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Definite Culture Clash! Opinions?
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Posted by: Spakoyna

We were at a friend's house. I got a big laugh and my wife was a little upset. My friend was playing with his dog. He was playing tug a war and keeping the dogs well used dirty towel away from his (their) dog. He tossed the towel at his Russian wife playing and it landed like a perfectly thrown pass on her chest. She was wearing nice casual clothes but nothing that would be hurt. She was infuriated and let out a few harsh words. She clammed up and sat around with a horrible mad look on her face. A little while later they were sitting close and she threw her shoe and smacked him pretty good and said " Now, how do you feel!" Needless to say this broke up the party.

This actually started a debate between my wife and I! She says the man did very no good and has no respect for his wife (basically what his wife was saying). I said he was just playing and meant no disrepect. She completely disagrees. She says that in Russia it would be very disrespectful and no one would ever do the same. She is very curious as to others opinions so I said let's ask the people here! Well guys and gals...what do you think? Did the guy do that bad or was the woman right to get so mad?

Posted by: Pin Boy

just a guess, but i'd chalk it up to the difference in acceptable "horseplay" between the cultures. it would seem that a woman who takes such pride in her appearance would feel like her husband was disrespecting her with this "soiled" object and perhaps she felt embarrassed it landed right on her clean clothes. i could see her feeling this way because of the pride in appearance that russian women have. i once heard it told, from a russian, that living in such a chaotic economy and feeling helpless in many ways to improve their economic situation, appearance is the one thing over which they have control.

pin boy

Posted by: Texas Proud

I will say it has nothing to do with American and Russian differences...

The lady was dressed up for a party.. having her husband throw anything on her during the party is not good... and what he threw was a dirty, slobbery towel that the dog was chewing a few seconds ago... and it sounds like it was on purpose...

It would be different if it was an accident and he appologized right away... but that is not what you said...

I agree with the wife, but not because she is Russian, but because the husband was a jerk.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Pinboy, I think you are pretty much spot on with your reply.

Texas Proud, I don't think you understand the nature of the situation. This was not a tea tipping socialite gathering over fine wine and dinner. It was a small casual get together, cooking on the grill, having a few beers and a good time get together. He was just trying to draw his wife in on the fun. Did he make a mistake? Yes, without a doubt. Did she over react? I think so. Sometimes it is better to go with the flow and discuss things later. I must say he was totally emabarrassed and I'm sure his wife is also.

The reason I say this is a cultural difference is because of how his wife perceived the situaution. She took it as a personal insult along the lines of someone spitting in your face. Yes the most prim,prissy, and proper AW might even raise more H! But I do not think it would be perceived as a personal insult. I have not met a RW who does not have a strong aversion to dirt. Yeap, I find myself having to tip toe sometimes because of this!

Luckily I am the type that doesn't wear shoes in the house. You would be suprised how many battles I have heard about over this between AM/RW relationships!

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pin Boy

just a guess, but i'd chalk it up to the difference in acceptable "horseplay" between the cultures. it would seem that a woman who takes such pride in her appearance would feel like her husband was disrespecting her with this "soiled" object and perhaps she felt embarrassed it landed right on her clean clothes. i could see her feeling this way because of the pride in appearance that russian women have. i once heard it told, from a russian, that living in such a chaotic economy and feeling helpless in many ways to improve their economic situation, appearance is the one thing over which they have control.

pin boy

I have to agree with Pinboy here, I think he has hit the nail on the head!!

Quote:

appearance is the one thing over which they have control.

This statement I have heard many times by ladies from the FSU and that is why they always dress up even if to run down to the shops.

Chris

Posted by: Jill

It's not a cultural clash--I would be mad as "heck" if my husband treated me with such disrespect and immaturity, especially in front of other people--that's embarrassing and it is insulting

I vote with the wife.

Posted by: searcher

AHA!

See guys (read Jill's post above)...

In some ways it is a matter of perspective. Guys, in general, are playful like children.

While many guys would think nothing of such "horseplay" the ladies thing it is rather immature....

Why? Well, consider this, she spent time bathing, choosing a nice outfit (dress, slacks/trousers, nice jeans, blouse/shirt, etc) to wear, perhaps chose some type of jewelry - be it real jewelry or costume jewelry- and maybe some type of parfum or cologne.

