Problem/dilemma - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

	The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian... International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union.

Pages: 1

Problem/dilemma
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Posted by: JamesB

Quote:

Originally Posted by rattlesnake6979

The United Kingdom fiancee visa procedure asks for details of the man's bank account , his home and his salary and job - if the Consulate doubt the truth of the documents ,the visa will not granted. The visa process should show how much money a man has when the visa interview takes place.

I think guys who lie about thier fianances really make life difficult for the rest of us. I have told my gf that I am an office worker and am NOT rich . I think that the financial situation of a man is important for a woman whether from the fsu or anywhere- it shouldnt be the main motivator but I would expect to be questioned at some stage.

I know on a second date with a woman from the fsu the only question she asked me was - what kind of house do you live in - is it a detached or do you live in a flat ? Simple question - the answer reveals alot about a mans finances without ever looking at a bank account.

I married only 3 months ago and liuda my wife has been with me for 2 months.She is working in a commision only job and has earned nothing yet.Because the company is russian and she is meeting russian speakers and dealing by phone with russians im happy .Since we married i have lost my main job and though i still have a well paid weekend job we are struggling.I am starting a business in november once the yellow pages with our advert is released.
Being honest my wifes attitude has changed a bit,she is quiet and does,nt say much.
I explain that things will get better and they will but since losing my job she has not been the same person.When we met she said she was only interested in me but its strange that now we dont have quite as much money her attitude has changed.I really am disapointed.

Posted by: Pin Boy

james i am sorry to hear you lost your main job. i wish you well in the new business venture. i think your wife's feelings/attitude is understandable. of course she is interested in you, but she is also interested and counting on what you can/could provide as the head of the family. i hope the situation gets better quickly.

pin boy

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesB

When we met she said she was only interested in me but its strange that now we dont have quite as much money her attitude has changed.I really am disapointed.

James

Sorry to hear about the job.....but have you discussed this with her, does she possibly think that you will not get another job? maybe she thinks it will be hard for you to get another job based on her experiences from back home?

Chris

Posted by: deccie

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pin Boy

james i am sorry to hear you lost your main job. i wish you well in the new business venture. i think your wife's feelings/attitude is understandable. of course she is interested in you, but she is also interested and counting on what you can/could provide as the head of the family. i hope the situation gets better quickly.

pin boy

For the first time ever I have to say I agree with Pin Boy. Naturally she is going to feel stressed and a bit withdrawn.

At the very least she has to be doubting her choice. The "What have I got myself into?"

I would say two things... (1) she needs reassurance and (2) you need to be busting your butt to do something, anything until your business is ready to fly.

Now is the time for deeds and not words.

Posted by: Pin Boy

what's with the first time i ever agreed with pin boy crap? it has nothing to do with the thread. 1300+ posts and this is the first with which you have agreed? wow! that's almost statistically impossible.

pin boy

Posted by: deccie

Not since I normally avoid most of your posts it's not.
I don't like either your or Cheb's agenda.

Posted by: metaforest

I was going to bring this thread back on topic with a personal disclosure, but considering how divisive it has become I think I will apply discretion as the better part of valor...

I will say that financial concerns aside. At some point for the serious couple an accounting MUST take place, and the ramifications of this accounting MUST be resolved. This cannot happen at the visa interview. IMHO there must be no surprises at the interview.

I have dealt with this in domestic relationships before with positive and negative outcomes.

I will say this: Some of the provisions in IMBRA do affect me and I must disclose truly archaic information about me that DOES NOT REFLECT who I am now. In the past I have withheld such information for better or worse until there was a need to know. I do not lie about it, and I do not color it as insignificant. It would foolish to do so.

It's a "fact", and the law requires me to express the "facts." Well the facts are not accurate and I cannot change that. I can only hope that whom ever I connect with will see that and know who I am is not defined by a collection of documents that were designed to be biased against me.

I'm not going to elaborate further, but IMO IMBRA is a sad attempt to curb international dating by fear. Yes there are monsters out there. We keep extensive databases on them now, and most of the "science" about such monsters is total bull, but that's the way it is.

