Russian and Belarusian Wedding Traditions and Marriage Ceremony (a history of wedding customs)

written by Lena Usachova

 A wedding is a very important and happy moment in each family and for each couple, so Khashyar and I are waiting for this day very much. Like any lady, I dreamed to find the right person and to simply be happy. It happened. J Khashyar and I are inviting all of our family, relatives, and friends to celebrate this event and special day with us, and to have fun and enjoy.

Our wedding will be in Mogilev, Belarus-- the place where I was born and where I lived for my first 22 years-- where I spent my childhood, where my first teachers were who gave me a good Belarusian education, where live my lovely parents, my best friends, the streets where I all the time ran to be on time to school, university, and work.         

 In each country there are some particular marriage traditions and rites. And I think that the most interesting and most exotic are international weddings, which is what we will have. Everything happened unexpectedly for me, for Khashyar, for Khashyar’s and my parents.

It’s true that every person has an idea where his or her second half lives.  Mine lived so far away—across an ocean and thousands of miles away. But we found each other and are happy with each other. We will be happy to share this special moment and days with our lovely parents, our family and friends and will have this memory for all our lives. We will appreciate and will thank every person who is taking the time to attend our big party. 

Belarusian wedding traditions are very old and have a very interesting and long history. They also have many things in common with Russian wedding traditions. People try to follow and preserve these traditions, but unfortunately nowadays it’s difficult, although I think the most interesting and most important traditions have endured and remained. I’ll try to describe and write what you could expect at a Belarusian wedding.

Preparation for the Wedding

The preparation for the wedding begins about 30-40 days before the ceremony. Khashyar and I will have fewer days to prepare, but I’m going to go to Belarus before and will try to arrange everything with my family’s help.

In the old times, the bridegroom, his parents and friends came to ask the bride's parents for the bride’s hand. The bridegroom's parents and his friends arrive with some gifts (like champagne, flowers or chocolate) to the bride’s house and ask for the bride's “hand” and have a party. We will actually have this party 2 to 3 days before the wedding. After that party, if the parents and bride give a positive answerJ, then the following days are for a bachelor party and bridal shower. During this period, the bride and groom’s friends and family have fun.  I will ask Khashyar’s family to fly a few before the wedding ceremony, because the difference in time (10 hours difference from Belarus to Los Angeles) will affect their energy, mood and physical state.

The Wedding Day:

 Our wedding will be the 16^th of September, 2005. It will be on a Friday. I hope it will be a sunny and warm day. I’m sure it will be a happy day, and also a little bit nervous for us and for our family. Usually, the weather is very warm in September in Belarus. Old Time Belarusian traditions say that whoever is getting married in September will have a happy and stable life. J  

Early in the morning on the wedding day, my best friends with whom I studied and grew up and spend my childhood with will come to my house. Dressing a bride is a special ritual, so my friends will be with me from the early morning and will help me. They will put a gown on me, create my hairdo and put on my bridal veil…The bride's dress is usually made especially for the occasion and like some Western countries, there is a tradition not to show it to the groom and his family until the wedding day.

In Old Belarus, Belarusian women sew their wedding dresses by themselves. All Belarusian women can sew. Sewing is one of main subjects and learned skills for girls in Belarusian schools. Many girls sew beautifully; so in the past, Belarusian brides often put their time and efforts to make their wedding dresses themselves, because it wasn’t there were many choices at that time. Nowadays, there are many dresses to choose from for this special day. In modern times, there is no custom of giving a wedding dress to a daughter, but in Older Times, a mother gave her wedding dress to her daughter. The most common color for Belarusian wedding dresses today is white, just like in the West.

The bridegroom with friends and family comes to his bride at her house in a car decorated with flowers, ribbons and balloons. So Khashyar and his friend, family will decorate cars (I will give them everything for this).  Sometimes, a doll dressed like a bride is placed on the car's hood. Decorations for the wedding and for cars are usually made by the bride with her friends.  When the car (or cars) comes up to the bride’s house, they start to honk very loudly. It means that the bridegroom and his relatives are ready to take the bride and her parents and friends to the church to get married and to register their marriage. Usually, in a Belarusian/ Russian tradition, the bride’s friends do not want to give a bride easily to the groom, and the groom has to come through some difficulties. So Khashyar has to learn some Belarusian words, has to bring a lot of flowers, chocolate, and champagne to make the bride’s friends happy. Sometimes, friends dress someone up and make a false bride and do not allow entry into the real bride’s room until he will make them happy. But I think that Mr. Darvich (Khashyar’s father) will take care and will help to Khashyar, because he speaks much better Russian then Khashyar. J  

When the bridegroom and bride walk out of the bride's house, the bride's mother and all of the bride’s family and friends throw seeds (a symbol of wellbeing) onto their heads, as well as roseleaves (a symbol of prosperity and health) and coins (a symbol of financial stability in the family).

The Church Wedding

Khashyar and I have chosen to have our wedding in this very old Russian Orthodox church which is very historic and nice (look at the pictures above). Khashyar chose this church for the ceremony.

During the ceremony, the groom and bride each receive a single burning candle and exchanged rings. After the ring exchange, the priest places wreaths on their heads, blesses them, and prays very loudly. Then the church blessing is given for the marriage, along with a wish to have many children and grandchildren.

After the Church Ceremony

 After the church ceremony, the couple (together with friends) visit different historic places, take pictures, have fun, until the time when it’s necessary to go to the restaurant for the dinner reception. We think that our after-wedding party will start at 5 or 6 o’clock in the evening, and will last until 12 or even later. It will depend on our gusts.