She spent a considerable amount of time (in comparison to how long ti takes for us guys to get dressed :rolleyes

and while we *might* think very little about that, she has put a lot of effort into looking nice.

Take that into consideration.

I am willing to bet that this would be an issues divided by gender - whit the exception of Texas Proud and me.

I see both points of view but I can easily see why his wife was upset.

Posted by: bingism

hmmm... a public tantrum because of a joke that went wrong? Maybe it's different in other peoples' view, but whilst I could understand the "horseplay" not being taken well, I've always been taught that you 100% do not have words in front of company. To be honest, after reading the story, I'm not sure who has the least respect for the other...

Posted by: metaforest

Quote:

Originally Posted by bingism

hmmm... a public tantrum because of a joke that went wrong? Maybe it's different in other peoples' view, but whilst I could understand the "horseplay" not being taken well, I've always been taught that you 100% do not have words in front of company. To be honest, after reading the story, I'm not sure who has the least respect for the other...

Both parties are way out of line on this one, IMHO...

The husband for rough-housing with the wife; he should have known better. (I have gotten in trouble with S.O.'s for going too far on the rough-housing)

And for the wife for being a "poop" about it in front of company, making everyone uncomfortable....

This should have been handled in private, or at least she could have pulled him aside, and told him to knock it off...

=B-)

Posted by: Pin Boy

i only focused on the reason why the woman got mad, but hitting him with the shoe is a case of where two wrongs don't make a right. her ruining the party by going ballistic with the shoe smackdown is over the top especially since it appears some time had passed between the towel throw and the shoe whack. she had some time to plan her response. is that right spakoyna? wonder how well they are getting along in general as a couple and how long they have been together?

pb

Posted by: bingism

In hindsight, recalling some of my previous personal experences, I did not find it uncommon for a Russian girl to chastise their significant other in public and vice versa - maybe this is the true culture clash referred to ??

Posted by: Spakoyna

I would also like to add this was a small terrier house type dog and a small hand towel. It was not a big drewling dog with a big towel!

The act took place inside with a towel that stayed in the house.

Pinboy...yes this is right, definite premeditation. Everyone had moved outside 20 or 30 minutes later.

Jill...I am surprised hearing this from you since you have a dog...be it a wee little one!

Searcher...I could more see it becoming a difference between class types...IE country, city, Socialites, etc.

Bingism...My opinion is this is a classic "Making a mountain out of a molehill".

All I can say is it is a good thing we don't have a dog!

And yes my wife does want a dog! All is well now between them and there are no hard feelings!

Posted by: Spakoyna

After thinking about this a little more I would like to ask this question.

Does anyone know a Russian person who is not so serious all the time (alchohol events excluded) and knows how to relax, be easy going, and enjoy life?

Although my wife and I are very good together I must say her and all, and I do mean all the Russian people I have met always put on aires so to speak. They just do not seem to be able to relax and have a good time. Nothing, no matter how small can pass if it is disagreeable without confrontation. Other sidelines to this are intolerance to surroundings such as hot, cold, rain,wind, seating, etc! The only thing my wife tolerates better than me are crowds of people.

I do believe this is a cultural difference.

Posted by: skinsfan

IMHO, anyone who is wound so tight that the evening is ruined because of horseplay...well, what can i say.....sometimes it is better to laugh things off and discuss the situation later....to me, it doesn't sound like their was disrespect involved.......

Posted by: Texas Proud

Let me expand on my answer....

The wife was wrong in what she did, throwing the shoe... she was mad..

But, I will still stick with my first answer... it WAS a party of more than 2 couples.. she got 'dressed' for the ocassion.. a 'dirty' towel, along with dog slime was thrown ON her, not near her, ON her.. probably without any pre signal that he was trying to get her involved in the 'horseplay'... She was shocked when it hit her... HE WAS TOTALLY WRONG!!!

Again, her first reaction was probably 'OK'... but maybe a bit harsh... but understandable... but here other, thowing the shoe, was TOTALLY WRONG!!!

I have seen other women get mad at their husbands for a lot less.. and he KNEW it was going to piss off his wife..

