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Need some advice!
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Posted by: Anubis

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this forum and would like to ask advice about my current situation.

First of all, I met a lady on the internet through a marriage agency and we have corresponded for the past 4 months. I flew to Ukraine in November to meet her and we got along great. While I was there, I met her family and friends. The family requested to have a private meeting with me and so I did. After, the meeting, the family stated that they approved of me. I ask the interpreter why was this meeting held, she replied that the family gave their approval for marriage. My lady cannot speak english and we used an interpreter from the marriage agency to help us communicate. She signed some papers and the interpreter told me to take them back to the US with me. Since I have been back home, I been working through the marriage agency to communicate and help my lady with anything that she needs. I have not been able to talk via phone or have any contact with my lady, without going through the marriage agency.

Now here is my questions.

1. I have ask my lady several times to workout a way for us to talk via phone.....she does not reply to my request in our letters.

2. The marriage agency email my ladys personal information to fill in on the papers she signed and I brought back with me.....come to find out, my lady is 17 yrs old. I'm 40 and I think the age difference will be a problem. I was told that she was 19 yrs old...which I had concerns about in the first place.

3. I wrote my lady a letter before Christmas to wish her a happy holiday and the marriage agency emailed to inform me that I needed to send money for correspondence fees, before they would forward the letter to my lady. I have been sending them money for months for correspondence fees, english courses, gifts, etc. I went out of town for the holiday and when I returned, I had there email stating that they did not forward my letter.

4. I also received a email from my lady, stating that my silence shows her that I'm not interested and she is going to search for another man on the internet. I was shocked to know that she did not receive my letter and she now believe that I'm not interested, because I did not write her during the holidays.

I now have to decide to send the agency money and try to explain to my lady what the problem was or just let the relationship go. I'm leaning more to letting the relationship go, because of two reasons. First, I'm tired of sending money to this agency and only being able to have contact with my lady through them. Second, the age difference is a concern and if my lady decides to search for another man, simply because she has not heard me in a few days.....tells me that she is not sure about me. I would hate to continue this relationship for several more months and spend thousands of dollars for her visa, english courses, etc. and then one day she changes her mind about coming to the US.

What would any of you guys do in my situation?

Posted by: Vyesna

I'm rather inclined to think someone is having a little bit of fun on the forum today.

Posted by: estguy

Request Refund from Agency !!
They misrepresented the girls age,, plus 17 is rather old over there,,they age drastically once they get here,,see if they might have someone more like 13 -15,,then let the American school system teach here English

Posted by: Jim_FL

Quote:

Originally posted by Vyesna
I'm rather inclined to think someone is having a little bit of fun on the forum today.

I second that!

If it is not a bogus post.........Run, Forrest, RUN!

Posted by: Emetsky

I can believe it if she's really 17 yrs. old. If you do a search based on age on some Russian women websites, you will find some ads of women starting at 18 yrs of age. What's a years difference? She'll eventually turn 18 soon anyways.

Posted by: Anubis

Not quite the response I was expecting from you guys.....but, thanks for your honesty. This is not a bogus post! This really happen to me and I was wondering if anyone has experience a similar situation. I did not make the first contact with this lady and we did not discuss age in our first letters. She would always avoid the question or act like she did not understand my requests about her personal life. After, we met, I realized she was much younger than I and it made me a little uncomfortable. But, she seem to be mature for her age and I thought she was 19 yrs. old all along. After all, I could not understand a word she was saying.....the interpreter told me what I believe to be true.

I guess all the negative responses to my post has made me decide to walk away from this relationship. There are too many downsides to this situation and I'm tired of spending money on a unsure thing.

What is the best advice for meeting a Russian lady that can speak english and has true intentions? I don't want to correspond with anyone that can only communicate through a marriage agency or can't talk via phone.

Thanks for reading my post.

Posted by: rtking

Hi Anubis,

I'm sorry if you didn't receive the responses you were looking for.

It really doesn't sound positive. I can't say for sure whether one thing has gone wrong or another... I wasn't there to witness the whole thing. But I can tell you that it sounds like the Agency stands to profit from you one way or another. That's never a good sign. Also, please know that some agencies will withhold your email address, physical address and telephone number for the woman you write. They do this by editing your correspondence to your lady before she receives it. Why do they do this? To ensure that you keep using their services, of course!

If you have visited your lady and have her address, I would use an independent flower delivery service to send her some flowers, take a picture of her with the flowers (to ensure that she actually received them) and include a note with your email address and telephone number. That way you can besure that she has received your message intact. (The photograph you receive in return ensures that your note and flowers were delivered.)

