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Would your Russian spouse rather live in Russia, or in your country?
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Posted by: Khashyar

For some people, this might seem like an obvious answer.

Yes, there are generally economic advantages to living in Russia as opposed to the West (let's say the U.S., for example).

I often asked Lena where would she rather live.

For the first two years or so of our (four year) marriage, Lena always answered that if she wasn't with me, that she would rather live in Belarus with her friends and family.

I can certainly understand this because Lena missed her family a lot when she first moved here (because she was very close to her parents and grandmother).

But, two months ago I received a different answer:

That if (for some unimaginable reason) if we weren't together, that she would spend half the time in the U.S., and half the time in Belarus.

What changed in a couple of years?

I think that Lena realizes that she truly can acheive her dreams here in the U.S. She is beginning a fashion design business (which is what was her dream when she was in Belarus), and being in Los Angeles, Lena has many opportunities to do so.

In Belarus, even though she expressed her desire to her mother, her mother wanted her to study something safe (education-teaching).

Lena realizes that she has a far greater opportunity to live the kind of life taht she wants here in the U.S., and therefore understands that she can find greater professional fulfillment here.

I think she also realizes that she can help her family more (economically) if she lives and works in the U.S., rather than in Belarus (where her mom- who works as an accountant- will earn more than she does).

Of course, Lena loves me

which was the reason why she moved to the U.S. in the first place. She is even willing to move to Maryland (where I have a house) so that we can be closer to my parents, but both of us understand that for the time being, we will be more successful pursuing our dreams and goals here in Los Angeles.

By the way, I was reminding Lena for the past 3 years that there are so many more opportunities for a Russian citizen in the U.S. than in Russia (or Belarus), and Lena (fefeling understandable pride in her country) instinctively defended Belarus. But now, since she has lived and worked in the U.S. for almost 4 years, and has seen her family struggle at times to buy things that Lena and I easily buy her and take for granted, she understands deep within her that life is simply easier in the West than in Belarus.

Khashyar

Posted by: bingism

Whilst Zhanna and I aren't married yet (roll on June '07), we already live together so I guess she kind've qualifies as a spouse

. I may be in a slightly different situation from some as we met without the assistance of an intermediary agency or dating system. Therefore, Zhanna had not been contemplating moving from Russia before meeting me - yes, she had had the thought, but had not (and still doesn't) consider it important.

Having upped and left the UK with little more than a few bags of clothes and a few hundred pounds in my pocket, it would be extremely difficult (though not impossible) to work the system so that Zhanna and I could live in England. Luckily she is not in the least bit concerned by that and at this time we are planning to stay in Russia for the foreseeable. Maybe in the future this will change if some things in Russia aren't changing, but we're more likely to move within the FSU than we are to return to England.

Posted by: markgm

Nat says she does not care so long as we are together.

Posted by: Khashyar

Quote:

Originally Posted by markgm

Nat says she does not care so long as we are together.

That's exactly what Lena has also mentioned to me-- that she could live in either place, if we were together.

Bing... I think living in Russian would be a very interesting experience. (You may have noticed that I created a new forum section about living and working in Russia... Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences there about your adventures as an ex-pat in Russia...

Mark... I thought it was interesting to post a hypothetical to Lena about what she would do if we weren't together, so that she could explore her thoughts about where she would rather live if she had the choice.

Khashyar

Posted by: bingism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khashyar

Yep, spotted it - intend to fill the section with all my words of (un)wise advice

Maybe this is for new thread, but what would "you" have done if the answer had been different? I.e. "You know, Kashyar, I'm glad you asked that; I really want to go home to Belarus!" I think we had a post similar last year with a poll and a resounding majority said that the relationship would suffer after such a statement.

Posted by: Khashyar

Quote:

Originally Posted by bingism

Yep, spotted it - intend to fill the section with all my words of (un)wise advice

(I saw that you posted a reply in that section.... I am sure that many people want to read about your experienced as an expat in Russia).

What what I do if Lena said that she wanted to go home and that she couldn't live in America anymore?

That's a good questions that frankly I haven't thought much about.

I would speak with Lena about the advantages and disadvantages of living in both places, and if Lena said that she absolutely had to go to Belarus.....

That would be tough for me because the work that I do (documentary filmmaking) requires that I am here in the U.S....

