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2 VERY NICE WOMEN TO CHOOSE FROM, NOW WHAT DO I DO?

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Posted by: GentleGiant

I haven't said anything till now, but I agree with the others, if she cared for you she would have found a way to tell you what was going on.

It sounds that she is deliberately cutting you off from her life, and the more you push the harder she will try to keep the door closed.

Give up now and retain your dignity; move on an look for someone better.

I do understand what it feels like, the girl I am supposed to be meeting in a few weeks has stopped communicating, she was supposed to send her new mobile number and apartment address to me last Wednesday, but I have heard nothing, no reply to email.
If she is playing the "How strong is he" game with me, she will find herself dumped, but right now I don't even know if she is alive. :-(


Posted by: GoingToRussia

We all have our opinions about RP's delema. I've been down this path and the most important thing for me was to find out "WHY"! This is what RP is trying to do. You have to do what you think is necessary to have piece of mind.

I am sure she will look back on this experience some day and realized she made a mistake. My ex has told me 2 times in the last year that she regrets divorcing me. I think the guy she left me for never submitted a visa for her.

Take care RP and do what you need to do to get the answers you deserve.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the comments. I will hopefully know something within a day or two from my friend that is a manager of a dating agency there. And if she can not find out anything for me I guess I will just have to give up.

I thought about it last night and her mom all ready told my friend that my girl is not answering her phone. My friend said to me maybe she is busy with something.

I sent an email to my friend saying maybe her mom knows she is not answering her cell phone because I am calling it and her mom is not going to tell you why she is not answering the cell phone.

So far the mom doesn't know who or why this friend of mine has called. Her mom said to call back at 9 30 pm or tomorrow during the day and she will be here.

I think the mom might think it is a friend of her daughter that is calling because she spoke Russian to her and called from the same town.

Anyway, I am hurting and I want to know something. I will be OK guys but I am really waiting to see what my friend there has to say.

If she tells me that she has spoke to her and she thinks we are done and I should forget about her I will know that is what I need to do.

My gut tells me that it's over and my girl is just not going to answer the phone for a while until this blows over. She might even change the number, who knows.

I also have the feeling that when my friend actually does talk to her that my girl will blow her off also and tell her it's none of her business and to leave her alone and probably hang up on her.

I could be wrong but we will see.

But I will say it again. "WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF THE CRAZIEST SH-T KNOWN TO MANKIND!

It's incredible that up until last Saturday I thought that I had a gem and the best women I could ever have met.

At least I slept good last night. I didn't wake up and slept 7 hours straight which is a good sign for me. For me it means I am hurt and upset but not devastated to the point of no eating and no sleep.

These are the times I wish I was a fly on someones wall to see just what is really going down.


Posted by: Pin Boy

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
I also have the feeling that when my friend actually does talk to her that my girl will blow her off also and tell her it's none of her business and to leave her alone and probably hang up on her.


it seems to me that woman from the FSU are quite adept at this. there is no western style long, drawn out break-ups. as a ukrainian man told me last summer, "our women are b*****s." i'm starting to see his point.

pb


Posted by: Seaview

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pin Boy
it seems to me that woman from the FSU are quite adept at this. there is no western style long, drawn out break-ups. as a ukrainian man told me last summer, "our women are b*****s." i'm starting to see his point.

pb



Such behaviour is the other side of passionate and adventurous character we have.

We suddenly understand that we are fed up with smth and say farewell (men and women). It's the matter of days not years of making it all work out again, visiting family advisors and so on

Anyway, it's not the case with RP. I don't see passion here at all. Only cold calculation she was not happy with for some reason.


Posted by: Pin Boy

i'm sorry seaview, but i don't understand the point you are trying to make. are you saying this behavior is common or not?

pb


Posted by: GoingToRussia

I think she is saying breakups happen quickly and not a long drawn out affair, it is the usual way.

A divorce only takes about a month if both parties are willing.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seaview

Anyway, it's not the case with RP. I don't see passion here at all. Only cold calculation she was not happy with for some reason.



Seaview,
You and I both don't know what is going on here. You can assume what you like. I will admit I am hurt, but as far as passion goes I have plenty for her and when she was with me she had plenty for me. Whatever happened after I left her this summer we might never know.

And I never said in any calculation that she was not happy. I do know that she is totally miserable at her job and even told me 2 weeks ago "Don't be surprised if I get fired from my job because of all the complaining I am doing.

She even said she does not care if they fire her, she has had enough.

But that has nothing to do with my situation or maybe it does. But one thing is for sure. I don't know and you surely don't know what is going on in my situation.

And as you talk about family advisors, I say if you can't make your own decisions there is a problem if you are an adult. I don't need any advise from my family or friends on how to handle my relationships and I surely hope she does not need any also.

We make our beds and we sleep in them whatever the outcome is.

If you need an explanation what that means it means if I make a decision and it turns out to be a disaster there is no one to blame except myself for making that decision.

If she decides we are over and maybe has a new boyfriend and they end within a few months that is her problem not mine. Maybe this is the case and maybe not. I might not ever know but I have proven to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have her best interests at heart. I know this and I can live with myself after this. Let's just hope that it turns out OK for her.

I wish her happiness and love & a future full of hope. Remember one thing, you and I will never know what the future holds for either of us. Just hope for the best is all I can do. And I am hangin in there even though I am upset.

I need a women who can look me in the eye and say its over not someone who can run away after all of the respect & admiration I have had for her.



I will never feel guilty about anything that I have done with her. But if she is avoiding me and being a cold stone it is her that has to live with her cold self and look in the mirror and one day say "I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT TO HIM".


Posted by: royalpalace774

WOW! I just got an email from my girl. She is sorry for ignoring me for a week. She said I did not deserve that and she has things on her mind about us.

She also said it is a big step to move from her country and she wonders how much I really want her with me. She does not want to be with me for conveince. She is questioning my love for her and her for me. She wants to meditate on what is happening between us before she makes a decision.

I sent her an email back but I wont tell you guys what I said. Except that I want her in my life forever and she is number 1 for me. There is plenty more I told her but I will keep it to myself.

I hope she sees that I want her in my life and she does not end this.


Posted by: AkMike

Any explaination about ignoring the calls and everything else?


Posted by: GoingToRussia

Let's hope for the best RP. Yes it is a big step for her. She gives up everything to be with you. She will need ALL your attention when she arrives. Maybe find someone in your city that speaks Russian/Ukraine so she can e-mail and talk to so when she arrives, she will have a friend. One thing they miss is speaking their language.

Maybe organize a RMP meeting in your city. I'm sure a few will attend if possible.

She sounds like a very smart girl, evaluating her life and plans before she makes a final commitment.

Take care and good luck!


Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:
Originally Posted by AkMike
Any explaination about ignoring the calls and everything else?

I think she said she needed time to evaluate their feelings and accepting her leaving her family, country, and culture.


Posted by: Seaview

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pin Boy
i'm sorry seaview, but i don't understand the point you are trying to make. are you saying this behavior is common or not?

pb


It's more common than in Western countries.

I have been observing two western break ups recently. Long tedious attempts to make it work out again, visiting family advisors together, leaving each other and trying to start it all over again.

I don't see such attitude in Russia. That's all I would like to say. People are more desicive and probably cruel to each other when they break up. It doesn't take them years to take a desision to leave their partner. And it's the dark side of any passionate nature. She loves you with all her heart and doesn't have a heart when she leaves.

It's a generalization, I know. but it seems to me we are much crazier than WW.


Posted by: Seaview

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
I think she is saying breakups happen quickly and not a long drawn out affair, it is the usual way.

A divorce only takes about a month if both parties are willing.



Exactly.


Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seaview
It's more common than in Western countries.

I have been observing two western break ups recently. Long tedious attempts to make it work out again, visiting family advisors together, leaving each other and trying to start it all over again.

I don't see such attitude in Russia. That's all I would like to say. People are more desicive and probably cruel to each other when they break up. It doesn't take them years to take a desision to leave their partner. And it's the dark side of any passionate nature. She loves you with all her heart and doesn't have a heart when she leaves.

It's a generalization, I know. but it seems to me we are much crazier than WW.

I believe you Seaview. My wife sent me a "Dear John" letter at the end of December and were divorced at the end of February. We would have been divorced sooner but she had to wait for Christmas and the New Year holidays.


Posted by: Pin Boy

seaview, now i understand your point better. thank you for clarifying.

rp - i think it is a good thing she sent you an email. i hope this is just a blip, although a rather large one, on the radar screen in the overall relationship. good luck!!

pin boy


Posted by: Seaview

Quote:
Seaview,
You and I both don't know what is going on here. You can assume what you like.


You too can assume what you LIKE. You would not like to assume what you don't like, would you?

Quote:
And I never said in any calculation that she was not happy.


I meant that she had been making calculations, not you. See? It's exactly what's happening. She needs time to think it over and realize if she REALLY wants to change her life forever.

Anyway, good luck if you love her.


Posted by: GentleGiant

Seaview, a clarification of the sentence
"you can assume what you like"
In this type of sentence "like" has a different meaning, the sentence means " You can assume what ever you want to assume, good or bad, that is OK, but I am assuming something different"

A different use of the word "like" from (eg) "I like chocolate".