We will have a professional video cameraman, a person who will entertain everyone, and a person who will take photographs.  This stage of the celebration is very funny, joyful, surprising, with unexpected moments.  

All of the guests come with gifts. In Belarus, all ordinary items that might be necessary for a young family can be brought as a gift at a wedding. But we are going to ask everyone not to bring anything, because we will not be able to bring everything back with us to America. A person might just flowers. All we ask is that our guests bring a good mood and themselves, and we will appreciate this. 

During the party, the freshly married couple receives a lot of congratulations, a lot of toasts from relatives and friends. After each toast, the guests shout: “Gorka! Gorka! Gorka!” When people have a good mood and a couple is “drunk from their Love to each other,” everyone is going to dance. Dancing is a must during the party. If the couple hires a good person who has a good program for the wedding guests (we did), then the evening will be fun and enjoyable. Everyone enjoys themselves, everybody dances-- the guests, the parents, and the newly-married couple.  One dance between the bridegroom and his mother-in law, and between the bride and her father-in-law is a must at each wedding party. It proves that a groom will take good care and will respect not only his wife, but also of his mother-in law. The same applies to the bride’s dance with the father-in-law.

I know that I will have a good father–in-law and mother-in-law. Then I should ask him how he would like to be called. Usually in my culture young people respect those who are older, so they ask their future mother-in-laws and father-in-laws how they would like to be called-- by name, or Mr., Mrs. and sometimes mother or father, because they become ones second parents. It depends on the wishes of parents. What makes them feel comfortable, I will call them by this. J They are wonderful people and they raised a wonderful, caring son who, I know, will be a good husband and good father for our children.

A Boy or a Girl? 

Usually during a Belarusian (and Russian) wedding people try to collect money as much as possible during the party for a new family, so what do they do? They ask the guests who will be the first child for the couple –a boy or a girl? Who wants to and wishes for the couple to have girl, puts money in the pink bag, and who wishes to have a boy, places money in a blue bag. Usually, all the women present put money in the pink bag, and all men put their money in the blue bag. Whichever bag collects the most money wins! And that will be the sex of the couple’s first child. It’s surprising, but very often this process reveals the truth about the future sex of the couple’s child.  

Guests from the bride’s side will try to steal a bride, when a groom doesn’t pay attention to his wife. Once the bride is stolen, the “culprits” from the wedding party ask to pay money for the bride. The sum will depend on the groom-- how much he loves his wife and how important she is for him J.

They have an auction by selling pieces of cake-- who will give the biggest amount of money will have a second piece of cake after the couple has their portion. But this doesn’t mean that the wedding guests have to pay money—its mostly done in fun and people usually pay small amounts by giving coins or small rubles. It’s the most fun and entertainment and expressing wishes for the new couple.

It’s a tradition to have gold and red colors at the wedding. Red brings love and happiness, gold brings money to the family. Belarusian people are very superstitious, so they believe in these entire signs and try to follow of this.

The second day of the wedding for Khashyar and I will be at the same restaurant at approximately 4 to 5 o’clock in the afternoon.  This second reception will provide a lot of food, a lot of drinks and again, entertainment. All the guests gather together once again and try to have fun— dancing, singing, communicating and eating. I will invite some girls who will help with translating for Khashyar’s English-speaking family and guests, because my Belarusian family doesn’t speak English, and are just taking classes so far. J

The third day of our wedding will be in nature, because everybody will be tired, so we have decided to go out of town and go to my family’s Russian country house (called a dacha), and have BBQs, fresh air and a lot of communication. In the late evening we will travel back to the town.

What a foreigner can expect to see in Belarus? 

You will see different style of life and different level of life -some people will drive BMWs, and some horses. J Horses --you will see them less, but still see them. Sure my country doesn’t have as much comfort as America does, but we will try to do the best. I will show you where I studied, where I grew up. I have so many friends there, because I was very communicative, I took part everywhere and put all my time in interesting and useful things. I finished cooking school, sewing school, musical school, design school –and I can say thanks to my parents who worked hard to provide me with all of this. You will meet my first teachers, my students whom I taught.

When you will go out you will not see a lot of smiles on a faces of people. When I moved to America, I was surprised that almost everyone smiles, and asks “how are you?” In Belarus, the situation is completely different. So do not pay attention to this, because it’s just the style of life. People all the time are busy with thoughts about how to pay bills, how to make enough money. But people in general are very friendly and are nice. They like foreigners and will give you a lot of attention.  You will be able to try Belarusian cuisine. People eat a lot of meat, a lot of potato, and “blinses”. Blinses are special pancakes with meat, cheese, mushrooms, and/or fruits inside. My grandmother will cook it.  She is a professional at this. I remember that we will have 3 family members traveling from the United States who are vegetarians, so we will try to prepare for them a special kind of menu. My parents told me that you should take a sweater, or jacket, because in September in the evenings it is a little bit chilly.  I think we will walk a lot, because everything is close—all shops, parks, museums, restaurants and so on. But we will hire a driver and we will provide our foreign guests with cars who will have a hard time walking. 

     This is a little bit information for you, but I will tell you more when you will come. If you have any questions, then please let me know. I will be happy to answer them. Again, I thank everyone who will share with us these days and this vacation. My family is very happy and excited to meet all of Khashyar’s family, and are getting ready for this.

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