I hope that helps. Sorry to hear of the situation. Best of luck!

Bob K.

Posted by: Anubis

Thanks rtking..... for your positive comment regarding my post. I know the lady is real and she has made comments about receiving my gifts in her letters. The problem that I'm having is trying to get her away from the Agency. I have given her my email address, mailing address and phone number. She stated in her letter that she has signed a contract with the Agency to only correspond with me through their services or she will lose contact with me. I think they have convinced her that she has to use their services, until she gets married. The lady comes from a poor family that does not have the means of using a internet cafe or a phone. That is the reason why I have continued to use the Agency for correspondence.

I told her in my letters that I would wire her the money to use internet cafes or hook up a phone. I even offered to purchase a cell phone for her.....but, she never responds to my offers in her letters. I do believe the Agency is editing my letters and I have no way to make direct contact with her. I believe as long as I use the Agency, nothing will come of this relationship and I will continue to spend money on a hopeless relationship with this lady.

If I had direct contact with her, then maybe something could be worked out. I have all ready spent several thousands of dollars and I'm think that I should cut my loses and move on. The sad part is, the lady has true feelings for me and believes that she will be coming to the US, after the paperwork is completed. I have considered sending money to the Agency one more time to write the lady and express my feelings about the everything. But, I'm afraid the Agency will edit the letter and she will never know of my true feelings or concerns.

Posted by: Greg in Ga

I had a similar deal with a girl that didnt want to break from an agency. What city is she from? I have contacts in Kharkov and Kiev. If she is 17 then i suggest you break and run and call it a lesson learned. My wife is from Kharkov. We didnt meet on internet so there was never an agency involved. Check out www.russianblacklist.com and get this agency on their blacklist. This doesnt sound like it's worth going after. Now that doesnt mean that a 40 year old cant make it with a 19 year old,but you might just want to walk away. If the girl has any sense then she'll take your advice and contact you through your email address and not her agency. It was like pulling teeth to get this one girl to do this even after we had met face to face in Kiev. This is tough man. Just wait till you get hitched thats where the fun starts.

Posted by: Skooter

Anubis
You've obviously invested time and money into this relationship, but if you stand back, the signs are not good.
There are plenty of good ladies out there, maybe someone a little older, that you can find who is not so attached to an agency.
I made two trips recently, one with the help of agency, anf it stank, but I only realised after I got back into friendly territory.
My second visit I did solo, it was cheapest and best trip going, with a lady that was not connected to agency, maybe it was little risky, but nothing ventured nothing gained.
I think first trip for anyone is pretty difficult, but if you go back you'll be older and wiser.
Someone who is screwing you around at this stage of the relationship in my opinion, isn't worth bothering with, move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Posted by: Jim_FL

Quote:

Originally posted by Anubis

I guess all the negative responses to my post has made me decide to walk away from this relationship. There are too many downsides to this situation and I'm tired of spending money on a unsure thing.

What is the best advice for meeting a Russian lady that can speak english and has true intentions? I don't want to correspond with anyone that can only communicate through a marriage agency or can't talk via phone.

Thanks for reading my post.

From the info you have given us I can see downsides in many directions:
1 The agency is most definately maximizing their profit at your expense.
2 If all is as stated, I got a bad feeling her parents may have been in on this. IE you go now - send for us later. (again at your expense - emotional and financial)
3 How much do you really have in common with 17-19 yr olds who speak the SAME language as you?
4 If she were serious, she would be all for getting away from the agency, and 3 way phone conversations with a non-agency interpreter (I know Lena, the co-owner of this site has done some of these).
5 If she is more interested in "USA" than "you" this could have devastating and far reaching consequenses (if you can't talk to her, how would you know the difference before it's too late?)
6 She SHOULD be studying english, and she should be very, very, excited to show you any progress she's made.....

Liliya and I met via ICQ. No agencies for either of us. There are some reputable agencies out there, but most instant messenger programs I believe will let you search by country, age, gender, as well as languages spoken, as ICQ does.

Posted by: Redriveroutlaw

I'm sure you have already received many opinions, but heres one more.

If she never replies to your questions about contacting her directly, then the company is editing your mail.

If she speaks NO English, then she must rely on the company.

When you went to see her, did you not get her physical address?

In my honest opinion, you need to go see her again WITHOUT the company, hire an interpreter of your own and go talk with her. You need to be able to talk with her without the company provided enterpreter looking out for their own interests.

