My Chinese Take-Away :-)

[GentleGiant]

Yes, I know, she is not Russian, or FSU, but I thought you might like to know how things are going!!

Tina arrived yesterday evening at Heathrow; because I am usually there waiting for a friend, I found myself looking for him, not her!! So it went, "oh, an elderly Indian gentleman, NO, LOOK FOR TINA!!! :tool!:

I had no idea how long it would take her to clear immigration, I have heard many horror stories about interrogations and being held for hours; as it was, Tina came out of customs about 60 minutes after landing; the first people from her flight starting appearing after 20 minutes, but I usually expect it to take 40 minutes, so she was not delayed greatly.

As always happens, with people in my car, she fell asleep within 20 minutes!! Something in the suspension set-up lulls everyone, including the driver!! I really struggle sometimes!!

She would probably have fallen asleep earlier, but the traffic out of London was very bad; the worst I have know for many years, but I rarely collect from Heathrow on a Friday evening, so perhaps it was typical weekend traffic!!
Either way, Tina slept the whole way back top Malvern, only waking when I stopped to drop Corwin off at his Grandmother's house.

We reached my house about 9pm; very good going, I was not expecting to be there much before 11pm!! I showed Tina around the house, then helped her unpack; or rather I unpacked while she called her friends and family in China!! I am glad I have a good international call package on my telephone!!

Although it was nearly 10pm, Tina decided she was hungry, so I quickly cooked some pasta and a tomato sauce; i had forgotten how little she eats, and although I did a portion about 1/4 of what I would eat, I still had to eat 1/2 of it myself!!
We both crawled into bed about 11:30; Tina was very tired from a 3 1/2 day journey, and I was tired because I was too excited to sleep the night before!!

Today we went out and did a little food shopping, I took Tina to most of the local supermarkets and a little Asian food shop, and bought a variety of things, some Chinese, Thai and a mix of English things for her to try.

Or rather we TRIED to go shopping!! !/2 way round the fisrt supermarket I realised I had left my wallet at home!! :wndwsmsh:

After retrieving my wallet and doing the food shopping, we came back and had an early lunch, a Chinese sty fry with extra cayenne chilli peppers!!

Then we went clothes shopping; despite warning her how cold the UK would feel, and saying she should wear her winter clothes, Tina did not listen to me!! Not only that, but she would not agree to any of the fleeces or warm coats at the shops, even though she was stood there shivering!! In the end I forced her hand and bought a light-weight jacket for her; it is not the warmest, but it kept her dry in the rain, and also stopped most of the wind.

We then tried out the coat by going for a short walk along the hills; the sun had come out, but it was still VERY windy, and when the sun went behind a cloud Tina started looking cold again, so she ended up wearing my coat, over the new coat I had bought her AND her original coat.
While I walked along in my new Chinese Dragon "T" shirt and commented on how warm it was!!

I obviously tired her out too much, because when we got back at 3pm, she went to bed again, and did not wake until nearly 7pm, at which time we went over to visit my parents for an hour. I managed to get some English food into her just before we left, Jersey potatoes, mixed veg and and small portion of Chicken pie.
We got back in again at 8:30 and Tina had a shower and went back to bed!!

Now I am going to finish this, have a bath and go join her; IF I can find a spare part of the bed to sleep in; how such a tiny little girl manages to take up so much space in a king sized bed is a mystery!!

Good Night all!!!

[GoingToRussia]

The best advise I can give you is to have patients, let her know you will takes care of her, and you will be there for her if she needs anything.

CONGRATS GG and best of luck! :beers:

[EasyTarget]

Congrats GG!!!
I know it has been a long road but it will all be worth it. Lots of patience and letting her get over her jet lag, and used to English life.

Best of luck to the both of you on your new life together.

[lester]

Congratulations to the both of you, oh , and the customary flowers!!

[goforit]

Congratulations GG! Another one bites the dust...very good!!

[Chillidog]

GG,

Congratulations!!! and much happiness. As to the coat, the Chinese must have a little stubborn in them also :)

[AkMike]

That is so cool! If she managed to make it thru 3 1/2 days of tarveling she's a tough cookie!! It knocks us out after 24 hrs from here. Neither of us can sleep much on planes. In a couple of days she'll be adjusted.
I'm glad things have worked out so well for both of you!

[Sparky114]

Congrats GG :)

I now just how you are feeling :) it is now only just 10 days since Elena arrived through those gates at Heathrow :), but the best thing was that I did not have wait for her to come through imigration, I escorted her we travelled together :)

Good luck and all the best

[GentleGiant]

Thak you everyone.

I was planning on going out for the interview and then flying back with her, but there was no interview!!

(Sparky did Elena have an interview??)

No-one from the agency Tina used in Guangzhou has ever received their "Settlement" visa without an interview before; no-one believed Tina when she told them, they thought it was a mistake. It was not until she went and collected it that they believed her.

My next task is to get her a warm dressing gown, she looks very good in the diaphanous pink and black lace outfit she brought with her, but it is not warm!!

It is nearly summer (HA!!) and my central heating is on full blast, yet she still complains it is cold when she wakes in the morning!!! :mcrowave:

[Buckeye5704]

Glad things are going well for you two GG!

I'm sure you can think of a few creative ways to keep Tina warm. :2swans: Its a tough job, but I know you can do it.

[Sparky114]

Thak you everyone.

I was planning on going out for the interview and then flying back with her, but there was no interview!!

(Sparky did Elena have an interview??)

No-one from the agency Tina used in Guangzhou has ever received their "Settlement" visa without an interview before; no-one believed Tina when she told them, they thought it was a mistake. It was not until she went and collected it that they believed her.

My next task is to get her a warm dressing gown, she looks very good in the diaphanous pink and black lace outfit she brought with her, but it is not warm!!

It is nearly summer (HA!!) and my central heating is on full blast, yet she still complains it is cold when she wakes in the morning!!! :mcrowave:

Hi GG

To answer your question no Elena did not have an interview, but we did not get the Visa at first hit, they had a problem understanding self employment but eventually saw the light :)

and as a true English chap, i am sure you will be very creative in the ways to keep her warm ;)

[goforit]

My next task is to get her a warm dressing gown, she looks very good in the diaphanous pink and black lace outfit she brought with her, but it is not warm!!

It is nearly summer (HA!!) and my central heating is on full blast, yet she still complains it is cold when she wakes in the morning!!! :mcrowave:

I'm sure you will find ways to keep her warm.

[GentleGiant]

She is so hot (in so many ways!!), that I cannot snuggle up too close without also sliding the covers off of me to compensate; she radiates like a 3kw heater!!!

The only part of her that is comfortably cool is her feet!! :-)

We we went out shopping (again!!) today, after some advice from a friend with a Chinese wife.

We went over there for dinner last night and resolved a lot of issues I was worried about.
Tina kept saying "No" to nearly everything I asked on Saturday and Sunday, so it was a relief to get someone with good Chinese and English skills to translate for me.

Now she has a rice cooker and some authentic Chinese ingredients to cook with, she is a lot happier, and I managed to get a variety of foods into her this morning.
She trusts this friend's Chinese wife, so I just had to say "Yuan likes this" and she would try it; whereas before she was just refusing and saying no; now she has discovered she likes peanut butter, hummus, some soft cheese, and muesli!!

And I discovered she only drinks soya milk, not cows milk; something I did not pick upon when I was in China because the cartons both look the same.

Tina appears to be over her jet lag as well, yesterday she slept for much of the day again, but today she is dashing around, making me drinks, insisting on ironing my cloths and generally making herself at home. :-).
I suspect she will insist on using her new rice cooker and doing me a Chinese meal tonight, she bought several strange and mysterious vegetables in "Yum Yums", the Chinese store in Worcester.

She is also asking for a new wardrobe and dresser, unfortunately, the one she wanted is far too big for the bedroom, so I have talked her into a separate wardrobe and dresser from Ikea; we will drive up and buy it later this week; the one she picked out was in the Argos catalogue, but I would rather pay the extra and know it will last more than 12 months!!

[Big wheel]

I really glad to hear that everything is going really good for you two.

[Ade]

Good to hear things are going well - long may it continue :)

[royalpalace774]

VERY NICE GG! GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH.

[azamuner]

Congrats GG! Enjoy every moment with her.

[martin3030]

Yes all the sentiments echoed-it doesnt seem so long since you were parading your pink hat on that dating site and getting 5 hits a day.....Youve come a long way and its great to see at the end of your trecking theres a happy outcome.:)

[Sparky114]

She is also asking for a new wardrobe and dresser, unfortunately, the one she wanted is far too big for the bedroom, so I have talked her into a separate wardrobe and dresser from Ikea; we will drive up and buy it later this week; the one she picked out was in the Argos catalogue, but I would rather pay the extra and know it will last more than 12 months!!

LOL GG

We were in Ikea on Saturday buying the exact same thing wardrobe and draws :)


Glad it is going well, bit of a chalenge at times tho, but trying to be supportive :)

Mark

[stevo]

Slightly belated congratulations from me too! I'm sure as an RMP old hand you won't need reminded to get Tina added to your council tax and utility bills ASAP, and registered with your local GP. Might also be worthwhile trying to open a bank account.

[GentleGiant]

Hi Stevo; I have her registered with the GP and Dentist, but not for council tax yet, I was told by a friend not to do that until after the wedding.

I haven't added her to the utility bills yet, I am having BIG problems with Npower and do not want to complicate things further.
I will arrange the other accounts to be changed next week, and try for a bank account; is the basic job from the Post Office still the easiest to get??

[Ade]

Hi Stevo; I have her registered with the GP and Dentist, but not for council tax yet, I was told by a friend not to do that until after the wedding.

I haven't added her to the utility bills yet, I am having BIG problems with Npower and do not want to complicate things further.
I will arrange the other accounts to be changed next week, and try for a bank account; is the basic job from the Post Office still the easiest to get??

You should get her on your Council Tax bill; it's another document establishing her as here and in a relationship when you apply for ILR or other status 'improvements' - plus, if you are registered as being a sole occupant, you don't want to be caught out and have to pay back the single person CT discount.

There's absolutely no need to wait until after the wedding mate.

Bank accounts - the Co-op are pretty good with their basic account too; initially I just changed my HSBC account to a joint account, was really simple, and then later opened Seida an account in her own name - simple too.

Glad to hear things are going well for you both :)

[GentleGiant]

The visa does not mean permanency, it is only 6 months; so until she is living here "permanently" she should not need to pay council tax; that is how it was explained to me by a friend who also married from abroad (last year).

[Ade]

Wouldn't be sure about that, I'd check if I were you. She has got a visa to live here for 6 months - looking on my local Council website, there's nothing there that says it's not necessary to pay council tax, and I didn't see anything like that on the visa website either.

Of course, I could be wrong; but I'd check.

Ade

[Chrismc]

You should get her on your Council Tax bill; it's another document establishing her as here and in a relationship when you apply for ILR or other status 'improvements' - plus, if you are registered as being a sole occupant, you don't want to be caught out and have to pay back the single person CT discount.

There's absolutely no need to wait until after the wedding mate.

Bank accounts - the Co-op are pretty good with their basic account too; initially I just changed my HSBC account to a joint account, was really simple, and then later opened Seida an account in her own name - simple too.

Glad to hear things are going well for you both :)
Congratulations GG, I agree with Ade, get her on as many things as you can asap. Most are pretty easy and they will agree, the ones I struggled with ar BT and Sky, but there are plenty enough others to meet the requirements anyway.

Chris

[Manchester]

You don't need utilities in joint names like days of yore.

You only need produce six documents each now for ILR. None need be in joint names and Council tax is not demanded.

ILR is a breeze (we did it a couple of months ago). All that fanatical document collecting is in the past.

[Chrismc]

You don't need utilities in joint names like days of yore.

You only need produce six documents each now for ILR. None need be in joint names and Council tax is not demanded.

ILR is a breeze (we did it a couple of months ago). All that fanatical document collecting is in the past.
Yes they actually need 6 documents addressed to you jointly or in both names is the way they phrase it. Then they say addressed to you individually if they show the same address for both of you.

The dates of the letters or documents should be spread over the whole 2 years and from 3 different sources. Pretty easy really.

[GentleGiant]

First week back at work full time and everything has turned to sh1t; as soon as I was out the door she started switching on the PC and spending all day watching Chinese soap operas.
It did not matter what I did or said she would not stop, I even arranged for her to go work in the garden with my mum for a few days, to help her get started on her own little vegetable and flower plots, but as soon as she was alone again, the PC got powered up again.
After a week of trying to talk to her about it I finally had to cut off her internet access, she was watching it for 12-14 hours a day!!
(This was Friday)
She went into a sulk, phoned all her friends (who then emailed me), complaining about me and then announced to them she has had enough and wants to go home to China; I found this last fact out today when one of them phoned me offering to have her stay with them until the flight can be arranged.

SO I am posting this, then searching for the first available flight back to China for her.

Which I am going to make HER pay for.

It is strange, I feel sorry for myself; but I also feel sorry for her. I SHOULD feel angry and upset, she has made little or no effort to adapt to life here, she immersed herself in Chinese TV and QQ, the Chinese equivalent of Messenger, within a few days of arriving, and when I have taken her out, her ears were firmly plugged with Chinese mp3 music.
She was so alive and eager when we were in China, but when she arrived here she seemed totally uninterested in me, or anything that was not about her or about China.

[GoingToRussia]

Sorry to hear about this GG. She sounds immature and a bit selfish.

Get some down time and think about what went wrong and try to learn from this relationship.

Best of luck. :hdetrash:

[martin3030]

Yes quite sad to hear-most of us here will not really be able to identify specifically to the cultural aspects.
Such a short time too-but it seems to have rattled you-and no wonder.
We all know how important the internet can be and how it proves to be a godsend when we are communicating with GFs and wives-but it can equally turn itself to be the most destructive thing in life later if there isnt harmony-it can be so easy to seek as a refuge and also look for answers-and it then becomes a tool for all the wrong reasons.
You never seem to have much success-me and John was only talking between ourselves the other week on your story too.
Only you can know what you feel and what to do-I am sure you will continue to get support on RMP whatever you choose to do.
Maybe you should re-assert your focus back to Russian or Ukraine women,where there is much more of an understanding-some of which you already know of course.
For the moment I guess this is the last thing on your mind though.
Its a shame that you are having to report this-I really thought this was your year.
I have to admit I experienced a lot of this myself and even complained about it on here-but there was two of them -in your situ there can be no excuse because there should have been no distractions if you have been trying your best.-just the two of you.
I can understand how you feel-and how difficult it will be in the days and weeks to come-but I know how thick skinned you are-you will bounce back from this.
If you are certain that this is the right course of action-then its better that you sort it now-rather than let things go on,in the hope they will change-thats very difficult to do-but its much more difficult to cope with later if you dont.

[sidney]

Sorry to hear it ended and so suddenly. Difficult to believe how she changed since arriving. There is almost always change but usually a lesser degree of it. After the flight arragements what is your next step? I do wish you the best in this time of difficulty.

Sid

[EasyTarget]

Wow!!! Really sorry to hear about this GG. Man that sucks!

Wondering if things can still be worked out between the two of you? Or is she 100% adamant about leaving? totally hates the UK?

Only you know what is really going on, but maybe talking to one of the UK guys from RMP can help you get things sorted? So many great guys on here, Vic, Martin, JustJohn?

So in essence, is there anything the group from RMP can do we will.

Best of luck to you through this difficult time.

