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Remaining faithful throught thie time and distance
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Posted by: gonlaz

I am curious about this, as usual I tend to over-analyze things.

I have absolutely no problem remaining faithful to my Inna, and I know this will seem eith stupid or silly/childish BUT:

I have a natural distrust for people, I am a cynical man. Even the people I hold closest can still be suspected so I keep eyes behind my head, etc. Now I do love Inna, and I know that each of our definitions of love probably differ. I am curious about Russian women, again I know people are people, but these days I do not have much confidence in people in general. I think George Costanza said it best when he said that "...people are like animals, if you put two in a cage, eventually they have sex..."

So, it's Russian New Year and all over there, and I wonder if they insist upon kissing each other at midnight like people here do (by the way I don't).

Furthermore, what is the feeling of Russian culture with regards to remaining faithful in such a relationship?

Now, I don't believe she won't remain faithful, I am curious about the culture.
Again, no offense intended, but I am curious.

Posted by: Cheburashka

I hope you will find a group of people you can hang out with and begin to trust Gonlaz. I greatly disagree with some of your statements. I believe:

1. People CAN be faithful.

2. People don't always have to act like animals and have sex with those in close proximity. Believe it or not, there are some who actually say "NO" when the opportunity arises because they want to invest themselves in "the real deal".

3. The MYTH of Russian infidelity is greatly perpetuated in the west.

4. If you can't trust your Inna you guys are doomed from the start.

5. We all see the world through the glasses of our own experiences. Maybe you are cynical because you have been burned in the past. Have faith. There are lots of good people out there who are loving, generous, faithful, and true to their belief system.

Does Inna know how you feel?

Posted by: gonlaz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheburashka

I hope you will find a group of people you can hang out with and begin to trust Gonlaz. I greatly disagree with some of your statements. I believe:

1. People CAN be faithful.

2. People don't always have to act like animals and have sex with those in close proximity. Believe it or not, there are some who actually say "NO" when the opportunity arises because they want to invest themselves in "the real deal".

3. The MYTH of Russian infidelity is greatly perpetuated in the west.

4. If you can't trust your Inna you guys are doomed from the start.

5. We all see the world through the glasses of our own experiences. Maybe you are cynical because you have been burned in the past. Have faith. There are lots of good people out there who are loving, generous, faithful, and true to their belief system.

Does Inna know how you feel?

1. Of course I know that "some" people can be true, I am one of them, I may be cynical but I am not stupid. Again, I am looking for feedback on their culture as a whole, not specifically one person.

2. The statement about Costanza, was a a joke, from Seinfeld, heh - I do not always use smilies to accent my sarcasm

3. I have not heard of a MYTH of Russian infidelity, and I know I did not state that I had, in my original post. I am asking about the culture.

4. Whoa, hang on man - I don't think I said I do not trust her, if I inferred it I didn't intend to. I think that I have the same insecurities about "cheating" as alot of guys do, so I am asking about it. If I have the balls to openly ask something that most men won't, forgive me, we all know it's true though.

5. Finally, I don't think my question was well accepted and I have to be honest, out of all the boards I have been a part of, many of you here you seem to be the most "preachy". It's not like I fell off the turnip truck last night, I may ask the hard questions but I can guarantee you I won't be going into this blind. I mean, I may not know Russian women very well, but what I am asking is pretty simple, I didn't mean to spark a debate about Western Culture vs, Russian Culture, I can only assume you didn't read my post thoroughly.

I don't know you at all, but making comments like "hanging around people you can begin to trust" and "we see the world though our own experinces" is pretentious and offensive to me. I am a brain cancer survivor of 20 years now, I think I have ben through enough in my life already; so I am cynical, so what?

Thanks for no help dude, if you have actual answers for me, I am all ears, but if you want to tell me about the world again, please don't hit submit reply.