If your feeling for each other are true and she wants to the U.S. then you need to enroll her in some English classes.

Tread very lightly on this one. If I were in your situation, I would probably cut it clean and look elsewhere, but if you are serious, then you need to take charge of the communications.

Posted by: Peter Burns

Hi , in relation to the sitiation you are in I would make the following observations.

1) The absensce of clear lines of comminication between you and the lady you have met is a very serious problem and is really the most serious problem which you face. I have picked up from the brief history that the agency which the lady is a member of is either deliberately blocking communiaction between you and your lady freind or at the very least setting you up so that you will need to pay more money in order to communicate with the lady.
This does not work in in your best interests. As stated before you have a number of options- go to meet her but use an independant interpreter / or send letters written in russian to her home addresss.

2) If you have not already obtained the physical address of your lady friend , I would strongly suggest that you obtain this information because as has been suggested earlier , you must open the lines of communication by sending a physical letter by snail mail or a gift of flowers. As well as this , the physical address of a person is a basic piece of information the agency should have provided.

3) The difficulty which you may have experienced in finding answerrs to simple questions from your lady freind does not bode well for the future - if it is like pulling teeth now at the easy stage- just imagine how difficult things could get if you marry her.

4) The use of internet cafes is very common in the Ukraine and my ukrainian lady freind has told me that it is cheap ( 2 greevnas per hour )- so I would really encourage your lady frieind to avoid the agency and communicate directly with you.

5) In regard to the age difference , I am 40 going 41 and I would
never contemplate a serious relationship with a woman who was in her teens because I would find it difficult to relate to her and she would really be looking for a man who was younger ...this is the same in all parts of the world, but exceptions to the rule are found and this may be one of them.

6) Finally if your attempts to reopen lines of communication fail and you have tried to persuade your lady freind to use an internet cafe but this has failed also , I would cut and run because all that will happen will be that you will lose more money and posibly loose the opportunity to meet a lady who is both ready and willing to commit to a serious relationship.

Posted by: Vyesna

No comment...except if you insist on going through with this, you might want to check out the statutory rape laws in your state. Also, good luck with the INS. I'm guessing they have special procedures for bringing over foreign "ladies" who are technically children as wives.

Posted by: Tex

Anubis,
you want some straight answers?

What could you, a man of 40, have in common with a 17 year old girl? She is still a girl? Do you think real, sincere girls of 17 are really thinking about 40 year old men? 98% are not. Most 17
year old Russian girls are thinking of Russian boys of 18, 18 years of age.

At 40 it might be best for you to consider young ladies from 23 years of age and older. Even that is a lot of years but allow these Russian girls some time to enjoy their youth and being girls. Very few 187, 18, 19 year olds are ready to leave home, family, country.

Posted by: Anubis

Hey Guys,

Believe me, I totally understand your point of view about the age difference. I had the same thoughts, when I believed she was 19 yrs. old. When I found out she was 17 yrs. old several months later.....I was shocked and confused about how this could ever workout. The only problem is there has been a lot of time and feelings invested in this relationship. I hate to hurt this girl, by telling her that I'm no longer interested. Its a shame that the Agency would allow this girl to be on their website and have someone believe she is older.

I feel sorry for the girl, because she thinks that she has a chance to get married and live a life abroad. I have seen the way she lives and it is not a way a young lady should have to live. Also, I know she really has strong feelings for me and I know ending the relationship will make her lose hope and break her heart. She is a very sweet girl and I hate this has gone on as long as it has. But, I know it would be very difficult, if not impossible, to share a life with this lady and I guess that is the reason I posted my story in the first place for moral support.

I appreciate all the comments and I know what must be done. I have learned a valuable lesson from this experience and in the future, I will be more aware about the person I start corresponding with.

Thanks

Posted by: estguy

,,if this thread wont die,,can we get the website addresss, so we can legitimize this therad

Posted by: Anubis

Hey Guys,

I was browsing the personal ads at date.com and guess who has listed there profile again ( only after one week ). The lady that claim to be so in love with me has posted a new personal ad, she has listed herself as being 19 yrs. old again and now living in Arkansas, United States. This is exactly the same way this lady got me to writing her in the first place.

I was a member of date. com and she wrote me first and her personal ad at that time was listed as living in New York. After we exchanged three letters, the Agency in Ukraine sent me an email to inform me that I must pay for correspondence fees, in order to stay in contact with this lady. Like a fool, I sent the money and this went on for about five months. The Agency has not wasted any time listing this lady again! Just so you guys are aware, the picture in her profile does not look the same as in person. I would guess she is around 16 yrs. old in the picture.