[martin3030]

If she has been discussing things with others ET,then theres likely to be more -perhaps more than GG is even aware of.
Having been through the exact same situation myself I know how dejected and a feeling of betrayel can exist.
Finding out that your partner has been complaining to others and making plans is bad enough-but when others become involved and do not appear to be doing so for the benefit of helping you both as a couple-then its much worse.
I stumbled on an email sent to my ex after we had been married only 6 months.
It had been sent by HER ex in Russia-it said something like "I know that you are very unhappy in your married life there...and that he is not giving you freedom....bla bla bla"

I was absolutely livid-and should have read warning signals then......but she just apologised and I let it go.
But after that your trust goes as well....and I think this is probably the most difficult thing of all to deal with if its called into question-because its not easy to give it-and in the back of your mind you are wondering if it will happen again.

In my case I went on to prove my point-that she only wanted the visa-because she only left AFTER she got it !!

GG has to think whats best for himself-she has shown that she is incapable of communicating whatever it is that is troubling her-my own experience taught me that the only way to resolve issues such as he has experienced is by making some radical changes and both being devoted to making things work....sadly in many cases many people are unable to do that since it means accepting that the expectations that you both had from the start-are not there.

[goforit]

Whoa!! Sorry to hear that GG. When a relationship goes bad it can be like hell on earth, especially when you are both still under the same roof. All I can say is that I know you will get through this and perhaps better days are ahead.

[Sparky114]

OMG GG, real sorry to read your post, we all were really rooting for you on this one.

The UK posse are here if you need us, as is the rest of RMP, so just take care and take your time don't rush in to anything you might later regret.

Take care big buddy


Mark

[Justjohn]

Well GG what can i say????? Martin and i thought you had it made. I am really sorry to hear this news. Although i don,t get involved in many things these days, i do come to RMP often and read the posts manly to keep up to speed with everyone. i have been following your posts for a while now, so although you don,t know me i feel i know you.
you know where to find us if you need a friend
John

[GentleGiant]

Well, I am going to keep my head down, at least for the summer and perhaps for the year; Nursery work does not pay well and I have spent a lot of money I do not have, so I will be living as frugally as possible and paying off my credit cards and saving for my son's 18th next March.

As far as I can see I did everything right; I gave her plenty of time to decide before arranging the flights, talked to her friends in China and got her on an English course, left my own laptop loaded with Rosetta Stone as well...

When she arrived I did everything I could to make her feel welcome and if she wanted something I did my best to provide it; I now have a bedroom full of girly furniture I do not want or need, and a cupboard full of Chinese food-stuffs that will not get eaten.

I felt very embarrassed when her Uk friends told me she was complaining because she did not have a particular item; when she had never asked me or said that she wanted or needed it, and it was soon after then that I really started to notice that she was saying one thing to me and something totally different to them; luckily they are very nice people and they are supporting and helping my with the arrangements to send her home.

Even then it will not be over, all her belongings will arrive in about 5 weeks time via surface-mail, and I will have to deal with getting them sent back to China; and probably bear the cost of sending them as well!!!

In the months leading up to her arrival, when it was clear that she was still not applying herself to learning English, I became worried, but I accepted her excuse that she was too tired after working nights.

Within a week of her arriving I knew I was in for a rough time, but even at my most pessimistic I did not expect this to happen before she had been here a single month!!! I mentally set myself a date in August, if she had not started settling properly by then, I was going to send her home.

I wish I could delete my feelings as easily as I deleted all her pictures and letters from my hard drive last night.

[azamuner]

Like many others, GG, I am in shock. I'm very sorry to hear that things aren't working out for you. I thought this was going to the be it.

I hope you work through this troubled time and come out unscathed.

Take care.

Az

[EasyTarget]

GG: Man that is so rough!!! Although as all the UK mates said we are hear for ya, maybe all we can do is listen, but it does help to vent sometimes.

It seems like you have resolved yourself with the situation, and thought about how you want to handle things going forward. I would suggest taking a break before searching again.

And when you are ready, maybe one of the friends of GTR's Larissa or W-7's mum will suit your fancy? Best of luck.

[Buckeye5704]

I can't tell you how terrible I feel about your situation GG. As everyone, I thought you had found the pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow. I'm totally stunned at reading about this turn of events.

My heart goes out to you brother.

When its time pull out that chick magnet hat of yours and get back at it.

[royalpalace774]

WOW! Sorry to hear that GG. You just never really know what things will crop up no matter how good you think things are going. I know that from my own experience going to Ukraine 6 times. But I never had any of the women actually come to my country. You would think that it looks great on her end giving the effort & going to you , but then who would know what other things would happen along the way. I hope you get thru it & I wish you the best.

[martin3030]

The other aspects which are not immediately obvious,are-as GG says those changes that have been made to accomodate a new life-like the girly furniture.
I had exactly the same-throwing out a good bed for a sofa bed-taking out my bath and swapping it for a shower,changing decor and getting rid of things that were a part of my place for years-we do these things to please and as part of our efforts to appease all those requests that sometimes do not make a lot of sense-but we do it all the same.
When things go pear shaped-you sit wondering if it was all worthwhile-and theres even a feeling to want to return everything in the house to how it was before-its something that becomes a niggle and a constant reminder in the days and weeks after.Photos and emails are easier to delete than a return to some normality-this is something I know GG will have already been experiencing -just as he says.

[GentleGiant]

I will not be putting myself back on the market for at least a year; although I will still be visiting here every day.

Back in November, just after returning from China I had a blood test that made my doctor very worried; I was referred to a specialist who was mystified at what was happening to my blood.
In March he decided I had ITP; an immune disorder where the body attacks it's own blood; my blood is being cleared of clotting agents by my immune system and if it is not treated I will be dead in about a year; however, the treatment itself is not very nice and will possibly be futile, there are other things that could be causing the problem, but only treatment will show which is the actual problem.
If they get the treatment wrong they will only have a few months AT MOST to correct things and treat me; otherwise I will spontaneously bleed to death.

With this hanging over my head I do not think it wise to be committing to anyone else; if I had known earlier I would never have gone through with bringing Tina over!!!



My internet connection has been broken for the last few days, I got back online a couple of hours ago to find several emails telling me that Tina's latest excuse is that I was a tightwad who would not spend money on her.

It is true that I said "no" to several things because I do not have the money; she wanted to fly to visit her friends in Denmark in June, fly home to visit her parents in October, have a conservatory built on the back of the house, and also get a car.
Her friends are (were!) coming to to see us in August, I had already said we would go visit her parents next year and take Corwin with us, and she cannot drive!!! :drvshift:
I agreed to the conservatory, but said it would have to wait until after I had paid for the wedding.

As for being tight, I estimate I spent at least 800.00 on her during the first 2 weeks; furniture, kitchenware, gardening, specialist foodstuffs.....

and her friends claimed she is low maintenance!!

[EasyTarget]

GG: Whatever the excuses she has come up with, they are just that excuses. It is an unfortunate situation but something changed her mind about being with you. It is what it is.

I am sure you were not being a tightwad. It most likely is difficult for her to understand your budgetary constraints, and you need to plan out your spending. And in reality do you think spending money on those things would have changed how she felt about you?

Now of course you have the health issues which you really need to get sorted out. Luckily you and the doctors are on top of it and it is treatable. ITP is pretty serious condition, wishing that you get healthy real soon.

In the end maybe going to China saved your life?

Wishing you the best of luck through the upcoming troubles.

[GentleGiant]

Yeah, going to China may well have saved my life; it was a mysterious swelling of my left leg a few days after my return that prompted me to visit the quack, and her worry about what I might have been exposed to that made her order some blood tests.

I am really, REALLY glad I saw her, not the other doctors at the local surgery, they really are pathetic; I collapsed with a suspected embolism a few years ago IN THE SURGERY; and one of them advised me to go to bed for a few days. I got told later by a private specialist, that I should have been rushed in for an immediate scan.

[Sparky114]

GG, don't want to pry, but where is Tina at the moment, as just worried she may pull some disapeering stunt on you, and with you named on the fiancee visa, dont want this to bite you on the rear later

just looking in the rear view for you

[GentleGiant]

She is parked at a friend's; I am collecting her and taking her to the airport in the morning. There is no chance of a disappearing act, she cannot wait to get home to mummy!!!!

[shaun1000]

GG

Sorry to hear the news, be strong, take yourself off the market and someone will come along when you least expect it.

[Sparky114]

She is parked at a friend's; I am collecting her and taking her to the airport in the morning. There is no chance of a disappearing act, she cannot wait to get home to mummy!!!!

So glad to hear that, it came to my mind as I was reading a very simular post as yours on the imigration forum board, well all the best for today I know it will be tough but we are all here for you.

All the best

Mark

[Chillidog]

GG,

cannot tell you how terrible I feel inside for you, for what you are going thru and must feel inside. Not knowing you personally but from how we post/write you can get a good idea of the "person". You have always come across as a considerate and giving individual, so I do not beleive for one instant that "saying No, to an item or two" could cause Tine to feel you were a "tight wad"

GG, your health is most important, this should be priority 1, getting the proper diagnosis and treatment, during this time, give yourself some time for the mental healing and putting yourself in the correct frame of mind to be able to move on and enjoy life.

Wishing you all the best

[GentleGiant]

Well, I took her to the airport this morning; got to the drop-off point, got her bags onto a trolley and said goodbye.
It was like trying to relate to a zombie, no show of emotion and not a single glance back as she walked off.
I got home about midday and went back to bed until 6pm; I feel numb, and tired; physically, mentally and emotionally tired.

[solnyshko]

She looks much younger, Im sure she is. She probably thought she would compromise her freedom and youth for the life in UK but it's turned out it was not worth it..
Why not to look for someone of your age and more mature?Of course there is no guarantee it will %100 work but there would be a better chance. But it seems a lot of you are after a pretty face and an easy target from the third world countries.
I know it was supposed to be a joke but look at the title of this thread.
I do wish you a good luck and to be more sensible next time. And I also hope your health problem will be solved and you finally meet your Mrs Right.
Btw, my husband's brother is married to a chineese girl. They've been married for 1.5 years but only spent 2 weeks together.She came over once for one week and was moaning 24/7: it is cold here but it is a different type of cold, the food is a joke etc..Seems Russians are more adaptable:)

[GoingToRussia]

... it seems a lot of you are after a pretty face and an easy target from the third world countries.
Since when is Russia and China a third world country? They are both one of the most resoucreful and powerful countries in the world!!!

As far as a pretty face goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm sure some men would find my wife unattractive and I myself have never been attracted to asian women. Believe me, women from the FSU are not "easy marks"!

I think you need to go back and re-evaluate your comments because in my opinion you're way off base and uneducated about finding a foreign bride.

[solnyshko]

Since when is Russia and China a third world country? They are both one of the most resoucreful and powerful countries in the world!!!

As far as a pretty face goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm sure some men would find my wife unattractive and I myself have never been attracted to asian women. Believe me, women from the FSU are not "easy marks"!

I think you need to go back and re-evaluate your comments because in my opinion you're way off base and uneducated about finding a foreign bride.

They are resourceful but it doesn't go any further:the majority of population can't afford basics. I hardly see any western woman who would want to marry an old fart from China or Russia who she met online.

[GoingToRussia]

They are resourceful but it doesn't go any further:the majority of population can't afford basics. I hardly see any western woman who would want to marry an old fart from China or Russia who she met online.
You need to educate yourself on this topic. Most people can afford the basics (food, clothing, and shelter). These countries are far from being third world.

As I said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I know American women that have married men from the FSU so it does happen, educate yourself please.

[Buckeye5704]

And hey, GG is NO old fart. Not to mention he's got a heart of gold. He just hasn't found Mrs Right yet is all.

She's out there somewhere waiting for you GG just like you're waiting to meet her. Like Shaun said, it'll happen when you least expect it. We're here for you GG.

[solnyshko]

And hey, GG is NO old fart. Not to mention he's got a heart of gold. He just hasn't found Mrs Right yet is all.

She's out there somewhere waiting for you GG just like you're waiting to meet her. Like Shaun said, it'll happen when you least expect it. We're here for you GG.

I do like his posts as well and seems he is a genuine man, just makes wrong choices.
Sorry for the old fart, GG, I didn't mean you,was speaking generally.

[GentleGiant]

Following the " 1/2 your age plus 7" rule, Tina was exactly the right age, 29; unfortunately, once she got here she started acting like a spoiled teenager.

As for only being interested in a pretty face, isnt everyone?? :minmouse:

Seriously; after the ministrations of several make-up artists, and photo-shop, even Cherie Blair can be made to look human; Tina is pretty, but no knock-out, and she has badly scarred legs, hence trousers or long skirts in her photos, with huge surgical scars from her ass down to mid thigh, and burn/scald scars on her ankles and feet from a childhood accident with boiling oil.

As for the title of the thread, am I not allowed a little self-parody??


Re "third world"; I suggest you do some travelling, there are parts of Russia and China that are still in the 15th Century, but there are other parts that are ahead of the West; the inequality is far higher than here, but seems to be slowly getting better in both countries.
The Chinese especially, do not put much emphasis on where they live, once they move in to a place there is no work done to make it look pretty, their attention goes on what they put inside; I saw shacks that would look bad if located on a derelict allotment site , with huge satellite dishes on the roof, aircon units hanging out of the windows and smart cars parked outside!!

[solnyshko]

You need to educate yourself on this topic. Most people can afford the basics (food, clothing, and shelter). These countries are far from being third world.

As I said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I know American women that have married men from the FSU so it does happen, educate yourself please.

Thank you for your advise. I think I am educated enough. OK, I agree with you on the fact that life in Ukraine and other FSU countries is not as bad as in Zimbabwe .But you should agree it is not as good as in the UK or USA. And remember, just like zimbabweans russians and ukrainians (and chinese) still need a visa to come over here.Do you kow why?

[GentleGiant]

Paranoia ??

Back-door taxation??

Job justification??

All THREE??

[solnyshko]

Paranoia ??

Back-door taxation??

Job justification??

All THREE??

Why paranoia?

[GentleGiant]

Why paranoia?
:laughcry:

You only question the most obvious??

Paranoid of spying, terrorism, illegal immigration (as if they can stop it!!).

The UK government seem to think this is a paradise that everyone wants to live in, when the reality is, they have turned it into a fascist, totalitarian $hithole that any sane, employable person wants to leave.

And no, I am not sane, if I was I would sit on the dole and enjoy a much higher standard of living than I get from working; half the local slum estate drive better cars than me, they can all afford SKY and spend every night down the pub planning their next holiday to Ibiza (that is Eye-Buy-Zar to those of you from Birmingham).

[GoingToRussia]

just like zimbabweans russians and ukrainians (and chinese) still need a visa to come over here.Do you kow why?
Because of past history, our governments, and an excess in visa applications. It appears you think only "third world" nations what to immigrate to the USA when in fact there are people from Canada and the UK also.

I find it comical that you are comparing Zimbabwi to Russia and the Ukraine because there is no comparison.

Educate yourself!

[Manchester]

the fact that life in Ukraine and other FSU countries is not as bad as in Zimbabwe .But you should agree it is not as good as in the UK or USA.

"FSU countries" is too general a term to use. They differ greatly. Here in Estonia, life is somewhat better than the UK for many people. There is no corruption, the roads are good, the water and air clean, etc. You would assume you were in Sweden if you were dropped in my neighbourhood.

Many of your other comments were quite on the money BTW. I suspect you voiced what many others thought but were too polite to say.

Importing a woman you don't know and can't communicate with properly is always a risk. Added to Chinese culture being radically different to Europe, the risks were amplified.