Posted by: royalpalace774

Hi Guys,
I'm doing all I can to assure my girl that she is the #1 priority in my life.

You know when you leave your women you go back home and you start working and you talk on the phone. But it sometimes gets to where you are just talking about the same things and you just want her next to you to be able to go somewhere together. When we are together it is so great. I am just hoping that she knows and still feels what it's like when we are together next to each other.

I have to admit I am on edge wondering how this will turn out.

I have done a few things in the last 2 days that I hope will show her that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I wrote her a long letter that just says it all for me about her. I won't tell you what I said, but if that letter can't make her see that we belong together I don't know what else will work.

She is at a point where she is seeing if she wants to live with me or without me. She knows that our K1 gets approved within the next 4 weeks.

I guess what I learned from this is that she needs more assurance than phone calls talking about day to day things. Every relationship is different.

I don't know what her decision will be in the next few weeks. But I do know that I am totally 100 percent sure that I want her with me for the rest of my life. I don't even know if she will see the email letter I wrote to her. She just might want to cut off everything from me and just think and meditate on what she feels is right for her.

I do know this. If I loose her I will be incredibly sad . And if she looses me she will never know what it could have been like if we were together as one.

Like I said before, I wrote a long letter that hopefully will determine the destiny of her & my life.

I guess now I can only wait & see & hope that it turns out positive.


Posted by: Chrismc

Lets hope it all works out for you RP and she decides she wants to be with you.


Posted by: royalpalace774

The worst part now is waiting to see if I have a fiance or if I don't.

I don't know if she is going to call and give me a yes or a no. I don't know when she is going to call or if she ever will call again.

I have to say that one thing that really urks me is her not being able to talk with me on the phone about this. The emails are somewhat better than nothing, but I still think an email is cowards way out. We are adults not teenage email pen pals.

Today I feel very anxious and uptight because I don't know if this is going to be a good or bad outcome. I have a knot in my stomach and that's not good.

The one big thing that is not sitting well with me is the fact that she said she is questioning my love and commitment on my side towards her. I have proven that I am 100 % into having her spend the rest of her life with me.

She was married 4 years ago to a guy in PA and he treated her like crap. She did everything she could to keep it together with him and then she gave up. I know he also got physical with her and she had to sneak out to get back to the Ukraine. The guy showed up at her apt door 6 months later wanting her back. But she said no. And then he showed up again 6 months later and she said no again.

She did everything she could to keep that together but in our situation it just seems as if she is either testing me or she has changed her mind.

For her to say she is questioning my feelings towards her is absolutely the most rediculous thing I have heard come out of her mouth.

Two trips to see her, phone calls every single day to her, give her $100 every 3 or 4 weeks to take taxi's home from work to make things easier for her. I have her talk to my friends on Skype when they are at my house and they tell her they can't wait to meet her. I send her photos of what I have been doing . But sometimes the phone calls become the same as the day before.

Maybe I did miss the boat somewhere. I'm not perfect, but if I had a clue of what I should have done that I did not do I would have done it. She knows I want this and she tells me she questions my love for her.

If she is testing me now, I can understand because of what she will give up to come here. But if she decides to just end it I will really be amazed.

I sent her 11 roses today and a card that said some things that I felt for her. I haven't got a confirm that they were delivered yet.

I am giving it all I can give now and it is kind of draining me. Today is the 1st day that this has really hit me. I know because of the knot in my stomach.

The long e mail I sent her spills my heart right out on the table and I tell her exactly like I want it to be and what I see for us. If I was a women reading it I surely would be in tears for days. But everyone is different. MAybe she'll read it and think to herself "SO WHAT".

I don't know what is gonna happen I just know this su-ks.

Right now it's about a year that I know her. Started talking on Dec 1st and went there on April 17th. and then again July 21st.

I hate this waiting and wondering more than anything.

But I'm alive and healthy , I just don't know if I have fiance right now.


Posted by: GoeastLJ

RP, I am not sure you are, yourself, convinced that you have a fiance here. You can take a horse to the river but you can't make it drink. Consider this very carefully: the majority of the ladies on the internet are very serious about finding a decent man, just like the majority of the men are. Once they find someone who feels like they are serious, games stop - if there are any tests, these are usually done in the infant stages and not after a year. A woman who is serious about a relationship would be just as anxious about keeping the communication going as you are. Would you think of cutting communication with her for a day just to see if she loved you? I doubt it.

From the tone of your reports and posts, you sound like a very nice and kind man, the type of person who wouldn't hurt a fly, but you run the risk of being taken advantage of if you do not stand up for yourself. This is not our usual next door girl. I am going to be brutally honest and say that your relationship is one-sided. Right now, there are millions of women who would appreciate your integrity and devotion and return your love and make you feel like a King.

Come on, man, you know there is no relationship here. Quit. You don't want this lady to say yes simply because she feels pity for you. She has feelings too and she should show appreciation. I think she was horrible to you when you visited her in Odessa.

I am not going to write again, but I want to conclude by saying please cut your losses and move on.


Posted by: sidney

If I were in your shoes. I'd give her some room. Stop calling, sending flowers and money. You've made your feelings known in spades. You deserve an answer. She is not giving you one. If it's a test it is a childish test. No reply from her is an answer. She had a bad past relationship. If she isn't willing to trust you to be better then it is her choice. I feel that your persuing her is gonna backfire and drive her away. Although that may be the case anyhow. Give her some time and room.
Sid


Posted by: AkMike

Anymore contacts might be considered stalking. Sit back and take a breather.


Posted by: royalpalace774

You guys are absolutely right.

As of NOW I am stopping trying to convince her of anything.

If she can't see that she has a good man here for her than there is nothing I can do. I just need to keep myself busy.


Posted by: EasyTarget

RP: from what little we know from the story, I would say it comes one simple thing. FEAR. She is afraid. As you said she went to the US before, thought everything would be wonderful and it didn't work out. And know she is having second thoughts because of the past.

I don't know the best approach here, you had told her what you are thinking and how you feel. There is the saying, "the more you squeeze sand, the more it falls out of your hand."

If it was me, I would give it a little bit of time...and try to express to her you know she is scared, afraid of the unknown, but you will support 100%.


Posted by: Seaview

Quote:
Originally Posted by GentleGiant2
Seaview, a clarification of the sentence
"you can assume what you like"
In this type of sentence "like" has a different meaning, the sentence means " You can assume what ever you want to assume, good or bad, that is OK, but I am assuming something different"

A different use of the word "like" from (eg) "I like chocolate".



Thanks, but that's exactly what I mean.

"You can assume whatever you like but, unfortunately, most people prefer hoping for the best instead of facing the truth"

"Like" in different meanings was meant to be a word-play here. Sorry, I must have failed to express it properly in English. Anyway, thank you for your remark.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by EasyTarget
RP: from what little we know from the story, I would say it comes one simple thing. FEAR. She is afraid. As you said she went to the US before, thought everything would be wonderful and it didn't work out. And know she is having second thoughts because of the past.

I don't know the best approach here, you had told her what you are thinking and how you feel. There is the saying, "the more you squeeze sand, the more it falls out of your hand."

If it was me, I would give it a little bit of time...and try to express to her you know she is scared, afraid of the unknown, but you will support 100%.



Thanks ET,
I think she has fear also. I have done everything possible to show her I support her in coming here and leaving her family and friends.

The flowers and the email yesterday are my last attempt. Now the ball is in her court. And if she can't trust me I don't think she will ever trust anyone. I don't have anything left that I can do. I'm not going to run over there.

But I am going to just wait and see what will happen now. If she decides that she is coming I will dedicate a whole discussion to the topic. I have spoke to her once before about this and I assured her that I will be there for her in every way possible.

Our visa is ready to get approved within the next 4 weeks. She knows this and I will have to see what she plans on doing. We had plans of starting a family and having a few kids. She even wrote that in her letter of intent to the embassy. If she thinks she can find better than me than I guess she needs to see if the grass is greener.

Her parents adore me, but it's not them that I need any answers from. When I called her house last week her mom would say her daughter was not home but her mom still talked to me in Russian and had a nice tone of voice with me. I don't understand Russian .

I also think that her mom doesn't want her daughter to leave the country. Even though I am pretty sure her mom likes me I think her mom is scared for her also. So if the mom is putting thoughts into her head it sure isn't helping my situation.

TIME WILL TELL!


Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
I just hope you are not saying you feel for me because you feel sorry for me.
Don't feel sorry for me.
Did you ever think that just maybe her not wanting to be with me could be the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe I am being spared alot of grief. MAybe she is dating a guy who will end up beating the crap out of her and now she thinks it's great. Hopefully that is not the case here.
I don't know if you are having a go at me here or not and nor do I really care. What I meant when I said I feel for you is that I know how you feel. I don't feel sorry for anyone, we all go into this understanding the risks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
No one knows. I just hope that whatever her decision is that she is ok and her future is good without a bunch of crap. I feel bad about this, but I really want her to be happy with me or without me.
Thats nice of you.


Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
And as you talk about family advisors, I say if you can't make your own decisions there is a problem if you are an adult. I don't need any advise from my family or friends on how to handle my relationships and I surely hope she does not need any also.
This is very telling. Some people discuss things with people who are close to them, others do not. It appears as though you are discussing this here with everyone but you begrudge others the opportunity to do the same.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by OzGuyLooking
This is very telling. Some people discuss things with people who are close to them, others do not. It appears as though you are discussing this here with everyone but you begrudge others the opportunity to do the same.



OK OZ Let me re phrase that for you.

I don't ask my mommy or daddy or sister or brother what I should do about girls I date or like. Oh I forgot to add my cousins also.

And my quote says FAMILY ADVISORS.

So know it's correct.

RMP is not my family's advisor. I relay things her to get opinions and feedback.


Originally Posted by royalpalace774
And as you talk about family advisors, I say if you can't make your own decisions there is a problem if you are an adult. I don't need any advise from my family or friends on how to handle my relationships and I surely hope she does not need any also.


Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
OK OZ Let me re phrase that for you.

I don't ask my mommy or daddy or sister or brother what I should do about girls I date or like. Oh I forgot to add my cousins also.

And my quote says FAMILY ADVISORS.

So know it's correct.

RMP is not my family's advisor. I relay things her to get opinions and feedback.
Your post that you yourself quoted says friends. Read it below. You come here to vent you also took advice, and you then have a problem with someone else doing that with people who are close to them and not complete strangers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
And as you talk about family advisors, I say if you can't make your own decisions there is a problem if you are an adult. I don't need any advise from my family or friends on how to handle my relationships and I surely hope she does not need any also.

I don't want this to become an argument I am just trying to point out what you are doing here. If I were her and I knew about the RMP and what you have said I would be having second thoughts, the big problem is she is having them without knowing of the RMP and what you have said.

I understand how you felt but I don't understand the attitude you are displaying. Everyone handles things differently and I think you should realise that she is having difficulty with this situation and wondering if you are worth changing her whole life for. I think considering this is not her 1st go at happiness with a foreign man she has every right to be cautious. I also think the arrogance you are displaying (like asserting you are the BEST thing she will ever have) is a problem. Will you display this if you are married? Will you keep reminding her that you are the BEST? Will you keep saying she is LUCKY to have you?

RP consider this, she may have already had this before!


Posted by: deccie

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
I think she said she needed time to evaluate their feelings and accepting her leaving her family, country, and culture.


GTR! That's a huge call to make on the basis of a smaill amount of information and a very dangerous one indeed!


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by OzGuyLooking
Your post that you yourself quoted says friends. Read it below. You come here to vent you also took advice, and you then have a problem with someone else doing that with people who are close to them and not complete strangers.

I don't want this to become an argument I am just trying to point out what you are doing here. If I were her and I knew about the RMP and what you have said I would be having second thoughts, the big problem is she is having them without knowing of the RMP and what you have said.

I understand how you felt but I don't understand the attitude you are displaying. Everyone handles things differently and I think you should realise that she is having difficulty with this situation and wondering if you are worth changing her whole life for. I think considering this is not her 1st go at happiness with a foreign man she has every right to be cautious. I also think the arrogance you are displaying (like asserting you are the BEST thing she will ever have) is a problem. Will you display this if you are married? Will you keep reminding her that you are the BEST? Will you keep saying she is LUCKY to have you?

RP consider this, she may have already had this before!


Oz, first you need to tell me who the SOMEONE ELSE is who has taken advice from people who are close to them who are not complete strangers.

Are you trying to tell me that you know something about my situation that I am not aware of. And I will tell you again for the second time that she does not know about the RMP. Why do you need to be told this twice.

Oz, I am the best thing she will ever have and it is you that have the problem with my confident attitude on my self worth. You seem to have the problem of hearing me say that she would be lucky to have a guy like me.

I think you are having a problem with how I perceive my self. That's OK. It is your problem. Thank god I am not saying I am not good enough for her.

Now after all of this I am wondering what you think your worth is to a women that you have treated good or what you think of yourself.

Maybe you are in a stage of your life where you feel un worthy of a true caring relationship. I don't know. But if you told me you know you are the best thing that ever happened to someone I would see you as probably a warm caring sensitive yet confident guy. But if you don't feel that way about yourself, that's OK also.

Oz consider this. She was married to a foreign man that treated her so bad that she had to sneak out of the house with her luggage and go to a neighbors house and the neighbor took her to the airport to get on a plane back to the Ukraine. Another thing that happened is that they were driving on a dark road and he was arguing with her and made her get out of the car and left her there to find her own way back to the house.

Which makes me a saint in the eyes of any normal women. And a wonderful guy to any normal person. And I am totally aware of what she is thinking and feeling and I am doing my best to comfort her being 8000 miles away like I am.

I also want to say OZ that I don't recall ever hearing from you when I was telling the RMP that I thought things were good. But you seem to creep in when things are not so good. That's OK also. Because I'm sure you will agree that we all have our own opinions here on the RMP. And one's opinion is equal to any one elses opinion.

I'm not getting on your case OZ. I just have an opinion.


Posted by: deccie

Quote:
Originally Posted by OzGuyLooking


I understand how you felt but I don't understand the attitude you are displaying. Everyone handles things differently and I think you should realise that she is having difficulty with this situation and wondering if you are worth changing her whole life for. I think considering this is not her 1st go at happiness with a foreign man she has every right to be cautious. I also think the arrogance you are displaying (like asserting you are the BEST thing she will ever have) is a problem. Will you display this if you are married? Will you keep reminding her that you are the BEST? Will you keep saying she is LUCKY to have you?

Oz, Like GTR, I think you are making a huge call about what the source of this problem is on the basis of a small amount of information. You may well be right but I don't think the call you've made is a fair one. Seems you've made somewhat of a "leap of faith".


Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Your right I don't know the situation, however I do know what I am seeing in front of me.

AS for being confident I have absolutely no problem with that at all but there is NO WAY I would ever say I am the best thing that ever happened to anyone. Yes you seem to be a 'better' person than the fella you mention that she was married to but and its a big but I don't know him and as far as I know I have never read any of his words either so I can't really comment on what I don't see can I now.

The mere fact you are not willing to 'play games' for anyone says to me you aren't willing to go the whole hog for anyone either. I know this is a HUGE generalisation but WOMEN play games with their men, Women TEST their men, women try to see what their men can and will do. Women will for no reason, that is easily apparent to any male on the planet, will just clam up and say nothing and leave the fella hanging on a thread. There are members here like you that have had these things done to them. The big difference is they went along bided their time, held no malice and did not boost themselves while appearing agro at the womans expense.

I comment where I feel it is warranted like every other member here, I will offer support where I feel it is required and chip when I feel it is deserved. The fact I comein now to comment is merely indicative of the fact that life goes on outside of cyber land and there are more pressing issues for some of us outside of the RMP.

I have no problem with my self esteem (thanks for caring btw) I have my feet firmly planted on the ground and I know what my worth is to the planet and humanity. I don't feel the need to boost my ego by making statements that make me out to be the best thing since fire, the wheel or sliced bread for that matter. I have however had people say to me that I could never have anything as good as them in anyone else, how wrong they were!!! Go ahead boost your ego, I don't care personally but I dare say the 1st time you pull that trick on this lady considering what she has had to deal with before may be the last time you do it.

I sincerely hope things go well for you.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by OzGuyLooking
Your right I don't know the situation, however I do know what I am seeing in front of me.

AS for being confident I have absolutely no problem with that at all but there is NO WAY I would ever say I am the best thing that ever happened to anyone. Yes you seem to be a 'better' person than the fella you mention that she was married to but and its a big but I don't know him and as far as I know I have never read any of his words either so I can't really comment on what I don't see can I now.

The mere fact you are not willing to 'play games' for anyone says to me you aren't willing to go the whole hog for anyone either. I know this is a HUGE generalisation but WOMEN play games with their men, Women TEST their men, women try to see what their men can and will do. Women will for no reason, that is easily apparent to any male on the planet, will just clam up and say nothing and leave the fella hanging on a thread. There are members here like you that have had these things done to them. The big difference is they went along bided their time, held no malice and did not boost themselves while appearing agro at the womans expense.

I comment where I feel it is warranted like every other member here, I will offer support where I feel it is required and chip when I feel it is deserved. The fact I comein now to comment is merely indicative of the fact that life goes on outside of cyber land and there are more pressing issues for some of us outside of the RMP.

I have no problem with my self esteem (thanks for caring btw) I have my feet firmly planted on the ground and I know what my worth is to the planet and humanity. I don't feel the need to boost my ego by making statements that make me out to be the best thing since fire, the wheel or sliced bread for that matter. I have however had people say to me that I could never have anything as good as them in anyone else, how wrong they were!!! Go ahead boost your ego, I don't care personally but I dare say the 1st time you pull that trick on this lady considering what she has had to deal with before may be the last time you do it.

I sincerely hope things go well for you.


Oz, I will say it again for you. I am the best thing that ever happened to her.
Oz, there is NO WAY I would NOT say this.

Oz, If I only seem to be a better person than the guy she was married to before, after telling you what she has told me, I would say that if you don't believe what I have told you about what he did to her, Than I guess it is safe to say that maybe you think she lied about it when I met her and she told me about it. Because I have never met him either. Or you possibly think I am lying that she told me that.

