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The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian...
International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union. |
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I'll post my 2-cents worth when I get a few more minutes if you'd like (although, as you know, my experience wasn't so much party girl and ooh-er girl)
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Originally Posted by searcher
Some thoughts on things to be aware of, some red flags:
1) During DATING (after correspondance/meeting) she is frequently away from home *This would be true for women that do NOT have jobs that require them to travel such as Nurses, Beauticians, etc 2) Frequently not at home (but also not at work) as there have been stories/rumors of women that have kept lovers/boyfriends on the side 3) While engaged or after commiting to the relationship, she continues secretly to meet with other potential grooms (hence the time away from home, traveling, etc). This may be seen as "shopping around for a better deal". 4) When confronted the blame is shifted to the groom as a means of evading responsibility or trying to escape confrontation. There are other things. Feel free to add to the list. |
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Originally Posted by zumanity
If she is reading Cosmopolitan-she is cheating on you,
People-it's not THAT bad Maxim-she is A MAN |
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Originally Posted by searcher
LOL
What about a woman that reads all three magazines? Cosmo... well, what can I say... I don't know much about the Russian version but the English version has millions of test - love, sex, cheating, etc, etc, etc It can be interesting (I suppose if you're a WOMAN into those things) but also very absurd! Who certifies their "test"? And their "insight" into the male mind..... oh please! :rofl: |
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Originally Posted by Volga Trader
There's nothing wrong with an honest Party Girl.
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Originally Posted by searcher
Some women (and men) constantly persue other men/women because they don't really know what they really want. Some have dreams of a better life but don't have willingness, maturity or skills necessary to make that happen.
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)
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Originally Posted by bingism
PS. when I said accurate, I wasn't referring to the spelling (persue = pursue).... sorry, I'm an English teacher don't you know
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LOL, so was my mother but sometimes in my haste I mispell words or sometimes forget the most simple things.
| rejecting women as often as they reject me... |
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Originally Posted by searcher
And their "insight" into the male mind..... oh please!
:rofl: |
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Originally Posted by searcher
Some women constantly persue other men because they don't really know what they really want. Some have dreams of a better life but don't have willingness, maturity or skills necessary to make that happen.
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Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
This is the reason why I stop dating American women. They are caught between wanting to be woman (children, family, ...) and wanting to be a "man" (carreer, bread winner, liberated ...). They are so busy and want the best of both worlds but don't have enough time to do both. They change there minds and priorities daily ... they don't know what they want.
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Originally Posted by searcher
Perhaps but I also think many FSU women also are uncertain at time and maybe this also has to do with the stress involved with 1) long distance relationships and 2) the thought of moving so far away from home.
You will hear many stories of indecisive women or women with "cold feet" probably because of those reasons and it may seem they don't know what they want. |
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Originally Posted by EZE
Joe
You hit upon one of my favorite quotes: Of my 33 years of study into the feminine soul, one question remains unanswered. What do they want? Sigmund Frued |
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Originally Posted by searcher
3) While engaged or after commiting to the relationship, she continues secretly to meet with other potential grooms (hence the time away from home, traveling, etc). This may be seen as "shopping around for a better deal".
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Originally Posted by wavetossed
That's not a sign of a party girl. That's just a smart woman! So many guys write letters but never visit so women have to maintain several VIRTUAL relationships until they find one real one.
My wife had another guy on the hook and she only dropped him when he phoned her at home while I was there visiting her parents. My wife is a devout Orthodox christian who doesn't party at all and who had never been to a restaurant in her life (33 years) until I flew to meet her. Quite frankly, relying on a system of RED FLAGS is stupid. You need to focus on the woman with whom you are communicating, on her character, on the quality of your interactions. If it isn't right, then she is unsuitable for you, period. It is completely unneccessary to analyze and figure out WHY she is unsuitable. If you don't click, move on. If you can't find a women who is suitable, then change your profile, put it on different sites, change your search criteria. My theory is that men who attract lots of scammers are actually advertising themselves in a way that attracts scammers. |
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Originally Posted by searcher
Some thoughts on things to be aware of, some red flags:
1) During DATING (after correspondance/meeting) she is frequently away from home *This would be true for women that do NOT have jobs that require them to travel such as Nurses, Beauticians, etc. |
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Originally Posted by searcher
2) Frequently not at home (but also not at work) as there have been stories/rumors of women that have kept lovers/boyfriends on the side.