Posted by: Spakoyna

Well folks! I think I am catching more grief than the other guy. My wife insists I post the other ladies side especially since she agrees with her. It is a little broken because we used prompt with a few corrections, but we agree on the translation.

This is what my wife has told me the other lady has to say. When they go bowling together he flips his towel arround he cleans his ball with an it is objectionable to others. A while back he threw the dog's towel at her in the same situation.( I belive if I understand correctly this well over a year ago) She says her husband is completely uncivilized and he says it is just a cultural difference. She says he is ill-bred and has no idea about rules of behaviour in society. What do you think now? Is it a lack of education or cultural differences?

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

Well folks! I think I am catching more grief than the other guy. My wife insists I post the other ladies side especially since she agrees with her. It is a little broken because we used prompt with a few corrections, but we agree on the translation.

This is what my wife has told me the other lady has to say. When they go bowling together he flips his towel arround he cleans his ball with an it is objectionable to others. A while back he threw the dog's towel at her in the same situation.( I belive if I understand correctly this well over a year ago) She says her husband is completely uncivilized and he says it is just a cultural difference. She says he is ill-bred and has no idea about rules of behaviour in society. What do you think now? Is it a lack of education or cultural differences?

My quick 2 cents... it is an act of immaturity. I disagree with the shoe throwing incident, I completly understand her getting upset. I mean come on... throwing a dirty towel onto your wife in front of other people... this just shows that he does not respect his wife. It shows that he feels she is second class to him....totaly wrong, inconsiderate, and extremley immature.

I would never treat or disrespect my wife in this matter... especially in front of other people......formal or an informal get together does not matter.

That is not how you treat a lady.... men do these things to each other... not to there spouse. He needs to grow up and act like she is his wife and realize she is not his male companion or his form of entertainment....She was probably very embarrassed about her husbands actions....

I am done ranting on...

Posted by: searcher

Alright, that story add more information to the story. So, here is my answer:

Considering that he has done something similar (or maybe it was the exact same thing) approximately 1 year previously, he was aware that she would be angry.

If it were something that he didn't know, then I would excuse it as horseplay (childish behavior) but since he knew from past experience Ithink he was wrong for doing something he knew would disgust and anger her.

Everyone is different and we all have certain limits, we should try NOT to purposely cross (exceed) our spouses limits.

It may have seemed fun to him but what did he gain, how did it help their relationship???

Posted by: Spakoyna

Wow! You guys are missing the point! Do we have to tip toe through life worrying we are going to upset our wives over something so trivial? Do we have to be certain we look better than the Jones?

Come on! What harm was really done? I assure you he got more of a slap from her 1st reaction than the towel pitched at her playing with the dog. You guys and Gal act like it spoiled her clothes...which it did not! I would wager the guy didn't even remember the last incident after over a year Searcher. Waiting... if you have a dog with your wife you would not play with the dog together? We only have 1 life! I believe a person should make the best of a situation, enjoy life, and go with the flow. Life is much more enjoyable that way!

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

Wow! You guys are missing the point! Do we have to tip toe through life worrying we are going to upset our wives over something so trivial? Do we have to be certain we look better than the Jones?

I do not think it has anything to do with her clothes... read my post...It has everything to do with respect, and how he treats her in front of other people and friends. I had a dog when my ex wife and I was married.... I never would have done that to my wife.....

Treat her like your wife... a lady.... not some second class person.!

Posted by: searcher

But that is my point, THAT horseplay may seem "trivial" to men but for many of the women, they feel it was disrespectful and that they put a lot of effort into "looking nice".

No, we shouldn't have to tip-toe through life but as I said everyone has certain limits, in the case of that woman, your wife and Jill, that is something that would exceed their limits.....

Perhaps if she were in a different situation, knowing she would get "dirty" (so to speak), wearing clothes that she were willing to get dirty, she might not be as tense or angered.

I think it is the combination of her efferts to look nice and the unexpected "event" that angered her.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:

Originally Posted by waiting123

I think this is definitly a difference of lifestyle. We are more rural here and no one attending except my wife and the lady envolved would take this view. No one would have had a 2nd thought if she had not reacted the way she did. In fact... I would say she was being treated like a 2nd class person if she was not included in the play!