[Buckeye5704]

I just don't feel that pouring salt into an open wound serves much purpose. :dontknow: Let GG heal a little before we dissect his perceived failures. GG isn't the only one here that has made several trips that didn't pan out for him in the end. :Peacdove:

[GoingToRussia]

I just don't feel that pouring salt into an open wound serves much purpose. :dontknow: Let GG heal a little before we dissect his perceived failures. GG isn't the only one here that has made several trips that didn't pan out for him in the end. :Peacdove:
Agree 100%. I know I wasn't successful the first time and I would say the majority of us aren't. It took me 2.5 years to find my wife and bring her to the USA. It is a long, tiring, stressful, and costly proceess but I would do it all over again. Only the strong survive to try again and again and ....

[GentleGiant]

I knew the risks, if the woman I met in China, and corresponded with for nearly a year had arrived at Heathrow, I do not think I would be here talking about her going back to China; it seems Tina is very good at hiding her true nature and it was not until she arrived that the real person was revealed.
I put down the differences in the first week to jet lag, she was sleeping a lot and had little energy; it was during the 2nd week I started to become uneasy, and by the 3rd week it was obvious something was wrong.
Communication is only a problem when one side does not want to communicate, I speak a little Chinese and I had fluent Chinese speaking friends as well as electronic translators and FoxyLingo; but when you are told one thing, and someone else is told something different how do you know which is the true answer, or are both of them lies??
Three of the people Tina was talking to also talk to me, and all three of them were given a different reason by Tina on what was wrong, and why she was returning to China.

[shaun1000]

I knew the risks, if the woman I met in China, and corresponded with for nearly a year had arrived at Heathrow, I do not think I would be here talking about her going back to China; it seems Tina is very good at hiding her true nature and it was not until she arrived that the real person was revealed.
I put down the differences in the first week to jet lag, she was sleeping a lot and had little energy; it was during the 2nd week I started to become uneasy, and by the 3rd week it was obvious something was wrong.
Communication is only a problem when one side does not want to communicate, I speak a little Chinese and I had fluent Chinese speaking friends as well as electronic translators and FoxyLingo; but when you are told one thing, and someone else is told something different how do you know which is the true answer, or are both of them lies??
Three of the people Tina was talking to also talk to me, and all three of them were given a different reason by Tina on what was wrong, and why she was returning to China.


I remember in your early posts you said you were communicating through a translator friend of hers and not directly with Tina. Didn`t you see this as a red flag? I remember thinking this at the time, you need to know the questions you ask are being answered directly by the women not a third party.

[GoingToRussia]

I remember in your early posts you said you were communicating through a translator friend of hers and not directly with Tina. Didn`t you see this as a red flag? I remember thinking this at the time, you need to know the questions you ask are being answered directly by the women not a third party.
I wouldn't see this as a red flag. My wife has been here for a year and until just recently didn't like speaking to someone in English because she was afraid to say something wrong or not know a word.

[Justjohn]

I just don't feel that pouring salt into an open wound serves much purpose. :dontknow: Let GG heal a little before we dissect his perceived failures. GG isn't the only one here that has made several trips that didn't pan out for him in the end. :Peacdove:



with regards "perceived faliures" i think we will probarbly find that there where failings and or misconceptions to one degree or another from both sides, and as for pouring salt in an open wound, i don't personally see that happening here. IMHO for what it is worth the sooner GG talks this out and gets it out of his systm the sooner we will have back the sharp and whitty person we all know, and for me that day can,t come too soon.
i don,t for one minute think that this time will be easy, infact it will be bloody painful, but a pain that must be, before healing. take care but please don't stop talking

John

[GentleGiant]

To answer the question.

After the first few months she told me she was reading my letters unaided, and asking her friend to check her letters before sending them to me; certainly she was sending me texts, unless you believe she was phoning her friend for translations and then keyinmg them into her mobile within a minute of me sending her a text?

In hind-sight perhaps I should have been more wary, but when she was known to another couple only a few miles from me, and they reassured me she was genuine, I had no reason to suspect that she was not trying to learn English.
The fact she had not learned much before I visited I put down to her being let down before, why learn something unless you are sure it will happen? But the fact she had not learned much more 6 months later WAS a big worry, I know Eunice was very angry with her for not trying harder.

I am not going to comment on this thread again; perhaps if you ever find yourselves in a similar situation you will understand my dilemma and my choices a little better.

[Manchester]

with regards "perceived faliures" i think we will probarbly find that there where failings and or misconceptions to one degree or another from both sides, and as for pouring salt in an open wound, i don't personally see that happening here.

I agree. There is only GG's perception here. I cannot be alone in wondering about phrases like "sending her back" (is she a sofa that arrived the wrong colour?), "I had to switch off her internet", "I will make her pay her own return flight", added to bickering about an Ikea -v- an Argos wardrobe and detailing the scars on his "Chinese takeaway's" legs to justify the obvious visual disparity that existed, etc.

I think now may not be the time for the post mortem while GG is still raw (especially not from me as he is none too keen on me), but I suspect in time, based on the odd snippets we have read here (being most likely the tip of the iceberg), he might consider that he made some errors during basic adaptation and was considerably under-funded by the sound of it.

On the plus side, he may learn from the experience and it takes big balls to post up a train wreck such as this in any event. Others will learn much from it.

[EasyTarget]

RMP'ers: Let's not try to play Monday morning quarterback, it is extremely easy for any of us to say well maybe you should have done this or that differently. You can do that until the cows will come home, but it won't change the past. She has voluntarily returned to China, and it is what it is. Things happen and I am sure GG has learned / grown from the experience and will use those lessons for helping him with finding the right woman for him.

He commented earlier that he has some health concerns and will be taking care of that situation first. Which I think is the best idea at this moment.

GG: Wishing you a speedy / healthy recovery and knowing when you are ready, you can don the chick magnet hat and find the right woman for you. :D

[bluepopeye]

I want to say thank you for sharing. I have found a great deal of info from this site and from those that share. I consider myself well traveled and am always eager to learn more. The experance of others teaches me alot, about myself as well as people, places and things. You'll have saved me much heart ache I'm sure. It saddens me to hear about "Hard" times and I don't think I am alone in learning from them. Keep one foot in front of the other and you're sure to go places. :salute:

[Ade]

I wouldn't see this as a red flag. My wife has been here for a year and until just recently didn't like speaking to someone in English because she was afraid to say something wrong or not know a word.

I would; my wife came from a disadvantaged background but made an effort to speak English right from setting foot here. Making mistakes is part of learning. And for assimilation into an English-speaking country it's an absolute necessity.

I tried speaking (very bad!) Russian the first time I went there, and I know if I lived there I'd be wanting to speak it every day, to learn it. Same for someone coming to an English-speaking country.

Bizarre not to.

[Ade]

Also, people are telling Solnshyko to get better educated on the matter; isn't she from Russia?

[solnyshko]

Maybe some peole will learn to say the truth when it looks dodgy (instead of congratualting).
I just can't undersatnd for life why not to try to get a tourist visa for 6 months and try and live together without buying girly furniture and arranging cargo from CHINA to ENGLAND.

[solnyshko]

Also, people are telling Solnshyko to get better educated on the matter; isn't she from Russia?
No, I am from Ukraine :)

[GoingToRussia]

I would; my wife came from a disadvantaged background but made an effort to speak English right from setting foot here. Making mistakes is part of learning. And for assimilation into an English-speaking country it's an absolute necessity.

I tried speaking (very bad!) Russian the first time I went there, and I know if I lived there I'd be wanting to speak it every day, to learn it. Same for someone coming to an English-speaking country.

Bizarre not to.
My wife spoke English very well when she arrived but she was hesitent to speak until she knew the person better. She also asked questions about English and I helped her out. She's more comfortable now with talking to unfamiliar people and talks quite a bit with people she knows.

[salvatore]

I seriously could never imagine posting a criticism about somebody's choices on a thread like this.
GG put himself out there, and after reading this thread I know that if I go through something similar nobody here would ever know. We dont all need to be cheerleaders when we see a sinking ship, but this is all after the fact and does nobody any good to say what he should have done differently and that he should have seen this coming.
It makes no sense to me. Even if everything they are saying is 100% right, it makes no difference. Being right here doesn't help anybody unless maybe it helps give you a feeling of self-righteousness. If that is the case and it is that important to you, then go ahead and pile on.
I think it is not only ridiculous and bad form, but truly sad. If you dont like the choices GG made (which by the way were his choices and dont affect anybody on this site) then I suggest not reading his threads.
If Gg were asking people to help him figure out what might have gone wrong and how he could have done things differently then it would be different. But he is just telling us what happened and I am sure he will do some soul searching on his own.
I feel bad for GG but I feel even sorrier for the people that think its ok to come and criticize a man whose life has been turned upside down. I think you should all get a life and look in the mirror and ask yourself if there was ever a time in your life where you made a mistake. If you ever put yourself out on a limb in an attempt to find your happiness only to find it dissolve away. Ask yourself if you ever decided not to act on something out of fear that it might not work out instead of going for it as GG did.
Grow up people, seriously.

[solnyshko]

[QUOTE=salvatore]I seriously could never imagine posting a criticism about somebody's choices on a thread like this.

Maybe you are right but if somebody decides to post on here I assume they are prepared to different types of comments.
GG seems to be a strong person and I don't think he will get upset by reading posts sent by complete strangers.
I am not familiar with his previous experiences but it seems it is not the first time it is happening to him. Maybe a different approach should be used?
If you are planning to live with somebody for the rest of your life in this country then wouldn't it be sensible to bring the person over and spend a couple of months together?

[salvatore]

Solnyshko, I am not saying you are wrong. I am saying this is not the time or the place to get into a debate about it with either the original poster or with anybody else. Start a new thread proposing your idea of the way people should go about this process.

First of all, you will find that there is no one size fits all approach. Everybody's situation is different.
You will also find that sometimes people make decisions based on emotions instead of logic. Thats what makes us human. Mistakes will be made and we either learn from them or we don't.
Again, I am not saying you shouldnt have an opinion or share it. But do you really think this is the time and the thread to do it?
Does it help GG? It is his thread after all. And people will learn from his experience whether you are here to say what his mistakes were or not.

[GentleGiant]

Has anyone else had problems accessing RMP in the last 24 hours??

Until a few minutes ago the whole domain was not responding, and had not been responding to requests since last night; at least from my end anyway.

I do not mind most of the comments, but some of those posting are from little better than "Arm-chair Romeos", having never actually DONE anything; it is very easy to criticise and be perfect under those circumstances.
I take the comments from people I know have been in my shoes a lot more seriously than those I do not know, or who I know just like $hit-stirring.

@solnyshko

I offered, but she wanted to go "whole hog", I wanted to get her a round trip ticket in case things didn't work out, but again she insisted on a one way ticket only. When someone is sounding so determined you do not expect them to give in so quickly; yes, I expected problems, but to run home to mummy at the first hurdle is.... words fail me.

Bugger, I said I wouldn't comment again; can someone get the thread locked so I do not give in to temptation again!! :angrbang:

(Joking, do not lock it on my account).

[GoingToRussia]

First of all, you will find that there is no one size fits all approach. Everybody's situation is different.
AMEN BROTHER SAL!!!

[GoingToRussia]

Has anyone else had problems accessing RMP in the last 24 hours??

Until a few minutes ago the whole domain was not responding, and had not been responding to requests since last night; at least from my end anyway.

I do not mind most of the comments, but some of those posting are from little better than "Arm-chair Romeos", having never actually DONE anything; it is very easy to criticise and be perfect under those circumstances.
I take the comments from people I know have been in my shoes a lot more seriously than those I do not know, or who I know just like $hit-stirring.

@solnyshko

I offered, but she wanted to go "whole hog", I wanted to get her a round trip ticket in case things didn't work out, but again she insisted on a one way ticket only. When someone is sounding so determined you do not expect them to give in so quickly; yes, I expected problems, but to run home to mummy at the first hurdle is.... words fail me.

Bugger, I said I wouldn't comment again; can someone get the thread locked so I do not give in to temptation again!! :angrbang:

(Joking, do not lock it on my account).
Yes, I have problems accessing this site earlier tonight.

[goforit]

Paranoia ??

Back-door taxation??

Job justification??

All THREE??

Oh that is just tooooooooooooooooooooooo funny! And I couldn't agree more, which in the end is why its really not all that funny. A sad reality.

[goforit]

:laughcry:

You only question the most obvious??

Paranoid of spying, terrorism, illegal immigration (as if they can stop it!!).

The UK government seem to think this is a paradise that everyone wants to live in, when the reality is, they have turned it into a fascist, totalitarian $hithole that any sane, employable person wants to leave.



Unfortunately, you are only a little ahead of us, GG. This is what Pravda (Pravda!) had to say about the US the other day:

It must be said, that like the breaking of a great dam, the American decent into Marxism is happening with breath taking speed, against the back drop of a passive, hapless sheeple, excuse me dear reader, I meant people.

Pravda.ru -

[goforit]

I would; my wife came from a disadvantaged background but made an effort to speak English right from setting foot here. Making mistakes is part of learning. And for assimilation into an English-speaking country it's an absolute necessity.

I tried speaking (very bad!) Russian the first time I went there, and I know if I lived there I'd be wanting to speak it every day, to learn it. Same for someone coming to an English-speaking country.

Bizarre not to.

IMO, when all is said and done, in the end you can't really know if some red flags are fatal until after the fact. Many men end up in wonderful relationships where there were some red flags during the courting stage. Some have openly talked on this forum about how if they had backed away based on the perceived red flags they would have never married a woman who turned out to be great.

It is easy in hindsight to pick things apart when they go wrong. I'm not always sure how useful it is. Some people continue to make obvious mistakes. With others its not so cut and dried. Just because something doesn't fit with our particular experience or doesn't proceed the way we think it should doesn't mean its weird or bizarre. Let him reflect for awhile. I'm sure if he wants to discuss it he will bring it back up.

[GoeastLJ]

Tina is pretty, but no knock-out, and she has badly scarred legs, hence trousers or long skirts in her photos, with huge surgical scars from her ass down to mid thigh, and burn/scald scars on her ankles and feet from a childhood accident with boiling oil.

I do not want to resurrect the debate, but I can see only Manchester pick out the significance of the above comments, together with the earlier ones regarding how 'difficult' the lady was. I hope GG didn't mean to air such negative views about his lady on a forum for I can't imagine how she would feel if she was to read this. Put the shoe on the other foot. If you read about what guys with FSU wives write here, you will notice a common theme - the women want to stamp their own authority on the home. And that includes all the girlie stuff. I would imagine it would be a very difficult thing for somebody who is not used to finding things have suddenly grown legs.

Wishing you all the best GG.

[azamuner]

They need a visa because they don't live in a 100% free society. Neither do we but that's a different story.

The government is worried that the mortality rate is going to stay higher than the birth rate if people keep emmigrating. They need couples to have children and having their female population leave doesn't make sense. Prosperity is based on growth and taxation...you need a population for that. It's not rocket science...it's basic economics.

This is one of the reasons why other countries want immigrants. More people means they can collect more taxes. Locals aren't having families as readily as they did 10 and 20 years ago, due to the cost of living, but the immigrants still usually have offspring. Children mean more people...more people equals more money.

Anyway this has nothing to do with GG or his personal life. He's had a rough ride and we shouldn't be critizing him, but instead, lending an ear or some understanding in this difficult time.

I don't know GG real well, but from my encounters he sounds like a pretty upstanding lad.

Cheers.