Oz , I'm aware of the women games in life. And I am biding my time. I hold no malice. I have only love for this women.

I am the best thing that has ever happened to her at which has nothing to do with her expense.

Oz, I don't pull any kind of tricks on this lady as you mentioned you think I might. You again are assuming by saying go ahead and pull that trick on her that I might be some kind of game player here. I don't say to her that I am the best thing that ever happened to her. I just know this in my own mind and don't have to tell her. I have treated her with total respect & caring tenderness. But you are not there to see that Oz. Or maybe you know me better than most & you are that little fly on my wall.

Oz, maybe I'm a disturbed physco killer who has been in prison for 20 years.

Like you tell me, you don't know. The thing that I do know more than you is what my girl has told me about her last marriage. If you think I am making it up than go ahead and think what you want. You just might be the fly on the wall.

And Oz, I will end this post with a statement for you.

I am the best thing that ever happened to her.

By the way Oz. I don't know what your job is or your profession. But I hope to god that If I asked you if you thought you were good at it that you would at least tell me "OF COURSE I AM GOOD AT IT. Or maybe you are one of those people who say "I GUESS I'M OK AT IT" Oz you could ruin a business deal by saying the wrong thing. Being just ok is not what someone wants to feel about you. And frankly if I was going to hire you and you didn't have a confident answer to me I would be afraid to hire you for the job.

And yes Oz, I am the best thing that ever happened to her. This is still my opinion. And I do know you have your opinion also.

Oz, my job and your job have nothing to do with my situation with my girl. But I will tell you that I am great at my job. Thank you for hoping things go well for my situation.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Well guys,
I guess this story comes to an end. I just got up to go to the bathroom in my house. I awoke from sleeping. I decided to check my email and there it was

An email from E. She said the flowers I got her were delivered to her moms house and she did not see them yet , but she knows they are beautiful and she appreciates it.

Then she said there is no need to call her or visit her. It wont change the situation. I moved to another place. And she wishes me all the happiness in my life.

These are her words after getting my letter to her and 11 roses.

I don't know if she moved to another job or she meant moved to another place to live. Or moved on with her life. Maybe she has a boyfriend and moved in with him, who knows.

I know that we are done. I asked her in my email to her if I could have one last phone conversation with her. I said at least give me that. I think I deserve at least that after 1 year with her.

I just took all of her pictures down and put them away in a drawer. I will miss her.

END OF STORY


Posted by: GoeastLJ

Sad as it sounds, it is better that she has at last told you. You now know she does not want to continue.

It will take time for the pain to heal but I am sure all will be well with time. Take your time, reorganise and start again. There are millions out there.

About her previous marriage - you have got her side, but remember that there are three sides to a story - His, Hers and the Truth.

Good luck


Posted by: Chrismc

I agree with GoeastLJ, RP, he makes some very good points, I am sorry to hear that she has moved on, but at least you know where you stand, you don't know the reason she has decided what she has and may never do so, and you may wonder about the why's and way for's for a long time yet, but now you have your answer.

Yes it is hard to understand what has gone wrong, but in time, you have to get back online and start again, I was in a similar position early this year, I thought I had found 'THE' one, but I hadn't, I have now though found a lady who is so much better than I could have thought possible only a few months ago, there is one out there for all of us RP, go and find her as soon as you can.

Chris


Posted by: GentleGiant

Sorry Mate, send her one last email, say you hope she finds the love she deserves and say you are there, as a friend, if ever she needs you.

Then leave it; and get on with your life.

If she gets back in touch in a week, a month or years from now you will have another chance, always assuming you have not found someone new by then.

That is what I do, and it has been very useful this last week; I asked an old GF for help finding Tahmina when she went missing; I couldn't have done that, and been able to utilise so many Dubai assets if we had not parted as friends.

Update for you on my thread (search for review of Svetlana's of Kyrgyzstan), well ther ewill be when I write it in a few minutes.


Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
END OF STORY

I disagree. It is the end of this chapter.

Take some time...clear your head...and start looking again. From what you have said about the story, it appears that the thought of moving to the US and trying again was too much for her. A woman who has been in an abusive relationship will always have trust issues. In the end, it wasn't you...really it wasn't. There isn't anything you could have done differently.

I would send one last email, saying you as difficult as it is to accept, you respect her decision. And there is anything you can do for her in the future, you will. Wish her luck, and wish her that she can find true happiness in the future. Do it so you have some closure.

Whether it is looking locally or overseas, you will find a woman for yourself. 3 billion of them on the planet, one of them has to like you.

And by the way, you have lots of chums here that will listen, no matter if we agree or disagree.


Posted by: GentleGiant

Just had a thought, you could make the ultimate sacrifice, and go live over there.

Well, Ok, not THE ultimate sacrifice, although it would probably feel like it come winter.


Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:
Originally Posted by deccie
GTR! That's a huge call to make on the basis of a smaill amount of information and a very dangerous one indeed!

I'm not stating a fact. I'm only giving a possible translation of what RP meant based on what he said.

Let's get more information next time before you make any huge and dangerous statements.


Posted by: GoingToRussia

I just read your post RP, sorry for the way it ended. I know your pain and feeling of loss but it will subside with time.

Take care and good luck with your next adventure.


Posted by: AkMike

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoeastLJ
Sad as it sounds, it is better that she has at last told you. You now know she does not want to continue.

It will take time for the pain to heal but I am sure all will be well with time. Take your time, reorganise and start again. There are millions out there.

About her previous marriage - you have got her side, but remember that there are three sides to a story - His, Hers and the Truth.

Good luck

Better woods haven't been said RP.
Take whatever time you need to heal your wound and then start the next chapter in your life.
All of us have been at the same point in our lives that you are at now. We all wish you the best because we have been there.
Best Wishes for a speedy and complete healing.


Posted by: Pin Boy

so sorry for all this crap you're experiencing RP. try to keep your chin up.

pb


Posted by: royalpalace774

It's a very sad day today for me. Taking her pictures down , putting away the watch she got me for my birthday, removing copies of K1 visa copies and putting them away.

Now I have to take down the clock she gave me that is hung up in my kitchen.

I had such high hopes for a future with her and having some beautiful kids together. And I get told it's over in an email. I am so dissapointed in how she ended this. In the last year there has never been 10 minutes that have gone by where I did not think of her and me together. I have 10 of my favorite photos of us together on the desktop of my laptop. And when I look at any of the pictures it hurts so much.

It's so hard for me to understand how she can say to me in an email "I am not feeling love from your side". I am blown away by that. If you guys could have seen me this last year as a fly on my wall you would know just how dedicated I was to her.

And then to tell me in an email today that it's not necessary for me to call her or visit her. At least she sent an email but emails are the cowards way out. Adults need to talk and say to the other what they need to say.

I have to say that also today some things flashed in my head. You guys remember when I told you when I got back on Aug 7th that she had the last week of Sept off and we were going to go to Prague together. And then she said she could not take that week off because some girls were out of work for a few weeks.

Then all of a sudden we are talking 2 days before the last week of September and she says to me GUESS WHAT, I was talking with my bosses boss today from Kiev and they gave me off for a week. I asked her what week. she said I am off tomorrow for 9 days and me and my best friend are going to Crimea.

I was amazed. I said to her well I guess I will call you in Crimea and she said yes call me. So I call her in Crimea and she never answers the phone even though it rings.

She gets back from Crimea and I ask her how was your trip and she said it was good. I took a lot of relaxing and sightseeing and woke up early every morning.

I then ask her if she took pictures and she said yes I took many but my girlfriend has the c d and is making copy for me. I told her I have given her at least 150 photos of me and places I have been , can I get 4 or 5 from her of her Crimea trip. She says to me I will send you a few photos.

The next day she says did you get the photos, I said no. She sys she sent them. I said try again , and the next day she says she sent them and I got nothing again. This went on for a week.

I never got one photo from her but I do get every email of her telling me we are over.

I wouldn't be surprised if she took a trip with a guy to Crimea and she couldn't send me any photos of them. There probably were no photos that she could find that would show her and her girlfriend the last week of Sept.

I could be dead wrong. But it sure does make you think that her email with a photo won't get to me but a email of her saying goodbye will.

Interesting! But it still hurts. I have told a few close friends today and they are in shock. These are friends that have spoke to her on my phone many times. I made my friends talk to her to get her comfortable with them as if she knew them all ready.

Today has been a day of my mind going back to different scenes with her and analyzing what was going on that I might have overlooked. I can say that I don't think my 2nd trip to her was anywhere as good as the 1st. I know it was hot weather and her job had bad air conditioning , but my gut always had a strange little feeling that there was something that was not quite right like it was on my 1st trip to her. She was always on edge on that 2nd trip blaming her horrible work conditions.

I guess 110 degree weather in a room with 10 women and no fresh air or window to open could get you a little crazy. But did she ever think how far I came to see her and what it takes to get there. You guys remember that I was somewhat pissed off about her attitude.

I now you guys are saying move on. I am moving on, but I guess this is one stop on the bus stop that my mind does before it goes to the next step which is probably anger.

I will be ok, we all have our own way of getting thru these things.


