird
No Ellen, I would not try to block it or anything, and I would not suggest try one site avoid another etc. I was thinking I might suggest she could look up this RW site on the internet, but then I read some posts here from guys saying the topics are often negative, so I thought I would ask what if people think it is a good idea. If not I would just not mention it, but if she found it anyways, so be it. I get the feeling she is busy at work so does not use the internet much. I know there was a thread that said they are discussing about how much money a man is supposed to spend, how good he is in bed etc. etc. so i hope when I come there she will not be comparing me to some idealized notion of WM

Females discuss SUCH things any way and everywhere ( like males do that with women's boobs and legs ) Internet is just one of such place.

But however she woul be busy at work she just must find a time to get information what like her new life would be abroad And truth tell I see no other sourse of such information except boards where women who already moved abroad share their experience (whatever that experinece could be and however much you males would like/dislike that experience)

But at your place I'd just ask her if she tryes to get such information in order to have an idea about new life but not give her strick "instructions" where she is supposed to look for such information



Posted by: I/O

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Females discuss SUCH things any way and everywhere ( like males do that with women's boobs and legs ) Internet is just one of such place.

But however she woul be busy at work she just must find a time to get information what like her new life would be abroad And truth tell I see no other sourse of such information except boards where women who already moved abroad share their experience (whatever that experinece could be and however much you males would like/dislike that experience)

But at your place I'd just ask her if she tryes to get such information in order to have an idea about new life but not give her strick "instructions" where she is supposed to look for such information


Well, I'll be dammed...!! I never thought the day would come, but I agree with Ellen here 100%.

Your lady simply MUST be given access to as much information as is possible regarding any potential life abroad. If some nonsense written on an internet board is going to destroy your relationship, then the relationship was not based on solid ground in the first place.

Excellent post Ellen, IMO you are spot on. Now please excuse me whilst I go away and recover from the shock....... C'mon guys, what do you think? These women are children? They are big girls, they can figure it out for themselves. To my mind, trying to protect your relationship from some internet board is treating your lady as an idiot or a child at least.

Just because she speaks with an accent, don't for one minute think she thinks or reads or counts with an accent.



Posted by: bobjf

Quote:
Originally Posted by I/O
Well, I'll be dammed...!! I never thought the day would come, but I agree with Ellen here 100%.

Your lady simply MUST be given access to as much information as is possible regarding any potential life abroad. If some nonsense written on an internet board is going to destroy your relationship, then the relationship was not based on solid ground in the first place.

Excellent post Ellen, IMO you are spot on. Now please excuse me whilst I go away and recover from the shock....... C'mon guys, what do you think? These women are children? They are big girls, they can figure it out for themselves. To my mind, trying to protect your relationship from some internet board is treating your lady as an idiot or a child at least.

Just because she speaks with an accent, don't for one minute think she thinks or reads or counts with an accent.


omg. i'm forced to agree with both of you for a change.
if you wish to suceed then total disclosure with total truth is the only way forward,anything less will bring you undone over time



Posted by: Turboguy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Yeah he should tell the WHOLE story ( btw his "story" would not be connected with antidate forum at all. ( like it could be seen from his post) He was not a member of it. Was his girl a member of antidate I don't know for sure)


I am not a member of Anti-Date. I have visited the site a few times and I think it is a nicely laid out site. I have read some of the posts that were in English and they were not much different than you would find on any forum. I wish my Russian was better but it is not up to reading the Russian posts and understandiing all the nuances in them. On my first visit I did scan through your black list and was happy to see I was not there. Of course I have always done my best not to deserve to be there.

As far as my fiancee, I know she has visited the site. I would not be surprised to know she was registered there. I have never asked her and it is not important to me. I think in any relationship everyone must have freedom. Trying to control anyone is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. I do recall that she has commented about the negativity there.

I belive to an extent that in a bad relationship someone can be stiffled and loose thier identity, that they can be less than they were when they were alone. In a really good relationship both can be more than the sum of the parts, that each can help each other to be a more complete person and to have a far better life than they could have without each other. I want to help my fiancee grow and not to make her shrink.

There is not much more to the 'Whole Story'. There is one part that I have not talked about and that is because I have no need to talk about it and if I did talk about it I would only want to talk about it where it happened. I will say this much, only because it is funny in a way but not so funny in another way. She did manage to get us both banned on a site where I had 3600 posts and until then never had so much as a single warning. I will say this much, she did not know what she was doing was against the policy and my fault in it was for not correcting the situation. We were treated fairly. Neither of us have any complaints or hard feelings. I don't think what happens on one board should be discussed on another board and do not want to discuss it beyond that. To be more precise we were actually muted for a period of time which may last a long time, thanks to the USCIS, and not banned.

I have only said that much because there have been a number of requests for the full story and since some of you visit many boards, I think you knew the whole story before you asked.



Posted by: Cheburashka

What the heck is going on? I completely agree with I/O who agrees with Ellen, and I agree with Ellen also. And Bob is also in agreement with everyone? What is this board coming to? This is too bizarre. It might be some sort of a sign........



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheburashka
What the heck is going on? I completely agree with I/O who agrees with Ellen, and I agree with Ellen also. And Bob is also in agreement with everyone? What is this board coming to? This is too bizarre. It might be some sort of a sign........



Is has come to an end Cheb coz i agree too.....AGHHHHHH!!!!!!!



Posted by: I/O

Can someone please lock this thread before we all end up doing an "Oprah" by having a group hug and actually ageeing to like each other. I think that would be just too much.



Posted by: joelunchbox

If we all get cars, I will say that I agree too!!!