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Originally Posted by searcher
3) While engaged or after commiting to the relationship, she continues secretly to meet with other potential grooms (hence the time away from home, traveling, etc). This may be seen as "shopping around for a better deal".
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Originally Posted by searcher
4) When confronted the blame is shifted to the groom as a means of evading responsibility or trying to escape confrontation.
If you are going to confront a woman of any nationality about this, you need hard evidence otherwise you're going nowhere, and if women get offended, the sometimes act like this as I'm sure we've all experienced one time or other.. |
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Originally Posted by wavetossed
That's not a sign of a party girl. That's just a smart woman! So many guys write letters but never visit so women have to maintain several VIRTUAL relationships until they find one real one.
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| That's not a sign of a party girl. That's just a smart woman! So many guys write letters but never visit so women have to maintain several VIRTUAL relationships until they find one real one. |
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Originally Posted by ham
that's an everlasting debate; yet here we say the wolf may loose his fur, but never his habit.
Thinking that way, who tells you she's not going to trade up once a man with a bigger car or bigger job comes into the picture? Unless your name is Steven Spielberg or Michael Schumacher, that's a possibility. |
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Originally Posted by ham
well, from the few cases transpiring to the press, it's either trading up or trips to the cleaners. If you were some broke bum, i doubt any FSUW would pay attention to you, whatever you might happen to be.
Same as a wealthy surgeon stands better chances with any woman than a middle school teacher. the point -with the usual exception, but exceptions don't make rules- is that while FSUWs are still in the FSU, the Barney, Leroy, Pedro or Wong they managed to trap is perhaps the only chance of bailing out of the FSU. There are people who "sell" or procure EU passports...check the price first, tough. Once they land in the land of plenty (whether it be Germany or Idaho ), they see things in a different perspective; you and i would probably do the same. |
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Originally Posted by ham
you are free to think whatever you please and to think that i am whatever suits your idea better.
this notwithstanding if you can say money doesn't rank #1 and is -for the good or the bad- the cynosure of humankind, then i'm glad for you and your private case. |
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Originally Posted by ham
not 55 years ago but this morning i brought my mother to a private clinic for important blood tests. Reasons for going there vary: 1. welfare system wouldn't accept many kind of exams unless you were very ill ( beyond the point of prevention, then ) and doctors squarely refuse to prescribe them via welfare ( the fat money i pay to those crooks to feed illegal aliens is beyond the point here ). My doctors told me off on a rather serious discomfort and i had to go cash. 2. you would have to waste half days going first to book to welfare exams, then attending the exams, then getting the results. 3 for many reasons, lucky us who never had to rely on welfare & can afford otherwise. I am talking basic health concerns here, not new cars, breast enhancement, professional makeup and trading up.
THEN we went shopping for groceries. we saw many old people who looked 100% like they were on a tight budget and couldn't afford to buy meat (= any meat, not hilton fillet ) or vegetables. You see lots of people stocking up on bread & milk like war times. Again, we're talking basic commodities, not "living a good lifestyle". Last time i shopped, i bought a whole hilton fillet. Perhaps money is unimportant, however, and some young pretty FSU thing who looks like out of a lesbian porn clip is well off without... |
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Originally Posted by ira156
Geeze Ham i thought you lived in the wealthiest nation on earth??? No meat and veggies.....stocking up on food like war times..... now i know why you are so miserable YOU LIVE IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. My lesbian porn star looking RF in russia eats meat fish and veggies every day....maybe you can move there??? Money doesnt buy happiness it just makes being miserable more tolerable. Maybe if you disconnect you internet you will be able to buy a couple of steaks.....and tell them how miserable life is......cheers mate
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Originally Posted by ham
look...