Posted by: Pin Boy

whoa!! whoa!!! whoa!!

easy, cheb was not talking down to you in any way. not sure why you reacted the way you have. you're asking questions that do not have a definitive answer. there are no hard and fast rules that say people of this culture will do this and people of that culture will do that. you have to go with your gut feeling of an individual.

if you have not met this person yet and are expecting this person to put her life on hold until you travel there, i think you're expecting a lot. she may have a physical relationship or hookup or whatever you want to call it or she may not. i think it's counterproductive to worry about whether she gets/gives a kiss on the lips, a peck on the cheek or a deep kiss on new year's eve. why worry about what you cannot control?

pb

also, calling other members "dude" sounds rude. just the way i feel about that word.

Posted by: I/O

Hey Guys.....!!! Everyone could do with opening their eyes a bit here. This guy came into this forum recently and by his own admission was a bit niave on this whole subject of international relationships and in particular Russian culture. He has my respect for having the balls to admit he doesn't know much and openly ask simple questions.

Therefore, take his post in the context of his other posts and I think he has put forward a fair array of questions, that if we are all honest with ourselves, we have also asked ourselves at different times.

Gonlaz, as mate to mate, I would caution the use of the "Dude" word. Might not bo offensive to some from some locations, but some do arc up at it. I admit that I can let it roll off, but I can't say it is my favourite personal greeting.

Mate, you are asking the eternal question so to say. The short answer from my experience is the Russians are a bit less "Kissy" than lots of others. From what I can glean, you have been to hell and back in your life and obviously you don't intend to change the pattern now. (Joking of course, international relationships can be torture)

You are dead right about the "Preachy" nature of some writers, not only here and I have been accused of this before. My apologies if I come accross this way, because it is certainly not meant. I usually write with my heart and I have a very strong sense of justice, therefore having been on the wrong end of a few things, I simply love to help someone else avoid the same traps.

On another forum, where the members knew my geography, which happens to be on a mountain range, used to throw off about the sermons from the mount. Probably justified, but I hope I don't come accross so much that way now.

There is a number of "Square Box" thinkers in any forum and I have already encountered one here,(Not this thread) who not only is a square box thinker, but very pig headed and can't read. So we get them. Usually I can ignore them, but at times I get suckered into trying to make them see some logic, only to realise again and again "A Man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still".

Posted by: Alleycat

Gonlaz,

I suffer a bit from the same of what you're going through - from my experience, I have only made matters worse thinking like this, and I've started one too many stupid fights like these in the past with my g/f (incidentally also called Irina) which I've only regretted the next day

Be confident that what you and Inna have is something good and that nothing will destroy what you have - that attitude will rub onto the g/f too!

All the best and a happy NYE!!

Posted by: clark

Quote:

Originally Posted by gonlaz

Please correct me if I am wrong but I didn't detect a "preachy" attitude on Chebs part. You posed the questions and he posed you possible answers/scenerios. Not that they are right or wrong but they are his thought and opinion. Which you sought when you asked the questions. The thing with asking questions is being prepared for answers you might not like or agree with. Not just on this forum but life in general.

Now on to your original question which I deciphered to be will your lady remain faithful? I personally wouldn't inject cultural differences into this thought process. If she was an AW would she remain faithful? I know many that would and many that wouldn't. Whether a forum member could state if your Inna or any RW would or not, would be pure conjecture. There is no answer to your questions, just speculations and generalizations. No, RW are no more and no less morally superior or virtueous than the women in your town.

There seems to be at least two camps that many forum members subscribe to. One camp is of the attitude that RW are far superior in every way over western women. The other camp is in a civilized world, women are women no matter the language they speak. I tend to believe the latter. Fidelity is a personal choice and not defined by cultures, at least in the western culture and the russian culture.

IMHO

Posted by: clark

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

Gonlaz, as mate to mate, I would caution the use of the "Dude" word. Might not bo offensive to some from some locations, but some do arc up at it. I admit that I can let it roll off, but I can't say it is my favourite personal greeting.