Posted by: freebird

Well guys, I'm happy that my thread contributed to some group love! It seems that about 2/3 say that suggesting she check out the forums is a good idea, in spite of some occasional negative vibes. That was my inclination to begin with, I just hope she won't get in a cat-fight with any of your wives!!! he he



Posted by: Spakoyna

I guess my point of veiw is this! I am speaking from experience. My wife didn't have much access to a puter...never read forums until she arrived here and I suggested she should. When she started reading all the crap on some of the RW forums it caused us grief! If he will do it then you might do it too.

I personally think it is best just to let a sleeping dog lie. Ya'll do what ya want...but if you are telling your ladies ta actively seek out these forums you are opening a can a worms...or better yet Pandora's Box!

Yeah...we made it through it...and now we enjoy exchanging thoughts about what we read. Just don't rush it...let your lady addapt before you suggest it!



Posted by: Jerico

Quote:
Females discuss SUCH things any way and everywhere ( like males do that with women's boobs and legs


Ellen ,
Us guys never talk about boobs and nice legs, we just admire them
Jerry



Posted by: deccie

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
Is has come to an end Cheb coz i agree too.....AGHHHHHH!!!!!!!


Me too! i actually sent K the links to the Russian forums. She wasn't interested but that was her choice - not mine!



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by deccie
Me too! i actually sent K the links to the Russian forums. She wasn't interested but that was her choice - not mine!



Hey Decci. As i have said Nat knows im here and shes free to look read post whatever she feels she wants to do. The point is most people in this endeavour will get info from all over the place...men and women. This will effect those new to the game.

But once you are in a relationship and your lady/man knows you... what does it matter what negative crap is out there. If they see you post and know that you are the same person they know then you dont have to worry.

On the positive side maybe they can give some help and hope to those women that have a negative experience. Who knows.

On here we have guys like GTR and we have guys like Ham and everything in between.....who you decide to pay attention to is up to you....same goes for the ladies. Cheers



Posted by: Zmejka

My friend was a member of some forums and told me about them but all russian forums including antidate where he is also a member i found myself. I think it depends on a person - some don't write only read, some in geneal are not interested in this subject. I find it's interesting to read about relationships between westen men ad fsu women - how both sides tell and think about it. I don't think any forum influences the relationship with your own partner. If a person is able to make one's own decision and not being judgemental etc. - as it was told reading about other's experience, learning beforehand is useful.



Posted by: freebird

Thanks for the opinion Zmejka.

Although I agree that most people will make up there own mind, if you have most of the people on a forum with a negative view, I think you can become a little more pessimistic. I know when I have read a few of the "marriage disaster" stories on this forum, it make me think a little more carefully about what I am doing. But then again that is not a bad thing.



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird
Thanks for the opinion Zmejka.

Although I agree that most people will make up there own mind, if you have most of the people on a forum with a negative view, I think you can become a little more pessimistic. I know when I have read a few of the "marriage disaster" stories on this forum, it make me think a little more carefully about what I am doing. But then again that is not a bad thing.



Hey Freebird. I think there are also a lot of success stories on here too. The good thing about here is that you do get a mix of the good and the bad. If someone chooses to frequent a site that just shows just the negative side of things it may say something about their personalities.

My Nat has a number of friends married to Russian men...but also has 3 good friends married to foreigners....2 successful and one not. She has experiences good and bad straight from the horses mouth so to speak.

She gets her information directly from them and the important thing in that is she knows the women she is listening too.....their good charcteristics and their faults.

As someone has said here who knows who you are taking too. Some people may find it a breeze because their personalities and qualities are such that they will make a success of it first time every time. Another may have been looking for 30 yrs and still have no success. One will tell you everything is great the other will preach doom and gloom.

At the end of the day YOU are neither of these people ....you may lean towards one way or the other but YOU are your own man...or woman.

I think any man or woman who would read a post written by someone they dont know... and have never met... and took that information as gospel over a partner who they do know and have met and probably talk to very often...well they are doing themselves and their partner a real injustice. Cheers Mate



Posted by: Khashyar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spakoyna
The specific incident I was referring to was here at RMP! The sight is quite slow...but the underlying tone is here as well.

My wife tells me all the crap that goes on. It simply amazes me! If men read and understood these sights many would have second thoughts about even pursing one of these lovely ladies!

If you want to unleash the money-mongers and greencard women ideals on your soon to be....introduce her to the Russian Ladies Forums! Most recent (not here)...a woman was thinking her husband was cheap because the ring her husband bought her only cost 3K! The consensus seemed to be better than 50% that he was cheap!


Hi Everyone,

No forum or members within a forum as perfect, but I know from Lena's daily participation on the RMP Russian language forum that many women there find support from other Russian women who post there.

There of course will be people of many different opinions who post there, but I know that Lena does not care about the cost of a diamond ring, and she has made friendships from the forum.

Khashyar



Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Everyone,

Someone was mentioning to me that they felt that sometimes there is gossip in the RMP Russian language forums.

It was also mentioned that there was one incident where Lena posted a message on behalf of an acquaintance of Lena's (who was communicating with someone on the English RMP forums) asking for feedback from other Russian women (because this acquaintance didn't know how to register and use the forums).

Lena's intention was to help the lady acquaintance receive feedback from other Russian women living in the West so that she could make up her mind about the relationship.

There were a couple of Russian women who felt that it was not right to speak about the circumstances surrounding a member of the RMP English forum, and for posting the acquaintance's critical feelings about him.

I learned about the thread in the Russian language forums, Lena and I spoke about it, and Lena and I both felt uncomfortable about having posted that message, and Lena erased the message.

But, Lena was trying to help the lady acquaintance by receiving feedback for her from Russian women living in the West.

Regarding the topic that Russian women might have a tendency to gossip....

I think that this is somewhat true, and that this is true in many Old World cultures. It certainly is true in the Persian culture, as well as Chinese culture (I have a couple of Chinese friends).