Posted by: ira156

Well Spakonya, i can see that both you and many others see that your wifes actions ( the shoe incident ) made you feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Probably the wrong thing to do but she made her point....it was just how you made her feel. I dont understand how so many men here are so attracted by the beautiful feminine qualities that these women have, yet expect to treat them like one of the boys. You cant have your cake and eat it too. This was a play thing for a dog....a dog and then you throw it at her to play with? What does she think? Does he think i am a dog? I am not trying to have a go but just to point out that she may look at it this way. Hey im an aussie and we joke around more than most, i can see myself gettibg into trouble too. But too understand why she felt that way and ensure her that it wont happen again is probably the best bet. i dont think throwing used dog towels is an important part of you life so it shouldnt be an issue in the future. Cheers

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

I do not think it is a question of lifestyle... I live in Newport Beach, CA... pretty socialite scene here, but before this I lived 20 years in San Antonio Texas... Just my opinion, and I am not trying to be argumenative, but when you take a dog toy.... a towel that the dog has had in his mouth, and I suspect has been dropped on the floor, this just seems wrong in my mind. I mean...what kind of fun is it to throw a dirty dog spit towel onto your wife.

I guess I am missing something here if it is OK to treat your wife like this. I do not feel we walk around on egg shells with our wife... However I do feel she should be treated like a lady and not an object. There is a big difference between what men do with each other that we consider ok, and what you should do with your wife.

Even if he did not remember the incident from a year ago... fine chalk that up to ignorance... I remeber if I did something ayear ago that pissed my wife off

, what did him throwing this towel prove or accomplish.

some people take woman from granted, and this guy sounds like a person who does this. A woman should be treated with respect and dignity...as he would like to be treated.

All I can say is in my opinion, and I would bet in 90% of womans opinion, he was wrong and inconsiderat to his wife....

I am finshed with the soap box... it is all yours.

Call me old fashioned......

Posted by: Spakoyna

I do agree with what you guys are saying! I have had to promise my wife I would never do the same! The point I have been trying to make is others were playing with the dog and I do not feel she should have taken it this way. She chastized him viciously and embarrassed the crap out of him before she threw the shoe! Have you guys and gals ever played keep away?

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

Originally Posted by bingism

In hindsight, recalling some of my previous personal experences, I did not find it uncommon for a Russian girl to chastise their significant other in public and vice versa - maybe this is the true culture clash referred to ??

Now you could be onto something there....

Quote:

Jill...I am surprised hearing this from you since you have a dog...be it a wee little one!

Oh, I love dogs and am generally not squeamish about their "germs" but that doesn't mean that I would enjoy my husband throwing a dirty towel at me, especially in front of other people. I don't mind touching and handling a dirty towel, but having one thrown at me is another matter entirely.

Posted by: bingism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

She says her husband is completely uncivilized and he says it is just a cultural difference. She says he is ill-bred and has no idea about rules of behaviour in society. What do you think now? Is it a lack of education or cultural differences?

Hearing this, the towel incident pales into insignificance.... IMHO the above opinion of wife towards husband is, erm, lest we say 'unhealthy'. The only other time I have come accross this type of opinion was when I was described by M to one of her friends as like a child, unculture and uncivilized because I failed to behave like a 1950's English gent 99.999% of my waking hours. Since everyone is well aware of the outcome of the M situation, I'll let you make your own conclusions as to my thoughts on the state of the marriage in question!

All in all, it sounds like a classic case of one party's aspirations / expectations being somewhat out of kilter with the others. A sure fired recipe for disaster or, failing that, Spaknoya's wife getting a lot more "my husband's such a brute" type ear-bashings from her friend

Posted by: skinsfan

I posted earlier...since then i had a chance to ask my wife her opinion...my wife said her opinion was that the wife over reacted...she said "why should any loving woman become so angry over something so small " now believe me, my Russian wife is ALL woman....she just does not major in minors......my opinion still remains the same...and yes, you can have it both ways...you can have a beautiful and sexy wife that has a sense of humor and does not have to be treated like a porcelon doll......

