An American mom's thoughts about her son pursuing a relationship and marriage with a Russian woman

-by Khashyar

Hello Everyone,

When my mom visited me a couple of weeks ago, traveling to Los Angeles from her home near Annapolis, Maryland, I asked her if she could write down some of her honest and sincere thoughts regarding the beginnings of my relationship with Lena, and long distant Russian-Western relationships in general.

This is what she wrote by hand (which I later typed to place on our website)...

*****

For any parent, especially those of us from the pre-computer era, the idea that your child plans to form a relationship with someone they met on-line is terrifying. To add to the fear, the fact that the other person is from another culture means that you have additional concerns. However, for our son, this seems to be a good decision. Khashyar is a person with many friends and many opportunities to meet young ladies from various cultures here in the United States. He was not able to find a person with all the qualities he sought. Some of those qualities include love of family, intelligence, inner and outer beauty, kindness, empathy and similar interests. We saw a change in our son-- his happiness was evident, as his relationship with Lena grew.

In order to form a mutually satisfying relationship, it is of utmost importance to get to know each other well. That takes time and communication. Being Swedish-American, I formed a relationship with my Middle Eastern husband and dated 3 years before marrying; this year marks our 40th wedding anniversary.

Knowing each others feelings, goals and personality traits in essential. Khashyar and Lena spoke by email daily. We were concerned and hoping he was doing the right thing. He visited Belarus, and that helped to allay our fears. Meeting Lena and her family was an important step in making sure an on-line friendship can indeed survive.

I was happy to meet Lena on the first day she arrived in the United States and her kindness was evident. Our son is happier now as their relationship grows. They have common ideals and are finding happiness in helping each other reach their life goals.

****

My fears were that Khashyar would be hurt and unhappy if someone "used" him to leave a bad situation that they were escaping. However, there are good and bad people in every culture. The only way to determine if the woman you have an on-line relationship with is genuine and worth your attention is to meet and spend time with them and their family. Making your family comfortable is different for each person. It takes time and if they can see a positive change in your happiness then they should be accepting.

My friends warned me about Russian agencies who sent women to the United States in connection with mob activities, who then claim they have been mistreated. After divorcing, they lose their life savings and hope for the future.

I was impressed with Lena's command of English and her kindness toward me. Her genuine happiness and that of my son was shining through. We will be looking forward to meeting all of Lena's family and learning more about everyday life in Belarus.

-Charlotte (Khashyar's mom)

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