Posted by: EasyTarget

RP: I know it sucks...and I know that it most likely will not change anything but my thought is not to try and second guess, the what if's?

What if she met another guy, what if she went back with an old boyfriend, what if she went to Crimea and was in the circus as the bearded lady, what if...what if...what if.... In the end it will not change things. You will just wind up beating yourself up, and at the end of the day you will at exactly the same spot, right where you started.

I don't mean to make you upset or anything, do what you need to do, to get through this. Putting things away, out of sight, will help.


Posted by: Pin Boy

this whole thing STILL stinks to high heaven and i wish you could just blot it out of your mind and not feel the inevitable pain. know there are others who are sending good thoughts and prayers your way RP.

pb


Posted by: goforit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seaview
It's more common than in Western countries.

I have been observing two western break ups recently. Long tedious attempts to make it work out again, visiting family advisors together, leaving each other and trying to start it all over again.

I don't see such attitude in Russia. That's all I would like to say. People are more desicive and probably cruel to each other when they break up. It doesn't take them years to take a desision to leave their partner. And it's the dark side of any passionate nature. She loves you with all her heart and doesn't have a heart when she leaves.

It's a generalization, I know. but it seems to me we are much crazier than WW.


I think in the dating stage WW can be and are just as crazy as RW. They can be as cruel and decisive as the best of them, at least from my experience. However, married Western women don't seem to be nearly so crazy, which may explain the prolonged breakups and the attempts to get back together and work things out.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Hi Guys,
Surprisingly I slept 7 hours last night. Pretty good for being shocked about my situation. I guess being that I woke up at 6 am yesterday and I am used to waking up at 10 30 am, my body was exhausted from the stress and did me a favor and I got some rest.

My friends here where I live have been such a comfort to me. They all know what E meant to me and the future that I was looking forward to having with her. My every waking moment I always had E in my mind and always visioned her here with me. I would imagine her with me in a restaurant or in my car as I was driving somewhere. I had no doubt in my mind that if she was here she would never want to ever leave here.

Well that dream has come to a stop. Why, I guess I will never really know. I do know I have to take care of me now and not let this take me down. I will be ok in a while. How long, I don't know but I will be ok.

It's incredible to have a dream and go after it and meet someone who shares
your dream and you both decide to put both of your dreams together and a day comes where one of the participants decides to bow out and you are just amazed that they did that because all of the ingredients were 4 to 8 weeks from happening.

We were inches from her being here and seeing what her destiny could have been like. We could have had paradise together. Everything was in place.

And she pulled the rug right out from a future that would have been the happiest she could have ever imagined if she would have only just gave it a chance.


I hope she remembers me always and keeps my love in her heart up until the end of her life here on this earth and even after we are all gone from here. If she was only a fly on my wall to see me now and how hurt I am.

But all the "What if's dont change anything".

Maybe one day in the future somewhere I will hear from her again. Who knows what I'll be doing or if I will have someone else by then. I will always have her in my heart and I will never turn her away if she ever needs me for anything, even 20 years from now.

I pray to god she has a wonderful life. I just wish that I was in it and at the end of my life here on this planet she looked at me and said she did the right thing by being with me or without me.


Posted by: joelunchbox

Son of a .....

If this isn't everyone's nightmare...I don't know what it might be.
No cliches, just hope you will move through the dark and into the light soon.
You know we are all pulling for you.


Posted by: GoeastLJ

This hurting you are feeling - most of us have gone through it. I suppose this is the inevitable part of international dating. We feel we have found the perfect match every time we engage with a lady. The lucky ones have succeeded at the first attempt but most of us have found out the hard way. My first RW was everything a man could wish for. We had a lovely time together and I felt I was the happiest man on earth. I was so blind I only looked at the bright side and ignored all the red flags.

I was so devastated when I received a dear John letter that I didn't want to accept the situation and wrote to the agency. The agency told me that most ladies double-date until they have a ring on their finger because they don't trust men.

I had over 200 photos of us together in the crimea - a place I feel is one of the most beautiful and unspoilt parts on this earth.

The lady contacted me again 7 months later, but the pain of not being the first choice, coupled with the fact that she was not at all honest with me, made me not want to go back to her.

Now I have found someone who I feel does not only love me, but also makes me feel I really did not understand the meaning of love. I had been kidding myself. I have realised that, at that time, I was just after a woman, any woman who showed interest in me - which is a huge mistake most us make.


Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoeastLJ
This hurting you are feeling - most of us have gone through it. I suppose this is the inevitable part of international dating. We feel we have found the perfect match every time we engage with a lady. The lucky ones have succeeded at the first attempt but most of us have found out the hard way. My first RW was everything a man could wish for. We had a lovely time together and I felt I was the happiest man on earth. I was so blind I only looked at the bright side and ignored all the red flags.

I was so devastated when I received a dear John letter that I didn't want to accept the situation and wrote to the agency. The agency told me that most ladies double-date until they have a ring on their finger because they don't trust men.

I had over 200 photos of us together in the crimea - a place I feel is one of the most beautiful and unspoilt parts on this earth.

The lady contacted me again 7 months later, but the pain of not being the first choice, coupled with the fact that she was not at all honest with me, made me not want to go back to her.

Now I have found someone who I feel does not only love me, but also makes me feel I really did not understand the meaning of love. I had been kidding myself. I have realised that, at that time, I was just after a woman, any woman who showed interest in me - which is a huge mistake most us make.


Some very wise words Goeast, especially the last paragraph, I have been through that too and it has now ended up the same for me. When you find the right one it is so different.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoeastLJ
This hurting you are feeling - most of us have gone through it. I suppose this is the inevitable part of international dating. We feel we have found the perfect match every time we engage with a lady. The lucky ones have succeeded at the first attempt but most of us have found out the hard way. My first RW was everything a man could wish for. We had a lovely time together and I felt I was the happiest man on earth. I was so blind I only looked at the bright side and ignored all the red flags.

I was so devastated when I received a dear John letter that I didn't want to accept the situation and wrote to the agency. The agency told me that most ladies double-date until they have a ring on their finger because they don't trust men.

I had over 200 photos of us together in the crimea - a place I feel is one of the most beautiful and unspoilt parts on this earth.

The lady contacted me again 7 months later, but the pain of not being the first choice, coupled with the fact that she was not at all honest with me, made me not want to go back to her.

Now I have found someone who I feel does not only love me, but also makes me feel I really did not understand the meaning of love. I had been kidding myself. I have realised that, at that time, I was just after a woman, any woman who showed interest in me - which is a huge mistake most us make.


Thanks GOEAST,
As Chrismc said , good words. I have to tell you that when I met this one she was my 2nd trip to the Ukraine. My 1st trip was to see another women who turned out to be a disaster from our 2nd day together.

On my 2nd trip to meet this women who just broke up with me I was in the frame of mind for not settling for just anyone. I even had prepared myself a backup plan to meet other women if she was not what I thought she would be in terms of a caring loving women. I was not going to respond to a women just because she showed interest. I needed to see more. This women bought me presents and brought me to her parents and really took care of me on my 1st trip to see her. I have no doubt in my mind she was genuine and into me 100%. We got very close in our talks and the last few days even closer than that if you get my drift.

It was my 2nd trip there that I felt was not like the 1st trip. She changed offices on her job. 110 degree weather, problems at her office, bad air conditioning, no fresh air, scorching heat. These seemed to always be the reasons she was not the same person as she was when I 1st came to see her.

I really did not see any MAJOR RED FLAGS. Her attitude was not good in my eyes because of the things I just mentioned. Also remember , we have a K1 visa in process that she wanted to do. The letter of intent she wrote for the K1 was from her saying how she loves bing with me and wants the embassy to grant her a visa to live with me for the 90 days and she intends to not only marry me but also have 2 children.

When I got sick on my 2nd trip she took care of me like a wife. She was great. It's just all the things related to her work and the 110 degree weather that were making that 2nd trip stressed.

And I know you will say that she knew I came from 8000 miles away and I haven't seen her in 3 months and she should have been excited and jumping for joy.

But she wasn't. When I arrived on my 2nd trip to see her the 1st thing she said to me after I kissed her hello was "ARE YOU READY" I said READY FOR WHAT. She said you will see. So we walk out of the door to the car and the heat outside was about to knock me out. She said now you see what I meant.

It was so hot you could cook food on the sidewalk.

I will never know what made this breakup happen.

As far as the double dating, she took her profile off the web site. And we had a K1 going and everything was set.

Something has happened since Aug 7th 2007, the day I left. What it is I will never know. I just know now it's over, and I really did feel she cared for me and loved being with me. I have no doubt that she felt and was sure that I was good for her and her for me.

But the truth is even though things are wonderful one day , they can turn the opposite in a second. And for me it did. I wasn't settling for anyone who just showed me something. She prooved herself to me from day one when my luggage got lost and she bought me clothes and brought me food and bought me a present for my home. She talked to me with her utmost attention.

Of course I could be wrong, but I would say that I am 99.9 % sure there was no other men in the picture on my 1st trip.

Maybe on the 2nd trip for all l know. But I also doubt that also. I really think what ever transpired between Aug 7th and Nov 5th of 2007 decided her decision to do this. But it could be anything and I have to not let it make me crazy.