Mate, you are asking the eternal question so to say. The short answer from my experience is the Russians are a bit less "Kissy" than lots of others. From what I can glean, you have been to hell and back in your life and obviously you don't intend to change the pattern now. (Joking of course, international relationships can be torture)

I/O, I noticed you and I tend to agree on many or most issues. The term "dude" in my part of the world is used both affectionately and generally. Much like the term "Mate" in your part of the world. For me peronally I don't find the term "Mate" neither to endearing or offensive. Just a matter of what one is accustomed to I guess. But I didn't read it from Gonzlas as a slam or disrespect to Cheb.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I am curious about this, as usual I tend to over-analyze things.

I have absolutely no problem remaining faithful to my Inna, and I know this will seem eith stupid or silly/childish BUT:

I have a natural distrust for people, I am a cynical man. Even the people I hold closest can still be suspected so I keep eyes behind my head, etc. Now I do love Inna, and I know that each of our definitions of love probably differ. I am curious about Russian women, again I know people are people, but these days I do not have much confidence in people in general. I think George Costanza said it best when he said that "...people are like animals, if you put two in a cage, eventually they have sex..."

So, it's Russian New Year and all over there, and I wonder if they insist upon kissing each other at midnight like people here do (by the way I don't).

Furthermore, what is the feeling of Russian culture with regards to remaining faithful in such a relationship?

Now, I don't believe she won't remain faithful, I am curious about the culture.
Again, no offense intended, but I am curious.

Gonlaz,

Yes, some come across as 'preachy'... and I am one... I am direct and tell my thoughts...

So, let's take a look at what you did write...

Quote:

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I have absolutely no problem remaining faithful to my Inna, and I know this will seem eith stupid or silly/childish BUT:

So, you have not problem, but you are starting off like it is a stupid question or you are childish (your words)..

Quote:

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I have a natural distrust for people, I am a cynical man. Even the people I hold closest can still be suspected so I keep eyes behind my head, etc.

So, again your words... you are cynical... and even suspect the closet people to you... this to me mean you do not trust the closest people to you... my reading...

Quote:

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I am curious about Russian women, again I know people are people, but these days I do not have much confidence in people in general.

Again, a statement that says you do not trust people...

Quote:

Originally Posted by gonlaz

I think George Costanza said it best when he said that "...people are like animals, if you put two in a cage, eventually they have sex..."

Sounds like you agree with George... again lack of trust..

Quote:

Originally Posted by gonlaz

So, it's Russian New Year and all over there, and I wonder if they insist upon kissing each other at midnight like people here do (by the way I don't).

Furthermore, what is the feeling of Russian culture with regards to remaining faithful in such a relationship?

Now, I don't believe she won't remain faithful, I am curious about the culture.
Again, no offense intended, but I am curious.

So, with everything you have written, it is very easy to read that YOU do not trust your GF.... YOU are worried that she is going to be kissing someone at a party on New Years.. and then she will have sex with them... Now, maybe that is not what you wanted to say, but it is reading between the lines very easily it is what you meant... you can deny it if you wish, but that is your question..

I think Cheb gave a great answer to your question... not preachy at all... but you don't like what he said... sorry to hear that...

But why give us a history of your distrust of people and all if you only were interested in the 'average' Russian??? Reread what you wrote as if it was from someone else and tell me that what we read is not true... you have a worry in the back of your mind that she will cheat just to have sex because you are not there...

And as you said, everybody is an individual and will either cheat or not... there is not a culture of it... it is the person... she might or might not.. there is no way you will know being here and her being there... it is one of the facts of dating someone so far away....

PS... even a GF that you are dating here can cheat... it happens all the time.. why do you think there is a show called 'Cheaters' that is on TV???

Posted by: Jerico

gonlaz,
You got to have faith that your girl will be faithful. Thats all you got to go by.Worrying about it will drive you nuts. Forget about it.

Also this isn`t a cut on you but i seem to recall you haven`t been to Russia yet and met your girl.
I noticed you say you love her but you haven`t met her yet.
This is easy to do i know as I have been through this already.
All i am saying is when you go and meet her things could go sour. So you might want to have a back up plan.
Its easy to fall in love with the idea of a long distants relationship but when you meet this is the real test.
Like I said I hope everything works out for ya but having done this already i can tell you there are huge cultural differences and words can be read wrong.
They dont know our slang terms so keep your language CLEAN English, trust me on this.
Like I said i hope things work out for you.
Jerry

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

So, it's Russian New Year and all over there, and I wonder if they insist upon kissing each other at midnight like people here do (by the way I don't).