But, perhaps I would suggest as a first step for Lena to live in Belarus half the time, and in the U.S. half the time.

And then, perhaps, if I no longer felt a commitment to my work

I might move to Belarus and suffer the noxious air pollution of the Mogilev streets

Good question that you posed.

Khashyar

Posted by: ira156

Hey guys, mine gave me the same answer as Marks Nat....."as long as we are together it doesnt matter". My Nat lives in Moscow and lets face it there are very few places that can compete with the theatre/culture that it has to offer. I metioned this to Nat and she gave me the above reply. Khashyar i saw a programe here the other night relating to the fashion industry in Russia that Lena would have found interesting. They were saying that the oppotunities are going to be huge as it is now fashionable to be seen in Russian labels and they have a shortage of new designers for the growing market. Who knows we could be wearing Ivan Klien or Boris gabbana soon

Posted by: nocomfortzone

hmmm. spouse... marriage not something that has been a goal of mine in life.
Having a life partner, yes, but i did not expect to come across a woman from overseas i'd be attracted to so much on so many levels. So in the last year was the first time i had to consider marriage as it is the only practical way you can be with a life partner if you both come from different countries.
If that happened i could not see myself living my life outside of Australia as it is just too good here to live anywhere else and i can't imagine any woman from FSU not feeling the same but they would miss their family members so frequent visits ideally you'd plan. However i coud envisage myself residing in Ukraine for a couple of months each year. Actually my ideal situation is i'd love to have homes in 3 continents.
Each year 6 months in Australia, 3 months in Costa Rica and 3 months in city of Odessa in southern Ukraine.
Man, i'd love to live in Canada for sometime aswell. One day got to see a white christmas for myself.

I don't want much :-)

Posted by: GoingToRussia

She would rather live in the US with me. In fact she said she only sent e-mails and answered e-mails to or from Americans because she wanted to live in the US. She owns and operates 2 businesses in Russia, one being a woman's clothing designer, and wants to start a business in the US.

Posted by: Ade

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

She would rather live in the US with me. In fact she said she only sent e-mails and answered e-mails to or from Americans because she wanted to live in the US. She owns and operates 2 businesses in Russia, one being a woman's clothing designer, and wants to start a business in the US.

Hi,

Has she been to the US before? If not, she can't say - in any sensible manner - that she wants to live in the US. She's only going on images, not reality - and like it or not, that's a fact.

Ade

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ade

No she has never been to the US. Since she is in the fashion industry, she sees all the clothes and models, she did some modeling in her youth, so she is very intersted in all of this. She wants to visit New York so I will arrange for her flight to land in New York. We will spend a few days in the fashion district. She should like this quite a bit. She realises TV and the print glorifies the US and its industries. She says the same thing about the U.S. glorifying the beauty and personalities of FSU women!!! LOL

Posted by: Zmejka

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

In fact she said she only sent e-mails and answered e-mails to or from Americans because she wanted to live in the US.

I also wanted to live in the US, especially after i returned being 4 months in New York. It amazed me

and to tell the truth it still is a kind of a dream to me.
And more than that - i wouldn't want to live in Russia, i'm quite satisfied now living in Holland with my b/f. But i wouldn't want to return and wouldn't want him to find a job over there. Of course i still miss my family much.

Posted by: chippie

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zmejka

I also wanted to live in the US, especially after i returned being 4 months in New York. It amazed me

Zmejka,

If you don't mind me asking, how far away do you live from your family?? How do you communicate with them?? Telephone, e-mail, web-cam??

Chippie

Posted by: Ade

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

Hi,

I'm sure she will love the US when she gets there...but we all of us have to be aware that perceptions aren't the same as reality; every year in the UK we hear about Brits who've emigrated to the US, Canada, NZ, Aus, but return because it didn't work out - and often it's lifestyle reasons that are the deciding factor.

Hopefully not too long for you now before you see it all fall into place anyway!

Kind regards,

Ade

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ade

Hi Ade,

Yes my biggest fear is that she misses her Russian lifestyle. She is very people oriented and loves to visit and chat. I have 1 woman in town she can be with and at least 2 women she can call. There is also a Russian Orthodox church about 3 miles from my house so I'm sure we can make a connection or 2 there. I figure if I can get by the first year, we will be together forever.

