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girl involved with mafia?
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Posted by: Robert11

I have a situation which I'm looking for anyone's insight, if they have any thats relevent.

Two months ago my girlfriend Natasha and I met at the horseraces here in san diego. She was working and we hit it off easily. We spent more time together for weeks untill it was official, I was her bf and she my gf. Then something happened where I had to be away for a couple weeks. According to her she was here for the second straight summer on a work visa (four-month). After meeting me she'd decided she wanted to stay here and leave school and good job in an oil co. in moscow. We discussed how? Marriage is something we can seriously think about.
Whle Im away she goes to three parties on a russian yacht with other russians and tells me she met a rich powerful man. A ukrainian born american worth millions who wants her to work for him. He owns web companies, property co.'s and is involved in some business in las vegas. Also being hounded by the govt. for 20 million in securities fraud.
By the time im back she's working 12 hour days, doing paperwork (?). Has little to say about work. Doesn't want me to be involved. Says she stays with a another russian girl in a house, and loves her work. Flies to vegas often and who knows where else.
Then after an argument about how little time she has for anything but work, she leaves and says im trying to change her. I find the house and in a long revealing talk she says it is Hers. And she knows planty other ways to stay in america besides marrying me. Why did she let me believe that for so long?? She just looks at me with clever eyes.
She says she's doing fine and wont depend on me and doesnt want to. Wants space and says all she can do is friendship untill the pain is gone.
The big question i have is - in the time since she met this guy - she's become so incredibly self0centered. No affection of kindness to me.
Here's my other question - who can interrpret this story?-
She says that she grew up not in moscow but little ways away. Her father was in the mafiya and had to leave the country when she was 12. She says her parents left with her brother and left her in their house, where she lived by herself, going to school etc etc. till they came back when she was 16. Then that she went to moscow and studies and worked and had a flat of her own. What does anyone think this girl has been invloved with?
(by the way if it matters - she is now 21 and very smart, and very very beautiful)
thank you.

Posted by: ConnerVT

Quote:

Originally posted by Robert11
What does anyone think this girl has been invloved with?
(by the way if it matters - she is now 21 and very smart, and very very beautiful)

Better question: Is this something you want to get involved with?

There are very many 21 y.o beautiful and smart women out there, where you don't need to risk your health competing with power and money.

Posted by: Robert11

Thanks for the response --

I've known this myself also, that I wouldn't really like to be involved in this kind of life anyway. What has me most wondering now is...
Is this ambitious calculating and dishonest way of dealing with western men typical of russian girls in general.

Posted by: barry

Robert,

I think that there are several factors with this lady (?) with the most influential being personality. What you describe is not uncommon for many people and it may or may not change. If you agree with Conner, cut your losses and find another.

Would you put up with this behavior from anyone else?

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Robert...

I would not say that this kind of behaviour is typical of Russian women in general....

But, I would not become involved with a woman like this and would let this relationship go...

There are many other women who you could have a relationship with, and that fact that she is very beautiful is not worth putting yourself in danger emotionally or in other ways.

Khashyar

Posted by: Robert11

You guys have given me some good stuff. I'm doing my best to give up and not wonder about her. I'd run the idea of us being married in my head so many times the past few months, that now its like automatic.
What I'm seeing clear is that the reality of impermanence is hard to deal with. Having a girl that makes your head spin is a good thing. But when it ends the feeling of unrecoverable loss is one that takes strength.
In addition to this is - That she hasn't said anything like "its over" "we cant see each other" or any other explicit thing about us. Just that she wants space. I'm hoping to find someone new as soon as possible.

Posted by: golek

"That she hasn't said anything like "its over" "we cant see each other" or any other explicit thing about us. Just that she wants space."

Sounds like she's trying to keep her options open.

Posted by: klawsite

Hi Robert,

I am in the majorty here I think. I know it has to hurt, but I would have to walk away. There are way to many women out there to get tied up in a mess like this!!! Your situation is already a problem!! Would you want to get even more seriously involved with this now? I sure wouldn't.

Kevin -

Posted by: Knight_Kadosh

Robert,

In my opinion…

If this involves organized crime, enough said! The Red-Mafia makes the Italian-Mafia look like a pajama party, avoid them like the plague.

