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So when do you start combining your lives?
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Posted by: deccie

I'm interested in canvasing the opinion here as to how and when people started combing their lives with their FSU partner. Particularly those who married in Russia. I imagine their is going to be a wide range of views from the day of the engagement to the day after the wedding to even still the day the partner arrived in the country.

I'm particularly interested in people's views on wills, insurances, joint bank accounts etc.. When was THE right moment for you?

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

I'm interested in canvasing the opinion here as to how and when people started combing their lives with their FSU partner. Particularly those who married in Russia. I imagine their is going to be a wide range of views from the day of the engagement to the day after the wedding to even still the day the partner arrived in the country.

I'm particularly interested in people's views on wills, insurances, joint bank accounts etc.. When was THE right moment for you?

Hey Dec I will start off, after our engagement is when I started, will, superanuation and a few other things.

Posted by: deccie

Thanks Mark. That's what I think too.
It is a bit more messy to unwind if things go wrong or fall through but once you've made a commitment to someone I don't think anyone would want to leave the other person without financial resources should the unexpected happen.

I was just reading the US news today about a newly wed couple where one partner was killed in a tunnel by falling concrete.

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

Thanks Mark. That's what I think too.
It is a bit more messy to unwind if things go wrong or fall through but once you've made a commitment to someone I don't think anyone would want to leave the other person without financial resources should the unexpected happen.

I was just reading the US news today about a newly wed couple where one partner was killed in a tunnel by falling concrete.

My thoughts exactly Dec I wanted them to have the financial resources should something happen and i did not give it a 2nd thought.

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

Originally Posted by deccie

I'm particularly interested in people's views on wills, insurances, joint bank accounts etc.. When was THE right moment for you?

LOL, we STILL don't have any of those

Posted by: jsteele

I would think the time to start thinking about combining your lives is after you are married. And, even then, I would go about it very cautiously and carefully. That's what prenups are for! I for one am not going to be too anxious to combine all of my hard earned savings with anyone else's until I am damned sure that we are on solid footing. I may sound cynical here, but I've heard about too many failed marriages not to play it safe.

Posted by: deccie

Thats certainly a legitamate concern.

I'm not saying doing it early is without risk. It is!

But a migrant is without resources even more than the average person. How do you protect them from you being hit by the proverbial bus? Because that is undoubtedly a risk for them!

Posted by: markgm

This my opinion and only mine everyone will do what suits them the best. With FSU/W relationships trust is everything talk about a prenup and that trust is gone they will get offended.
Its a risk to go over there its a risk you take with anyone in any relationship. In Aus prenups are overturned all the time.
If you are not prepared to put everything into the relationship and trust her 100% then that person is not for you and you should look for that person that you are prepared to give 100% trust to and her with you as well.
With both the girls I have put measures into place to ensure should something happen to me they will be able to live comfortably for the rest of there lives.

Posted by: jsteele

I'm just not sure it's realistic to trust anyone 100%. I agree that it's important not to offend your wife/husband. However I also think he has to understand that I am not treating him any different than I would be treating an American husband. Can that be so unfair? I guess my situation is different from yours, so it is hard to compare. Maybe that's where the difference comes in. My boyfriend is already here on a visa, and we fell in love in the USA while he was working so he had a means of support. It's a little hard to compare the two.

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by jsteele

I'm just not sure it's realistic to trust anyone 100%. I agree that it's important not to offend your wife/husband. However I also think he has to understand that I am not treating him any different than I would be treating an American husband. Can that be so unfair? I guess my situation is different from yours, so it is hard to compare. Maybe that's where the difference comes in. My boyfriend is already here on a visa, and we fell in love in the USA while he was working so he had a means of support. It's a little hard to compare the two.

Hi JS,

As I have said everyone will be different one thing I do know is that where my two girls come from and there culture family and trust are everything its what they believe builds a strong and happy family this is going to differ throughout the FSU.
This is also one of the reasons that attracted us together as I have been brought up the same with very strong family values to believe and trust in your partner and children to build strong family bonds to be able to have a successfull and happy family.
This is also something that has Dissappeared over the years out of Australian culture and it is quite refreshing to be able to bring this back into my life and my family.

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

Originally Posted by jsteele

Yeah, I think I disagree too. IMO, if I didn't trust my partner 100%, I wouldn't marry him. A pre-nup isn't a good substitute for trust. Personally, if I were in the position of considering a pre-nup, I'd probably cancel the wedding. That's just no way to start a real family where love and trust should be given unconditionally. Otherwise it is just a bisiness deal.

Posted by: skinsfan

the prenup aside......i married in Russia, and my wife and children arrived in Nov 2005...it is now july 2006, soon after her arrival i applied for her green card, work authorization card, etc..........once the work authorization card was received, we then applied for her social security number...that number is needed for any banking priviledges (the patriot act) insurance, and other things that combine your lives...so, it has now been over 8 months of my family being together here in the states, and other than having a great family life, we have yet to combine anything..........i hope this info helps to answer your question....