[GoingToRussia]

IMO, when all is said and done, in the end you can't really know if some red flags are fatal until after the fact.
I don't know of a relationship that didn't have at least 1 red flag. You just have to "ride it out" and see what happens. Some men can't do that and run, maybe missing out on a great girl.

[shaun1000]

I don't know of a relationship that didn't have at least 1 red flag. You just have to "ride it out" and see what happens. Some men can't do that and run, maybe missing out on a great girl.


Or maybe not. For me been there tried it and it will take a lot to intice me again.

[GentleGiant]

Tina's stuff arrived today, anyone care to recommend a cheap parcel firm for 22kg to China??

I might not want to speak to her, but I do not want to stiff her on postal charges.

[Manchester]

GG - Have a look at www.parcel2go.com - you may have to split it into two boxes for a better rate.

And be a gent and pay the shipping charges for her. As raw as you may feel, there is no point in being petty at a time like this. She probably has her regrets too. Write it off to experience and hope to be luckier next time.

[kirovboy]

Hi Ian (GG)

I am really sorry to hear that life has turned and kicked you very hard.
From my heart..
Get well to ok. and remember... that other half is still out there ...
God bless
Paul

[Raspberry]

GG, I'm really sorry to see that happen to you. I wish I could say something constructive that can help....

[Raspberry]

Finding out that your partner has been complaining to others and making plans is bad enough-but when others become involved and do not appear to be doing so for the benefit of helping you both as a couple-then its much worse.

Yes, this is why I think it's important for your friends and family meet the lady. How she they react/interact can show much. And vice-versa, I would like to know her friends/family, too. They can at least give some indication of what's "normal" for her.

I made it my own personal policy NOT to get engaged UNTIL some of my friends/family meet whoever I will be engaged to.

[freebird]

GG: Wishing you a speedy / healthy recovery and knowing when you are ready, you can don the chick magnet hat and find the right woman for you. :D

GG, my symapthies also. Hope the medical issue works out quickly!

[freebird]

If you are planning to live with somebody for the rest of your life in this country then wouldn't it be sensible to bring the person over and spend a couple of months together?

I don't know how it is in the UK, but it's almost impossible to get a visitors visa to Canada {from Ukraine}

[martin3030]

When things are going well-we dont even think about worse case scenarios.
I am a believer that things happen for a reason-I guess as you get older and look back some things become more clearer.The hardest part is the present when you look for answers,blame and reasons,which aren't so clear.
Its down to the individual to learn from experience and take things from them and as has been said in this thread there's no such thing as a one fits all.
The successes with relations between RW and UW in these forums far exceed the non- successes but for my money it does not mean that those who have gone on to be happy have tried or done any more to find it than those who have seen failures.Its a combination of many things and if we all knew the secret of getting things right first time around-then it would be a first for any forum on the internet.
All the best GG.

[GoingToRussia]

When things are going well-we dont even think about worse case scenarios.
I am a believer that things happen for a reason-I guess as you get older and look back some things become more clearer.The hardest part is the present when you look for answers,blame and reasons,which aren't so clear.
Its down to the individual to learn from experience and take things from them and as has been said in this thread there's no such thing as a one fits all.
The successes with relations between RW and UW in these forums far exceed the non- successes but for my money it does not mean that those who have gone on to be happy have tried or done any more to find it than those who have seen failures.Its a combination of many things and if we all knew the secret of getting things right first time around-then it would be a first for any forum on the internet.
All the best GG.
AMEN brother Martin! You are a wise man.

[freebird]

When things are going well-we dont even think about worse case scenarios.
I am a believer that things happen for a reason-I guess as you get older and look back some things become more clearer.The hardest part is the present when you look for answers,blame and reasons,which aren't so clear.
Its down to the individual to learn from experience and take things from them and as has been said in this thread there's no such thing as a one fits all.



Quite so.

And of course after GG has had some time to reflect might be better than right away after the fact.

[GoingToRussia]

Quite so.

And of course after GG has had some time to reflect might be better than right away after the fact.
Another good piece of advice but remember to get back on the horse that threw you.

[freebird]

Another good piece of advice but remember to get back on the horse that threw you.

Which horse? The Russian one or the Oriental one? :hrseridr: :blueidea:

[GentleGiant]

I have been quietly writing and QQ'ing with another Chinese "girl" (woman of 35) for the past few months.
We started writing in November, then she "dropped" me after Christmas; only to start writing again a few weeks ago (after telling a mutual friend that she misses me and really likes me).

Tonight she announces she only wants to be friends!! WOMEN!!

My latest ITP tests show a drop to 45*, so I am now unsure if it is wise to start seriously searching; after my results of 55 in January I was hopeful that my body might be correcting itself, but now it looks like it is just a fluctuation, and so the downward trend will continue. :time:
* Normal blood count is 450

[AkMike]

Dammit GG get well! I was going to PM you this am about this very thing but you beat me to it. We're thinking of you!

[GentleGiant]

NEAT!!
Off topic but,,,
I just popped in to have a look using a 1/2 sized window, and the new website software detects that and resizes it so it all fits nicely!!

[SeriouslyJaded]

I have been quietly writing and QQ'ing with another Chinese "girl" (woman of 35) for the past few months.
We started writing in November, then she "dropped" me after Christmas; only to start writing again a few weeks ago (after telling a mutual friend that she misses me and really likes me).

Tonight she announces she only wants to be friends!! WOMEN!!

My latest ITP tests show a drop to 45*, so I am now unsure if it is wise to start seriously searching; after my results of 55 in January I was hopeful that my body might be correcting itself, but now it looks like it is just a fluctuation, and so the downward trend will continue. :time:
* Normal blood count is 450

Don't worry too much about your ITP - as far as I understand it, it's rarely fatal and can be treated, it's just a matter of your specialist finding the best treatment for your case.

As for the the other stuff in this old thread (which I missed at the time), I have to say that I tend to agree with Manny and the Ukrainian lady. For those that think it's unproductive to dissect train wrecks, I have to disagree; however hard it may be for those involved, if it gives a wake up call to others, even just one person, and saves them from the same fate then it's worth it. People that join forums only expecting positive feedback should think again...

[Raspberry]

Any of you considering going to Harbin? When I hear "Russian" and "Chinese" mentioned in the same area, that is the first thing I think of.
Harbin is right next to the Russian border.....and Russians are the largest ethnic minority.....akin to being Mexican in San Diego.

Some of the Chinese there speak Russian, and there are obviously some mixed Russian-Chinese people, and of course people that are strictly Russians who happen to be in China.

Might be something to check out. I'm thinking of going when they have the ice carving festival next January(something I've wanted to do for a long time).

[EasyTarget]

GG: Any news you can share? Things looking up for ya?

[GentleGiant]

I had a blood test taken yesterday; after gushing blood issued from somewhere it shouldnt.
My count is back down to 37; a drop of 20 since Feb; NOT GOOD.

@SeriouslyJaded

It depends, the majority of sufferers are very young children who nearly always make a rapid and full recovery.
In adults it depends how long you have it, the longer you have it, the less likely it will ever go away.
There are conflicting reports of how dangerous it is, and a lot depends on other factors; my having highish blood pressure is not a good combination.

If it is manageable, you can live a long time with it; BUT the treatments to keep you alive are also quite dangerous; 2-17% fatality rate, depending on which treatment regime works for you.
None of them are 100% effective and those available in the UK are rarely more than 30-50% effective.

ITP rarely kills you directly, it is a bit like HIV, OTHER things kill you; things that you would have survived if you did not have this illness as well.

A car crash; stomach ulcers from the steroid treatments or a brain haemorrhage from the high blood pressure, are the three most likely to kill me.

Lets put it this way; I am not bothering to top up my pension fund any longer.
Nor am I actively seeking a RW,CW or any other W right now; at the current rate of drop I will be suffering from such fatigue by July, I will be unable to work for more than 2 hours at a time; let alone travel.

Sorry to be such a downer. :smshcomp:

[vic2012]

So sorry to hear such miserable news GG. I hope the prognosois improves in the coming months.

[stuckmojo]

christ thats harsh...

GG, if "well wishes" from someone you dont know at all mean anything to you. I'm hoping that you get your sh*t sorted.

You may not remember, but we had a couple of conversations on here when I first joined, and you came across as a really big-hearted guy. I hope you get well, I really do.

[SeriouslyJaded]

I had a blood test taken yesterday; after gushing blood issued from somewhere it shouldnt.
My count is back down to 37; a drop of 20 since Feb; NOT GOOD.

@SeriouslyJaded

It depends, the majority of sufferers are very young children who nearly always make a rapid and full recovery.
In adults it depends how long you have it, the longer you have it, the less likely it will ever go away.
There are conflicting reports of how dangerous it is, and a lot depends on other factors; my having highish blood pressure is not a good combination.

If it is manageable, you can live a long time with it; BUT the treatments to keep you alive are also quite dangerous; 2-17% fatality rate, depending on which treatment regime works for you.
None of them are 100% effective and those available in the UK are rarely more than 30-50% effective.

ITP rarely kills you directly, it is a bit like HIV, OTHER things kill you; things that you would have survived if you did not have this illness as well.

A car crash; stomach ulcers from the steroid treatments or a brain haemorrhage from the high blood pressure, are the three most likely to kill me.

Lets put it this way; I am not bothering to top up my pension fund any longer.
Nor am I actively seeking a RW,CW or any other W right now; at the current rate of drop I will be suffering from such fatigue by July, I will be unable to work for more than 2 hours at a time; let alone travel.

Sorry to be such a downer. :smshcomp:

It's very easy to let it get to you and everything may seem pointless but you have to resist the urge to wallow; I have 2 autoimmune diseases, Coeliac and Crohn's, the former I've lived with for most of my life and the latter put me close to death a couple of times half a decade ago so I appreciate what you're going through and have had similar corticosteroid treatments among other things. Now my Crohn's is in remission and my Coeliac doesn't get in the way as I control my diet.

From what I understand ITP has a 1 to 4% fatality rate in adults so your odds are pretty good. It will certainly help if you keep positive and not get stressed about it as stress tends to negatively impact on the immune system.

From what I remember of your pictures you are way overweight and you should seriously consider trying to get it down; eating healthy and exercising will help with your immune system and your blood pressure. I'd guess that your health is as much in your hands as it is in your doctors.

[GentleGiant]

I do not know where you got the 1-4% rate from, the drugs used have a higher mortality rate than that!! (1.6% - 16.9%).
Perhaps that is the overall rate including children; as I said before, they nearly always recover; in fact, their form of ITP is distinct from the version adults get.

The longer you have ITP the lower your chances are; they think I got it about 10 years ago, so my chances of recovery are very low.

The drugs are only effective for 30-50% of people; with a 1.6% - 7% death rate from treatment; and only 30% of those people will actually go into remission; the rest will need the drugs forever.


Splenectomies are only 50% effective; and in the UK the death rate from treatment is a horrifying 16.9%; compared with having it done in Vienna (0%!!).
Having it done it not practical in my job, it means you spend the rest of your life on anti-biotics; not something I can do working with children; and it increases the chances of you dying from various viral infections.

There is a lot of positive blather about ITP on the web; if you want the true picture, use Google Scholar and wade through the research papers.
One study I read gave a 43% mortality rate over 5 years.

I only know 2 other sufferers, one is a 19 y/o girl diagnosed last year and the other is dead; bled to death after a minor op, even though her blood count was supposedly high enough to make the surgery "safe".

Yeah, I am over-weight; being too tired to work more than a few hours a day means no energy left for exercise or even cooking sometimes; this week I havent cooked once and twice I didnt eat at all.

I am not grossly overweight tho; although I look very big, that is because I am very big, I am an ex swimmer, so my chest is huge; most of the excess is my belly, the hardest part to reduce, especially with a bad back as well (damaged disk).

Before the ITP really bit, I was swimming 5k a session, 2-3 nights every week, cycling 10 miles to college and 10 miles back and had an evening walk of 2 hours/7 miles up and down some steep hills.

[AkMike]

GG,
If it help any just remember that there are alot of guys here that are 'pulling' for you. You are a source of courage by shareing this with us and how well you're handleing it.
You have my respect!

[EasyTarget]

GG: Man...wish there was a good answer for your scenario. Is it possible for you to travel to a different European country to receive better treatment? Better drugs? etc...

I just did a quick read on ITP and it is amazing to me that they really have no idea what causes it. Amazing.

[GentleGiant]

Well, my blood counts are still falling, but I am actually feeling a lot better!!

Why??

Since Tina left I have felt that I was at fault, that I made mistakes and possibly did not do enough to support her and encourage her.

Now I know it was not my fault!!!

I discovered from my Chinese friends that Tina gave birth to a Chinese baby at Christmas, 6 months after she left!!!

The wretched girl was pregnant by her Chinese lover when she arrived!!!

No wonder the girl I met at the airport did not resemble the girl I spent many months talking and writing to, and 2 weeks in China with!

Now I feel ready to move on; I have signed up with a Chinese dating site and I am working on a new profile for freepersonals.ru

[azamuner]

Wow GG....that's messed up. Good thing it didn't work out or you'd be looking at a pair of eyes that don't look at all like yours.

Well I hope you finally get this condition under control so you can go back to normal things. We all keep our fingers crossed that one day we'll see a post with news of recovery.

Good to hear you feel a little better, at least emotionally. As for the relationship scene...might as well throw out a hook to see if you get any bites. :fshcatch:

[martin3030]

Good to hear from you GG.
You will have had lots of time to reflect by now-this news just further highlights that it was a foregone conclusion.

Dont look back-look forward and put it down to experience,and a learning curve.

Best of luck with your new search-but be wary of that essential consideration of age difference.
I saw that Chinese women (unlike RW/UW) are far more inclined to go for an older partner but not excessively older !

I guess you dont need me to lecture you on that score.

Take care-and keep us posted.:)

[JohnnyLaRue]

Best of luck with your new search-but be wary of that essential consideration of age difference.
I saw that Chinese women (unlike RW/UW) are far more inclined to go for an older partner but not excessively older !



As someone who is living in Asia, most parents will disapprove of the woman bringing home a younger guy. The mindset is what the hell can he possibly offer her? Not saying Double G can go out and get some 18-24 year old but Asian families prefer someone older for their daughter. Then again the older you are the more respect you get over here.

For example: At Starbucks I saw this older guy (70's?) sleeping and snoring away. I asked my friend how long will they let him do this? She said as long as he wants cause he is old and nobody wants to wake him up and tell him to leave. (also Japanese people hate conflict).

The local personals section where I live is full of women looking for older men. Mostly early 40 year old women looking for guys in their 50's.

Also my night class is full of single (and married) women in their 40's who are looking to learn English so they can better meet people online.

[GentleGiant]

True; although I have put a lower limit of 27 on my profile; and THAT is a little too young; I am getting letters and "Interest" from women as young as 21.

Strangely, the 21 y/o's profile said 27-32, and I am waaaay older than that!!

Today I have been inundated, my photos finally appeared and I have received about 20 letters, "Interest" and IM requests.

I have given a positive response to a couple of them, IM'ed 3 of them and written a long letter to one very pretty looking 32 y/o with a "Church sister" living in London.

Whoops! Another "Interest" has just arrived!!

Edit

Make that a LOT of letters and Interest!!
At one point I had 4 women all trying to IM me at the same time!! I have not managed to do any work, as soon as I cleared the backlog of letters, another batch arrived.

There are some interesting mistakes on a few profiles; I found one woman claiming to be 201cm and 48kg!! She was only interested in men over 250cm and weighing less than 75Kg!!! :tool!:

My Top 5 as of now are
1/ Xiao 31
2/ Yalin 30
3/ Summer 30
4/ "Love Red" 32
5/ Liping 43

Liping looks about 25 , Xiao, Yalin and "Love Red" could pass as 18-20 and Summer looks like jail bait!!