If you guys are interested in checking her out, she is listed as ( anlsk182004 ) at date.com website. Also, Beware that this lady is 17 yrs. old and the Agency she is with in Ukraine will not allow any correspondence with this lady, unless you use their services.

I wish that I could have known about this scam long before now!

Posted by: estguy

Please post the Agency name,,so we dont fall victime,,thanks

Posted by: Emetsky

Aloh folks! I found this site on the internet and they've got girls as young as 15 yrs. old. What do you think of this?

Here's what it say's on their home page...

Bulgaria's Greatest and
most Successful Marriage Agency

In our galleries you will find thousands of amazing & sexy Bulgarian women 15-60 years old. Explore our site and give yourself the opportunity to find your dream mate....

Posted by: estguy

Actually 13 is legal age in Russia, but even at that, you probably wont get a virgin : )

Posted by: Anubis

Estguy,

Here is the link to the website http://ul.fateback.com/main.html, the name of the Agency is Ukrainian Liaisons. I tried the link and it did not work for me anymore. Maybe, they have changed their web link. All I can say, is if you are corresponding with a lady from date.com and a Agency contacts you for correspondence fees, chances are they are the same Agency under a different web link or name. BEWARE!!!

Posted by: campanula

Hey, fellows, don�t be that snobby.
Many of men say that they are 10 years younger than in the reality, send his pictures 5-7 years old etc. etc�.
Some of them come to Eastern Europe just to get �sex tour�.
So, girls should also watch out� But how could they check those men?
I wish that they could know about this scam also!
GIRLS, BEWARE!!!

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by Anubis
Estguy,

Here is the link to the website http://ul.fateback.com/main.html, the name of the Agency is Ukrainian Liaisons. I tried the link and it did not work for me anymore. Maybe, they have changed their web link. All I can say, is if you are corresponding with a lady from date.com and a Agency contacts you for correspondence fees, chances are they are the same Agency under a different web link or name. BEWARE!!!

Remove the comma at the end of the link to make it work.

Normally, links to agencies would be removed or edited but considering the nature of the post, this *MAY* not be a problem.

Usually, this pertains to promoting a particular agency.

Posted by: mila

Fraud is everywhere. But it is necessary to think by a head, that is on shoulders, but not in pants.
Sorry

Posted by: Anubis

Quote:

Originally posted by campanula
Hey, fellows, don�t be that snobby.
Many of men say that they are 10 years younger than in the reality, send his pictures 5-7 years old etc. etc�.
Some of them come to Eastern Europe just to get �sex tour�.
So, girls should also watch out� But how could they check those men?
I wish that they could know about this scam also!
GIRLS, BEWARE!!!

This also can be true for women. But, I seriously doubt that a woman from Russia would spend several thousands of dollars for corresponence fees, gifts, plane tickets, etc. and not know who she is really dealing with through a Agency. Most men are serious in finding their mate and certainly would not spend a lot of money just to have a penpal. Russian women have the advantage of using a free marriage agency and all it cost them is a little time to respond to someones letter. Also, if she meets the man in person and does not like him.....then, she can just walk away and search for another through the Agency.

The point that I'm making is, a man abroad will spend a lot of time and money dealing with a Agency trying to find a lady that is sincere. The least a Agency could do is make sure the lady has a recent picture and the information of the lady is correct. So, the man can decide if he is compatible with this lady. Its sad to find out several months later that you have been corresponding with a teenager!

Posted by: Arnold

Quote:

Originally posted by mila
Fraud is everywhere. But it is necessary to think by a head, that is on shoulders, but not in pants.
Sorry

Hello Anubis,

In your reply to Campanula, you still sound like you are thinking with the "little head".
You still place all your trust in the agency, and blame the girl! Perhaps the agency not only added two years to the girls age, but also shaved 10 to 12 years off yours? Perhaps this girl was scamed as well!
So you spend some money, big deal! As others have pointed out you did not spend your money wisely. You allowed a third party to take control of your personal business.
All you can do at this point is learn from your mistakes, and try to follow some, or better all of Jim's advice on how to take charge of future correspondence with foreign women.
Stay away from teenagers, because as the old saying goes, "Sixteen will get you twenty!" . And who knows if your future love interest is willing to wait for you this long?

Best wishes, Arnold