Posted by: Jerico

Well my wife has access to my bank as a joint member of the account but she still has yet to write a check

She knows how to use the debit card quite well however , for everything

If I die she will also get about 100,000 dollars from my job and the house will be hers also. She could sell it and make over 200,000 from that.
She also will get my Social plus pension.
Pretty much she will get everything.
If shes smart she will be fine.
I dont like to discuss these topics with her for fear of her poisoning my borcsh

JK
Jerry

Posted by: waiting123

It all comes down to trust.. Why do you marry if you do not trust your spouse..? Why? I am a finacial advisor as a trade and deal with trust issues all the time. When I was married in Russia in Feb... I immed. starting thinking of everything we had to combine. A pre-nup is an absolute slapo in the face for your spouse.

I have a trust, all medical powers, and living will drafted.. currently my wife is not the agent for me one the medical power of attorney, only because she is out of the country. I have had a new trust drafted (QDOT) which is the required trust if you marry an alien and she is a trustee on all my personal accounts... I have added her to my bank account. Also she is the beneficiary of all my life policies..So she gets it all now, and alot more when I die...

Skinsfan, the patriot act does not say you have to have a ssn to open an account.. it is legal, and I did it for my wife, and I do it a lot for my asian clients, I open brokerage accounts and bank accounts for them and they have no ssn...

But IMHO, assets and "family assets" should be comingled upon marriage. That is what marriage and trust is all about. Hiding assets, giving her an allowance... only sets the field for her to think she is not an equal part of the marriage..

just my thoughts...

Posted by: skinsfan

Hi Waiting..i fought with my bank to add my wife to my accts....i needed to have this done for the obvious reasons of being married, but more importantly for my AOS interview....i fought my bank for 2 weeks, and they wrote me a denial letter so i could have proof of the intenet to put her on my personal and business banking accts.......it seems that the Patriot Act has many banks unsure of what they can and cannot do. Funny thing...at my AOS interview, they never asked for any of it..it lasted less than 5 minutes...go figure !!!

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinsfan

Hi Waiting..i fought with my bank to add my wife to my accts....i needed to have this done for the obvious reasons of being married, but more importantly for my AOS interview....i fought my bank for 2 weeks, and they wrote me a denial letter so i could have proof of the intenet to put her on my personal and business banking accts.......it seems that the Patriot Act has many banks unsure of what they can and cannot do. Funny thing...at my AOS interview, they never asked for any of it..it lasted less than 5 minutes...go figure !!!

Trust me, it is not a patriot act law... I have to recertify every year on what you can and can not do under the patriot with accounts and monies.

your bank I would bet is a small local, or maybe a regional bank. Go to a bigger bank that has a clue about the law and open your joint. Like I said..my wife is on my trust account, and checking account. I bank at Citibank.

PM me if you want more info... but it is the banks right to deny anyone, smaller banks will not allow foreign nationals without SSN's to open accounts usually because they can not do credit checks and there is a higher chance that you will wire all funds off shore. My advice.. go to a bigger bank... like B of A or Citibank, or US Bank...

Posted by: Spakoyna

Skinsfan and Waiting,
My bank just made us bring her passport, marriage liscense and all was well!

No SS # or green card at the time. This was July of 04.

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

Skinsfan and Waiting,
My bank just made us bring her passport, marriage liscense and all was well!

No SS # or green card at the time. This was July of 04.

hi guys late comeing in on this 1 but i have to say if you don't trust your partener how can you expect the marriage to work
prenups are not worth the paper there written on here
only thing required to open joint account with nat was my signature &her passport with spouse visa in it
she is benifts on all of my super & insurance,medical is free via medicare & government pays her child indowment once a fortnight just from accessing her records via computer,here every gov dept is linked lol no were to hide

Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

Bob! I agree 100%! We did have a time with the health insurance at 1st due to ignorance of the people who handled my health insurance. They told us she had to have a SS #. Well after many attempts with other co's and finding some crappy insurance I finally called the insurance company direct...worked my way up to a knowledgable supervisor and was told certainly we can issure her! Just filled in her A # (immigration #) in place of the SS # and sent in a copy of our marriage liscense.

Posted by: novotul

We didn't even need that, for a couple non-interest bearing checking accounts. My banker was willing to let me add her name to my accounts, making them joint, based on a signature card -- and an (untranslated) photocopy of the photo page of her Russian passport.

So, her ATM card has her name on it -- which is what I wanted.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:

Originally Posted by novotul

We didn't even need that, for a couple non-interest bearing checking accounts. My banker was willing to let me add her name to my accounts, making them joint, based on a signature card -- and an (untranslated) photocopy of the photo page of her Russian passport.

So, her ATM card has her name on it -- which is what I wanted.

You are correct, I think. We wanted our account in her married name...she took my last name. Passport was in maiden name so we had to provide a marriage liscense.

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

You are correct, I think. We wanted our account in her married name...she took my last name. Passport was in maiden name so we had to provide a marriage liscense.

unfortunatly nat had to use her maiden name as thats what is on her visa.
it will take a trip back to thailand & russian embassy there to have her name changed or we just wait untill she has perm/res & then change it by deed poll.
we are planning a trip back but nat won't travel os untill she has oz passport which will have her listed by her married name so i guess it is just time & dosen't realy matter