Same with financial situations. The paper trail does not reflect the monkey it is liked to. It is a hazy reflection of a likely past.

Historical performance is not an indication of the future in any reasonable persons mind. Anyone who wants to dwell on such is acting on a lazy filter that does not reflect reality, and not someone I would want to share my life with anyway.

IMBRA and the rest of the American visa process is an attempt to prevent immigration by making it as painful as possible to proceed, in the hope that the attempt to immigrate will fail some where in the chain of events. The excuses for these excessive provisions are based on fear and intimidation.

The Department of Homeyland Security (formerly the INS) appears to me as an annoying barrier that must be overcome. They cannot take away my right to petition the state to bring a spouse into the country, but they can generate fear by any means, including direct intimidation and onerous disclosure laws. Well they can keep trying. Love will prevail.

You don't find love with money, or a clean financial record, ciminal record, or health.... It finds you!

Get over this material BS.

It's a waste of time, and detracts from the reasons that an honest, and honorable man might kneel before an honorable and honest woman, who mutually share the emotion of devoted love, and ask her for the rest of her life, and offer the rest of his.... Irrespective of nation.... Irrespective of material endowment.... Irrespective of anyone outside of the TWO except MAYBE God...

Fer Chrissake.... give it a rest...

=B-/

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by metaforest

I was going to bring this thread back on topic with a personal disclosure, but considering how divisive it has become I think I will apply discretion as the better part of valor...

Smart move mate, never give people you don't really know any info about you that you don;t want the world to know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by metaforest

The Department of Homeyland Security (formerly the INS) appears to me as an annoying barrier that must be overcome.

Shouldn't that be "Homerland" Security. Doh. Sorry bad joke I know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by metaforest

Get over this material BS.

Sorry to tell you mate but some people are just SHALLOW and will never get over it. I am glad that you seem to have the right frame of mind so let the others go and concentrate on the rest of your life with the lady you choose to be with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by metaforest

It's a waste of time, and detracts from the reasons that an honest, and honorable man might kneel before an honorable and honest woman, who mutually share the emotion of devoted love, and ask her for the rest of her life, and offer the rest of his.... Irrespective of nation.... Irrespective of material endowment.... Irrespective of anyone outside of the TWO except MAYBE God...

Fer Chrissake.... give it a rest...

=B-/

I do believe I have said very similar things myself before and what happens, every Tom, Dick and Harry who disagrees comes out and goes you for it. Mate, I will say it again, concentrate on your life if they wanna be miserable in the long run then it is their choice. Oneday they will look back and think sheez I wished I listened to Meta and Oz, they were 2 bright sparks.

Posted by: Pin Boy

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

Not since I normally avoid most of your posts it's not.
I don't like either your or Cheb's agenda.

you avoid my posts (for what reason i cannot imagine. i cannot recall a dispute) but you have never agreed with me?? huh? and then you take a shot at cheb. i'd love to know what my "agenda" is. i never knew i had one. this is totally out of thin air. that's uncalled for and i can't let it pass without defending myself. someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed and decided to take it out on someone else.

on topic. i think this thread needs to be moved or split since james' situation is not related to the original post.

pin boy

Posted by: JamesB

Hi Guys and thanks for your posts though they did go a bit haywire.
I just want to let you all know that the issue is sorted..and i was totally wrong.
I learned a valuable lesson today and there is more to this which i can,t say now but had we just spoken days ago it all would have been resolved.
If you can imagine sitting with a women you love and just silence and feeling as if things have just fallen apart.

Well i finally pinned liuda down today and she told me that she did,nt think we would last.I was devastated and we agreed to chat at home.I was imagening all sorts of terrible things but in the end it was a very simple problem.

When she arrived i was very active,i play rugby and train and i stopped all this because i thought she was lonely.She told me today the only problem was i paid her too much attention,i am always with her and she felt a bit smothered.She is a bit worried about the business but not overly and is now happy that im resuming training for the coming rugby season and training.

If we had just spoken earlier insted of both being a bit moody and making things seem worse it would have saved a lot of worries.
I was given good advice by pinboy and fireman sam in pms ans thank you all for any posts.