I will get over this in time and go out there again and find another potential partner. And maybe go through this again, but I will do it again, that I know.


Posted by: GoingToRussia

Everything you are thinking and feeling is normal. When my wife said she wanted a divorce, I took all things that made me think of her and put them in a box at the back of my closet.

When I went out to eat I would say I use to fantasize about bringing her here to eat.

It is all normal. Give it 30 days, the first week or 2 is the worse. It gets better ... believe me. I'm sure in a week or 2, you will find yourself browsing the FSU "dating sites"! It's good, it's natural, and shows the healing proess is working.

Good luck and take care.


Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
Something has happened since Aug 7th 2007, the day I left. What it is I will never know. I just know now it's over, and I really did feel she cared for me and loved being with me. I have no doubt that she felt and was sure that I was good for her and her for me.

My money is still on that she has joined the circus. She is going to work the high wire, and see the world. Humor helps


Posted by: royalpalace774

I had a long conversation tonight with my uncle about my situation. We covered everything. His opinion was either E's parents are the influence and brainwashing her into thinking that it was a disaster 4 years ago with the husband in the U.S. and it will probably happen again with me. He said that is the reason she said in her email to me that she has moved. My uncle said there is no way she has moved. She makes $60.00 a week. And has it great at her parents house.

His 2nd theory was she really does not think I am 100% into her.

His 3rd theory was she doesn't trust you because they are brought up there to think Americans are liers and will tell you what you want to hear..

I have to admit that I never thought about the parents influence. But it could be the reason. But as I said before , it's done and now I am telling my mind and body she is gone and I need to take care of me now.

Just wanted to let you know what my uncle thought. Who knows.

I know I'm going to get through this and he was worried about me and asked me how she was today. So I told him. He asked me about both of my trips there.

He thought it was pretty off the wall that she would say "I DON'T FEEL LOVE FROM YOUR SIDE". His exact words to me were "She doesn't really think you are gonna believe that crock of sh-t, does she? He had me laughing when he said that. I think that was a good moment.

But he was right. For her to say that to me, she knows and I know it's a crock of sh-t. But it is what it is. He said we will never know and now let's have some fun and just know that you did absolutely nothing wrong. You were you and you are wonderful and that's that.

His words to me were nice. He always gets me feeling better when anything is sour.


Posted by: deccie

RP, I know some of what your feeling right now.
You have my empathy.


Posted by: goforit

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
I had a long conversation tonight with my uncle about my situation. We covered everything. His opinion was either E's parents are the influence and brainwashing her into thinking that it was a disaster 4 years ago with the husband in the U.S. and it will probably happen again with me. He said that is the reason she said in her email to me that she has moved. My uncle said there is no way she has moved. She makes $60.00 a week. And has it great at her parents house.


No question in my mind her parents are playing a role in this. If your daughter went off and married some guy from a foreign land only to have it turn into a disaster and move back in with you, would you encourage her again? For most of us probably not.

Out of curiosity, how old is she? I thought I read where you said she was 35 but I don't quite remember.

Quote:
His 2nd theory was she really does not think I am 100% into her.


I known girls who thought like this even when I was clearly into them. It is either a sign of insecurity on her part or a self-centeredness that in the end you can never fully please. In the end neither bodes well for a successful relationship.

Quote:
His 3rd theory was she doesn't trust you because they are brought up there to think Americans are liers and will tell you what you want to hear..


Pretty much related to his second theory.

Quote:
He thought it was pretty off the wall that she would say "I DON'T FEEL LOVE FROM YOUR SIDE". His exact words to me were "She doesn't really think you are gonna believe that crock of sh-t, does she? He had me laughing when he said that. I think that was a good moment.


It is off the wall and a crock of baloney. It was just her way of saying she wasn't fully into you. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

In my opinion, the bottom line is that her own fears and insecurities, coupled with her parents influence, and her not being into you as much as you were in to her, led her to call it off. And the kicker, in my opinion, is the vacation mess. She can't go with you because of work, then finds out she can get work off anyway but goes with a girlfriend??????? And you never see any pictures?????? RP, that smells like another guy no matter where in the world you live. And, at least from where I sit, is either a reflection of the above pressures, or a part of the cause, but another guy nonetheless.

So yeah, she was trying to sell you a crock of sh*t. But as I said before, don't expect rationality from a woman who wants to call it off. It is rare indeed. So I'm glad you are dealing with it and moving on.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by goforit
No question in my mind her parents are playing a role in this. If your daughter went off and married some guy from a foreign land only to have it turn into a disaster and move back in with you, would you encourage her again? For most of us probably not.

Out of curiosity, how old is she? I thought I read where you said she was 35 but I don't quite remember.



I known girls who thought like this even when I was clearly into them. It is either a sign of insecurity on her part or a self-centeredness that in the end you can never fully please. In the end neither bodes well for a successful relationship.



Pretty much related to his second theory.



It is off the wall and a crock of baloney. It was just her way of saying she wasn't fully into you. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

In my opinion, the bottom line is that her own fears and insecurities, coupled with her parents influence, and her not being into you as much as you were in to her, led her to call it off. And the kicker, in my opinion, is the vacation mess. She can't go with you because of work, then finds out she can get work off anyway but goes with a girlfriend??????? And you never see any pictures?????? RP, that smells like another guy no matter where in the world you live. And, at least from where I sit, is either a reflection of the above pressures, or a part of the cause, but another guy nonetheless.

So yeah, she was trying to sell you a crock of sh*t. But as I said before, don't expect rationality from a woman who wants to call it off. It is rare indeed. So I'm glad you are dealing with it and moving on.


Hi Gator,
E is 37 years old. And yes, She was trying to sell me a crock.
Every time we ever talked on the phone , which was everyday, she would end our conversations with "So what are you going to do when we hang up?" And I would tell her I was going to get some lunch or go back to work or go shopping or whatever I was going to do.

But the one thing that she always said after that right before we would hang up is "WHERE'S MY KISS". Always every single time without fail. And I would give her a huge kiss on the phone. She would say "That's all" And I would do it 3 more times.

She refused to hang up the phone without getting alot of big kisses from me up until the next to the last time I talked with her on the phone.

This was every single phone conversation I have ever had with her except the last one where I called her 10am on a Saturday Ukraine time and she said she couldn't talk now and I should call her tomorrow. Then there was never any talking on the phone again.

It's crazy but when she said that day at 10am that she couldn't talk because she was with a friend my mind pictured her with a guy waking up somewhere and he was next to her. It was a Saturday morning.

That was our last phone talk and she didn't say "WHERE'S MY KISS". I knew right then in my gut something was wrong. And I was right. Something was WRONG. But I never expected it to end. I just thought something was wrong . I even asked her on that last talk, ARE YOU OK and she said yes I'm ok and then she just said bye.


Even 3 weeks ago we had a discussion about if we were going to take the grass out of my back yard or put a deck there. She said when she got here she would tell me because she would plant some flowers in the back yard and we need to have room for flowers.

I'm Still amazed!




Well I slept last night and thats good.


Posted by: goforit

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
Hi Gator,
E is 37 years old....
Well I slept last night and thats good.


Actually it was me, goforit, you were responding to. Glad you were able to get some sleep.


Posted by: royalpalace774

I'm STILL AMAZED what just happened. I'll be OK, But when I think of what she said about her not feeling love from my side I know now why she couldn't talk to me on the phone & end it.

Because she knows she is talking out of her as-. There was no way in hell she could have said that to me on the phone. Totally IMPOSSIBLE! This I know!

Women are capable of the craziest sh-t known to mankind.


Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrismc
Some very wise words Goeast, especially the last paragraph, I have been through that too and it has now ended up the same for me. When you find the right one it is so different.


Hey Chrismc, hope all is going well.

RP, I am sure coming to RMP and 'talking' helps. Your situation is not unusual. I am sure you will soon wonder what all the fussy was about. Keep your chin up.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Hi Guys,
I know you are gonna say I'm nuts but I went back in this thread of mine and I just wanted to read all of my posts from my 2nd trip. I just had the urge to do that and I did.

When I was reading through them I realized in those 1st few days of being there that I was never beaming for joy. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to be there with her but I was not a happy guy because like some of you said, she should have been jumping all over me when I got there. And she wasn't. And of course the things that happened in the days to come.

It was all about how miserable she was with the office and job & heat.

I never felt that she was jumping for joy that I was there. I at times thought maybe it was the heat and job circumstances , but if it was me and she came to see me after 3 months I would truly act excited.

There was always an attitude that she had that she blamed on her work conditions. She just could never let that go and give herself totally to me on that trip.

I know, LET IT GO. I will, I guess there are some crazy things I gotta do before I do. I just wanted to trace some steps from my last visit. I wanted to go back and remember the things that bothered me the last time I was there.

I can say that my 1st trip with her was heaven and paradise. My 2nd trip with her was like I was with someone else. It wasn't the same person. In some ways it was , but totally different.

Now that I think about her on the 1st trip I will say she was soft, mellow, relaxed, calm, into me, attentive, great conversation partner, romantic, sexy, excited, sexy, kind, loving.

My 2nd trip she was miserable, hot, tired, complaining, worried, not romantic, uptight, not excited.