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

Wow! You guys are missing the point! Do we have to tip toe through life worrying we are going to upset our wives over something so trivial? Do we have to be certain we look better than the Jones?

Actually Spakoyna, YOU are missing the point.. I understand exactly what you are saying and I still think he is wrong...

And your other letter proves my point.. he has done similar things before and his wife reacted badly... you learn when you touch something HOT that it will burn, but not this guy... he keeps touching and wondering why his wife is 'mad'..

Again, I do not say it is cultural, but a difference in what people want... he wants a wife that he can horseplay with and that will horseplay back.. but he did not marry one!!! And he will NOT get her to change.. There are women who would not care at all about the horseplay and he needs to find one OR change how he acts toward his wife... or the marriage will be 'cold'..

But, read my last post.. she was wrong with the shoe.. but maybe the sum of all the other things just blew her top...

So, please do not say we do not 'get it' just because we do not agree with YOU and HIM... you asked our opinion and we are giving it to you...

Posted by: Texas Proud

Just had another thought and did not want to edit my last post... sorry..

All people will show us their boundaries of what is accepted and what is not... you should read the signs they give and respect those boundaries..

Some of your friends you can hug, slap around, tell dirty jokes... be a real horse's ass... but others you KNOW do not want to be touched, do not like dirty jokes etc. etc.... so you do not do those things around them... you respect their boundaries...

Your friend is not respecting his wife's boundaries... does this make sense??

Again, you do not have to walk around on egg shells... do what you wish with people that have no problems with what you do..

Posted by: firemansam

Maybe the wife over-reacted.. Maybe not.
At the end of the day, it really does not matter!
Yeah she may be a bit pissed at hubby but as long as he learns from his error, he won't do it again, unless he is a glutton for punishment, lol!!
People are people and in general, you can't change them.
As much as you would like to think you can re-educate someone, sometimes it will never happen and as such, you will have to accept, that you will have to change or there will always be issues.
Easy fix.
1. Appologise for throwing the doggy towel at the missus!
2. Don't do it again!

Problem fixed. ;-)

Sam.

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by firemansam

Maybe the wife over-reacted.. Maybe not.
At the end of the day, it really does not matter!
Yeah she may be a bit pissed at hubby but as long as he learns from his error, he won't do it again, unless he is a glutton for punishment, lol!!
People are people and in general, you can't change them.
As much as you would like to think you can re-educate someone, sometimes it will never happen and as such, you will have to accept, that you will have to change or there will always be issues.
Easy fix.
1. Appologise for throwing the doggy towel at the missus!
2. Don't do it again!

Problem fixed. ;-)

Sam.

Hey Sam... I guess he is glutton for punishment.... I believe I read in the thread he did this about a year ago.....Strike 2 for him on the same ole doggy towel.

Posted by: firemansam

Quote:

Originally Posted by waiting123

Hey Sam... I guess he is glutton for punishment.... I believe I read in the thread he did this about a year ago.....Strike 2 for him on the same ole doggy towel.

Yeah I think I saw something like that too!
Still, if you don't learn by your mistakes.......

LOL!!
Sam.

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by firemansam

Yeah I think I saw something like that too!
Still, if you don't learn by your mistakes.......

LOL!!
Sam.

I think that is the same swift motion Lorena Bobbett used to take care of her husbands problem. Did you hear about that down in OZ land... I am sure you had too of

Posted by: Spakoyna

I finally had the oportunity to talk with the husband. I think this reduces the seriousness of some of your statements. Turns out the other incident with the "towel" was a Christmas get together over a year ago. Yes, she was dressed to the hilt. But there was no contact. He was playing with the dog and got close to her with the towel. It's his blanket ya know! (The dogs). She simply cautioned him to stay away from her with the towel. He did tell me it's no big deal...and in fact she apologized very quickly for her actions after everyone left. From what I gather from the jest of what he was saying is she wanted to make sure it didn't happen again.

This brings up another good question!

My wife has a very big tendancy to exagerate things when we have a difference of opinion. I am used to it and expect it. It's part of growing together. Other guys I know say the same thing about their FSU wifes. Comments????

Posted by: Texas Proud

Very interesting comments... but it still does not change my mind that he was wrong... only that she recognizes that she did wrong...