I think that the gossip characteristic is a result of the sense of community and community involvement that is present in Old World cultures, and that is less existent in the American culture (whoch stresses the individual more).

The positive aspect of this Russian cultural sense of community is helping your family, friends and neighbors, as well as helping to try to solve your friends' difficulties, the negative side of the coin of this trait is a tendency to gossip and be closely involved with the lives of your friends and family.

American culture's focus on the individual also has it's up and downsides...

While Americans enjoy personal freedom to create, express themselves, live the way they choose, the downside is a tendency not to feel responsbility for helping our neighbors, friends and family. You see this, for example, in some American parents pushing their kids out of the house on their own after their schooling is over. You might also see this in transient friendships in the U.S., for example.

So, Lena unequivocably mentions to me that there are many Russian-speaking members of the Russian language RMP site who receive mutual support, and develp friendships and companionships here.

Our English RMP does an excellent job of balancing freedom of expression and supporting one another with information with posting and behaving responsibly in the RMP community.

There are other Russian-related forums where flaming and attacks is common, but from what I have heard from others and experienced myself, the RMP provides an overall helpful and positive supportive environment for its members.

In fact, I just received an email from another Russian forum (that prided itself on having a free unmoderated approach to forums), and they are experiencing such a negative experience with flaming that many members left that forum and the forum admins had to send a mass email trying to ask members to return.

So, no forum is perfect, but I know that MANY people have expressed to me how much they rely on the RMP, and how much the forum has helped them.

Khashyar



Posted by: mistermopar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khashyar
Hi Everyone,

In fact, I just received an email from another Russian forum (that prided itself on having a free unmoderated approach to forums), and they are experiencing such a negative experience with flaming that many members left that forum and the forum admins had to send a mass email trying to ask members to return.

So, no forum is perfect, but I know that MANY people have expressed to me how much they rely on the RMP, and how much the forum has helped them.

Khashyar


True no forum is perfect,but the RMP is the closest to it...

Randy



Posted by: EasyTarget

No forum is perfect. There is a wealth of information on RMP. When you get so many people together you are almost guaranteed to get people who dislike, disagree with each other. i do think the anonymity of the internet does allow some people to speak out, when otherwise they would bite their tongue.

Khash: everyone owes you a big thanks for running the forum.



Posted by: mistermopar

Quote:
Originally Posted by EasyTarget
Khash: everyone owes you a big thanks for running the forum.


I'll drink to that...

Randy



Posted by: bobjf

Quote:
Originally Posted by EasyTarget
No forum is perfect. There is a wealth of information on RMP. When you get so many people together you are almost guaranteed to get people who dislike, disagree with each other. i do think the anonymity of the internet does allow some people to speak out, when otherwise they would bite their tongue.

Khash: everyone owes you a big thanks for running the forum.


truely the best there is & everyone helps make it so



Posted by: inlove

Frankly, I found pretty much all Russian women forums, including the local one, incredibly boring and lacking factual information. And yes, gossip and cat fights are going on all the time. But I think everyody is an adult here and should decide for themselves what kind of information and online socializing is suitable for them. Noody has a right to control their partner's information sources..



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khashyar
While Americans enjoy personal freedom to create, express themselves, live the way they choose, the downside is a tendency not to feel responsbility for helping our neighbors, friends and family. You see this, for example, in some American parents pushing their kids out of the house on their own after their schooling is over. You might also see this in transient friendships in the U.S., for example.
Khashyar


If I tried to make some counclusions about American culture basing my opinion on my experence of dealing with people ( mostly males) at interner boards I would say that Americans are the most double-faced nation in the world who are sooooo enjoy to express themselves beind your back. Russian females could only envy an amount of rumores-gossips-bad mothings -etc wich is flying behinde curtains ( there is only famouse american smile on "surface" of course) at such boards among nobodyelse but "selected" honorous members. ( BTW australians ( and Britains) are famouse with that as well )

But as I'm optimist I don't transfer such my experience on the whole nation and still hold a hope that something there another type of american ( and "foreigner" in general) males does exist

Cheers



Posted by: Turboguy

Ellen, are you saying that Americans (and others) are the worst at telling others behind your back what an idiot they are and that Russians will just say it to thier face?

I am not sure how much of it goes on in Russia but yes, there is a lot of it goes on here. Probably from watching too many soap operas and trying to transpose that to real life.



Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
If I tried to make some counclusions about American culture basing my opinion on my experence of dealing with people ( mostly males) at interner boards I would say that Americans are the most double-faced nation in the world who are sooooo enjoy to express themselves beind your back. Russian females could only envy an amount of rumores-gossips-bad mothings -etc wich is flying behinde curtains ( there is only famouse american smile on "surface" of course) at such boards among nobodyelse but "selected" honorous members. ( BTW australians ( and Britains) are famouse with that as well )

But as I'm optimist I don't transfer such my experience on the whole nation and still hold a hope that something there another type of american ( and "foreigner" in general) males does exist

Cheers


Have you ever seen any American Movies about the old South? The high society ladies are always thinking,plotting,gossiping in hurtful way to bring another down so they will look better in the eyes of a man they both desire?


My wife will be the 1st to tell you that this is the way the majority of Russian women here in America are(and in Russia as well). The funny part is...it's not usually over a man...but just so one will look better than the other!

I must say from my experience with other Russian Ladies here that I have to agree with her stereotype. I can honestly say that every Russian Woman we have tried to become friends with has tried to cause us problems with our relationship. My wife has pretty much given up on trying to find a Russian friend here.

Here are some examples:

Tells my wife I am explicitly talking to her husband about our sex life! (Gimme a break)

Tells me in front of my wife how ignorant and stupid my wife is.

2 have revealed themselves to me in front of my wife....One was all but but naked...only panties.

Another...on our 1st meeting when we said out goodbyes latches on to me and kissed my neck like a vampire!