First I short listed all the women who met my age, education and interests criteria, and who had written or spoken to me at least twice since my profile went up on Saturday; then I sorted out a top 5 by "hotness". :sunny:

Xiao is not the hottest (quite), but she does share most of my interests according to her profile.

"Love Red" is the hottest, but she is also seems to be a bit of a God Botherer; have to keep an eye on that.

Yalin looks like my sons, girlfriends older sister !!! :eatfly:

[martin3030]

GG - just out of curiosity have you posted your photo wearing your famous hat ?

As I recall it drew much attentions last time :GLASSES:

[JohnnyLaRue]

Good to hear things are looking on the up and up. I have 2 Chinese college students living next door to me (only here on Summer School visa) who are nice and we hang out for a few beers after a long day of classes (and a long day at work for me). They keep saying I should teach English in China or at least visit there.

But ye keep us posted Double G. :)

[GentleGiant]

GG - just out of curiosity have you posted your photo wearing your famous hat ?

As I recall it drew much attentions last time :GLASSES:


You mean this one?? Oh yes!! :dodgefrt:

I do have several others in the same vein, including some very fetching furry bunny ears!!

[martin3030]

Ha Ha .....yes thats the famous one :ROFL:

[GentleGiant]

I debated uploading this one as well. :eyelaugh:

[martin3030]

Oh dear......I trust your better judgement told you to leave this one in the file ?

Not everyone likes blue :wasn'tme:

[Buckeye5704]

Yeah, save something for the honeymoon! :sadsperm:

[JohnnyLaRue]

Ha ha ha

[Jerico]

Liping looks about 25 , Xiao, Yalin and "Love Red" could pass as 18-20 and Summer looks like jail bait!!

Definately go for Summer . My opinion :eyelaugh:

[GentleGiant]

Oh dear......I trust your better judgement told you to leave this one in the file ?

Yeah, I am saving this one!!

I believe Chinese women are a bit "funny" about hairy bodies; still not sure if I should shave down!!
Trouble is, every time I think about it, I remember that scene from "Malcolm in the Middle".

Update on today

I am still getting lots of interest, 10-20 a day; Liping decided yesterday, that I am too tall*, so I have replaced her on my top 5 list with Jie, a 26 y/o with very good English from some place I cant pronounce in Western China!!

She looks like a Chinese, Indian, Tartar mix!! :googly:

*Having said that, Summer initially said I was too tall, and she was writing to me the very next day to ask how serious I was, and if I liked her, and that she has no problems with the height different (5`6" -> 6`6").

The real problem is picking out the ones to concentrate on, so many of them match my basic criteria and they are sooo cute!!

I am asking for hobbies and interests to try and whittle them down a bit, I have about 30 in my "Favourites" folder already!!
I am worried some of them might cheat though, a lot of my interests I filled in on the profile form, very few of the Chinese women have filled that part of the form in.
Summer is one of the few who have; she has not given a lot of detail, but what is there matches my interests; I just wish she spoke better English; Jie and "Love Red" are pretty fluent readers and writers.

[GentleGiant]

Well, nothing from Yalin today, that's the best part of 4 days without a reply, so she drops out and Summer moves up to 2nd with Xiao 1st and hopefully Jie 3rd...

A new entry at number 4 is Jenny, who I wrote to on Sunday, but did not get a reply from until today; she DID try to IM me the other day when everything was crazy tho, so...........

Nothing from Love Red either, that's 2 days. I did manage to contact her friends in London though, and they have invited me over; I have said next weekend, so if she doesnt reply to todays email I can drop her and make my excuses with them; currently that makes her No. 5


Xiao shares several interests with me, and plays Chinese classical instruments, and I really love Chinese classical music.

Summer is the ONLY woman I have seen who has actually posted photos of her with her child on the website, most of the other mums dont even mention the childs name or sex!!

Both enjoy books and share films I enjoy

Summer has down, under ideal man "Tall and cheerful like children"

That certainly sounds like me!!! :couchbnc:

[JohnnyLaRue]

Summer is the ONLY woman I have seen who has actually posted photos of her with her child on the website, most of the other mums dont even mention the childs name or sex!!

Because some are nervous the guy they are writing will dump them based on the childs gender. One of the Chinese girls next door to me mentioned this to me.

[GentleGiant]

That is mostly a problem with Chinese men, and TBH, above the age of 30, the chances of her finding a Chinese man under 50 who wants her for anything other than sex are remote. That is why so many of the profiles of women over 40 have an age range reaching up into the 60's, 70's and 80's!!

[JohnnyLaRue]

*nods head* Some come here to Japan but are quickly rejected by society at large here. Japanese people are not very welcoming of the Chinese here (add in the bad blood over the last 1000 years or so). No Japanese man would openly date a Chinese woman for fear of losing face and upsetting his family.

Hell the comments I hear from some Japanese co-workers in the break room (behind closed doors) about Chinese people are quite rude.

As a result the Chinese women/students next door would rather hang out with other foreigners/gaijin as a result. So the prospects for any Chinese woman over 30 are very slim. Look for love online or go to Japan and be treated like a 2nd class citizen.

[GentleGiant]

The Chinese girls do have some strange ideas though.
I have just had one write and say no, "because you know Chinese women well" WTF??

She would rather have someone totally ignorant of Chinese culture and customs??

I chastised her for muddled thinking and asked what she thought I was doing in China when I came, visiting prostitutes??

Sadly, the answer is probably "yes"; they get a fair few sex tourists through some of these places, especially Hong Kong and Singapore.

[martin3030]

Yep it was on TV yesterday.The authorities are clamping down tho-and rightly so.
Its a bit of a mystery tho now how many can afford to go to HK Singapore Phillipines etc etc in a recession ?

The cheap Easijet and Ryanair flights to Krakow and Prague satisfied a few of those inclined-but looks like they are over subscribed now.

But theres an increasing number of women of all nationalities resident in the UK who for one reason or another are looking for pastures new.

I have to say-much of the exitement and zest comes from going out of the Uk and going through the meetings and the hurt waiting for the next-but for me its always been with one-everyone to their own I suppose.

[GentleGiant]

Hi Martin, Sorry, I cannot make heads nor tales of the last sentence; I think you meant "hunt" not "hurt"; even so, I am not sure what you mean by the part after that.

PS I spoke to a woman via IM a few days ago, we had a good long talk but she said she was no good for me; I asked why but got no reply, so I sent her a letter asking why.

I got the reply today, she says she is not a young woman and I would not want her.
.
.
.
.
She is nearly 31.

[martin3030]

Hi Martin, Sorry, I cannot make heads nor tales of the last sentence; I think you meant "hunt" not "hurt"; even so, I am not sure what you mean by the part after that.

PS I spoke to a woman via IM a few days ago, we had a good long talk but she said she was no good for me; I asked why but got no reply, so I sent her a letter asking why.

I got the reply today, she says she is not a young woman and I would not want her.
.
.
.
.
She is nearly 31.



Ah ....no I did mean hurt (as in the expression of pining -hurt not in the physical sense,but the hurt of separation)



"I got the reply today, she says she is not a young woman and I would not want her."


Lol well.........you got such a reputation now GG :thumbsup:

[GentleGiant]

I keep telling everyone that Katja and I are just friends, but the more I say it the less people believe!!!

Seriously, the most intimate it gets is when I give her a welcome kiss on the cheek.

Still, she is HOT!!! :jawdrop: and gets better looking every year.

Would you believe I did not think she was that pretty when we met?? :mthshut:

[GentleGiant]

Ok an update on my Chinese dating experience so far.

BIG NEWS

Love Red has asked me to go "exclusive" and ditch the website; I think it is too soon and asked for another week or so. That gives me time to meet her friend in London and find out how much of a God bother-er she is.

I have nothing against God, but I am not sure if she is REALLY that devout, or just trying to impress on me that she is a Christian.

OTHER NEWS

Li Jie is sending me letters and photos nearly every day, a good sign, but still, she is only 26.

Xiao says she is really, really busy but promises to write soon.

Nothing from Summer or Jenny for a few days now.

New on the scene is Lady, who is 29 and a Chinese/Khmer ancestry. Interestingly, she says she was married and living in Toronto, but her husband started drinking, whoring with other women, and hitting her, so she divorced him and returned to either Beijing or Phnom Penh, still not quite sure which as her profile says one and her letter the other!!!.

Not sure if that rockets her to No.1 spot or not, at least she has been to the West and says she enjoys the Western lifestyle. But does that mean "shop till u drop"??

So, down to 4; an easier number to manage, I have been saying sorry to about 6 women a day because I could not keep up!!
There is one more I would like on the list, but as mentioned earlier, she thinks she is too old!!

1/Jie, Young, pretty, and unmarried with good English and no baggage or children, intelligent and hard working from what I have read.
2/Xiao, Attractive, shares a few interests, but they are BIG interests; some baggage and young child.
3/Love Red, similar to Xiao, interests and baggage-wise, but a bit heavy on the God front; English nearly as good as Jie though.
4/Lady, is she too good to be true?? According to the photos she has sent, the mix of Chinese and Cambodian genes has produced a STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL woman.
5/Wen Ling, Very good English, a little short but pretty. Can I get her to take me seriously??

There are also a few Chinese girls already living in the UK I sent "Interest" to, I doubt I will get anything back, now they are here they already have better choices roaming around the nearest shopping arcade!!

I was going to post my details of FreePersonals.ru again, but I have not had time!!! The letters just keep pouring in!!

[martin3030]

"I was going to post my details of FreePersonals.ru again, but I have not had time!!! "


I bet youre not Jesting GG -I dont know how you keep up with all this !

You need a secretary to help you out lol.

Makes Cilla Black look like a novice :rolleyes:

Would make a good programme to match the X factor ratings-you would see Cowell off in one stroke. :D

[GentleGiant]

I bet youre not Jesting GG -I dont know how you keep up with all this !

You need a secretary to help you out lol.

I had a bad moment this morning; I could not figure out who this one letter was from!! I had to go through everything I had sent out via my gmail account and the dating website account and check the contents and addressee. :helppant:

My problem is, I am too polite, I say "No" really nicely and wish them luck, and they just keep writing!!
I have JUST received another letter through the site from a woman I have said "No" to 3 THREE TIMES!!!
Another said it made her like me even more!!! Now I will admit I like her and her profile, but she has a 4 y/o and a 16 y/o daughter and I do not think my finances will stretch that far, so I that is what I told her.

She replied "OK, my family will help!!" :mntypyth:

So, todays update, some interesting news at the end.


Love Red - writing every day but missed our IM meeting last night ; still to many mentions of God though.
Jie - received another letter with some nice photos
Summer - heard nothing
Xiao - heard nothing
Wen Ling - several short letters and some photos taken with web cam. I have a good feeling about her.
Fang - "My family will help" nice lady, we share interests I didnt mention on my profile; 41, but looks prettier and younger than her daughter aged 16!!

Right, the interesting bit --- Lady aka Nary

Lives in Cambodia, and hasnt lived in Beijing since she was a small child, I THINK she misunderstood the forms when creating her profile and put down her place of birth, rather than where she currently lives.

Spent 6 years in Canada with this husband who turned nasty after 2 years.

Her English is very good and she says she works in a flower shop in a tourist area and lives with her mum and younger brothers and sisters.

She is 29 and radioactively HOT!! Everything I have read screams PERFECT!!

Is she too good to be true?? You have seen my photos, would a girl like this actually go for me??

I am going to upload some photos into my gallery; see what you think.

(But give me an hour to name and load them.)

[martin3030]

Oley Dokey....but dont forget I wont be looking from the same angles as your Chinese admirers !!

[GentleGiant]

Oley Dokey....but dont forget I wont be looking from the same angles as your Chinese admirers !!

I meant photos of the Chinese girls!! fool!!!! :chairhit:

[martin3030]

Ah ha..........should be much easier then
But remember the old addage-beauty is only skin deep !

[GentleGiant]

Ah ha..........should be much easier then
But remember the old addage-beauty is only skin deep !

That is why I am a bit worried about Nary, she is too hot to be true; but even hot girls can want a family, right??

[Buckeye5704]

That is why I am a bit worried about Nary, she is too hot to be true; but even hot girls can want a family, right??

Radioactive you say? Well, made me go ballistic. She's definitely the hottest with Ida a VERY close second. You got some very nice choices in the looks dept. GG.

[GentleGiant]

Ida, looks great, but remember, Ida's is a studio shot, Nary's photo is a normal camera or camera phone shot.

From experience the Chinese photo studios go waaaaay over the top in photo-shopping these photos.

I received some normal photos from another woman who's profile pictures showed a real honey; I did not recognise her and had to back track through the profiles to find the name and id number.
They lightened her skin, removed wrinkles, smoothed her cheeks and trimmed her to look about 40lbs lighter.
She may also have a scar down the side of her nose; although it might be an artefact caused by the camera electronics or lighting.

I want to try and get her onto QQ chat and see how things go, Ling is great to talk to, everything flows naturally even though she says her English is not wonderful.
If Nary gives me the same feeling after a few chats I think I will have a new number one for my affections.
It is going to be really difficult to ignore the physical attraction and concentrate on her personality though!! :Puppydog:

[martin3030]

That is why I am a bit worried about Nary, she is too hot to be true; but even hot girls can want a family, right??


Absolutely.

In fact some hot women actually can experience problems attracting serious attentions because many guys assume they are out of the running.

[JohnnyLaRue]

Wow Double G she is quite the looker!!

I think your thread is good luck as the 2 Chinese girls (who live in the apt next door) I walked with to the train station today and the one decided to ask me out on a one on one date next weekend to Mount Fuji. Her friend said it was Ok as she would rather stay home and read is not into traveling/sightseeing.

I did not expect this as when we do get together its the 3 of us and we usually go to the local pub/bar after work (or in their class a long day of classes) and talk for hours in English. I never asked either of them out on a date for fear of hurting the other girl and they are only here till the end of summer.

I mentioned you a few times to the girls that you were looking for love in China and they said they could contact the woman if you were very serious about her to make sure she is legit and her intentions are pure.

So as a thank you for your advice and support on here if you ever need confirmation about a woman let me know. :)

[GentleGiant]

Thanks Johnny, and good luck on the date.

Thank the girls very much on my behalf; I am very tempted to ask you to PM your address and get some flowers sent for you to take around with a thank you note from me.

I am feeling very happy right now; I have had a big nasty black cloud hanging over my head for a week, but I had a phone call less than an hour ago saying everything was OK.

Oh, and Summer is back in contact, the whole family went off to the Great Wall for a few days; I got some lovely photos and a letter this morning.

[GentleGiant]

OK, time for my daily update.

I mentioned Summer being back in contact in the post above, I can now say she looks about 18-20, and not jail bait :crucfied:
Even better, she sent a link to a home page on what appears to be a baby site for mums to show off. One of the photos is of her and her (also hot) sister with their children at a swimming pool, so unless they do padded swimming costumes I am reassured she is not as flat chested as Tina (who wore a padded bra in every photo I ever saw).
Small, but a definite "B" cup curve to the outline.

Ling is warming to me, but we keep missing each other on QQ; I must remember to be shaved and clothed when I log on in the morning, just in case (she has a web cam :shakbutt: )

Got Ida on web cam this morning, she was looking tired and ill; and complaining of breathing problems due to the heat and air pollution in Beijing. She still looks pretty good, but not a match to Summer or Nary.