It would be interesting to know if HE appologized to her!!!

Again, different people have different boundaries and it appears that her dress is one he should respect..

And... all wives seem to exagerate... Let me give an example... about 20 years ago I was working with these two ladies who ragged on their husbands every day... how bad they were with this... with the kids.. with whatever.. one day I asked 'Why not divorce them?'.... their comments??? He is a great husband and father!!! When I finally met them they were pretty good guys.. the wives just had to talk about something...

Remember, they have a lot more emotions than men do.. we just don't understand most of the time... either that or they got us brainwashed

frflowr:

Posted by: Spakoyna

Texas Proud. You are absolutely correct that most wifes exagerate!

I must say that my wife blow's me away sometimes at how much she exagerates! Kindda reminds of when I was a kid and the betting would start over a disagreement with the final wager being 3 or 4 times all the money in the world! I need to remind my sister she still has not paid off her bet with me!

Yes, women do tend to be much more emotional. I read an interesting article about memory once. I tend to agree with it myself.

A man remembers events through facts.

A woman tends to remember events by how they made her feel emotionally.

I experienced alot of this with my exwife. Whether I was right or wrong in a disagreement, somewhere down the road I had definitly done wrong because the facts had faded and the emotionally memories were still strong!

Posted by: JamesB

I must say that with liuda my wife,some things i do in jest are not taken well.R/w seem to have this thing about being disrespected.
Its always a sticky subject.

Posted by: ira156

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

I finally had the oportunity to talk with the husband. I think this reduces the seriousness of some of your statements. Turns out the other incident with the "towel" was a Christmas get together over a year ago. Yes, she was dressed to the hilt. But there was no contact. He was playing with the dog and got close to her with the towel. It's his blanket ya know! (The dogs). She simply cautioned him to stay away from her with the towel. He did tell me it's no big deal...and in fact she apologized very quickly for her actions after everyone left. From what I gather from the jest of what he was saying is she wanted to make sure it didn't happen again.

This brings up another good question!

Hey Spakonya, What do you mean FSU wives, havent you been out with western women...they all exagurate its a womans nature.

Posted by: metaforest

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinsfan

I posted earlier...since then i had a chance to ask my wife her opinion...my wife said her opinion was that the wife over reacted...she said "why should any loving woman become so angry over something so small " now believe me, my Russian wife is ALL woman....she just does not major in minors......my opinion still remains the same...and yes, you can have it both ways...you can have a beautiful and sexy wife that has a sense of humor and does not have to be treated like a porcelon doll......

Whack her with a sloppy drool-soaked towel in-front of company she wishes to impress, and see if she holds that line....

If you are lucky you'll get dragged into private for your loving, but firm, whack across the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

I just, a week ago witnessed my newlywed neighbors (AM/RW) go through this at a dinner party. (different situation same result. It was a very loving, but firm jerk of his chain

)
edit: NOOO! bad

NO!
=B-)

Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:

Originally Posted by ira156

Hey Spakonya, What do you mean FSU wives, havent you been out with western women...they all exagurate its a womans nature.

LOL! Ira..yes they do,but my experience with WW is they try to keep it within the realm of being believable. Most FSU women take it to the extreme!

You guys really should read some of the Russian women forums. I don't but my wife tells me alot of what is being discussed. A good one for you guys not married yet is russian-fiance.com.

This example of exageration is better for the discussion about age differences but is a good example from that forum. Many ladies that have a man 15-20 years their senior are on there complaining after they arrive or are married and are chastized by their peirs because they are with a man so much older. The things they say their fiancee or husbands are doing is so over the top sometimes I have to laugh. The sad part is these ladies believe and support what they are saying! When these ladies have a complaint about anything even a western bystander with no knowledge of the situation can percieve the exageration.

My wife and I have also seen this through other couples we know. We have no secrets from each other. If someone says something in confidence to me or my wife it is being said to both of us and stays there. My wife sees this exageration over a period of time. We have actually helped a few people through some rocky times by discussing and dispelling the exageration as well as misunderstandings(through descreet conversations). We have also seen a few go bad. Some of the things the guys supposedly did were so out in left field even my wife couldn't believe it!