One telling my wife she would never be married to a man as ugly as myself! I ain't Bradd Pit but I am not hard on the eyes and fit for my age. She happens to be married to a man 40 years her senior! My wife and my age difference is less than 2 years.

One was always going on about all women have to have expensive clothes,jewelry,etc. My wife never says anything about what she has. That womans mouth closed when she met my wife well dressed and a nice big rock shining on her finger! If any of you guys are interested...she is trying to form an agency here...she has quite a few ladies who are divorced or about to be looking for a rich husband! All that matters is if you are free with your money and have plenty of it!

I could go on and on...but many are repetitive. Now you take all this and amplify it 3 or 4 times and this is the picture I get from my wife of most Russian Women Forums.

Do American people gossip? Of course! But it is much more behind closed doors. Most American people who gossip intend for the gossip to remain behind closed doors. Most Russian Women who gossip seem to hope that door will be opened! Of course this is my opinion based on my experiences!



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spakoyna
Do American people gossip? Of course! But it is much more behind closed doors. Most American people who gossip intend for the gossip to remain behind closed doors. Most Russian Women who gossip seem to hope that door will be opened! Of course this is my opinion based on my experiences!


Of course it's your opinion based on your experience of dealing with RW who moved abroad ( from my opinion it's rather "specific" slice of Russian women population)

But if we speak about "culture" differences here then I'd prefer open "cat fight" vs "gossips" behinde not just "closed doors" but behind your back ( different cases If you get what I mean) Making by people who said nice things in your face pretending to be friendly persones is more hard thing to bear thnm gossips made by somebody who for sure "does not love us"



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turboguy
Ellen, are you saying that Americans (and others) are the worst at telling others behind your back what an idiot they are and that Russians will just say it to thier face?

I am not sure how much of it goes on in Russia but yes, there is a lot of it goes on here. Probably from watching too many soap operas and trying to transpose that to real life.



Yes, something like that ( but not just about "idiot" issue) Though I didn't get how it vould be connected with soap operas



Posted by: inlove

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spakoyna

My wife will be the 1st to tell you that this is the way the majority of Russian women here in America are(and in Russia as well). The funny part is...it's not usually over a man...but just so one will look better than the other!......

I could go on and on...but many are repetitive. Now you take all this and amplify it 3 or 4 times and this is the picture I get from my wife of most Russian Women Forums.


I'm really sorry you formed this impression of Russian women. I understand that our personal experiences make a huge difference on how we perceive a certain group of people any time, but I would hope that at least your wife has met a decent Russian woman in her life at least once in a while.. Unfortunately, if Russian women you come accross in the US have arrived here as somebody's wives, they are most likely fit the description you've provided. Not all of them, of course, but a large percentage..
But there is a large number of Russians who came here to study and work professionally, and they are usually are more pleasant to deal with in my experience.. But they don't hang out on Russian Women forums, for sure..



Posted by: inlove

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Of course it's your opinion based on your experience of dealing with RW who moved abroad ( from my opinion it's rather "specific" slice of Russian women population)

But if we speak about "culture" differences here then I'd prefer open "cat fight" vs "gossips" behinde not just "closed doors" but behind your back ( different cases If you get what I mean) Making by people who said nice things in your face pretending to be friendly persones is more hard thing to bear thnm gossips made by somebody who for sure "does not love us"


Those are culture differences indeed. Russians in general are not very civil to each other, and don't make any effort to be. They don't see any virture in being polite, quite the opposite. Russian way to win an argument is to insult the opponent as much as possible, and come out on top.
The western way to deal with differences is to try to voice your opinion without insulting the opponent. At the end, the idea is to convince the other party that you are right without making them feel like a loser.. Does not work every time, but in ideal both parties will feel like they gained something out of the conversation..
As far as backstabbing goes, I have not noticed much of it going around in the western society. No more than in Russia, that's for sure.. If somebody does not like you, they will be polite to you, but quite cold. You will feel it, for sure.. There is no need to call somebody an idiot in their face, you can just ignore the guy, that's all.



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Of course it's your opinion based on your experience of dealing with RW who moved abroad ( from my opinion it's rather "specific" slice of Russian women population)

But if we speak about "culture" differences here then I'd prefer open "cat fight" vs "gossips" behinde not just "closed doors" but behind your back ( different cases If you get what I mean) Making by people who said nice things in your face pretending to be friendly persones is more hard thing to bear thnm gossips made by somebody who for sure "does not love us"



Hey Ellen i cant comment much on 2 faced or gossipy Russians ...man or women....as the ones i have met i didnt notice it. As for westerners smiling without meaning it ...you are right.

I did however work in a factory many years ago and of maybe a thousand people that worked on that floor 98% were women. Australian, English, Italian, Greek, Polish, Turkish, Slavs, German ect ect. In 8 years i can say even with a very wide ethnic mix...WOMEN ARE 2 faced...to each other.

I dont know of Russia but here men will ususaly punch each other and then sit down and have a drink forgetting their dissagreements....women would say yes your hair looks lovely ...only 5 mins later to say to another friend how ugly she looks.

My experience is that men are much more simplistic than women and much more direct...for better or for worse.

Now on the dating scene thats a different matter whether it be internet or personal....domestic or foreign...we men in general arent so sure of ourselves....but thats something thats been around for thousands of years in all cultures.

Its a little unfair of you to generalise all westerners by your experience of "meeting people" on these websites too....they are a very small percentage of the population of the relative countries...western or Russian and they are focused more on the dating/relationship scene.

My observations of Russians are from visiting the counrty twice so far....maybe a trip to US ...UK or here would give you a different opinion after you have met REAL people?? Cheers



Posted by: Jerico

Quote:
I would say that Americans are the most double-faced nation in the world who are sooooo enjoy to express themselves beind your back.