Furthermore, what is the feeling of Russian culture with regards to remaining faithful in such a relationship?Now, I don't believe she won't remain faithful, I am curious about the culture.
Again, no offense intended, but I am curious.

I again, may sound a little "Preachy", but I have to disagree with some comments in this thread. To me the intitial response did come across a little "Preachy or even condecending". Whoaaaaaaaaa!!! Not taking swipes at the writer, but as others have pointed out, one can only read what is written and to me, the words did come across a little that way.

We all make the mistake from time to time in forums of answering what we perceive to be the hidden question which in fact leads us to focus on the writer rather than what is written. It usually serves the information flow better if we answer the written questions.

There is actually 2 real questions in the above quote. One is a social and the other is regarding culture.

Answer 1) Less insistant than some other places (In my opinion)

Answer 2) Strong female cultural sense of faithfulness, as strong or stronger than other countries. (Again, my opinon)

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

Originally Posted by clark

Both words are loose terms, slang if you like, and probably should be contained to face to face usage, because tonology and context are critical to the implied meaning.

I am probably the worst to use some of these terms and in written discussions, probably it is healthy to omit them.

Posted by: bobjf

some here see there are 2 types on this forum ,personaly i don't
everyone has & is intitled to there opinion.
how you go about this deal is intirely up to you & there is no right or wrong way just as the age thing should only matter to the couple involved.
if you disagree that is your perogitive but if you start a blue about it,you will be moderated.
if you take offence to dude or mate or something else then please look at the context in which it was used first.
to an aussie mate can mean friend or just a term instead of a name or something less offensive than you might be tempted to use.
i sumise dude could be the same.
befor any of you arc up at someones reply remember forum guidelines first.
try to stay neutral when replying,above all try not to be negative.
this forum is about info,opinions,support & makeing friends.
NOT MAKEING ENIMIES.
funny some will be seen to be preaching but please concider that maybe because you disagree with them & at times the reverse may be seen in your posts,gets down to opinions.
me i think my siberian princess is the best thing since sliced bread & definately way in front of western women in there attitudes but hey what would i know,maybe life experiance has a lot to do with it & seeing western girls reactions to the way rw's treat there loved 1's,i may be wrong but i'll lay odds i'm not
play nice people

Posted by: Cheburashka

WOW! I'm stunned as I come back to this thread and read the responses. So I guess I have some serious apologizing to do.

Gonlaz, did I ever miss the target with my reply to you. My intent was to actually encourage you, not piss you off. By saying that Russian women can/are faithful, I had hoped to dispell any thoughts of doubt you might have been feeling. I'm Sorry! And as far as sounding "preachy", I also apologize. Those who know me will tell you that is the way I am in real life. And I know that I am a "nobody" and have little right to tell you, OR ANYONE what they should or shouldn't do with their life. So again I apologize. I'm not sure why I struck a nerve with you, but rest assured I will never put myself in such a position with you again. Please forgive me.

And I apologize to the rest of the board. I use the word "dude" all the time. In Texas it is actually an expression of fondness. If I offended anyone at any time, I apologize.

I get misconstrued a lot, and I take ownership of that. I am a bad writer, what can I say? I'll work on that. But until then, please take everything I have ever posted here with a grain of salt.

Peace Gonlaz! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. And my apologies to the rest of the board.

Posted by: markgm

Wow we will have to rename this the flareup thread Dude and Mate are also widely accepted in Aus and not offensive.

Posted by: Pin Boy

dude can sound rude and offensive in the context in which it is used. the thread creator used it in a dismissive manner.

Posted by: nflcolts

[QUOTE=gonlaz] I think George Costanza said it best when he said that "...people are like animals, if you put two in a cage, eventually they have sex..."

Another person (Rodney King) said [QUOTE] can't we all just get along!