It is difficult having relationships like these as often r/w may not have the words in english to explain what they mean and so just keep quiet which fuels the flames.
I for one will make extra effort to give liuda tha space she needs and as she said earlier we dont have to be in each others pocket to be loving and close.[Not her exact words}

I feel like a weight is off my shoulders and thank all you guys who posted.Also our documentary is aired on channel 4 on wed 27th sept at 10pm

Posted by: Pin Boy

very glad to hear you were able to clear up the misunderstanding james. hope all continues to go well and try not to get hurt playing and training. us older guys are more susceptible

Posted by: JamesB

Thanks mate and thanks for the advice.Talking is always best but not always easy.

Posted by: JamesB

Hi oz long time no hear or do i call you Bright spark now lol.Good luck

Posted by: Chrismc

I am glad it is all sorted now James....they always say lack of communication creates many problems, and it is probably a bit harder with the language/translation etc as it does not help you both explain what each other is thinking??

Anyway, put it behind you, at least things are back on track and let me know about the other news when/if you can ;-))))

Chris

Posted by: JamesB

I sure will and i think liuda may be coming around to my way of thinking.Thanks

Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

Not since I normally avoid most of your posts it's not.
I don't like either your or Cheb's agenda.

Sweet! PB and I have finally made the "Deccie Hates Us" club. I wonder if we get a patch for our jackets or something.

If I only knew what this secret "agenda" I had was, I could market it better. Please fill me in. (I hope it's world domination)

Posted by: JamesB

In answer to Deccie re busting my gut.I have a weekend job which pays well and is from thursday to sunday night working club security.I earn more with this than i did my dayjob.
I have reassured her constantly but as you will have read all is sorted now.Thanks anyway.

Posted by: JamesB

Cheb! behave and let sleeping decs lie!!!!!!!!! LOL

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Glad you learned a lesson James. I had about 3 misunderstanding with my girl before we talked and figured things out. Once a Russian woman is married, she usually wants it to work and will do just about anything to keep it together. I guess we all need to learn to communicate better because the language barrier can cause problems that are not really there.

Glad things are going better James.

Posted by: JamesB

Thanks mate, im just glad to get back to playing rugby and gym without feeling guilty.There is another edge to this story which i can,t say yet but may divulge in the next few days.

Posted by: JamesB

Oh and gtr you are right ,its good to talk but sometimes its difficult.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesB

Oh and gtr you are right ,its good to talk but sometimes its difficult.

You are right about it being difficult sometimes. I tried to talk to my soon to be wife twice on a certain topic. She was so pissed at me but it was a misunderstanding. I finally e-mailled her and she read it. Then she understood and I think she felt a little guilty for being so stubborn and for not wanting to talk about it.

Posted by: firemansam

Glad to hear you are backon track James!!!
Goodluck with everything

Sam.

Posted by: deccie

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheburashka

Sweet! PB and I have finally made the "Deccie Hates Us" club. I wonder if we get a patch for our jackets or something.

If I only knew what this secret "agenda" I had was, I could market it better. Please fill me in. (I hope it's world domination)

Since when did I say hate?

Nor am I the only person on this forum that thinks both of you have an agenda whether you acknowledge it or not.

Was it not the "recommended" path to ignore posts by those who one felt a profound disagreement with? I was acknowledging that I felt that way towards yourself and Pin Boy.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesB

Hi oz long time no hear or do i call you Bright spark now lol.Good luck

Nah James call me anything you like as long as you have proof and can substantiate your statement (this isn't really for you but someone who likes to call people liars), Oh and PLEASE do not call me late for dinner, I like my food to much.

Posted by: alex2005uk

Nice to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel mate! I guess we all have rough times, the important thing is your workng it out and hopefully will come thourgh it the other end.

And i really really wish you good luck with your business! I been there mate, so im excited for you! You have the love of a good woman to support you which is priceless! Marriage is all about compromise - thats why im avoiding it! hehe

Posted by: prince_alfie

James, best of luck. I hope that you are able to find long-term happiness.

Posted by: Thorburn

Good for your and your wife James.
I found this thread to me really useful.
The specific example really made me think about how I would react to this situation.