Well ELLEN if you have never been to America I dont see how you could come up with this thinking other than movies or these types of forums or something else.
Now I am not saying people dont talk behind your back here because they do but someone who never has been here to make such a claim is missinformed IMO. Of course I am not aware if you have been here or not.

When my wife moved here to the US she had a difficult time meeting Russians. Most around my area are Ukranian or Moldovian.
These women continually gossiped about my wife behind her back on a regular basis. She worked and they did not.
Maybe a jealously thing or something as my wife wears expensive nice clothes.
Also she started to work for a RUSSIAN company here and the woman thier constantly talked bad things about my wife.She would call local Russians and try to sell things to them on the phone.
My wife is a hard worker at what she does and she made a lot of sales while the other women were just talking on the phone to thier girlfriends or whoever and would tell my wife she is making them look bad.
When some expensive items were missing from this business they told the boss my wife took them which was a TOTAL LIE on thier part.
These women took the items , of course!!

There were a few people in charge at this place and some of these Russian woman were also cheating with the bosses which were all married. It did not take long for my wife to notice the long lunches with the boss if you no what I mean.
so perhaps he could not fire the one I talk about for fear of his wife finding out , we have no doubt this Russian girl in particular took these items herself and the boss probably knew it.
Smart these Russian girls.

So Russian women seen to be just as sneaky or more talking behind peoples back.
I am by no means talking bad of them , just making a point is all.

I was also told by my wife that many women in Russia cheat with married guys , it is normal. No big deal there. In fact the first woman I meet in Russia had a boyfriend before me that was indeed married , Heh.

I am sure it happens but just like it does here in the USA so I would not conclude from hearing this from my wife that ALL Russian women in general cheat with married guys.
I could not say such a thing as it has not fact basis.
Jerry



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerico
Well ELLEN if you have never been to America I dont see how you could come up with this thinking other than movies or these types of forums or something else.
Now I am not saying people dont talk behind your back here because they do but someone who never has been here to make such a claim is missinformed IMO. Of course I am not aware if you have been here or not.


You for sure are not aware where I have been, who I dealt with , what sourses of information about life in America I have. But you could not notice that I started my post with word IF and I tried my best in English grammar collecting all my knowledge about using combination past tense + would Could you? Or did I failed with English grammar again and could not bring for you a meaning of Russian "если БЫ...., то я БЫ....." ? BTW I made even "reserve" post for a case I failed with grammar and I did say that I hold a hope not all American were the same. Didn';t you notice it as well?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerico
So Russian women seen to be just as sneaky or more talking behind peoples back.
I am by no means talking bad of them , just making a point is all.

Nice point and without any attempt though to show that you do understand how litted your experience is to speak so about all Russian women.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerico
I was also told by my wife that many women in Russia cheat with married guys , it is normal. No big deal there. In fact the first woman I meet in Russia had a boyfriend before me that was indeed married , Heh.
I am sure it happens but just like it does here in the USA so I would not conclude from hearing this from my wife that ALL Russian women in general cheat with married guys.
I could not say such a thing as it has not fact basis.
Jerry

That's better than your previouse passage At least " I could not say" does present. But at your place I would not spread such opnion of your wife at open board. It gives not nice empression about her and also could raise doubts about her own behaviour. Because in vast maority cases I met the same opinion "all Russian women ...blah-blah-blah.." it went from those ones who just did that by themselves and used that "All women do that" like an excuse for themselves in their own eyes.

PBTW Where is a topic at this board "Why do you seak for a wife exactly in Russia? " I wish to find out a logic in such behaviour taking into consideration what have been posted here



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
My experience is that men are much more simplistic than women and much more direct...for better or for worse.

One of points in my posts was that I met such behaviour among MALES - that "surprised" me the most.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
Its a little unfair of you to generalise all westerners by your experience of "meeting people" on these websites too....they are a very small percentage of the population of the relative countries...western or Russian and they are focused more on the dating/relationship scene.


Read my previouse post Sorry I'm too busy just now to repeat all what I said to another poster who failed to quote the whole my sentence.

Any correction of my English grammar with that English variant for Russian "±Л" would be appreciated . Mark my mistake with red color in that my first sentence "If I tried to base my opinion on.... I would say...." wich made you to think about me making generalisation.



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
One of points in my posts was that I met such behaviour among MALES - that "surprised" me the most.



Read my previouse post Sorry I'm too busy just now to repeat all what I said to another poster who failed to quote the whole my sentence.

Any correction of my English grammar with that English variant for Russian "±Л" would be appreciated . Mark my mistake with red color in that my first sentence "If I tried to base my opinion on.... I would say...." wich made you to think about me making generalisation.


You are correct Ellen in the fact that you say "IF"....this does not mean that you base your opinion on having been to the US....only that the sole basis for your opinion is not only internet related.......So have you been to the US?? i havent so i would be interested.....i also gather by your reference to Aussies and Brits that you have also been to the UK and here.... where did you go did you like Australia??



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
You are correct Ellen in the fact that you say "IF"....this does not mean that you base your opinion on having been to the US....only that the sole basis for your opinion is not only internet related.......So have you been to the US?? i havent so i would be interested.....i also gather by your reference to Aussies and Brits that you have also been to the UK and here.... where did you go did you like Australia??


Ok I continue with my English grammar tack instead of answering at your questions wich have nothing to do with my post

What word combination did give you an idea that I BASE my opinion ?



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Ok I continue with my English grammar tack instead of answering at your questions wich have nothing to do with my post

What word combination did give you an idea that I BASE my opinion ?



If I tried to make some counclusions about American culture basing my opinion on my experence of dealing with people ( mostly males) at interner boards I would say that Americans are the most double-faced nation in the world who are sooooo enjoy to express themselves beind your back.