for some time now i have put up with your ridiculous attempts and silly animosity. now it's the time to tell you that you are a clown. You may feel better entertaining this mental picture of yourself being "better" than me, where "me" is some "imaginary internet friend"; you have feelings and imaginary net friend grongo doesn't, blahblah...yes, and three bags of "sea monkeys" too. For all i care you can believe the moon is square and sh!t is a different sort of chocolate pudding... Don't you like what i write? There is the "ignore button": use it. as far as the core goes, millions of elderly here have pensions under €500 a month and statistics on "poverty level" include more people every day. It is no wonder they stock up on bread & milk, with rent & other expenses to face. But you think whatever you please. But if you want to play the animosity game, i'm all yours, with whatever might follow, ok? |
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Originally Posted by ira156
Oh Ham from what i have read of your posts you have a vast knowledge of this whole thing dating back to the 1970's Thai bride thing. Well mate if ya havent found someone in 30 odd years at it maybe you should get some therapy
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Originally Posted by ham
i said keep trying: by your fifth marriage you'll do it right.
now as i said, if you dislike what i write, use the ignore button and stop looking like a clown. Spare your energy for when you'll need it. What are you grasping at straws for? Trying to prove money isn't a big deal? That your pretty face will do better? That is ridiculous, but i'll give you the chance to prove me wrong: see you in ten years. Now i remind you of what the forum owner said, thus stop this useless back&forth. Unlike you, i don't really care what you think of me. |
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Originally Posted by searcher
Some thoughts on things to be aware of, some red flags:
1) During DATING (after correspondance/meeting) she is frequently away from home *This would be true for women that do NOT have jobs that require them to travel such as Nurses, Beauticians, etc 2) Frequently not at home (but also not at work) as there have been stories/rumors of women that have kept lovers/boyfriends on the side 3) While engaged or after commiting to the relationship, she continues secretly to meet with other potential grooms (hence the time away from home, traveling, etc). This may be seen as "shopping around for a better deal". 4) When confronted the blame is shifted to the groom as a means of evading responsibility or trying to escape confrontation. There are other things. Feel free to add to the list. |
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Originally Posted by wavetossed
If you can't find a women who is suitable, then change your profile, put it on different sites, change your search criteria. My theory is that men who attract lots of scammers are actually advertising themselves in a way that attracts scammers.
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Originally Posted by ham
the point -with the usual exception, but exceptions don't make rules- is that while FSUWs are still in the FSU, the Barney, Leroy, Pedro or Wong they managed to trap is perhaps the only chance of bailing out of the FSU.
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Originally Posted by Seaview
Oh, my God!!!
Now when I find a new thread on Russian girls' forum entitled "Help! My husband is a control freak. How to get out of here?" , I will know for sure what type of a guy she married. |
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Originally Posted by Seaview
I am afraid, the conception of "bailing out of the FSU" at any rate is slightly out of date.
The main questions gils do ask considering international marriage is "What will happen to my lifestyle? Will I be able to find the same kind of work in the UK (US)? Is 24,000 pounds a year (his salary) really enough for me and my kid to live a decent life, if I don't find a job?" and the like. THese are real questions from a popular Russian-speaking forum in the UK. In minds of many Russian girls a nice picture of your house and a cool car does not arise a thought that you are in debts for 30 years ahead and it's a rented car. It all becomes evident when she arrives and realizes that she cannot find a job and her husband gives her 50 pounds a week to go to ASDA to buy food. So why are you all against her enquiries about your finances? It's normal. Especially, if a relationship proceeds to serious stages. Afraid of golddigging? He he.... Be honest with yourselves! Do you have anything valuable for that digging? Disclaimer. This post is not the answer just to Ham's remark. It's some thoughts related to this thread in general. |
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Originally Posted by ira156
My RF has a good job and ( for russia) a slightly above average lifestyle. She was quite taken aback when i told her how much i owed on my home...to the bank. While mortgages are in Russia they are nowhere near as common as in the west... I did explain that i owned my car...and had no other debts apart from a small credit card bill. The conversation i had was after mentioning to her some of the remarks from certain posters here about money grabbing lesbian looking porno stars ...to which she replied "i will earn my own money darling"....and actually was somewhat offended...not by me but the remarks. To take me for ALL i had would probably give her a few years of the high life in the FSU but it wouldnt last too long here....by the way on the site that we met ( another story ) i did not put my income. I will repeat in a survey here some months ago of 30 odd years olds 7 out of ten put MONEY as the most important thing in a relationship. The honest women that go down this path do have the right to know what sort of life they are getting into...starting a family and the future for their children. The truth be known once my RF gets her degrees recognised she will be earning just as much as i would..or at least close to it ( yes HAM i know then she will do a runner ). Please take note!!!!! I AM NOT BUYING A WIFE!!!!!! Money was not and is not the motivation fo either my RF or myself...love....... companionship...... and the desire to have that someone in our lives that adores us.
