"Letters from Russia" - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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"Letters from Russia"
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Posted by: Rabbit

I am new to this forum but from what I have seen I am very impressed with all of the information that I have seen so far.
I started looking for a foreign wife about four months ago and I have narrowed down the women to just two. I was actually amazed at how quickly I was able to do this. Individuals personalities really do shine thru the letters that they write. Anyway, I will be making a trip to the Ukraine early Spring. Everything was going well until I read the book “Letters from Russia”. This was a very good book, but it scared the you know what out of me. I care for these two women very much, but if anyone is familiar with this book then you will understand where my apprehension comes from. I do not want to bring a fiancé here to America only to find out that she fooled me into thinking that she loved me, but in reality she only wanted to come to America.
I would be interest to see if any one has any feedback about his book or thoughts in general. I have so many questions and I want to go about this the right way. I was married one before and I do not desire to become divorced again. I learned from my mistakes.

Posted by: Knight_Kadosh

Hello JD,

Since I recently wrested with just this fear myself, let me offer you some encouragement. I am unsure if others would disagree with me or not, here is my take on this.

I have not read this book, nor will I anytime soon. I understand the distrust and fear one may have. I am not convinced that this is a healthy recourse. The following analogy may not be exact in comparison; it is however the best I can do. Do we study in detail the 1001 things that can go wrong regarding equipment failure or pilot error before booking a flight on an airliner? Would we choose to read the horrifying testimony of surviving passengers that have been maimed and disfigured or even their current life adjustments as a result of such a tragedy? This certainly would cause excess and unnecessary worry over the newly discovered possibilities, as remote as they may be. Do the passengers sit in the airport and aboard the flight discussing all these possible horrifying scenarios? You either get on board or you don’t. There is no half commitment. By no means do I suggest we have blind faith, there must be limits and boundaries regarding enough knowledge to at least be aware of such risks. When we marry someone, no matter where they are from, the risks are no greater, and are no less, in actuality, if we care to look at the details and circumstances resulting in marital failure. Ultimately, trust and fear are opposing emotions; we can become paralyzed by fear missing great opportunities, never knowing the potential reality or eventual outcome. Fear is the greatest thief of opportunity; trust is the assured reliance on someone or something else, knowing the difference is wisdom. I myself, not unlike many, have difficulty differentiating at times. I think it comes down to trust and hope. We should encourage, rather then to discourage each other, moving onto marriage is a state of being normal, onto a state of something more beautiful. I get past this by simply asking myself this question, do or could the benefits out way the risks? If I do not move forward, I will never know. The affidavit of support nearly stopped me in my tracks, I had difficulty moving past this as fear permeated my being, I became paralyzed with fear, it is done, the signed and notarized affidavit is on its way to the lawyer. There is no turning back, I am on board, the doors are closed, I am buckled up in my seat, and I am committed as we are about to become airborne. I now only concern myself with the final destination.

One common trait we all have in common, most of us, if not all of us, are risk takers, the benefits of successful risk taking pays huge dividends often not realized or even capable of, or by, most people.

Brian

Posted by: Pin Boy

Thanks Brian for the post. I think this is good encouragement for ALL involved in this process.. It's something to keep in mind in those inevitable times of doubt.

Another motivating thought:

Sometimes opportunity is disguised as hard work.

Pin Boy

Posted by: ShermanAtlanta

If you think that a book can scare you just wait until your family and friends express their opinions. I spent months listening to negative opinions about my fiance and tried to keep my mouth shut. Finally I just asked them if they had ever met my Lena and of course they had not. I told them to please hold judgement until they met her. Now, she is here and we are married. I will not say that it is not sometimes difficult but every day we grow closer and happier. You can not judge a persons sincerity by a few letters. I recommend that you spend time with her face to face and meet her family. Make sure that she understands the cultural differences and be prepared yourself to make some adjustments of your own. As for me, I love my wife more every day and have no regrets. All of the people that were critical before are now jealous that my wife loves me so much. Better put on a thicker skin if you plan to take this adventure all of the way. Good luck!
Sherman

Posted by: Pin Boy

Hi Sherman,

I'm Pin Boy and new to this. Been reading for a few months and now have jumped into the forums. I appreciate you sharing the experience with family and friends. I live in a tight knit community and have a close family and I know I am going to run into some resistance or skepticism when I formally announce my intentions to bring Angela here and (hopefully) be married next summer. I am sure I will experience some negative responses but I trust my judgement and have no doubts about the prospects for a loving, life long marriage. When I get some feedbeack (solicited or not!) I will relate my experiences here and maybe others will to. I am aware that there will some trying times within the relationship, but my thoughts are why should love be limited by borders, languages, cultures, and oceans. End the end, we are all human. I am enjoying this forum more each time I log on.

Thanks