This implies one of two things Ellen......you agree with this opinion and have come to that conclusion by also using other factors such as having been to the US or the americans you have met in person.

Or you are using this phrase in the negative ( sarcasticly ) and you actually think the opposite.


But as I'm optimist I don't transfer such my experience on the whole nation and still hold a hope that something there another type of american ( and "foreigner" in general) males does exist


This phrase however clearly indicates that you feel you have never met either in person or on the net a western male that is not this way. Cheers



Posted by: Ellen

Well and what didn't you get from my that post ( wich was an answer to attempt of other poster to make a conclusion about Russian culture basing at his limitted experience? ) Why did you take into mind only "basing opinion" missing all those ifs-woulds-and pointing stright at a sourse of my hypothetical opinion wich I COULD base IF followED the same way like that poster did.?

I think I express my sarcasm rather clear - using all possible ways - grammar, mention only internet boards ( for purpose), posting that last words about my "hope"

You guys for sure should make more eforts in understanding what have been said by others side or you would go not far if you can't get even such clear posts

PS Truth tell last events at few other boards (which had an echo even at this very board) did sway my that hope in foreigners ( at least in those who are represented at dating scene)



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Well and what didn't you get from my that post ( wich was an answer to attempt of other poster to make a conclusion about Russian culture basing at his limitted experience? ) Why did you take into mind only "basing opinion" missing all those ifs-woulds-and pointing stright at a sourse of my hypothetical opinion wich I COULD base IF followED the same way like that poster did.?

I think I express my sarcasm rather clear - using all possible ways - grammar, mention only internet boards ( for purpose), posting that last words about my "hope"

You guys for sure should make more eforts in understanding what have been said by others side or you would go not far if you can't get even such clear posts

PS Truth tell last events at few other boards (which had an echo even at this very board) did sway my that hope in foreigners ( at least in those who are represented at dating scene)



Well one thing is for sure Ellen...the English language can be very confusing and double faced in itself. I am very pleased to see that there may be some hope for us yet . I am having to good a day to argue...i will be in Moscow soon...who knows we may even have a coffee.....Cheers



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
Well one thing is for sure Ellen...the English language can be very confusing and double faced in itself. I am very pleased to see that there may be some hope for us yet . I am having to good a day to argue...i will be in Moscow soon...who knows we may even have a coffee.....Cheers

Ah I do know how confusing English grammar could be for Russans. But I guess it's in vain to ask for corretion of my mistakes those who are supposed to know it well . I still don't know if what I studied in secondary school about those "if-would" was correct.

As for coffee then I warn you I did't use to pay in cafe - such a spoiled by Russian males woman I am. So I need a paper signed by you with your accepted obligation to pay for that coffee before I accept your invitation. It's one of my "culture misunderstanding" with foreigner males. Not that I'm not capable to do that by myself but it's just "a matter of principal".

Aslo after those "events" I constatly reffered to last time I need a paper with your swearing not to cry at any corner in the Net how ugly I am if my face would not meet your high standarts for women's looks. That one I want to be signed by your blood .


Without that - no coffee in my company.



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Ah I do know how confusing English grammar could be for Russans. But I guess it's in vain to ask for corretion of my mistakes those who are supposed to know it well . I still don't know if what I studied in secondary school about those "if-would" was correct.

As for coffee then I warn you I did't use to pay in cafe - such a spoiled by Russian males woman I am. So I need a paper signed by you with your accepted obligation to pay for that coffee before I accept your invitation. It's one of my "culture misunderstanding" with foreigner males. Not that I'm not capable to do that by myself but it's just "a matter of principal".

Aslo after those "events" I constatly reffered to last time I need a paper with your swearing not to cry at any corner in the Net how ugly I am if my face would not meet your high standarts for women's looks. That one I want to be signed by your blood .


Without that - no coffee in my company.



My dear Ellen...i would never ask a woman for coffee if i didnt intend on paying....so you know have it writing and many witnesses. I can say i will see you as neither ugly or beautiful as i have been blinded in that depatment by my Nat....but im sure i will see you as interesting. Cheers



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
My dear Ellen...i would never ask a woman for coffee if i didnt intend on paying....so you know have it writing and many witnesses. I can say i will see you as neither ugly or beautiful as i have been blinded in that depatment by my Nat....but im sure i will see you as interesting. Cheers

If I had not such "experiences" with foreigers I would not mention such things at all. So I now prefer to "warn" them with that Russian strightness which somebodies with gentle western psyche prefer to see like rudeness.



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
If I had not such "experiences" with foreigers I would not mention such things at all. So I now prefer to "warn" them with that Russian strightness which somebodies with gentle western psyche prefer to see like rudeness.



Ellen we have a saying in Australia....."i am big and ugly enough to look after myself".......i appreciated the directness of Russians i spoke to....another saying is " we dont like to beat about the bush" which means we also like to be direct. If i can let my Nat approve it i would like to have a coffe and conversation....maybe i can change your mind about at least some of us...but maybe i wont......



Posted by: joelunchbox

I just finished re-reading this thread. Have we missed the common point here? That some women in various parts of the world gossip. Not all women but some. Not in one part of the world but everywhere. I would like to say that I see this behaviour in men also. Some men, in all parts of the world.

I would like input on the following: If a woman has been treated with respect by her parents (and I personally think her father is a greater influence here) is she more or less disposed to gossip/backstab other ladies?



Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
As for coffee then I warn you I did't use to pay in cafe - such a spoiled by Russian males woman I am. So I need a paper signed by you with your accepted obligation to pay for that coffee before I accept your invitation. It's one of my "culture misunderstanding" with foreigner males. Not that I'm not capable to do that by myself but it's just "a matter of principal".

Aslo after those "events" I constatly reffered to last time I need a paper with your swearing not to cry at any corner in the Net how ugly I am if my face would not meet your high standarts for women's looks. That one I want to be signed by your blood .