Posted by: ira156

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ade

Hey Ade we have a big british contingent here in Perth. I sell real estate and have had a few sell up and go back within the first 12 months....only to return within the next 12 months. It is the culture shock....we all speak English ( sort of) and their are plenty of fellow Poms here so it isnt for the lack of Ex pats. We have 2 types that come here....the ones we call wingeing poms and the ones that just slide right into the lifestyle. The ones that get me are the ones that come here to change their lives and get away from the CLASS DISTINCTION that still exists in the UK. They are in the working class in Britain and make a few bucks selling a home over there....come here and can get a really nice place for the same...then think they are lords of the mannor. In OZ people take you for who you are not what you have or the title you were born with. But it is a big culture shock...particulaly in Perth ...the most isolated capital city in the world. I am a little worried that Nat will miss the cultural buzz that she will leave behind in Moscow. Just have to make it up with great weather...beautiful beaches...and friendly people....hope its enough. Cheers Mate

Posted by: Dave_N_Elvira

With Elvira, she tells me I am the only reason she is in Australia. If I was not in her life she would return to Russia. Naturally she misses the higher level of culture and all of her friends and family in Russia but she loves the friendliness and openness of the people here, the lack of crime and pollution and the natural beauty (nature wise). Every day she comes to love Australia more and more. As she develops friends, her own social circles and embarks in her own career she will feel more and more like Australia is her home. The adjusting is very tough initially and what these ladies go through can be incredibly demanding but if you have someone there to support you all along the way then home is essentially where the heart is.

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave_N_Elvira

With Elvira, she tells me I am the only reason she is in Australia. If I was not in her life she would return to Russia. Naturally she misses the higher level of culture and all of her friends and family in Russia but she loves the friendliness and openness of the people here, the lack of crime and pollution and the natural beauty (nature wise). Every day she comes to love Australia more and more. As she develops friends, her own social circles and embarks in her own career she will feel more and more like Australia is her home. The adjusting is very tough initially and what these ladies go through can be incredibly demanding but if you have someone there to support you all along the way then home is essentially where the heart is.

totaly agree with dave, natasha is here because of me (hehehe silly girl)
she has said in the past she would of been very happy for us to live in russia hmmmm doubt i could but can't immagin my life without her now.
she loves aus now & conciders it home & if asked says it would take a lot of thought as to where she would chose if something happened

Posted by: I/O

Obviously mine is yet to live here long term, but she absolutely fell in love with the place when she was here. The interesting part for me was that she lives in a decent sized city, (1.2 Million) and the first question she asked me when driving along the suburben streets here was, "Where are all the people"..??

The difference between concerntrated appartment style living and casual spread out Australian suburbia was imediately highlighted.

I have expressed my concern to her about this on several occaisions and received the same answer each time. "You are there so I will live there. If you choose to live at south pole, I will live there also. If you choose to live in Russia, of course it would be easier for me in some ways, but life is life and I knew you lived on the other side of the world when I first wrote to you."

What can I say? Salute her courage and do my best to help her adjust when she is here permanantely.

Posted by: ira156

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

Obviously mine is yet to live here long term, but she absolutely fell in love with the place when she was here. The interesting part for me was that she lives in a decent sized city, (1.2 Million) and the first question she asked me when driving along the suburben streets here was, "Where are all the people"..??

What can I say? Salute her courage and do my best to help her adjust when she is here permanantely.

Oh mate i had to explain to Nat that in the same land area as her appartment my street has 23 people including kids...her appt block had 2,500...say no more...over 100-1

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

Originally Posted by ira156

my street has 23 people including kids...her appt block had 2,500...say no more...over 100-1

Yes this is so, but it is not only the concentration within the buildings. The appartment style living creates a culture of get outside whenever the weather is appropriate.

I have noticed this all over Europe, but particularly in the East and Russia. The afternoon street a park social life is something we simply don't have here and I suspect it is one of the biggest adjustments any person moving here will face.

Posted by: ira156

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

Mate Nat has claimed my dog..... and asked why i dont let her in the house..." she is very mistreated" i explained that my dog has the garage ....its the size of Nats appartment...." she is a very spoiled dog" was the replyits hard for them to comprehend at first