Alot of circumstances were different on both trips. Especially the weather and 2nd where her office was.

Maybe I missed red flags. Maybe something we should all expect is if you are on your 2nd trip to see your lady and she is not happier now than trip number one , you have a problem.

Who knows, I got nothing to do tonight after dinner and I'm watching tv and seeing visions in my head of the last year with her.

I will say this. When I do this again, if I hit it off with a women and that 1st trip is great, when I come back the 2nd time I am gonna be real AWARE of what's going on.

Sorry guys, this is like a death for me and I have my ways of going through it before I pass into the next stages of whatever is to come.


Posted by: blucatz

This has got to be the sadest thread I have ever read. Sorry about your loss.


Posted by: GoingToRussia

You were reading your old thread looking for answers. I've done it many times, it's normal. It goes to show you are accepting this break-up and you will heal. I lost a wife in this process so I know how you feel, you are only doing normal things and healing. Continue on this course because you are healing.

Take care RP. You'll better in the new year.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Hi Guys,
I had a decent day today. I've had no problems eating or sleeping in the last two days. I guess that's a good sign as far as my emotional state goes.

But a few things came across my mind today as I am getting used to what happened to me. And I know some of you are saying RP let it go and move on. I am moving on, but things just pass through my head and I wonder what some of you will say after hearing it.

The 1st thing is this. Remember on my 2nd trip when EASY TARGET said in a post to me to go and see where my girl worked. This was that period of time when I started sending her $100.00 every 3 weeks. HE said if I go and see where she woks it might clear up some things .

Well all of that came to me today. I remember going to my girls place where she worked. We went there on a Saturday afternoon and this is what I can say after I went there.

Remember guys, I was sending her $100 every 3-4 weeks to take taxi's home because she said the neighborhood was not safe.

I went there and saw with my own eyes that it was not a place where I would
like to be for extended periods of time, but I also thought that there was not really anything that made me fear for my safety as I walked with her in this neighborhood. There were a few homeless people sleeping on the streets and on some benches. And from looking at how people were dressed it wasn't
a upper class part of town. But I never really was afraid at any point when I waked in this neighborhood.

So now you guys are saying WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY RP.

I'm trying to say this. I am not saying that my girl was a scammer by no means. But I am saying that it was a perfect set up if she intended to see if I would give her money.

I recall when she said she moved offices and told me about the new neighborhood her job was in.

she made it a point to clearly say to me a few times on the phone these words: Working in this new place I might not ever get to be with you because I might be dead from working there. She said this after I would say to her 'I can't wait for you to quit that job and come to be with me>

Well her answer made me think that she was in some danger in this place. Danger is in Harlem & the Bronx. I have walked those streets but with some people who are respected there. That to me was dangerous. I have been to Kingston Jamaica. That is dangerous. They would have no problem cutting your wrist off to get your watch. But again I was there with some public people there.

So I am saying is this. Was I set up to get some money being that this neighborhood was not what I call dangerous but just a little shabby. Without me sending her the money she would be on a bus for one hour probably standing on her feet to get to work. She said the taxi took 30 minutes for her to get home.

Now I had no problem then sending her the money to make her life easier. But another thing comes to mind. She had mentioned to me that her computer was terrible and she was saving to get a new one.

I had mentioned to her before I came on my second trip to see her that I was going to get her a computer, I also said that I might even bring it with me on my 2nd trip. I clearly never promised that I would do that , I said it was a possibility, but she would have it 100% when she got here .

I also told her that on my 3rd trip to see her I was going to get her a computer so she could leave one with her mom and her mom could now have video talks with her when she was with me. Her mom would have a computer and she would have a computer here in the U S and she wouldn't have to use mine. As you know there is no 2nd trip to see her now.

So you guys are saying so what. Some interesting things happened my very 1st day of my 2nd trip when I got there.

1. She was in a bad mood when I 1st greeted her. Her reason was the scorching heat outside in 110 degree weather.

2. we get to my apartment and I always put my computer on the table and plug it in to make sure it is internet ready because It's my phone to the world and email.

3. My internet connection refuses to work, so she calls a male friend of hers who is very computer savvy and he gets it going after 30 minutes. I give him 10 $ US and the second my computer works my girl says to him she wants to show him on the internet a site where there are computers that she wants to buy. She wants his opinion on them. She uses my computer to go through some that she wants and she literally spent 1 hour doing this as if she was obsessed. All the while I am sitting on the couch twiddling my thumbs waiting for this guy to leave and I would then take her to get something to eat.

4. We go and eat and I sense from her that something is not right. I ask her are you OK, you seem a little pre occupied and disturbed. She answers "I am fine". The tone of voice clearly did not match the answer , but I wasn't going to push it. I have just got there and it was only 3 hours into day one with her.

5. We leave restaurant and it is very hot out, 110 probably. I say to her what should we do now after this good meal. she says let's walk to the seaside.

So I grab her hand and we walk . After about 1 minute of holding her hand she lets go of my hand and says it's to hot to hold hands. I said OK i understand, but I haven't seen you in 3 months and It's just natural for me to take your hand. She says it's to hot and she hates this heat. I say OK>

We get to the seaside, we sit down and I try and have just normal conversation and it's like pulling teeth.

She brings up how she is afraid that she might get fired from her job because they are letting people go and she has the least seniority. And she is uptight and aggressive in her tone of voice towards me. We are now 5 hours into day one of my 2nd trip to see her.

The 1st thing that comes to my mind as we are at this point is, could this really be the girl I left 3 months ago and talked to every day while I was in the US. . Is this the shy loving calm soul that was so happy with me a few months ago.

In my mind it wasn't the same girl. There was something going on in her head that she was not revealing now matter how nice and loving I was to her. Remember this is day one and I have only been with her 4 or 5 hours now. I then at that point thought to my self, was she pissed off that I did not bring her a computer. I clearly told her it was a slight possibility but probably not on this trip. She knows I keep all my promises .

The computer was only a promise when she got to the US. I even said I would have it for her the day she arrived. In no way did I lead her on and make her think I would have it on this trip. I then thought to myself that she was pissed that I did not bring one for her because I saw how obsessed she was at the apartment with it. I thought it was the strangest thing that I just arrived there and her main focus in my apartment was computers and I felt as if she wanted me to see her obsession at that point.

All of this was not that important to me then because I never promised anything, but now it seems relevant to that day. Anyway I opened her hand at some point and stuck $200 in her hand. She said what is this. I said money for taxis home . I said I don't want you having to ask me for it so I am getting that done now. And it's about 33 taxi rides at about $6 a ride. I was there for 20 days and that was enough for her to not have to ask me for it and feel uncomfortable.

Now I get to another thought. If I asked her how her day was after I got home from this trip , she would tell me how miserable she was. Remember that this was the girl I met who was always positive and calm and mellow and kept things to herself. The girl I knew always said she was ok even if things were not ok.

I recall telling her after we were into our K1 that if she was still miserable at work , I would send her a good sum of money to quit her job and get ready to come here. I didn't tell her how much would send but I said it would surely cover what she would be loosing and even more than that. The plan was that she figured that she would get approved in November and then get her interview about 4-6 weeks later and then hop on a plane and get here.

I told her as soon as she gets approved I would send her money to quit her job and get ready with a calm head and prepare for the move to be together.
I told her I was going to send her about 6 months salary equal to what she makes now.
She liked this idea, except that we recently found out that her approval was going to be in December now and her interview would be Jan, Feb, or March of 08 .

What I am getting at here is this. I know she was expecting that money the beginning of November from me. But now there was no need for me to send it yet because I said I would do it when the approval was set.

I know you guys are saying"ALLRIGHT ALLREADY!.

I am not accusing or pointing a finger. But now after the smoKe has cleared a little my crazy mind sometimes thinks I was being set up for the BIG SCORE.

Am I thinking crazy. I read some of the things you guys say about HOW SMART THESE WOMEN ARE. Maybe mine thought that there was a computer in my luggage to give her, maybe she was sure she would have $1000-$2000 in the beginning of November from me. Maybe she never intends to leave the Ukraine and going through with the k1 is a way to show a caring guy that she is legit even though she isn't. Maybe she said everything I wanted to hear


Maybe she was 100 percent sure that I would just do all those things. And maybe she is a scammer. But maybe the smartest kind.

With even a little lovemaking thrown in a guy will think any women must like him. And if she fills out K1 papers and tells him everything he wants to hear he will surely do his best to make her happy and feel secure.

What does a women have to loose if she knows she will never leave there. Use the k1 as a bait. If she never leaves there a K1 is of no use to her now or in the future.

Right about now you guys are saying "CALL THE GUYS IN THE WHITE JACKETS AND HAVE HIM PICKED UP AND COMMIT HIM WITH MEDICATION. HE IS HAVING DELUSIONS.


No you don't have to do this. I am just saying "WHAT IF THIS WERE THE REAL DEAL HERE AND I WAS PLAYED and she just threw in the towel because she only got a few $100 in the last couple months. And this has gone on long enough trying to get the big score. Which was a computer and $1000-$2000 in one lump to quit her job and get ready to come here.

All right I'm done for now. We will never know the real deal. But right now it's over and I know this. I am just real creative when it comes to crazy behavior.