My wife has come to understand from my reactions and those we have talked with that exageration just adds frustration and non-credibility to a disagreement. I can happily say on a scale of 1-10 my wife's exagerations have diminished from an 8-9 to a 2. I am certain this happened through comparison. Now that my wife is not over the top on exagerating our discussions together are much more productive when we disagree and quarrels are almost nonexistant!

WOW! Can't believe this got me to rambling so much!

Posted by: searcher

You can learn very much from reading the women's forums.

You can see the state of mind, opinions, various motives, affairs (cheating), opinions and attitudes in regards to extramarital affairs or affairs while in a commited relationship, etc

There is so much that is talked about on those forums and it would be very shocking to many men if they could read those forums or if the understood some of the phrases/expressions, etc and their relevance.

The opinions of women vary on those forums but some of the things that are discussed are "educational", to say the least!

Posted by: GentleGiant

Having just read through the thread I will add my 2p's worth.

He was insensitive and should have known his wife would react badly.

After telling him off ( BAD doggy!!

) she should have left well alone; no mention of religous beliefs is mentioned about this couple but the throwing of, or hitting with, a shoe is considered the greatest insult in some religons; does anyone remember the statues of Saddam being pulled down in Bagdad??

Waiting that length of time and then doing that in front of guests..... I think this mariage is getting rocky and we may see one or both of them posting their profiles as "Divorced" in the personals forum unless they sort out their problems

( Is that 2p's worth ?? I think it may even be 3p !!)

Posted by: That1Guy

One of the few threads of more than 2 or 3 pages that I read all of...very interesting. Regarding exaggerations, my wife does occaissionally use the "always" and "never" exaggerations, but I do call her on it, and she easily corrects herself. Regarding the towel, and how women are concerned with their appearance: My wife is concerned about her appearance any time she leaves the house. BUT...it isn't that she feels the need to dress to the hilt for a trip to the grocery store. In fact, we recently attended a truck race in Las Vegas, and she was VERY upset because she felt she was overdressed. And of course- it was my fault! It's a kind of long story, but at one point, I did suggest she wear jeans, but because I did not just say, "No, that is not appropriate - you wear jeans." She was angry until we arrived back at my brother's house. Truth be known, what she was wearing was not all that inappropriate (white pants, and a black blouse). But she certainly felt self-conscious, and there was no way I could convince her that other women were dressed similarly, she just didn't see them. To be fair, most women I have seen at NASCAR races do dress down for the events. But, I have been to many, and I have seen everything from a bra and panties, to very nice dresses (not evening gowns, but nice), and just about everything in between. Besides, she looked very nice, and I'd bet (we were in Vegas) no one even noticed what she was wearing as being inappropriate, and further, no one said anything to her about it.

Same incident, regarding the dirty towel...she was also upset because she MAY have gotten some dirt on her butt from the seat. (A friend of mine graciously offered his jacket for her to sit on, which saved her from this tragedy).

I am sometimes suprised by her quick to anger episodes, but I am beginning to think that when she expresses herself this way, it is not nearly severe as the way I at first perceived it. (She gets over it much too quickly to have been as upset as it appears she is). To add to this, I know a man from Belarus, and have heard that he can be (what is perceived to be) very angry at one moment, and very calm the next. So, I am beginning to believe that perhaps people from FSU countries tend to express themselves differently that us Americans. I'd be curious to hear more about this subject...

Posted by: That1Guy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

...Other sidelines to this are intolerance to surroundings such as hot, cold, rain,wind, seating, etc! The only thing my wife tolerates better than me are crowds of people.

I do believe this is a cultural difference.

When my wife arrived in California (March) from Siberia (where they had experienced temperatures of -40) she complained about the cold. Of course, in July and August, it was way too hot (and I agree, I just don't complain too much about it). I do see what you're talking about though, and I see similar characteristics (seriousness and intolerance) in Tatiana. I should qualify this though because I do not want to leave the impression that she does not have a sense of humor or that she is completely intolerant. (she may read this after all)

Still, I have asked her why she is angry many times because I do not understand her harsh reactions at times. Sometimes, I appologize, because of what I did (and I understand why she was angered) but other times, she jus tells me (again) what I did, and it's up to me to figure out why it made her angry.