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Originally Posted by Seaview
I am really glad to hear it. And I think it's a very relaxing thought for any guy that "he is not buying a wife". In such situation as you have described a man finds a partner, a companion, a soulmate and it's a good basis for long and happy relationship. Good luck!
I am really annoyed by stories of desperate RW, living in poverty on 40$ a month and unable to pay for Internet. Rubbish! I don't see any of those around.... I must admit (reluctantly) that Western men DO have advantages in the eyes of RW. But the main advantage is not money. It's demographic situation in our own country. It's very very difficult to find a husband for a woman in her thirties (even in her late twenties) especially if she has kids. Russians guys are spoiled for choice and it's become acceptable for many of them to have a mistress. In other words, guys, you don't have to look like Brad Pitt and to be a millionaire to marry a well-educated, pretty RW potentially able to get a decent job and even to start making money in your home country. BUT she will ask you about your financial situations, your plans, you lifestyle, just because she has brains. It's up to you how much of your financial matters you're going to diclose, but if she doesn't ask anything about it, it's definitely a Red Flag (looks like her only aspiration is to get to a desirable country, all other things do not matter much and it sounds suspicious). |
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Originally Posted by Seaview
In other words, guys, you don't have to look like Brad Pitt and to be a millionaire to marry a well-educated, pretty RW potentially able to get a decent job and even to start making money in your home country. BUT she will ask you about your financial situations, your plans, you lifestyle, just because she has brains. It's up to you how much of your financial matters you're going to diclose, but if she doesn't ask anything about it, it's definitely a Red Flag (looks like her only aspiration is to get to a desirable country, all other things do not matter much and it sounds suspicious).
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Originally Posted by ira156
Keep posting Seaview...Cheers
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Originally Posted by Seaview
Will do.
I'll be happy to be of some help for you and other guys who have FSU girlfriends. We are not all "dream girls" but we are not weird creatures from another world either. |
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Well... First of all, it's no good when a guy doesn't want his gf to have her own friends, hobbies and interests. She is not obliged to sit near her computer from morning till night waiting for you to send her a message. Secondly. When I posted my profile and a pic on a dating site I got about 80 letters from guys during the first three days. I don't know how many I got after that. Was not bothered to count. I had rather special filter criterias so I easily chose four guys. I was in the UK at the moment so it was not a problem to choose one of them very quickly. But If I were in Russia it might have taken a year to meet them in person. I think I would have been chatting with two of them. Not four, of course (it's too time consuming). To deny a girl the right to have the same choice as you have (choosing from several girls ) IS wrong, IMHO. The choosing process shows that she IS serious and she understands what she is looking for. As for friends "prying into the relationship". Well, you were just unlucky. Idiocy and envy are international. That's a pity that your fiancee had to suffer because of this bull$it.... Usually, friends (even virtual friends on forums) can be very helpful. I also can understand the situation when your lady comes to the first meeting with another girl. It helps her to feel more confident. She would probably ask her female friend's opinion about the meeting afterwards and so on. Sometimes, that friend really speaks better English and can help you both. |
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Originally Posted by ira156
Many of the Russian women that i have spoken to have been REAL women and to me if you want to feel like a king ....you need to have a queen...and should treat them as such.:
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Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
Yes this is true because if you don't treat them like a queen, you will not feel like a king!!! You must give them the well earned respect they need and desire!!!