Brian

Posted by: Cman

Robert11=Not to sound rude,COUNT YOUR loss's now,Lick your wound,and Move on,right now its hard,belive me,been there done that.Not your story but heartache,we all have, Look serious man,in maybe a few months you may laugh about it..I hope you can laugh in 3 to 4 months...Look she's bad new's i can see how she dragged you down,to her level,or a level she Thought she could bring you to..LOok There are always soem bad apples.But that doesn't mean It spoils the bunch...I can feel your pain,cause I was in pain for a short time,anyhow MY BEST ADVICE is since its 2 months short period of time,NEVERTHELESS still hard to diquest,why? Your going,why me? what did i ever do?
what made her HURT me like this? Okay sometimes answers won't come for a Long period of time,Maybe one day you will get those answers,that swarm your head? maybe just maybe Its God's way of saying No robert not ths one..One never knows,all you know and all you can say,is your still intact,You still have money? You still have some pride,where maybe if you invested many more months or years,you would be in shambles,count this up as a learning curve,and maybe YOU will be better
cause,I can feel your pain,and i hope the best

Posted by: Robert11

I can tell you've been where I am, and I appreciate your advice. I'm doing the best I can to leave her alone and not think about it all. The guy she's working for is a known crook and yet she spends her time and energy trying to make it in his company. I know part of all this is her 21 years.. but I also know a part of it is that she was given some kind of terribel choice by this guy. She could stay with him and have a boat, a place, a new mercedes.. or stay with me in which case she'd have nothing.. not even a guarantee that I'd marry her.. since we had only discussed the possiblity. I can't blame her for making the decision she did. Especially since he's had her ear for most hours of every day, and is a great persuader. What keeps me hanging on is that maybe she really IS the right one for me and this is all testing my persistence and belief in her. She's written to tell me how pleasant I am being by remembering certain things, and just saying - I dont expect anything. I know its bad and Im being stupid.. but something keeps me hooked.

Posted by: Thunderdome

Robert11,

It seems everybody here thinks she’s a waste of time, and she even might be for you cannot compete on an equal level with this guy she works for.
Then don’t.
Lay low for at least a week (that is be dead-quiet!) if not longer, and then by phone make a dinner-date some days ahead (end of week). Don’t show, don’t phone, switch your cell off also. Don’t be home either that night, go somewhere and sleep somewhere. Then for the next week (minimum) ignore all calls she might make.
IF she wants to speak to you she will find a way, if not too bad. But IF she speaks to you bring forward an utterly lame excuse, ‘you forgot’ or something, but she must know you’re lying, and don’t make it too obvious but be creative – but vague!

Jealousy is very powerful you see, and it just might work. You could be vague towards ‘someone’ and don’t you give in to see her too soon, give it some weeks. When you see her apologise properly, and dream up another woman who was damn nice – was!, and try to make a careful re-start (not too hasty mind).

The above assumes she will accept a date with you and she will try to contact you.
If not the latter you could send anonymous flowers (not tracable!) to her work after some two weeks, and deny that you sent them. Keep repeating this, and eventually you could owe up (she will ask) because you felt bad about standing her up because of this ‘other’.
Also the flowers delivered to her work will make her boss think, cannot hurt I guess.

If she will do neither – the sea is full of fish…..
But if she does then there are feelings for you – use them wisely.

Posted by: Castlestormer

Think back to when you were 21 guys. How smart were you? Didn't the allure of riches sing to you? At 21, I thought I knew it all. At 31, I couldn't believe how stupid I was at 21. At 41, I realized that true love had far more fulfillment to me than all the empty material things I had accumulated.

If you had married this girl, you would have to take the phrase "better or worse, richer or poorer" out of the wedding vows. She'll learn some day. Only then it will be too late because you will already be with the right one for you.

Here's my psychic prediction: The rich guy will use her, and then throw her away. She has a tough lesson to be learned ahead.

Posted by: Robert11

pondering this option thunderdome...

castlestormer you may be right.

Posted by: Thunderdome

Robert11,

he probably is, but you seemed to be looking for a, or should I say any, reason to continue with this girl.
If you do zilch you've got a No automatically - if you try something you might get a Yes.

On this point, don't stare yourself blind on the value of getting married to this (or any) girl, you give the impression to think such would be the end of all. In contradiction to that many will agree it is rather the beginning of plenty.
Goodluck!