Without that - no coffee in my company.


OMG! This made me laugh out loud. We love you Ellen. You are an interesting person.

Ira, you are a true gentleman.



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheburashka
OMG! This made me laugh out loud. We love you Ellen. You are an interesting person.

Ira, you are a true gentleman.




Sh!t Cheb dont go tellin everyone it will ruin my reputaion...he he



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
Ellen we have a saying in Australia....."i am big and ugly enough to look after myself".......i appreciated the directness of Russians i spoke to....another saying is " we dont like to beat about the bush" which means we also like to be direct. If i can let my Nat approve it i would like to have a coffe and conversation....maybe i can change your mind about at least some of us...but maybe i wont......


Well we will see how you manage that ( if you get a chance of course)
. BTW my "issue" with foreigners I met and thank who my opinion about them dropped now was not in "conversation " _ It was very nice Surprise was in their actions later. I'm still lost in guesses what could caused such double-fased behaviour because there was neigther need nor "reason" for it. And it could not be "fun" in it as well because guys were rather "mentis" to have a fun in such things. So I made the only one conclusion - it was "culture" thing

So I just don't put too many trust in nice conversations with foreigners now.


PS I forgot to mention one little thing - I do not SPEAK English



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Well we will see how you manage that ( if you get a chance of course)
. BTW my "issue" with foreigners I met and thank who my opinion about them dropped now was not in "conversation " _ It was very nice Surprise was in their actions later. I'm still lost in guesses what could caused such double-fased behaviour because there was neigther need nor "reason" for it. And it could not be "fun" in it as well because guys were rather "mentis" to have a fun in such things. So I made the only one conclusion - it was "culture" thing

So I just don't put too many trust in nice conversations with foreigners now.


PS I forgot to mention one little thing - I do not SPEAK English



You surprise me Ellen as you have a good understanding of written English....or are you "scamming me" he he. Im sorry but my Russian isnt even good enough to get me into trouble. I will have to bring Nat for some ( reinforcement) hehe....Ellen i will probably get a better reception from you than many of my American friends...half of them already want to use their guns on me....( just joking guys ) they already call me comrade so i might surprise you.



Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
So I just don't put too many trust in nice conversations with foreigners now.


We have a saying in America: "once bitten, twice shy". It means we can understand how one would lose trust in Americans after having a bad experience with Americans.

I pray that you will find people you can trust and have a great relationship with. There are plenty out there.



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheburashka
We have a saying in America: "once bitten, twice shy". It means we can understand how one would lose trust in Americans after having a bad experience with Americans.

I pray that you will find people you can trust and have a great relationship with. There are plenty out there.



Too right Cheb ...i have often said that i appreciate the company of people i dont agree with as much as those who agree all the time....they make me think. For me to assume all Russians are like Nat were like nat would be naive...just as i hope to get Ellen to realise that not all Westerners are like those she has seen on other sites. Cheers Mate



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheburashka
We have a saying in America: "once bitten, twice shy". It means we can understand how one would lose trust in Americans after having a bad experience with Americans.

I pray that you will find people you can trust and have a great relationship with. There are plenty out there.


Yeah I know And I'm not "shy" Because dealing with foreigners, building trust in them or any "relationship" with them is not a goal of all my life at all, it's just a "hobby" in breaks in my job. It's just "events" I'm speaking about still cause an ripples in the water I still have to deal with that "ugly face" issue "here and there."
Ps I have seen those "bad" foreigners at THIS site as well ( but he was Australian but not American if I recall right)


PS
Wonder though how many cisterns of coffe should I drink with foreigners and how much it would cost for me to built that "trust" again?



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
Yeah I know And I'm not "shy" Because dealing with foreigners, building trust in them or any "relationship" with them is not a goal of all my life at all, it's just a "hobby" in breaks in my job. It's just "events" I'm speaking about still cause an ripples in the water I still have to deal with that "ugly face" issue "here and there."
Ps I have seen those "bad" foreigners at THIS site as well ( but he was Australian but not American if I recall right)


PS
Wonder though how many cisterns of coffe should I drink with foreigners and how much it would cost for me to built that "trust" again?




I said id pay
he he



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156

I said id pay
he he

we will see. ( don't forget to bring the second paper)



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
we will see. ( don't forget to bring the second paper)



Bring the dagger Ellen you can draw the blood...he he



Posted by: Ellen

Quote:
Originally Posted by ira156
Bring the dagger Ellen you can draw the blood...he he

what for? I have my canine teeth

Ok I'm off to my job. If you make you mind about paying for my coffe in Moscow then we'l set a meeting.
Bye till then



Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellen
what for? I have my canine teeth

Ok I'm off to my job. If you make you mind about paying for my coffe in Moscow then we'l set a meeting.
Bye till then



Its a deal Ellen ......i will PM you when i know the dates and i have my Russian mobile number...the last one will have expired...have a good day at work



Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlove
I'm really sorry you formed this impression of Russian women. I understand that our personal experiences make a huge difference on how we perceive a certain group of people any time, but I would hope that at least your wife has met a decent Russian woman in her life at least once in a while.. Unfortunately, if Russian women you come accross in the US have arrived here as somebody's wives, they are most likely fit the description you've provided. Not all of them, of course, but a large percentage..
But there is a large number of Russians who came here to study and work professionally, and they are usually are more pleasant to deal with in my experience.. But they don't hang out on Russian Women forums, for sure..


