Russian women and their attitude towards sex…. “Do Russian women like sex?”…. “Are they sexy?”
By Lena Usachova ( Darvich)
I will tell you a little bit about Russian women and sex, and will try to give you some advice as to how to handle the sex topic with a Russian lady appropriately.
Without any doubt, the topic of “Russian women and sex” and “Russian women’s attitude towards sex” is too personal and is a difficult matter to classify, analyze and write definitively about.
Nevertheless, I can say that in general, Russian women have a healthy and natural approach to matters of a sexual nature. Usually, Russian women are passionate, sensual and spirited. The topic of sex is not the least significant in their life. A lot of women write me that they are looking for men who do not suffer from sexual problems. Some women even put this information about wanting a healthy sexual life into their personals advertisement.
Many years ago, this topic was never discussed on Russia T.V. programs, wasn’t written about in any Russian books and magazines, and was never discussed openly in Russian society. For a long time, sex was not considered a topic for conversation, especially amongst my mother’s and grandmother’s generation.
I remember a time when I studied in high school during an anatomy lesson, and we were supposed to learn about the parts of the human body. When our teacher (who is slightly older than my mom) was speaking about the intimate parts of the body, she just skittishly gave us some minimal information while her eyes were looking down, her cheeks were red, and asked us to read everything ourselves at home. She was unsure about how to speak with us about this topic. Because if this discomfort with speaking openly about sexuality, a lot of young people learn about sexual topics on the street and receive information from their friends, some of whom have had lamentable stories regarding diseases, pregnancy, and having been mistreated.
A Russian woman is naturally a sensual and passionate lover, but all of these qualities are usually tempered by the moral and social climate in Russia. The reasons for this inhibition regarding talking about sex come from older times in Russia. In Russian literature, for example, there are many examples and stories that demonstrate that it is better to die than to kiss without love. When we studied literature in school, the stories that we read never mentioned sex or sexuality. Instead, they talked about love.
Women over 30 are more conservative about this topic. Generally, it is easier to speak with a woman under 30 about sex.
In my mother’s generation, it was expected that a woman would wait to have sex until she was married. It was very seldom that a woman’s husband abandoned her so that she had to raise their child by herself. In my generation, there is less pressure from society about how many boyfriends that a woman has had. In fact, there are some Russian men who feel that it is better if their Russian girlfriend has had more intimate experiences rather than less.
Regarding speaking about this topic with your woman by e-mail, it’s normal to express your feelings, but do this very carefully and gradually. Do not write very intimate things before meeting in person. Of course, once you have met in person, you may communicate about many more subjects.
I remembered one situation when I worked with a 31 year old woman. I helped her to write and maintain communication with her foreign man. After some months (about 3 or 4) he began write her very open and specific thoughts and wishes about sex. Of course, she did not feel very comfortable because first of all, she used the help of a translator and she felt uncomfortable that I also read this information. A lot of women I know hide the fact that they use a translator, and their reaction to receiving such a letter could be negative especially when a man brings up the subject of sex without having met with one another. My Russian woman client was thinking that it’s not normal that this man wrote to her so openly about sex before their meeting. After some letters, when he continued to write in a more open and open way about his sexual imagination, she just stopped communicating with him.
I can tell you that a very serious Russian woman will not understand a foreign man who writes very intimate things– for example, a man who writes about his favorite positions. Do not smile, the man I wrote about above wrote about this to the Russian woman for whom I was translating. Some men even sent naked photos to their woman, or photos of themselves in their underwear.
I know and understand that sex is an important topic in our life and that sometimes people are not compatible partners in regards to this. Differences in sexuality can even lead to unfaithfulness and even divorce.
However, I advise you to discuss everything about such intimate subjects after meeting in person when the moment for this topic becomes natural, normal and unforced. When two people love one another and spend time personally with each other, then this topic is a normal one to bring up… I think that perhaps it’s even not necessary to discuss this topic, because your meeting will decide everything itself. The chemistry between two potential partners is very important.
I am trying to remember my communication with Khashyar regarding sex. We didn’t speak about sex at all during the time that we communicated before our meeting. Why? I even do not know why we did not speak about this. He didn’t begin to ask me about this or to discuss all this with me, and I also did not speak bring up this topic with him. I just knew that our meeting in person would decide everything.
I want to say that if a woman is older than 30 to 35, then she grew up with very moral beliefs, perhaps even the same moral values that are in Russian classical literature. During this present time, the living conditions of most Russians don’t give women the environment to be a very open about their sexuality. I know that most Russian women, even if she is very passionate, will keep her emotions under control and will never open her wishes in letters to men. Why do I mention a Russian woman’s living condition? I will give you a common example of the effect of a Russian woman’s living condition on her intimate life. Very often, married couples live with his or her parents in an apartment. Usually, this apartment is very tiny and small with 2 to 3 rooms and only one bathroom. These rooms usually are not well-insulated—For example, if you want to go to the bathroom, you need to first pass through another room. Even if a married couple lives in a separate apartment, they often share their one room with their child. The fear of waking up relatives and the risk of being heard doesn’t allow a woman to be herself and to express her feelings. As I told you, as a result, she tends to keep everything to herself.
So, I wrote you the reality about this question and topic. Maybe it’s necessary to be a little bit patient or just to initiate this topic very slowly and with understanding that not every woman will be very open about this in her letters.
Again, thank you for your question. I hope that it will be of help for you. I wish you success in your communication. I’ll be happy to help in any situation and will be happy to share my thoughts and experiences.