Nothing from Jie, which is unusual, had a letter every day until now.

Nothing from Xiao; going to drop her another short letter tomorrow then see what happens; I have had nothing but a "Sorry will try to write" since the weekend.

Nothing from Nary, but I know she has a long trip to the nearest internet cafe and that the electricity supply in the area is not reliable, so I am not worried about waiting a day or two.
She IS stirring my hormones though; I promised myself I would wait until the spring before going over to meet the lucky girl or two I had picked, but I found myself looking at flights to Phnom Penh last night!!

So, realistically I think I have narrowed it to 3 :- Nary, Ling and Summer, in that order ?? :dontknow:
Yes, I KNOW my hormones are putting Nary first!! :lightsbr:
(Think dirty, and that is not a light sabre :chairhit: )

I like Ida, but to much God bothering for comfort; perhaps she will calm down, but she is being relegated to 4th for now.

[Buckeye5704]

Sounds like you got a handle on the situation GG. As I was reading this latest post I suddenly remembered that my new landlord and his wife are a young Vietnamese couple. Both are super people and Thu is just a joy to look at. I told hubby Thai that if things didn't work out in Simferopol I might be asking if she has a sister or friend or two.

I'm told she has many friends. :seesaw:

[GentleGiant]

Nary seem to blend the best features of the Chinese with the best of the Khmer Cambodians; I really hope she is on the level and not a GTG.

To be honest the only red flag from any of them yet is Ida saying she loves me; which after 10 days was a shock!!

[JohnnyLaRue]

Thanks Johnny, and good luck on the date.

Thank the girls very much on my behalf; I am very tempted to ask you to PM your address and get some flowers sent for you to take around with a thank you note from me.

I am feeling very happy right now; I have had a big nasty black cloud hanging over my head for a week, but I had a phone call less than an hour ago saying everything was OK.

Oh, and Summer is back in contact, the whole family went off to the Great Wall for a few days; I got some lovely photos and a letter this morning.


Good to see your mood is changing for the better Double G.

Nah don't worry about thanking them with anything. I'll just let them know you appreciate their kindness.

Besides they were saying it's hard for a women over 30 there to find love and a foreign guy is more accepting, does not discriminate based on the gender of their child (or future child). So they don't mind helping as if they are in the same position they would hope someone would help them.

It was an eye opening conversation we had that one night.

[EasyTarget]

GG: Glad you are searching for someone new. I guess taking your time and really evaluating is this the right person for me, should be a top concern. It seems you have plenty of options, just need to find an honest woman with sincere intentions.

I was wondering about Tina. Just confirming the math on this one, she moved to England stayed for 3 months, returned and then gave birth 6 months later?

If she came to England and she was already pregnant it would really explain why she was having a hard time adjusting, and hated all the food. She was nauseous all the time. :) If she was pregnant by somebody else, and was engaged to marry you... the levels of dishonesty that are involved for that type of scenario to take place... Goodness gracious, you dodged a bullet.

[GentleGiant]

GG: Glad you are searching for someone new. I guess taking your time and really evaluating is this the right person for me, should be a top concern. It seems you have plenty of options, just need to find an honest woman with sincere intentions.

I was wondering about Tina. Just confirming the math on this one, she moved to England stayed for 3 months, returned and then gave birth 6 months later?

If she came to England and she was already pregnant it would really explain why she was having a hard time adjusting, and hated all the food. She was nauseous all the time. :) If she was pregnant by somebody else, and was engaged to marry you... the levels of dishonesty that are involved for that type of scenario to take place... Goodness gracious, you dodged a bullet.

Actually, I think is was only 3 weeks in total she was here; so she would have been barely 2 months pregnant; not enough to show.

1st week she was a bit quiet, the 2nd she wouldnt go out anywhere, the third she just sat and watched Chinese soap operas all day on the internet; she was burning through my Peak hours allowance every 5 hours!!

yeah, I REALLY dodged the bullet!!


I am trying to limit my choices as it is too stressful to write to so many women at once; trying to remember what you have said to each one is a full time job!!

I have a short list and I am concentrating on the top 5, Ida is on her way out, too much God talk and sounding "needy". She is a nice looking woman but....... it just doesnt feel right.

Faith is pretty; as a 41 y/o, she looks as young as her 18 y/o daughter and far more attractive!! But although I love children, she has 2; and that is a lot to handle on my income. I'll keep writing but really not sure; so she is on the "back boiler".

Nary looks great and has experience of what a Western husband wants, but I do worry she is GCG material, from a very poor part of the world and a very, very attractive woman writing to at best an average looking guy 16 years her senior.

Jie, lets be honest, far too young.

Xiao, no contact still, so I have given up.

Summer, really attractive and at 5`6" the tallest of the lot, but I am unsure how good her English is; I need to get her onto chat and find out soon.

Ling; ahh Ling!! She is tiny, only 5` 1" but she is fun to chat with; I have spent more time talking and writing to her than all the others put together; about 6-8 hours of video chat on Friday and Saturday alone.

Nary and Summer have her beaten for looks, but they will have to be very good to beat her bubbly personality.

[martin3030]

With your levels of knowledge and your grasp of evaluation-why not start your own Chinese dating agency ?

[GentleGiant]

With your levels of knowledge and your grasp of evaluation-why not start your own Chinese dating agency ?


Not sure what spirit that was asked in.

Basic answer?? I do not have the time or the resources. Ask the head honcho how much this place costs in time and resources.

[martin3030]

Was actually tongue in cheek.
Of course forums like this cost a few bob to run.

[GentleGiant]

Sorry, had someone moan on another forum that he didnt want to read about my exploits, even though the thread was about hot GF's.

So I am feeling a little sensitive to possible criticism.

Spent several hours chatting to Ling again, had a great time and I'm wondering why I am even bothering with Summer or Nary.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh, yeah, they are hot!! :comppnch:

[martin3030]

Sorry, had someone moan on another forum that he didnt want to read about my exploits, even though the thread was about hot GF's.



Whats their problem then ?
Some people have nothing better to do than concern themselves with ranting when it doesnt suit.

[Buckeye5704]

Ditto GG!

I've been following your tale with great interest. By all means, keep posting.

[GentleGiant]

People were posting pics of fantasy GF's, the type of heavily touched up glamour photo you find in Lads Mags; so I posted a few of Narys and Summers photos and explained a real person was always going to be hotter than a photoshopped girl they had no chance of ever meeting.

They started throwing toys out of their prams and a couple posted some very nasty comments.

[Buckeye5704]

Sounds like they're more interested in eye candy than honey on their heart.

[GentleGiant]

Yeah, I suspect a lot are teenagers or younger, using mummy and daddy's PC during the school holidays; very infantile.

[GentleGiant]

Well, had a possible "Red Flag" from Nary last night.

She talks of staying at her sisters because of trouble in her neighbourhood from men getting drunk and gambling celebrating the Queens birthday.

The Queen Mother's birthday was 18th June and The Queen's birthday is September but not an official holiday.

Now here in the UK the Queen has 2 birthdays, her "real" one and an "Official" one, with a long time between the 2; but I can find no information on this for Cambodia.

I got another 2 photos of her, from a friends wedding on Sunday. there are a lot of attractive young women in these photos, but she stands out as in a different class; even though some of the other have "off the shoulder" dresses and me being a nut for bare shoulders :bowing:

Right now it seems a 3 horse race,

Nary writes a great letter; I will be keeping an eye out for other possible Red Flags, but she is too attractive to ignore, and having lived in Canada for 6 years is a big bonus.

Ling is great fun to chat with, she is not as pretty as the others and very short, but I like her best so far.

Summer; I will have to wait another week to video chat with her, she is on holiday with her family. I am getting letters and some great family photos of the Great Wall; she looks better in these photos than she does in the ones on her profile!!!


It is far too soon, but I have already discovered that a multi city flight plan is only £200 more than just flying to one of them, and I can get a decent hotel in all their home cities for about £100-£120 a week; so if I cannot choose via letters and video chat, I have the option to spend a week with each to finally decide.


Update

Now I am confused; it is the THAI Queens birthday on the 12th August; perhaps she is talking about Thai workers living in her neighbourhood.

[martin3030]

Your probably right.Also celebrated in Singapore and Phuket,They celebrate Mothers day on 12th too.


"August 12th is a very special day for the people of Thailand. Their beloved Queen will celebrate her birthday. In recognition of Her Majesty, this day is also recognized as National Mother's Day. (A reminder for all to give the caring woman in their life an extra hug on this day.) It is perhaps difficult for those who are not Thai to appreciate and understand how much warmth and love is bestowed upon Queen Sirikit, by her people and the society that she, together with His Royal Highness King Bhumibol Adulyadej, represents. Our Queen, on the other hand, rises above the mire of politics and helps lead her people by duty, service and respect for her country. Such are the gifts Her Majesty Queen Sirikit of Thailand continually gives to her country. And the 12th August is the anniversary of her birth in the year of 1932."

[JohnnyLaRue]

Update

Now I am confused; it is the THAI Queens birthday on the 12th August; perhaps she is talking about Thai workers living in her neighbourhood.

I was just gonna post that as they celebrate it here too (the Thai immigrants)

If you go to China and are need of help let me know! I have 3 good friends there (The 2 Chinese women and the one older guy - 55 years old - I met/helped while traveling in Europe)

[GentleGiant]

Thanks guys, that makes me feel a lot better.

Todays update,

I had a chat with Ida on QQ this morning which pretty much confirmed that I dont think she is the one. She is a very nice person, but there is no spark, no fun when we talk. I think she realises this as well and has asked if we can be friends.

In contrast I spoke and video'ed with Ling for about 2 - 3 hours and really didnt want to let her go to bed. I got the hint though, when she disappeared off screen for a minute, then returned wearing a sweet little cotton nighty!!

She has taken to giving me a "fashion show" of what she is wearing, and I have taken to drooling!!! :wolfhowl:
Prior to the nighty it was a very tight "T" shirt and a tiny pair of pink shorts/knickers. :wolfhowl: :wolfhowl:

[Buckeye5704]

Sounds like Ling is trying to get her "Hooks" into you there GG. And it sounds like you don't really mind if she does too.

[GentleGiant]

Yeah, she spent the first week saying "I am no good for you, too short, only want one child", now I am hooked she is toying with me!! :knockout:

Not a good photo, her web cam isnt the best

[Buckeye5704]

Who needs a beauty queen when you can get cute with a golden heart?

Bad pic or no, she's a cutie GG. :bigthumb:

My Mila has finally stopped with the "I'm not beautiful" talk and we have settled into something special already. She would probably not win a beauty contest today (and she might even read this), but her heart easily adds several beauty points to her. And hey, in the end when we're old, wrinkled and gray (and sagging everywhere) its that pure heart that wins the day. In my heart she's a ten.

[martin3030]

Who needs a beauty queen when you can get cute with a golden heart?

Bad pic or no, she's a cutie GG. :bigthumb:

My Mila has finally stopped with the "I'm not beautiful" talk and we have settled into something special already. She would probably not win a beauty contest today (and she might even read this), but her heart easily adds several beauty points to her. And hey, in the end when we're old, wrinkled and gray (and sagging everywhere) its that pure heart that wins the day. In my heart she's a ten.


Very well summed up-beauty is only skin deep as they say.
The real beauty is hidden inside.

[GentleGiant]

I made a mistake when I said Ling and I video chatted for 2-3 hours, that was just the LAST time; we talked for another 2 hours early afternoon and ANOTHER hour before that was chat only because the network was congested !!!

Web stills dont do her justice, she is a lot prettier than that and quite curvy for a Chinese girl.

I dont know whether to cuddle her or jump her bones!!! :seesaw:

Off to bed, got the Haematologist first thing in the morning

[Buckeye5704]

She's WenLing in the gallery right? If so you definitely could do worse.

Cuddle - jump - cuddle. Works for me.

[GentleGiant]

Cuddle - jump - cuddle. Works for me.

I was thinking more Jump-cuddle-jump!!! :eyelaugh:

Yeah same Wen Ling, 5`1" of China Doll

[JohnnyLaRue]

Sounds like she is a keeper Double G!

My date is on Saturday and she decided she wanted to see fireworks instead of going to Mount Fuji. Before when it was the 3 of us going out she was very reserved and quiet but one on one she is very outgoing and fun! As we walked to the train station together (again) today.

[GentleGiant]

Thanks Johnny, and good luck to you.

I think a lot of the "reserved and quiet" is because women have very low status in China, so they automatically think you are not interested; then, when you show interest they come alive.

I do not know about you; but having been to China I would be suspicious of any woman who appeared confident and asked me out, rather than wait for me to ask them.
It means they have probably done so many times before; and in China that usually means a GTG or worse.

[martin3030]

Excuse ignorance -but whats GTG ????

[Hammer2722]

Good Time Girl. GG, although Ling may not look like a fashion model, she is still attractive. Its the average looking girls in my opinion that will work there hardest to impress you.

[GentleGiant]

Hi Hammer, I agree, she is attractive and I suspect WILL work harder to impress me. Really attractive girls have it too easy, everyone chases them and they never need to practise the skills required to keep a GOOD man.

[JohnnyLaRue]

Good point Double G. I rarely see aggressive women here.

Her friend seemed to monopolize the conversations when we hung out together. But one on one she is more talkative and outgoing.

[Buckeye5704]

Hey GG! Haven't heard from you for a few days.

Is Ling still the leader?

[GentleGiant]

Sorry, been posting in a few other threads but somehow managed to miss my own!!

I have had a bad week internet-wise, my new PC is causing all sorts of problems, the wifi packed up and refuses to work under win7, despite working perfectly under Ubuntu, and then the Ehternet port decided to quit!!
I managed eventually to find an ancient 10/00 card that works under win7 and got back online.

Ling is still Number One, we talk every day on QQ, usually for several hours; although the last few days it has been less, she has cousins staying with her and they want to QQ their friends, so I am sucking hind tit at the moment!! Midnight till 01:30 China time seems to be the only time they leave poor Ling, and she is pretty shattered by then.

I have heard nothing from Nary since Monday, not a good sign, I know she has been online because the CCL systems show her logging in Yesterday.
Oh well, she was far too good looking for me anyway!!

Summer is not back from holiday yet; it might be today or tomorrow, but then she has to unpack etc, so if I hear from her before Wednesday I will be happy.

With Nary probably gone, I have moved Jie back into Number 3 spot; yes she is very young and yes she is probably not as attractive as Ling (and certainly less than Summer); but she seems pretty interested.
Even after I tried to scare her off by telling her about my ITP.

She works long hours at the hotel and I have missed both her attempts to talk on QQ so far.

Ida hasnt taken the hint yet; I had a QQ chat with her on Sunday that contained lots of "Missing you so much" lines; pretty woman, but needy AND a God Botherer.

I have one new entry, someone I had given up on getting a reply from, a very pretty 27 y/o wrote to me over night and said "thank you for the letter, I have read your profile and would like to know more about you".
Her name is "Yan"; which could be interesting, because a lot of the women miss-spell my name as "Yan" as well!!

I dont like using a "looks" scale, but taking a 1-10 scale , with 5 as average...

Jie =5.5
Ling=6.5
Summer=8.5
Yan=9
Nary=15!! :bowing:

Sorry, the only other way to get Nary on a 1-10 scale would be to make 1= average and start using minus numbers for the less attractive women of the world.

[martin3030]

GG did you know today is qi xi ???????

Chinese Valentines day !!

[GentleGiant]

:crshhrt: I had forgotten!! Ling reminded me and I sweated blood trying to say sorry!!