We have not experienced what I am about to say. My wife has only met women casually(in a mall,restaurant,etc.) who have immigrated by means other than marriage. They do not seem to want to be sociable...almost like they don't want people to know their background.Here is the stereotype presented to us. Women who immigrate by means other than marriage think they are better than those who immigrate through marriage and do not wish to associate with women who immigrate through marriage. My wife has told me about this from her aquaintances at her agency. I was told about this through several channels. All I can say is those we do meet seem to try to distance themselves from us. My wife was attending ESL classes and an older lady was their from Moscow. My wife was happy to meet her. She was their visiting her daughter who immigrated through employment. They seemed to get along great. She wanted her to meet her daughter! Never came back to class after she brought up a meeting. Yeah I know what assume means....but one can only wonder!



Posted by: inlove

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spakoyna
We have not experienced what I am about to say. My wife has only met women casually(in a mall,restaurant,etc.) who have immigrated by means other than marriage. They do not seem to want to be sociable...almost like they don't want people to know their background.Here is the stereotype presented to us. Women who immigrate by means other than marriage think they are better than those who immigrate through marriage and do not wish to associate with women who immigrate through marriage. My wife has told me about this from her aquaintances at her agency. I was told about this through several channels. All I can say is those we do meet seem to try to distance themselves from us. My wife was attending ESL classes and an older lady was their from Moscow. My wife was happy to meet her. She was their visiting her daughter who immigrated through employment. They seemed to get along great. She wanted her to meet her daughter! Never came back to class after she brought up a meeting. Yeah I know what assume means....but one can only wonder!
That's unfortunate. The women whom you've described in your previous post (the ones who behave badly) give a bad rep to the rest of "wives" as well as russian women in general.



Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlove

That's unfortunate. The women whom you've described in your previous post (the ones who behave badly) give a bad rep to the rest of "wives" as well as russian women in general.


Don't I know it. That is exactly how my wife feels about it too. She said quote "No wonder so many people think Russian Women are so easy".



Posted by: freebird

Quote:
Originally Posted by joelunchbox
I just finished re-reading this thread. Have we missed the common point here? That some women in various parts of the world gossip. Not all women but some. Not in one part of the world but everywhere. I would like to say that I see this behaviour in men also. Some men, in all parts of the world.

I would like input on the following: If a woman has been treated with respect by her parents (and I personally think her father is a greater influence here) is she more or less disposed to gossip/backstab other ladies?


I think you may be right, low self esteem may have a role in those who are overly critical of others



Posted by: OzGuyLooking

My two cents worth, I have told every RW that I have been in contact with about this site. I have encouraged them to read it so they can see that I am no different in my emails than I am here.

Every one of them has had a look, one of them only the other day. On one occasion one of them who I still chat to occasionally got upset and gave a few people a huge serving, justifiably as they had been bagging RWs for various things. One of our more notable members thought he would be funny and got stuck into her. I tried to settle it down but to no avail and I eventually told the male that I would leave her to finish him of as he was no match for her.

Another lady went into the RW section and gave up after reading some of it. She told me she doesn't need to hop on the net to read stuff like that she can get it in the streets of her city. She hasn't been back since but I have kept some contact with her.

There is a lady who I chat with as we have very similar interests who thinks we are all funny (in an odd way as in strange) and she told me about an incident which I know realise has caused some crap in the RMP. She said if a western man can so openly disparage his partner then he doesn't deserve his partner.



Posted by: weather-7

Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird
Hi everybody, I am just curious if it would be a good idea to reccomend the RW Russian-language forums to the girl I am writing to in Ukraine? I think it would be a great resourse if (hopefully) everything works out and she comes over here. But I wonder if she starts reading it before we meet will she get too much negative information? I have heard from a few guys that the russian language forums can have quite a few negative posters. I think that might refer to other sites, but i thought I would ask everyone. Hopefully this one is more positive about international marriages than "antidate" or somthing like that. But I have even seen some negative comments on this (English site), about age difference over 10 years is disgusting, too many men are not serious, etc etc. I can speak Russian but I cannot read well enough to understand written Russian, so I ask you all. I would like it if the woman I'm writing to learns more, but I hope she won't get a negative idea of the whole process.

Also, I would just like to say thanks to Khashyar & Lena (+ all the other moderators!) so this question is not meant to be disparaging in any way! I know if there are negative posts it is the thoughts of the poster, not the site.
I hope those of you who have read the russian language site will give your opinion.


I think if a RW wants to marry a foreigner it's better to read some forums about it before, as most of the women don't imagine the full picture. They think they will have an ideal life after the marriage, but they will have some difficulties with living in another country anyway.
As for reading such forums afterwards, while they live abroad, it can be a good idea as they can share their impressions and solve some typical problems. I don't think it's negative. Though, a negative person will definitely find some negative sides, and positive person will find only positive. It depends on what are you looking for: trouble or pleasure. Anyway, you'll find exactly what you are looking for.



Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlove
If Russian women are so full of crap, then why marry one?


You know, a lot of my Russian friends try to persuade me to marry Russian woman... But...
I always ask myself the same question...



Posted by: inlove

Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincetonLion
I always ask myself the same question...


Or common, you don't mean that, do you?



Posted by: Rockyof Florida

She would not have time-LOL



Posted by: freebird

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlove
Those are culture differences indeed. Russians in general are not very civil to each other, and don't make any effort to be. They don't see any virture in being polite, quite the opposite. Russian way to win an argument is to insult the opponent as much as possible, and come out on top.
The western way to deal with differences is to try to voice your opinion without insulting the opponent. At the end, the idea is to convince the other party that you are right without making them feel like a loser.. Does not work every time, but in ideal both parties will feel like they gained something out of the conversation..
As far as backstabbing goes, I have not noticed much of it going around in the western society. No more than in Russia, that's for sure.. If somebody does not like you, they will be polite to you, but quite cold. You will feel it, for sure.. There is no need to call somebody an idiot in their face, you can just ignore the guy, that's all.


Very interesting post - where do you think all the negative energy in Russian culture comes from? (we are supposed to be friendly people up here in Canada, - seems to be true for the most part)



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