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Originally Posted by Seaview
I am really annoyed by stories of desperate RW, living in poverty on 40$ a month and unable to pay for Internet. Rubbish! I don't see any of those around....
I must admit (reluctantly) that Western men DO have advantages in the eyes of RW. But the main advantage is not money. It's demographic situation in our own country. It's very very difficult to find a husband for a woman in her thirties (even in her late twenties) especially if she has kids. Russians guys are spoiled for choice and it's become acceptable for many of them to have amistress. |
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Originally Posted by ira156
Oh Ham, me a pretty face ..never....rich no. But im doing ok ..and i havent hit the 2nd marriage yet....and you might still be here in ten years but i doubt i will...unless its to read one of your inspirational posts that make me realise my life isnt that bad. As for money...reading your other post if you spent less time in brothels and strip clubs you might have some money for that elusive steak ...and meet a better class of woman at the same time......oh and mate your happy pills definately arent workibg
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| As most people can see.. Ham has a distorted view of live.. not just RW... |
| In minds of many Russian girls a nice picture of your house and a cool car does not arise a thought that you are in debts for 30 years ahead and it's a rented car. It all becomes evident when she arrives and realizes that she cannot find a job and her husband gives her 50 pounds a week to go to ASDA to buy food. So why are you all against her enquiries about your finances? It's normal. Especially, if a relationship proceeds to serious stages. |
| if you spent less time in brothels and strip clubs you might have some money for that elusive steak ... |
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Originally Posted by ham
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As I can see, these forums have many wonderful fellows ( typically aging, divorced men ) who -oh!- all of a sudden step on a soapbox and find relief in building a new "online persona" full of charm, feelings & what's next.. |
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Originally Posted by cedarwind
MMM......HAM I am a member of this forum and I am not divorced and all men are aging including you.
As for the soap box.....you can get down now and take a breather. I enjoy your post they keep me entertained but as of late you have been in fine form like a aging wine that has gone bad. I taste the wine and the taste linger and lingers and lingers....... |
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MMM......HAM I am a member of this forum and I am not divorced and all men are aging including you. As for the soap box.....you can get down now and take a breather. I enjoy your post they keep me entertained but as of late you have been in fine form like a aging wine that has gone bad. I taste the wine and the taste linger and lingers and lingers....... |
| but you are repulsive on the inside and obviously women see this.... |
| women in brothels and strip clubs think you are a wise and wonderful man...YOU PAY THEM!!!!!! |
| without losers like you t |
| And no matter how many showers they have after being with you .....that stench of doom still lingers...... |
| Is the problem that you just cant stand the fact that others can be successful when you cannot????? |
| then attack someone for saying they havent been married??? |
| Easy now folks. This could spiral out of control rather quickly. Let's please keep the personal attacks out of here. |
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Originally Posted by ham
look...
it's easy to spot where it all comes from... 1 i say something, which rubs some chipped shoulder the wrong way ( the 5th marriage item or whatever ) and poor Barney decides i have to pay for that and starts feeling better attacking me. I made an enemy for life! hahaha! 2 wow! he's spilling his guts now... slow down...coronaries, you know... 3 either that or my passport. Second, you and your mates seem more concerned about wonderful they are...i'm not a great catch and it bothers some that i don't join the Xmas carol chorus stating otherwise. 4 so...on a MOB site someone calls someone else loser...now that's funny. 5 what's that...Virginia Woolf? Don't worry...they'll find some wonderful man... 6 Who says you're better than me? Yourself. Easy take. All great people over the internet...let them be. But i'm glad i can boost your self esteem. Write it down like the Rain Man charachter. 7 when did you make this up? 8 I have no idea why they attacked me, other than good old "he must pay" for something i might have said weeks or months ago...this is the...9th time it happens? Let them vent and have fun while they can. Feeling great in comparison with some faceless internet alias is easier than feeling great in life. If they were all that great they wouldn't attack me with so much hatred over trivial matters such as how important money might be. I thought i'd scan media articles i referred to, but then i realized they just want a chance to vent & feel better, so be it( THAT IS WHY THEY DON'T USE THE IGNORE BUTTON, IF I ANGER THEM SO MUCH). I never followed anyone around here to "make them pay". I just hope they don't burst a vessel or get a stroke... |
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Originally Posted by Volga Trader
No one wasting time on this site instead of talking to real people is without self esteem issues. On the other hand does anyone have high self esteem? There is a US psychologist who measures narcissism (self entitlement) as an opposite of low esteem and the highest scorers for narcissism are criminals.
