Nurturing our Russian-Western relationship in a busy Western life...

-by Khashyar

Hi Everyone,

As I was speaking with Lena today, our conversation made me think about the differences in life in Russia from the West (and in Lena and my case, from a big U.S. city)...

There seems to be so much to do in the U.S., and the lives of urban Americans are filled with so many responsibilities, goals and tasks, that sometimes we don't feel that we have the time to complete everything that we feel that we want or need to do.

I think that it is difficult for a Russian immigrant to leave their homes and family, and then begin a life in their new Western country that can to be filled to the brim with work and other responsibilities.

In the light of a new marriage, and the Russian spouse newly immigrating to the West, I feel that it is important to consciously make sure to spend enough time with one another, and give time to the marriage, and don't let the busy-ness of Western life interfere with a close and loving relationship...

Lena and I have busy lives, and there are days that we see one another for only a few hours (sometimes 2 or 3, and then sleep :) )

So... some of the lessons that I am learning, or acknowledging to myself are:

1) make a conscious effort to spend "quality" time with Lena... time where we both are enjoying ourselves, doing something that we think is fun, and... where we are not concentrating on any of our work or projects. This includes getting away from the computer :)  For Lena and I, sometimes we may be in the same room, but we are each individually focusing on our own computers and our individual personal tasks...

2) Show Lena that I appreciate her. What are some examples of this? Listen to what she likes and appreciates, and give her some of the things that she wants and asks for. This includes listen to what she would like to do on her birthday, her days off, trips, etc... It is important that I show her that I really care, and I want her to truly feel cared about.

3) Listen to when our partner says something about not being happy about something, whether we think that it is important, big or small...

I was having a thought the other day that if I have the intention of loving Lena, and think about how to love her, then I can approach Lena with actions and in ways where she can receive the love that I want to her to feel from me.

The idea of just giving your partner love is so simple, and yet how often do we consciously think about this as our relationship becomes more and more established :)  I think that because love is so important, it is important to ask ourselves and have the awareness and intention to give and show and express love to our spouse, whether Russian, Western, or from some other nation...

So, I believe that the intentions that we have with our spouses are very important, and that intentions lead and unconsciously as well as consciously direct our actions.

So, what are we to do? How are we to help ensure that our marriage continues to develop and grow to be happy and enriching for our spouse and us?

I think that some of the common sense advice that we have always heard regarding relationships that also apply to Russian-Western relationships as well...

1) Show love and appreciation to your partner

2) Listen to what they say to you: things that they are happy about, as well as the things that they are not happy about.

3) Do what you can to bring happiness to your partner's life.

Maybe this includes washing the dishes more often, cooking dinner once in a while, buying small gifts without a reason or occasion :)  (these are things that I would like to do more of also...)

But, as we transform from being in a relationship with a "Russian Woman," to being in a marriage... then we need to regularly think about how to nurture and love our spouse and marriage...

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