I can never get the hang of the Chinese Lunar calendar, AND it was not listed on the "Memorable Dates info for china I was using.

She is so sweet, when I blew her a kiss and said she could use it on either cheek or her mouth, she giggled, caught the kiss and put it to her mouth, then went bright red and hid her face!!!

I hastily found an ecard to send her, as she has forbidden me to send flowers or gifts!!

[goforit]

Hey GG, I've been out of the loop for awhile but I am glad you are feeling better and back in the swing of things. Judging by the gallery, there are some cute ladies you have in the mix.

[martin3030]

- "The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."


Totally agree.
The politicians have a lot to answer for......but are as guilty as anyone else.

[GentleGiant]

Well, Ling is now the only one I am in daily contact with; I just seem to find excuses not to be available for the others.
She is still being very cautious and has told me she wont make a decision on whether she will meet me until after Chinese New Year!!! That's bloody February!! :headwall:

Oh well, at least that gives me more time to save, and lose this stupid belly the drugs gave me.

Jie hasnt replied in a few days, and nothing from Summer despite the fact she should be back from holiday by now.
That leaves Yan, and I am not sure what will happen there; at 27 she is a bit young as well; and what took her such a long time to reply to my first letter?? She was one of the first women I sent a "Hello" to.

Thing got a bit "close to the knuckle" with Ling today; she told me she had been discussing me with a friend, and the friend thought that "the Guangzhou woman" probably couldn't handle the size of my "JJ" (3 guesses).

How do you reply to that!!!??

After an awkward pause while Ling went red I finally told her to tell her friend that Chinese condoms are too small. :thumbsup:

(Actually I never tried a Chinese condom, but the German ones I bought were like trying to get a "foot-long" into a "chipolatta" skin)

[goforit]

- "The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."


Totally agree.
The politicians have a lot to answer for......but are as guilty as anyone else.

Yeah, its funny how the more things change, the more things stay the same.

[goforit]

By the way, GG, chineslovelinks is a part of the same complex of sites that includes russianeuro, where I have had some good success. However Elena's is now cheaper, provided you want to make a 6 month advanced payment.

[GentleGiant]

They are both part of Cupid Media.

They have just started pushing a new Russian service that waves all the Red Flags; glamorous women posing in tiny undies with all studio photos.

I wrote back after I got the "Preview" invitation saying that, if I had seen this before joining, I would have assumed CLL was one of the scam dating sites and not joined.!!

CLL cost me £39.99 for 3 months Gold membership; Is Elenas cheaper than that these days??
(Of which I have wasted 2 months a 2 weeks, cos I had SO many writing by then I had to hide my profile!!)

[Buckeye5704]

:handsclp: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: God I'm glad I didn't have a mouthful of beer when I read THAT! My Laptop would be toast! I think you got a winner there JJ, er, GG.


Thing got a bit "close to the knuckle" with Ling today; she told me she had been discussing me with a friend, and the friend thought that "the Guangzhou woman" probably couldn't handle the size of my "JJ" (3 guesses).

How do you reply to that!!!??

After an awkward pause while Ling went red I finally told her to tell her friend that Chinese condoms are too small. :thumbsup:

(Actually I never tried a Chinese condom, but the German ones I bought were like trying to get a "foot-long" into a "chipolatta" skin)

[goforit]

They are both part of Cupid Media.

They have just started pushing a new Russian service that waves all the Red Flags; glamorous women posing in tiny undies with all studio photos.

I wrote back after I got the "Preview" invitation saying that, if I had seen this before joining, I would have assumed CLL was one of the scam dating sites and not joined.!!

CLL cost me £39.99 for 3 months Gold membership; Is Elenas cheaper than that these days??
(Of which I have wasted 2 months a 2 weeks, cos I had SO many writing by then I had to hide my profile!!)

Ha! Yeah I got a bikini preview for one of their sites, although they weren't studio shots, but still :)

Elena's is now 63.58 pounds for 6 months.

[GentleGiant]

I suspect you still have to pay extra for the (forget the exact name) new members catalogue.
This was separate from the standard membership when I was last a member; in fact I joined and paid for the new members catalogue only,; on the basis that I wanted first crack at the newbies!!

With CLL you get to see all the members even as a free member, and you can contact all the members once you pay the basic subscription.
TBH I would have liked to have paid a little more and got access to all the other "Cupid Media" sites, as they have different ones for every country, Nary was Cambodian, and I am very tempted to join the Cambodia site and see of any of the other women are as beautiful.

I have just lifted this from the website.


GOLD MEMBERSHIP More Info >


1 month £ 19.99 GBP

3 months £ 13.33 GBP per month SAVE 67% Billed in one payment of £39.99 GBP MOST POPULAR!

6 months £ 10.00 GBP per month SAVE 83% Billed in one payment of £ 59.99 GBP

12 months £ 7.50 GBP per month SAVE 92% Billed in one payment of £ 89.99 GBP BEST VALUE!

SO prices are about the same, but you get better access (I believe), than Elenas.

Ling is really sweet and I have a great feeling about her; the only problem is I feel she isnt ready to commit. She doesnt want to talk much about her love life and I dont want to push; she has told me she has had only one boyfriend, and from what and who she said it, I suspect we are not talking ancient history here, but in the last couple of years.
I think she still has feelings for this guy :hldcndle:

Unfortunately, I dont know why they broke up, so have no idea if he suddenly might reappear on the scene.

That is why this "waiting till after the Chinese New Year" comment is worrying. The full comment said, after she had visited her mum during Chinese New Year.
Now, Does that mean she wants to speak to her mum first, OR does this guy live in her old home city and she will have a chance to see him when she goes to see her mum??
(Mum lives quite a long way away by local transport; about 12 hours by train, so 600 miles??).

Do I reopen my profile and look for a back-up?? I have only really got Yan still writing now as a 2nd choice; very attractive, but a bit young at 27, and so far, no email or QQ details.

[Buckeye5704]

Tough call GG. Have you two discussed going exclusive? Sorry, I don't recall if you mentioned it.

She could be dragging her feet because she's been burned before or because she might still be holding a torch for the ex. Hard to say for sure. Could be she's just being cautious from all the Safari Hunters, but with all the cam time you two have put in there should be some trust there by now.

[JohnnyLaRue]

Just my two yen here but as someone who is living and dating in Japan I have realized PATIENCE is the key for a serious Asian woman/relationship. Not saying Japan and China and Korea are the same by any means but for example:

One JW I am seeing I have been seeing for 2 months now (4 dates total) and she is still just seeing us as dating and not "serious"

Even the CW I went on the date with said to me when I asked why she took so long to show real interest she said she had to be sure and did not see why she should rush into things. Mind you I had been going out with the both for them for drinks and dinner 2 times a week for the last 6 weeks or so prior to the solo date.

I complained to my Japanese male friends about this patience nonsense and they laughed at me and said it's 100 times harder for them as they work longer hours (true), they have to compete with the cool English speaking foreigners (true), most live at home with their parents as it's normal here (true), and they also have to have patience as well.

I also know and was told the Asian women who are jumping into a serious relationship very fast are the ones who just want sex, a GTG or very Westernized.

So my take is don't sweat it Double G. Keep the lines of communication open but also contact others who express interest.

[GentleGiant]

I know they are cautious, there is a joke on the site somewhere about how long it takes to get a woman from various countries into bed. For China is said "Do you own a 5 year calendar??"

Rushing I am not (Yoda speak!), I was talking of Easter originally, then suggested Christmas. That is a long time away, but even the original suggestion of Easter would be difficult to make if she leaves her answer till mid February.

We had a quick chat today, only an hour as I am working stupid hours; I asked what her friend thought of the answer I gave yesterday; Ling went red again and said she cant tell her that!!

Re Going serious; I have told her I have hidden my profile and was talking to only her and one other; although "talking is not really the word, we have only exchanged a few short letters so far.

I HAVE told her, from almost day one, that she was my favourite; I have also discussed with her why I was saying sorry to another woman (Ida), and explained that they were just not as interesting or as fun to talk to (which is the truth).

I think I was correct about why a lot of Chinese women will not consider a man who has already travelled to China. I have lost the exact hotel review, but it basically said,
"And mute or unplug the phone, or you will be kept awake all night by girls phoning and offering sexual services"

And this was at a Business hotel with a 5 star customer rating!!

As Johnny says, they are very slow movers; probably the reason so many get left on the shelf!!

Ling is slowly opening up, although anything biological is still greeted by a red face and hands covering the giggles.

She did blow me a kiss today, which is a first; but again it was followed by giggling and hiding her face behind her hands.

Johnny!! How many years/decades do you think I should wait before mentioning I enjoy the giving and receiving of coughoralsexcough?? :googly:

[Buckeye5704]

Johnny!! How many years/decades do you think I should wait before mentioning I enjoy the giving and receiving of coughoralsexcough??


Not Johnny, but do you have a ten year calendar? :helppant:

[JohnnyLaRue]

Johnny!! How many years/decades do you think I should wait before mentioning I enjoy the giving and receiving of coughoralsexcough?

To keep the forum ummm PG-13 I can say that what you speak of is far easier to get than knocking boots in Asia. Nor do they consider it "sex" or all that intimate. Perhaps this is why they are VERY good at it....

Oh and the reason they hide their face behind the hands is the teeth thing. They don't want to show their teeth. I've asked this many times to co-workers who laugh at my witty jokes and get the same answer everytime.

One other strange theory about moving slow. My ex Japanese gf (from a few years ago) told me once "What's the hurry, we can find each other again in the next lifetime" referring to reincarnation. Not sure if that mindset goes for ALL of them but just found that comment interesting and it has stuck with me.

[GentleGiant]

"What's the hurry, we can find each other again in the next lifetime"

A Buddhist mentality.

As to the first part of your answer; great!! I am always worried they will think it a "Western Corruption and Decadence"!!!

I can understand the teeth thing, a lot of them have very poor teeth; although what I have seen of Lings, they appear OK; ie when she smiles I see white, not black!!

Hmm, they might be very good at it, but I am going to give someone jaw-ache if it gets that far.

[EasyTarget]

GG: I think Johnny is correct about the patience thing. You do need to be patient it does take quite a while for someone to open up to a complete stranger; even if you can see them on video. Not the same as meeting them in person; well not until they get the whole 3D hologram thing working.

You are considerably more experienced with international dating then most of the women you are talking with. In reality I am sure most of the women you have talking with haven't had any men actually visit them.

So I guess what I am trying to say is...even though to you it may look like you are moving along at a normal pace; to them it mean seem like you are in a big rush.

I think you should keep looking for additional options. It is most likely a little too soon to limit yourself to one woman. You know that family plays such a huge part in Chinese culture, so I think the remark was referring to she hasn't mentioned the idea of dating a foreigner, and without Mom's approval it is a no-go scenario. She can't discuss it on the phone with her mom she has to do it in person. Just my take on it.

[GentleGiant]

Hi ET. Ling is not the only one I am writing to, there is also Summer and Yan, but Summer's first video chat with me will be later today and Yan is avoiding chat at the moment (which is worrying me).

Some good news about having mums approval; Ling has gone off to visit mummy for a few days. Her brothers family are visiting with their new baby.

As I was video chatting to her when her cousins turned up, she thinks they will have already told mum, so I suggested she talk to mum when she gets there, so Mum doesnt think she is hiding anything!!

So I will either get a "mummy says no", or "mummy says yes", by the end of next week, and be able to plan from there.

A Yes will be great, but even a No will not be the end of the world. Ling has told me she is a "wilful child" and doesnt always do what her mum wants!!

I made it clear last week, that when I visit I will expect to visit her mum, and also we would go to visit her Grandparents memorial stone to pay our respects. (She got all teary at that)

[JohnnyLaRue]

I concur about the family thing in Asia. One ex gf I had (not the one I mentioned above) was told HELL NO by her family and it was either me or her family.

Though I do know if the family says yes your odds of being with her increases 100 times.

I have not heard back from the one I am dating here in a week but she did say the last date her computer was broken and was getting it fixed.

The new one I am seeing her grandfather is Yakuza and she told me this the first date and said she hopes it is not an issue as most guys run away after she says that.

[GentleGiant]

Just treat her really nicely and count all of your limbs every morning; just to be sure!! :crutches:

[GentleGiant]

Well, I got my first video chat with Summer today; the picture was bad and the sound didnt work 80% of the time, but I have to say I am in love!! :Puppydog:

This woman has the sweetest voice. She says her English is poor, but I understood everything she said, so it is confidence and practise she needs.

Even though the picture was blocky, blurry and kept freezing I could see she is every bit as attractive as the photos I have; and she has a beautiful white smile.

I have 4 days until Ling returns, so I will be paying Summer a LOT of attention; choosing between these two may go down to the wire!!
(ie visit both on the sly)

[GentleGiant]

Well, It went very quiet after my chat with Summer; no email or sign of her on QQ on Monday or Tuesday; I thought she had decided I was not suitable.

With nothing from Jie, and Ling being away I was feeling a bit lonely. :hanged:

Today has made up for that, Summer came on early this morning and we chatted for nearly an hour, although no video.
Got home for lunch and Jie came on and we talked for about 20 minutes (no web-cam); and no sooner had she left than Fang came on and I had a 45 video chat with her.

I must say, for a 42 y/o woman she looks pretty good!! :wolfhowl:

Not as hot as Summer, but prettier than Jie (who is 26!!), and possibly a bit better looking than Ling.

Her English is not very good though; I spent a lot of time doing translations and when I posted in English she took a while to decipher it.
Her spoken English is not so hot either, and not helped by a poor quality headset mike that alternated between too quiet and boomy metallic feed-back.
She has a nice laugh though, and the jokes I told went down well.

On Saturday I thought I was down to one real choice, now I am back up to 4 1/2 (not heard from Yan). :Pig:

[martin3030]

GG 10/10 for sticking with it.
You know the saying...nothing ventured nothing gained.
What will be will be.....dont suppose we can tempt you back to RW ?

Only joking.....but thought was there.
You have the benefits of experience of a much wider sphere-I know lots of peeps here are following intently.

I am still following your reports and updates with interest-as I know are lots.

Please Please can you formulate a plan so I can celebrate with my Nabrunka.

Any plans for new year ?
If not then you SHOULD be working on something on that now.

I know Chinese new year is a bit different.........get yourself to Russia or Ukraine to be with a woman who KNOWS what she wants.

Nothing personal.....and I know you will see it as that :)

[GentleGiant]

Hi Martin, if this Oriental venture doesn't work out I will be trying the Russian sites again; but TBH I think they are getting too westernised in much of Russia now; China, outside of Hong Kong and Shanghai, is one of the few places left where 99% of the women still want men, not fat wallets.

A side note. CLL is very good a rooting out scammers. I have been approached exactly twice, the first was booted before I even got to "her" profile and the 2nd before I had decided if it was real or not!!

[martin3030]

I understand what you are saying GG.
The issue with the Russian sites being too Westernised,are within themselves no big problem.
The only problems there,are with sites that are more interested in money than bringing people together,and also people on both sides who are there for the wrong reasons.
Its fair to say that it can be hit and miss-and finding the perfect one doesnt exist-because fairytales dont happen in 2010.
But theres testimonies here-albeit not on the first attempts.
Anyway- I dont have to tell ....you are seasoned here and read them.
Continued good luck anyway...which ever way it goes-I think you deserve to find someone who is as open and as sincere as yourself.
These are qualities that no money can buy :)

[Buckeye5704]

You can count me among the many avid lurkers in your love life GG. I think we all hope as much as you for the result you want.