Oh. And I really want to find a party girl. |
| I dont hate anyone its not worth it...YOU i pitty |
| No one wasting time on this site instead of talking to real people is without self esteem issues. On the other hand does anyone have high self esteem? |
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Originally Posted by truestory
Those that mock and insult ham, and boast about the FSU wife they married two weeks ago, might like to read this letter below. My wife wrote it to her female friend in Ukraine several months before we married. So her true feelings about me are revealed. It was written in Russian, and I have had it translated professionally. Also, lately she says she will be "paying me back" i.e. getting revenge on me when the two years is up, also I am a "male goat". This is the gratitude I get for well over $100,000 spent on her - she has not worked for about eight years. She has her own bedroom and a very pleasant and easy life - not luxury but very comfortable, e.g. I own a nice house with water views. Here it is folks, call me a fool and a looser, but remember that I ignored red flags, married a long legged one, and am now paying the price. Ham is right.
<<<<<<< truestory isn’t a gift, either. [Russian idiom, meaning “he is not perfect.”] But I know for sure what I want to achieve in life, and understand that in Ukraine, for the next 10-15 years, I have no chances; that’s why for now I comfort myself saying that if there are some unpleasant moments, I must endure them. Besides, I like this country so much. The most important thing is to hang on for these two years while something depends on truestory. Overall, he is of course all right, although I can say that I’ve never been delighted neither with his age nor his looks. Rather, I was choosing the best out of the worst. Because there is no secret that such a country as ours is not thought very highly of, and all the wife-seekers think they are a great catch, while in reality they are usually below average. When I evaluated truestory, I evaluated the possibility of living with him and controlling him some way or other, which actually in his case was a fairly good result. It is rather important how educated the person is, because that’s what determines how soft he will treat you. .... I have been in this “I-wanna-marry-a-foreigner” business for quite a long time, and I know the evaluation rating of potential husbands. Words like “handsome,” “rich,” “pleasant in every respect” are out of place here – such men simply do not go to Ukraine. Many girls just take the one first one that comes their way, and later on, when they are already overseas, find themselves another one. What I’m saying is that when you are “there,” the choice is considerably bigger. How many decent, educated men who’s got money are there in Ukraine? Very few. And how many of them are single? Almost zero. How many chances do you have, working as hard as you do, to secure a stable future for yourself and your child? Of course, now certain changes have taken place in Ukraine, but it only means that about twenty more years will pass before the situation is going to become at least remotely civilized. And about a hundred years to return ecologically normal condition of the environment. What I’m saying is that for you, it’s important to decide right now what you want, you and nobody else, how satisfied you are with your existence. In my case, everything was very simple: everything was so bad that it couldn’t possibly get any worse. I am in no way suggesting that you should grab the first guy that comes your way; I have been there, and I can say that it strikes on your nerves. You don’t need to do that. I will help you as much as possible. ... If you do, then maybe sometimes you need to be more patient about some situation (I’m not talking about xxxxx right now, let’s forget about him; I’m talking about the Ukrainian women’s habit of breaking dishware and leaving forever five times a week. I used to suffer from those habits as well, but now I’ve taught myself out of them. When you are in a somewhat dependent position, as I am right now, at least until I’m married, throwing fits is a luxury). Bunny rabbit, I want you to think and decide that you want it. I have been trying to convince you purely out of love, I liked it here and I wanted to do good to people I’m close with. So you must decide, and I will eventually find you someone you like. >>>>>>> |
| Ham (and maybe you) seem to think that ALL women are this way... |
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