And the fact is she was a gem on trip 1 and pissed off on trip 2 .

I have a friend who is a Ukraine man and he always said to me everyday I was with him there:

JUST BE CAREFUL BECAUSE THESE WOMEN HERE ARE THE SMARTEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO GETTING WHAT THEY WANT!

But then I think also that he said a women there will never introduce you to her mom & dad if she is not serious. And I told him that If the Godfather movie said KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, then introducing you to her parents to get a big score is the PERFECT plan.

I spent 3 times with her family so now I must be out of my mind. This is just my way of getting through this for now.

I know I just set myself up for you guys to give me hell. Oh Well!

I also think that if this craziness is not what happened it was her family telling her not to come here. I told you guys she said her last American husband hit her. I know her mom was not 100% for her leaving there again.


You have to admit , that some of this looks pretty good on paper!



I'm OK , I'm OK I'm OK REALLY!


Posted by: GentleGiant

mate, even if this possibility turned out to be 100% true, so what??

You had your heart broken, the why does not matter now.

You have to move on; if not dating another RW, then finding something to occupy your mind.

Go do some charity work, visit sick children in hospital, whatever!!

It is said that in some cities 1/2 the population are in on the scams, mum, dad, brothers and sisters all welcome the mark and make him feel a part of the family.

None of it really matters.

You are alive, only a little poorer in material terms.

You have to heal the psychic wounds, and the only way to do that is to push her memory away and find something to take its place.

In a year or so you will go back over your memories and it will still hurt, but the edge will be gone and you will be able get through it without falling apart.
Ian


Posted by: sidney

I would put a positive spin on this difficult relationship. It could have gone on longer and been more painful in the end. It was a good lesson with much info for any future relationships. You are coming away from this much wiser. You seem to be a good guy looking for all the right things. Bad does happen to good people. I wish you the best in whatever route you choose for the future.
Sid


Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
The 1st thing is this. Remember on my 2nd trip when EASY TARGET said in a post to me to go and see where my girl worked. This was that period of time when I started sending her $100.00 every 3 weeks. HE said if I go and see where she woks it might clear up some things .

RP: I purposefully didn't elaborate on the comment further when I originally made it. The comment was made because there were some doubts running through your head. And I thought you will go see the area and then you will believe her. I was thinking she was being genuine about her working conditions.

Did you go inside of the building? Did you see her desk, did you see that there was no a/c? She could have easily just driven you to a bad part of town and said -- I work in that building.

I don't think she was setting you up for the big score, or anything like that. AND if she was...well she blew it. She should have married you, waited 2 years, get divorced and then took 1/2 your stuff.

Like GG said, it doesn't really matter what is going through her head right now. What matters is that you will be able to learn and grow from the experience, take the time you need, and you will find the right woman for youself in the future.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by EasyTarget
RP: I purposefully didn't elaborate on the comment further when I originally made it. The comment was made because there were some doubts running through your head. And I thought you will go see the area and then you will believe her. I was thinking she was being genuine about her working conditions.

Did you go inside of the building? Did you see her desk, did you see that there was no a/c? She could have easily just driven you to a bad part of town and said -- I work in that building.

I don't think she was setting you up for the big score, or anything like that. AND if she was...well she blew it. She should have married you, waited 2 years, get divorced and then took 1/2 your stuff.

Like GG said, it doesn't really matter what is going through her head right now. What matters is that you will be able to learn and grow from the experience, take the time you need, and you will find the right woman for youself in the future.


You know ET looking back when I went to the neighborhood I was thinking as I was walking thru it that it's not so terrible compared to a bad neighborhood in New York or L.A. It just had a few people sleeping on benches as we call them bums here and very poorly dressed people who did not look like they were well to do financially.

The building was actually new and modern but in this neck of the woods. we also went to the cafeteria to eat there
I never ever thought that she was in danger there but what she did tell me was if she took the bus home it took an hour. If she took a taxi home it took 30 minutes. So I said what the hell , I'll make her life easier and give it to her, it's not much.

I never went to her office and saw her desk. But She knew where everything in this building was. it also looked like the girl serving us at the lunch counter knew her.

I think it was the building. I just don't think it was dangerous. And I was there at 3 in the afternoon, so I don't know what it is like there at 6 or 7 pm when she gets out of work. She said at night it was a little scary for her. so I let it go.

I should have forced the issue about what was really on her mind. There was something going on and I just kept taking her answer of "I'm OK it is my work and the heat that is upsetting me". Right now I don't believe that for 1 second. But it's done and that is that.


Posted by: subcom117

Hey, RP. You are very much like me. When things like this happen, I want to think it through to arrive at some understanding about what happened to me. Unfortunately, emotions are often irrational and there can be no understanding.

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
So I call her in Crimea and she never answers the phone even though it rings.

I recently returned from spending a week with my girl (from Russia) in Sevastopol, and neither of our phones worked. You may have heard the ring tone, but there truly might have been no service.

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
She says to me I will send you a few photos. The next day she says did you get the photos, I said no. She sys she sent them. I said try again , and the next day she says she sent them and I got nothing again. This went on for a week.

I never got one photo from her but I do get every email of her telling me we are over.

She said she sent the photos each day for a week and you never got them? She was lying to you. She never sent any photos, or you would have received them. You know that. Do you want a woman for a wife who would lie to you? I point this out so you will see her true character, not just as you remember it from your first visit.

I'm sorry for your pain, but I do understand your need to think it through.

Take care.


Posted by: GentleGiant

I hate to disagree, but mail does go missing; I have sent the same set of files via email to my sister ( who lives 10 miles away) FOUR times since Friday, and they have not arrived, but "test" emails sent from the same PC and from a googlemail address arrived without problem.
I know it is not the file type because they were part of a series of 18 emails containing .rar files; and all the other parts arrived safely.


Posted by: royalpalace774

I have been out all day doing things and I got home tonight at 11pm. I did the usual. Make something to eat, turn on the tv, check my email.

And there it was. Our K1 visa got approved today. All I could think about at that very moment was "WHAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN LIKE WITH HER HERE". All she needed to do was get an interview and her new life with me would have begun.
And I would have given her my heart & soul till the end.

It's another sad day. I haven't even told my laywer what has happened with us.They are going to mail her the approval notice and give her a date for her interview. I know it's crazy. But I am giving her time to change her mind.
I know some of you are saying "FORGET IT, IT'S DONE"

I believe that anything is possible and I am not keeping my hopes up. But maybe when she sees this in front of her she might think some things over and maybe she will think that it would be a terrible thing to always wonder what it would of been like if she just came here to be with me.

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that she knows how I feel about her and what I wanted for us. I will never think differently. She said she didn't feel love from my side. She knows thats a false statement.

I know from experience that sometimes a women will try to make you hate her or even dislike her if she wants to end a relationship with you. It's her way of not being able to tell you the real truth.

Who knows, maybe my girl is crying herself to sleep every night wondering what I will do because maybe her family told her pick him or us, we don't want you to go.

Who Know's. I also know that some of you have said in some of your posts It's not over till the fat lady sings. This K1 is for real now and it will be in front of her to make a decision to get an interview or cancel it or just not show up. I haven't canceled it.

Please guys understand that I never give up until the absolute end. I am nott calling her , I am not pressuring her, I am not doing anything. I wrote a few letters, sent flowers and said all I could possibly say.

Now she needs to close her eyes and block out the world and think & vision & feel what we were together & make the final decision that will decide her destiny. Maybe this is a test and maybe it's completely and forever finished.

Whatever way it goes , I will be OK.


Posted by: blucatz

Quote:
Originally Posted by royalpalace774
I have been out all day doing things and I got home tonight at 11pm. I did the usual. Make something to eat, turn on the tv, check my email.

And there it was. Our K1 visa got approved today. All I could think about at that very moment was "WHAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN LIKE WITH HER HERE". All she needed to do was get an interview and her new life with me would have begun.
And I would have given her my heart & soul till the end.

It's another sad day. I haven't even told my laywer what has happened with us.They are going to mail her the approval notice and give her a date for her interview. I know it's crazy. But I am giving her time to change her mind.
I know some of you are saying "FORGET IT, IT'S DONE"

I believe that anything is possible and I am not keeping my hopes up. But maybe when she sees this in front of her she might think some things over and maybe she will think that it would be a terrible thing to always wonder what it would of been like if she just came here to be with me.

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that she knows how I feel about her and what I wanted for us. I will never think differently. She said she didn't feel love from my side. She knows thats a false statement.

I know from experience that sometimes a women will try to make you hate her or even dislike her if she wants to end a relationship with you. It's her way of not being able to tell you the real truth.

Who knows, maybe my girl is crying herself to sleep every night wondering what I will do because maybe her family told her pick him or us, we don't want you to go.

Who Know's. I also know that some of you have said in some of your posts It's not over till the fat lady sings. This K1 is for real now and it will be in front of her to make a decision to get an interview or cancel it or just not show up. I haven't canceled it.

Please guys understand that I never give up until the absolute end. I am nott calling her , I am not pressuring her, I am not doing anything. I wrote a few letters, sent flowers and said all I could possibly say.

Now she needs to close her eyes and block out the world and think & vision & feel what we were together & make the final