[GentleGiant]

Lurkers!! Love Life!!!

You can be assured I will be checking behind the curtains for lurkers before there is any love life stuff going on!!! :numchuck:

[mikethomas]

Congratulations and best of luck!

[Buckeye5704]

Lurkers!! Love Life!!!

You can be assured I will be checking behind the curtains for lurkers before there is any love life stuff going on!!! :numchuck:


Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. :lurker:

[JohnnyLaRue]

I'm also following just to compare notes so to speak. As it happens met a Chinese woman 3 days ago (on the train) and we are talking/swapped email addresses. She seems nice. Very cheerful and kind.

The two Chinese girls left last weekend and they said I was welcome to visit them and wished Double G the best of luck as well. "I hope your internet friend is lucky" was their exact words.

Also they just walked into my apartment at 11pm to give me cooking oil as they did not want to be wasteful. I told them they should knock but they said why? Ha ha

Though I have the one RW I met in Russia planning to visit me in October. Keeping all options open/on the table.

I do agree with Double G about the Westernization comments.

[baron555]

but TBH I think they are getting too westernised in much of Russia now; China, outside of Hong Kong and Shanghai, is one of the few places left where 99% of the women still want men, not fat wallets.





So....westernized means that they are into your money and not you?

These types of comments are such a disservice. Usually they are made by men who themselves are the main problem on why women do not want to have a real relationship with them.

Yes the international news is prevalent in FSU and many of the younger mena and women emulate their western bretheren.....but Sheesh...

there are still very nice and very real women in the FSU who are considering leaving their country if (BIG IF) they find a real man who is worthy of their time (and vice versa for him).

Since my wife has come here and is now comfortably living here, she has come to know and has been contacted by many FSU women who want to communicate with her on what it is like and how she did it (we both did it, together) and what to do. These are very real and very nice women and definately not gold diggers.


Personally, I like my cultured and well-travelled (actually internation travelling) woman than to one who isn't as experience. She challenges me to be a better person and me to her. If one is looking for a more "one-sdied" relationship, then yes a village girl may be best.

[baron555]

because fairytales dont happen in 2010.
But theres testimonies here-albeit not on the first attempts.




How wrong you are. Hard work will pay off, but only IF you are worth it as a man. I read about many mens' experiences and most often, if you read closely enough, there is something about the man or something silly they did, that resulted in the "failure".

My search paid off at the first attempt, but I didn't go jetting off until I had found that person and we had tons of communications prior. Many men are poor communicators and therein lies the heart of their problems.

Now I will admit, my wife was not the first that I communicated with and wasn't even on the first group that I thought would be the one. Actually she was in the second group and in the beginning of our correspondence, I wouldn't have fathomed we'd now be married. We learned of each other first and became friends first and then the love thing happened.

Isn't that the way it normally works?

[GoingToRussia]

How wrong you are. Hard work will pay off, but only IF you are worth it as a man. I read about many mens' experiences and most often, if you read closely enough, there is something about the man or something silly they did, that resulted in the "failure".

My search paid off at the first attempt, but I didn't go jetting off until I had found that person and we had tons of communications prior. Many men are poor communicators and therein lies the heart of their problems.

Now I will admit, my wife was not the first that I communicated with and wasn't even on the first group that I thought would be the one. Actually she was in the second group and in the beginning of our correspondence, I wouldn't have fathomed we'd now be married. We learned of each other first and became friends first and then the love thing happened.

Isn't that the way it normally works?
So you think all failed foreign relationships is because something the man did? I don't agree.

Just because you have "tons of good communication" doesn't mean a successful trip. You never know until you meet and get to know the person, that is the true test.

I agree with Martin that it is not the norm that a man finds a woman he loves and succesfully marries on just one visit.

[GentleGiant]

@baron.

I mean TOO MANY are getting the Western disease of valuing material wealth over spiritual wealth. I am sure there are still plenty of good women, but it gets more difficult each year to distinguish a genuine woman from one after a green card or visa into a new country.
I am thinking of a recent example in our own ranks; for a US man the 5th anniversary must be a real nail biter these days!!!

As for your "one sided village girl relationship crap"; well F@~K you! The majority of the women I have written to, in the FSU and China, have had a college or Degree level education.

(Off to see if we have an "Ignore Person" button hidden away somewhere)

[Buckeye5704]

@baron.(Off to see if we have an "Ignore Person" button hidden away somewhere)

We do GG. User CP near the bottom of the left-side panel

[baron555]

So you think all failed foreign relationships is because something the man did? I don't agree.

Just because you have "tons of good communication" doesn't mean a successful trip. You never know until you meet and get to know the person, that is the true test.

I agree with Martin that it is not the norm that a man finds a woman he loves and succesfully marries on just one visit.


GTR, please carefully re-read my post, which you quoted. I never said all, you did. I DID say many that I read about (very small sampling) I would say that the man had some part if not a major part in the "failure".

Yes finding the one and only on one visit is not the norm, but Martin also stated that it is very rare or doesn't happen these days. Sri, I don't see that. I can list on both hands and feet the number of happy couples just this year (I met them during my own journey and yes over on that forum about journey.).

So, please don't put words into my statements and read the original posting I am refering to before you make comments.

[GentleGiant]

If one is looking for a more "one-sdied" relationship, then yes a village girl may be best.

You were saying??

Dont bother replying, you are being ignored) :mthshut:

[baron555]

@baron.

I mean TOO MANY are getting the Western disease of valuing material wealth over spiritual wealth. I am sure there are still plenty of good women, but it gets more difficult each year to distinguish a genuine woman from one after a green card or visa into a new country.
I am thinking of a recent example in our own ranks; for a US man the 5th anniversary must be a real nail biter these days!!!


So one example here constitues Too Many? Again, I can name more than 20 couples who have got together in the recent years and are happily married plus I have met, or my wife has met, many more real women who are starting out on their search. And I would say that they are not so "westernized". Yes maybe if you are talking about 25 yr or less. The age set I am referring to is more 30 - 45.

As for your "one sided village girl relationship crap"; well F@~K you!

Well, aren't you the non-gentle type! I make a comment and you jump all down my throat. Obviously you have some personal agenda or experience that does not involve me, but you feel compelled to try to. Sri for you sir. That comment is not called for iand is unwarranted.

The majority of the women I have written to, in the FSU and China, have had a college or Degree level education.

(Off to see if we have an "Ignore Person" button hidden away somewhere)

.........

[EasyTarget]

GG: I was just looking at the gallery and the photos you posted of the current potentials. All of them look really nice; so you just need to find the one you click with and can spend the next 40 years with.

[GoingToRussia]

GTR, please carefully re-read my post, which you quoted. I never said all, you did. I DID say many that I read about (very small sampling) I would say that the man had some part if not a major part in the "failure".

Yes finding the one and only on one visit is not the norm, but Martin also stated that it is very rare or doesn't happen these days. Sri, I don't see that. I can list on both hands and feet the number of happy couples just this year (I met them during my own journey and yes over on that forum about journey.).

So, please don't put words into my statements and read the original posting I am refering to before you make comments.
If you look at my post more carefully, you will notice I put a question mark after my statement regarding the "all men make a relationship fail" comment. A question mark means I am asking you a question, not "putting words" in your statement. Please read my comments more carefully in the future to be sure you interpret them correctly.

So now you're saying more than 50% of the time it is the man's fault? Again, this is something I don't agree with. It takes 2 to tango and in all relationships that have problems it is not the man or the woman that cause the problems or the major problem, it is a combination of both of them. No one is perfect and they each contribute to the problem and they both do things that are wrong.

Once again I agree with Martin and not you. In my opinion, it is RARE to find the woman you will marry and have a successful marriage based on visiting one woman. I know many AM/RW couples and I can't think of any that had a succesfull marriage after meeting just one woman. I'm sure there are some, but not many. Sounds like someone should start a pole.

[Buckeye5704]

Actually I think AKMike only met with Tanya. SO (I think) that's one.

Guys can we put our weapons on SAFE and remove the ammo, please? This is a great discussion and all opinions have merits, but lets keep it civil.

And remember, this IS GG's thread.

[JohnnyLaRue]

@baron.

(Off to see if we have an "Ignore Person" button hidden away somewhere)

Good to see I am not the only one who has ignored Baron and sees him as a pretentious pompous fool.

[baron555]

Good to see I am not the only one who has ignored Baron and sees him as a pretentious pompous fool.


Sigh....oh well. Yes I worked hard at my search, found many very real women, corresponded hot and heavy with a handful and in the end one woman and I both together selected each other (decided that we each met each other's criteria), agreed to meet, and our hearts verified what our heads had determined. Now we are happily married and are best friends first and are having a great time together.

I do not feel like a fool.

If you don't like my story or my experience or my methods, then good luck to you (collective you on this forum).


No GG, I think I said that many of the stories by men that I read, I draw the conclusion that the man had a large part in the "failure" of the relationship. The subset is very small, but many men place total blame on the woman and take no responsibility for themselves. In essence it's really the man's ballgame to play and win or lose.

[Buckeye5704]

Good to see I am not the only one who has ignored Baron and sees him as a pretentious pompous fool.


Not playing nice there Johnny.

We need a cease fire here gentlemen. We're all entitled to our own opinions here and welcome to express them, and yes, even rebut them in a civil manner.

I don't necessarily agree with many things any number of people say here, but you won't see me stoop to name calling over it either.

Lets stop adding fuel to the fire, shall we?

[JohnnyLaRue]

I see your point but I grow tired of know it all Baron. Cheap shot on him on my part? Perhaps.... Though it's not like he had it coming as he brings it upon himself. But for the good of the forum (and not to turn Double G's thread into a UFC fight) I'll refrain from talking about Baron. I mean we have an ignore button for a reason so out of sight out of mind as far as I am concerned.

*Now back to your regularly scheduled thread* :P

[baron555]

Me? A know it all? Hardly. I only know what I have done, and it is a mere fraction of what many of you have done.....but what I did do and how I went about it, did work.

I am at a loss on why many of you have such bad luck but maybe I am just very very lucky. I don't think so but I do know that I put a lot of effort into my search and spent a lot of time searching my soul for who I am, what I really wanted and what I brought to the table in a relationship. I'd like to say that my hard work made me very lucky.

I read about many men's efforts (not singling out anyone here) and can read between the lines and determine that there are things that the man has done or didn't do or assumed, etc that contributed to their situations.

I do know that I met very many very real women and in the end was corresponding with a handful of women who any one could have been my match. Making the decision who was easy but informing the others was very difficult.

So they are out there, the men just have to present themselves in a good, honest light, work hard at it and hope their hard work makes them lucky.

[GoingToRussia]

We've all had our say and expressed our opinions so let's get back to GGs thread.

If someone what's to continue this discussion, please start another thread.

My apologies to GG for contributing to getting his thread off course.

[Buckeye5704]

Agreed GTR.

Take your grievances to PM. Enough!

Take the hint Johnny (2nd warning) AND Baron (1st official warning).

Both of you are OFF TOPIC and slinging mud.

[GentleGiant]

Apologies accepted.

In return I apologize for swearing at the tw.. er .... person suffering from an autistic spectrum disorder.

Well; after a busy Wednesday I was out of contact for Thursday and Friday; I had to work extra hours and didnt manage to hook up with anyone except Summer, and that was only for a 15 minutes with no video.

Ling should have been back Thursday night or Friday morning, but no contact.

Summer WAS online today, but talking to a friend and told me she would talk to me tomorrow.
I am getting negative vibes about this; if she were interested in me why is she so lacking in enthusiasm after two days of not being able to talk properly??

Had a good talk with Fang/Faith on video, she is looking pretty good for 42, and her daughter looks a lot better than her photo as well.
Dare I date her with such a tempting piece of teenage ass in the house?? :crutches:

Just as Fang was signing off, Jie turned up and we had a good long chat; she sent me a few photos; some studio type ones she swears she took (how??) and some family pics.
Now here is what is silly; she look FAR better looking in the family pics!!
(and I told her so).
She says she is writing a book (about her life), so I have asked for a chance to have a read; at the very least it will give me some insight into what she sees in me. A 37MB file arrived on QQ eariler, so I will be having a butchers later.

Nothing from Yan, so I am considering what to do. She wants to keep contact via the CLL website and I want to close my account to stop all the letters I keep getting.

So Jie is back in contention, Fang/Faith is now a serious option and Summer on the way out; yeah she is gorgeous, but....

Now, what is Ling going to say when she finally resurfaces???

Stay tuned.


Just had Ling on Webcam for several hours; we only stopped cos the cruddy internet system where she lives kept breaking down.
Summer is in a mood because when she decided she wanted to talk, I was already talking to Ling :flyfan:

After she figured out the "friend" I was talking to was another woman she blanked me.
It's her own fault, she should have talked yesterday!! :byebye:

[baron555]

Good luck GG and I know you know not to look too much at the pictures.

[Buckeye5704]

So I take it Ling's mom gave the thumbs up then? :dontknow:

The pics are nice, but I'm certain GG's looking neath the bonnet as well. If both hearts aren't in the right place no relationship can survive for long. Some of us had to learn that the hard way.

[GentleGiant]

"Too Tall" is the answer I got. I am still working on it.

Old age will start to shrink me soon!!

[Buckeye5704]

Get her some 70's style platform shoes to even things out. Just for God's sake don't let go of her arm til she gets the hang of it. :shygirl:

[GentleGiant]

I have already suggested one of those collapsible boxes JML advertise.

Seriously, the Czech woman that started me off on this quest was the same height and we had no problems.

[JohnnyLaRue]

Whoa whoa whoa the book is in Chinese or English?

[GentleGiant]

I suspect Chinese. Anyway, what I thought was a chapter of her book turned out to be HQ photos. :undrwatr:

After finding Tina was totally flat chested I am a bit wary of women if there is no visible cleavage; and one of these new photos is really setting my alarm bells ringing.

What do you think??

[Brian2]

What do you think??

It appears to have been taken with a Canon 1000D DSLR - not necessarily pro gear, but somewhat better than a normal P&S - seems professionally shot.

Are chinese girls like Russian girls, when it comes to photos? In Russia photo studios seem to be a huge business everywhere, and a lot of it is just normal girls wanting good photos (or so I'm told by my wife - her best friend has a studio).

[stevo]

After finding Tina was totally flat chested I am a bit wary of women if there is no visible cleavage; and one of these new photos is really setting my alarm bells ringing.
You mean it looks as if some padding may be involved? :scratch:

[GentleGiant]

You mean it looks as if some padding may be involved? :scratch:

Yeah, it looks like a circus tent has been erected under there, but there is no visible cleavage.

The Chinese girls are just like the Russians when it comes to photos for dating sites, the majority go with over-`shopped studio jobs.
You do find a lot of real photos as well, but the first or "Main" photo is often a studio job.

At least the Russian havent started doing what some of the newly weds are doing in parts of China; having (tasteful) nude studio shots taken to remind themselves of how they looked when they were young!!

[JohnnyLaRue]

Well they do sell this in the stores here....

http://img808.imageshack.us/img808/7976/stuffyourshirt.jpg


** how come I can never import/embed pics like Double G's above? **

[GentleGiant]

When you reply you need to click the "Advanced" button, then scroll down to the "Additional Options" pane; the 2nd box covers uploading photos.

That link you provide looks likely, a couple of balloons stuffed down her top!!

Compare that with this "family" photo.

[Buckeye5704]

I actually like her better in this latest pic.

They say if you got it flaunt it. I say if you don't got it then don't make a mountain from a molehill.

Just think how perky she'll be years from now.